Can\'t Believe What I Found

Posted on: Fri, 10/26/2001 - 12:53am
julieb's picture
Joined: 07/21/2001 - 09:00

I was searching the house trying to find where I had put the checkbook. Then I figured that maybe, just maybe, the husband took the checkbook. So, I began checking his office upstairs. He also has an office at work, so he was there when I stumbled across his "hidden stash".

My mouth dropped. You would have thought from my gasp that I had just found some hidden Playboy collection from his youth. But no. I could have handled the Playboys but it was worse. It was (gasp again) a jar of Peter Pan Peanut Butter. Almost empty I tell you.

I of course threw out the jar because I won't allow peanut butter in the house. Now I have to confront him like some parent finding their kid's hidden pot. I laugh but I also freaked that he would have peanut butter in the house.

So tell me...has anyone else found their spouse's hidden pb stash? I know I indulge when we have our monthly girl's night out, but never would I bring the "evil" spread into our house. My toddler (who will be 2 this Saturday!) has become spider-man with his climbing abilities and I just don't want him to accidentally find daddy's "stash". So even though I admit that I miss and do love peanut butter, I won't have it in our house. It may seem overprotective, but now to explain it to the husband. Hmm. Now I wonder if I should "ground" him. Hah. Love to hear if anyone else has been in this situation. Warmly, Julie B.
P.S. And to round out the suspense, yes, I did find the checkbook in the husband's office.

Posted on: Fri, 10/26/2001 - 1:23am
Rob C's picture
Joined: 03/03/2001 - 09:00

Julie B - I can empathize with both you and your husband. I understand your incredulity that your husband would have such a dangerous thing in the house. I can tell you from my experience that it took me much longer to understand and accept the potentially deadly consequences of such actions than it did my wife. Laura was all over the PA from the minute it was diagnosed in Ryan. He is 6 now and was diagnosed at 2 (I think). Laura would know the exact date and age. That's the difference between us. It took me longer than her to accept this PA as a part of our daily family life. I was embarrassed to ask to talk to Chef's in restaurants at first, whereas Laura would walk right into the kitchen. Laura would re-read ingredients on things we have been giving Ryan for years while I would not. I once brought home some Sand for Ryan's pet lizard cage. Laura read what was in it. I was like what are you reading that for? Turned out to not be sand but crushed Walnut shells which Ryan is also allergic to. I felt so bad...Is there noone she can trust with her child??? Not even her husband???
I have tried very hard to learn as much as my wife and to be as careful and insightful as she is with this allergy. Alas, I am still way behind. I have made great progress though. From the age of your little one (2 I believe you wrote), I suspect he/she has not been diagnosed that long? I think it may take longer for your husband to understand the danger involved than you. This is in no way meant to imply that what he did is okay. There can be no Peanut products anywhere in your house as far as I am concerned. Least of all, ones you don't know about. I am just giving you the perspective of a Dad/Husband who has been though similiar situations.
One last piece of advice, if I may: When you confront your husband, I suspect he will feel both defensive and embarrassed. Defensive because you went through "His" stuff. (although with a legitimate reason) and embarrassed that he got "caught". You'll get more flies with honey than vinegar. Good Luck

Posted on: Fri, 10/26/2001 - 1:56am
JackieC's picture
Joined: 08/27/2001 - 09:00

I have a friend with a peanut allergic son, and she does not allow any peanut products into the house. Her husband agrees and follows that rule. She, however, keeps a "stash" in the cabinet above her refrigerator(far out of reach for her 2 year old). One day, her husband happened upon the "stash" and was incredulous. Her theory is that she will be careful if she has a pb craving. She eats it only after kids' bedtime and cleans up well. Just a another story...

Posted on: Fri, 10/26/2001 - 2:43am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Hi Julie
I think the issue here is that he "hid" it from you, instead of talking to you and discussing how he would handle eating PB if he so chose. I would be more upset that my husband chose to hide something (anything) from me than I would be about the PB itself.
When you hide something from someone, you've got to assume some kind of power struggle is going on, or a miscommunication. He's circumventing the whole discussion and arbitrarily taking his own course, because he's making the assumption that you would say no, if he asked about PB in the house. Obviously, he feels it's not a safety risk, and you do, so you guys need to sit down and have a serious talk about how you can compromise on this issue.
Sorry for the "marriage counsellor pop-psych babble", but honesty is sometimes painful and it's easier to be dishonest in a marriage. It'll take some work to find a balance that works for both of you, but you've got to let him know that he can't make assumptions about you, or make arbitrary decisions in a marriage.
As Rob C said, he'll probably be defensive and embarrassed, so you have to be careful with how you approach it, but I'd focus more on the "WHY did you feel you had to hide this from me instead of talking about it?", than the immediate safety issue. We PA spouses sometimes take quite a while to get in sync with each other's comfort zones, but hiding things from each other will only make things worse in the long run.
I hope I didn't come across as too judgmental, because I'm certainly NOT judging you or your husband. I'm just trying to put a different slant on the perspective here. I wish you both all the best. [img][/img]

Posted on: Fri, 10/26/2001 - 2:54am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

May I suggest I.M. Healthy SoyNut Butter for your hubby's 'need'? (assuming your little one isn't soy allergic, too)
That sounded like a commercial, but, really, it works for my hubby. It satifies that craving and it's safe for our kids - they don't like it or eat it, but at least it can't harm them in any way.
I think you've gotten great advice from the other posters on the whole issue with your husband, so I just wanted to suggest a replacement possibility for him.
Take care,

Posted on: Fri, 10/26/2001 - 1:10pm
ConcernedMom's picture
Joined: 01/31/2001 - 09:00

My hubby always liked PB much more than me, so it was more difficult for him to not have it around the house. However, he didn't want it around the house because he felt guilty about eating it when my daughter could not have it. So, he took a jar to work, and occasionally he takes a few slices of bread for a PB&J sandwich.

