pLuckily, both sets of our children's grandparents understand the severity. Our allergist told us to scare the living daylights out of anyone taking care of our PA daughter and we do. I know this sounds mean but I just point blank tell them that one invisible trace could kill her. When I put it that way, people understand. If I just say, "She is allergic" it goes in one ear and out the other. I also say, "The doctor says". They tend to believe a MD. Go figure! Some people (my mom included) does not feel comfortable taking care of her. That is fine with me. If they do not feel comfortable having her in their care, I feel grateful that they are honest with me. I have no ill feelings for anyone who admits to me that they are uncomfortable with this. We visit grandma and are careful and help teach her about the allergy. Again, my advise is not to be afraid to be totally blunt. With some people you just have to hit them over the head with it./p
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Tammy Lynn/p

pI forgot to mention that, over time, both sets of grandparents get use to our routine and are now taking the kids for a week at a time in the summer. (we are in different states.)/p
pThey use the same zero tolerance precautions that my wife and I use. After all, it's their grandchildren./p

pMy Story:br /
Today is my father-in-law's birthday. I was all set to bake a pie last night so my PA son could eat the dessert at the family party tonight. My mother-in-law surprised me by calling me yesterday at work saying she was having the party yesterday. Good thing I already had some Bryers ice cream in my freezer, at least my son could eat that. Come dessert time, my mother-in-law took out a bakery bought strawberry shortcake. That was my que to go get my son a bowl of ice cream. When I got back to the table, my niece was about to put a slice in front of my son. I said no, he can't eat that. She said nana said he could eat it. Now I bought the FAN card How to Read a Label for a Peanut Free Diet and put it on her fridge where it cleary says stay away from bakery goods. I have told her in the past that my son can't eat bakery goods. Does it go in one ear and out the other?! "Can't he have just one strawberry?" said my niece. I was really starting to loose my temper I said "no, he's fine with the ice cream." What's going to happen when he's old enough to say I want some strawberry shortcake. It's going to break my heart to say no. My in-laws pulled a similar incident at my sister-in-law's birthday party which we arrived late for - they made all the guests wait for cake until we arrived. I'm going to bake several small cakes and put them in my freezer so I'm not caught off guard again without a cake for my son./p

pIi have been so challenged by my mother-in-law. First she insists on coming to stay with me for a visit in the winter. Sometime s this is 4-6 months long. She speaks no English. My husband insists on letting her stay and let her do what she wants. She is also not all there. A little crazy. So on top of not talking I have a crazy mother in law who comes to live with me. The last visit she behaved. I believe my husband will make sure she behaves with not giving the kids chocolate and other dangerous foods while she visits. I hope so because I know if she pulls baklava or those almond candies and cookies she makes I will blow my top. Oh the patience that we must have with those people who don't have the same insight that we have./p

pSorry to hear about that in-law incident, Heather. I know you've been dealing with a lot of conflicting info about store- bought baked goods lately. It's unfortunate that not even one family event couldn't have gone smoothly for you. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself that my entire family (with the exception of grandma) lives across the country. But when I think about holidays and parties, I should consider myself somewhat lucky not to have to deal with unsafe food./p

pCan't believe I have to join this discussion again--this weekend we met my cousin, whom I only see about once a year, and her two kids and my aunt for a picnic. My cousin lives close by--I had flown in from out of state, and I guess she intended to drop the boys off, then go home and make their lunch. When she came back and unwrapped the sandwiches, I said, "Um, is that peanut butter?" I just wanted to know, so I could warn my son to not hug or kiss his cousins. She looked kind of surprised, but I don't know why because she's not only an RN, she's a ER nurse and has certainly seen reactions! Later my mom told me that my aunt doesn't really believe that DS is allergic, because my cousin told her that "they don't even test kids under five because of the false positives." AAAAUUUGGGHHH! It makes me glad they live in another state, and these are people I love lots!/p
pMy MIL is really awful, though--she tried to tell me that in her country they cure food allergies by feeding increasing amounts of the food until the person tolerates it. I said, you feed him one bite of peanut anything and he's going to DIE./p

pI just can't believe your family would bring nuts into your house. I am so thankful because,my family has been the best. MY mother has not nuts what so ever in her house and she has always watched out for my son as well as we have. At christmas an aunt bought a nut dessert,and my brother was so angry he tossed it right into the garbage announcing the ignorance of people. This is a woman whom has never had kids or been married but does have a very high education. As he was throwing it away he says(are you trying to kill him or what).I hope your family starts to realize the severity. The amazing thing in our family is that the little kids will get so scared if they even think Christopher may come into contact with a nut. The little ones are sometimes better than the adults. good luck with this issue. I have been so lucky with this,and good luck. Claire/p