Posted on: Fri, 10/26/2001 - 1:52pm
Carefulmom's picture
Joined: 01/03/2002 - 09:00

Soy nut butter often contains nuts and sometimes peanuts, so be sure to read the ingredients carefully. I`ve found Natural Touch Roasted Soy Butter tastes a lot like peanut butter and has no nuts or peanuts. My daughter`s class made celery and "peanut butter", and we brought this for the whole class since we don`t allow peanut butter in the classroom, and no one could tell the difference.
As far as what your husband did, I see this about the same as a wife who doesn`t allow guns in the house discovering that there was a gun in the house that she wasn`t told about. If he is cheats on not keeping peanut butter in the house, does he cheat on washing his hands carefully after he eats it? Probably. Keeping this hidden peanut butter in the house is a statement that he doesn`t take this peanut allergy very seriously. I think he needs to be educated about just how serious it is.

Posted on: Fri, 10/26/2001 - 11:15pm
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I.M. Healthy Soy Nut Butter is peanut free. I don't have the label in front of me, but I do know the label reads "peanut free". My son is also allergic to tree nuts, and I know it doesn't contain those either. I wish they had left the "Nut" out of the name of the product altogether.
Again, my kids don't eat it, but my husband and I think it's the closest thing to PB we've ever tasted. We'll have to keep on the lookout for the Natural Touch kind, too.
There are more threads on the PB substitutes around here somewhere.
Take care,
[This message has been edited by Lam (edited October 27, 2001).]

Posted on: Sat, 10/27/2001 - 11:38am
joeybeth's picture
Joined: 09/01/2006 - 09:00

Confession time....I used to keep a jar of JIF high above my refrigerator in a cabinet behind all my cookbooks. I would sneak from it in the middle of the night every now and then. My husband once discovered it and really blasted me (which is strange since he is so nonchalant about things now and always thinks I overreact when it comes to cross contamination possibilities and such). the time I felt justified in having it. However, as time has passed and I have become more educated about peanut allergy I can hardly bear the fact that I did something so stupid as having peanut butter anywhere in the house. What kind of message does that send to my kids when I tell them, through my actions, that a taste of a particular food item is SO important to me that I would give it priority over their health and well being? I can sympathize with the peanut butter sneaking dad and the shocked mom both (since I have been in the position of both). Maybe he will get to the point where he'll better understand PA. For me, the more I learn about PA and what it can do the more I feel repulsed by a food I once loved. It has very little draw for me now. Occasionally (rarely) if I'm travelling on a car trip alone I will sample something that contains peanuts but never if my kids would have any way of knowing. I want them to know that their allergy is of utmost importance to me. Our older kids who are not peanut allergic understand that they have to give up peanuts at home and around the younger girls too and they are okay with that. Sometimes I look back on the time when I couldn't (or wouldn't) give up my secret peanut butter stash and think about how immature I was behaving. I want my kids to know they can count on me, above everyone else in the world, to keep them safe and happy. My perspective sure has changed. Joey

Posted on: Mon, 11/12/2001 - 1:36pm
julieb's picture
Joined: 07/21/2001 - 09:00

I just wanted to thank everyone for their responses. I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond back...I had out-of-town guests for a while and I think today I'm finally caught up on everything to sit and look on this website again. Grin.
Anyhow, I simply told the husband that I was looking for the checkbook and found a jar of peanut butter in his office. I told him I threw it out and that I had bought him soy nut butter instead. He made a face saying that the soy nut butter is probably going to taste gross, but I told him it's that or nothing. To date, he has yet to open the soy nut butter but at least there's no more peanut butter.
As for having the peanut butter in his office, the husband never felt like he was sneaking the peanut butter in. He felt that his office was his office and his space. He didn't realize how clever and nimble our toddler is at climbing. Or how much our son liked going into his office.
Now the husband knows and understands. And quite honestly, there have never been any "power struggles" or lies in our relationship (we've been together for over 12 years) so I didn't think of the peanut butter as a means to "dis" me. The husband is a very smart man, but he dorked out big time. And he realizes it was a stupid thing he did.
So I made the husband go shoe shopping with me on the weekend as his punishment. And Lord knows that was pure torture for the man. Grin. Again, thanks for the comments and stories. Warmly, Julie B.

Posted on: Mon, 11/12/2001 - 11:39pm
BENSMOM's picture
Joined: 05/20/2000 - 09:00

Too funny about the shoe shopping--the ultimate punishment!


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