relationship question

Posted on: Tue, 03/18/2008 - 8:07am
pateach's picture
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Joined: 05/16/2007 - 09:00

Okay, for those of you who have a severe peanut allergy and a significant other:
How long do you wait to kiss after the person ate peanuts? When does it become safe? How do you talk about this with your bf/gf? I need as much advice as I can get! :-)

Posted on: Tue, 03/18/2008 - 8:31am
phoenixrizing69's picture
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Joined: 12/21/2007 - 10:54

I'm actually in that my boyfriend has basically put himself on the same diet as I am. He also works at a camp where it is inevitable that at times the only food that is available is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, in those cases, he stops eating peanut butter/nuts at least a week before he sees me. His campers make sure of that too! But he generally doesn't eat nuts/peanuts at all.

Posted on: Tue, 03/25/2008 - 6:30am
ChicagoChris's picture
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Joined: 03/24/2008 - 16:33

I'm actually in the same boat,. Was just diagnosed with PA/TNA @ 26, and the last thing I want it to do is affect my relationship. I know it will because going out to eat isn't really a safe option anymore, but this kissing thing...it is beyond hard to deal with.
Any tips/comments/experience would be greatly appreciated. I'm loosing sleep over this.
Thanks

Posted on: Tue, 03/25/2008 - 10:43am
phoenixrizing69's picture
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Joined: 12/21/2007 - 10:54

Chicago Chris,
You don't have to stop eating out completely. I definitely don't. I do take a lot of precautions especially after my first severe reaction happened after eating out. I can't bring myself to step foot in an Applebee's since. But you can find a list of restaurants that are really good about accomodating FA's. Carry your epi-pen with you ALWAYS! About the kissing part. Talk to your significant other about it. Let him/her know your concerns about it. I lucked out and my significant other knows to stop eating things that could send me into a reaction. If he does by accident, he lets me know. Generally he stops eating foods that have nuts or peanuts in them a week before he sees me (we live in two different states). My sig. other knew about my FA prior to us dating and so he was already making the necessary accomodations. Hope this helped.

Posted on: Wed, 03/26/2008 - 6:31am
nutty1's picture
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Joined: 02/24/2008 - 12:46

I agree, you don't have to stop eating out. You want this to impact your life in the least restrictive way possible, so just keep that in perspective. You will learn with time how sensitive you are to Peanuts, and will learn what you can and can't do. Its scary in the beginning when you read about what can happen it can be very alarming, but everyone is different so you don't have to become a single person and never go out just because you have this, you just need to alter your lifestyle to some degree.

Posted on: Tue, 04/01/2008 - 5:49am
sidni's picture
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Joined: 08/28/2004 - 09:00

I won't kiss my boyfriend at ALL for 24 hours after he's eaten nuts, and then all he is getting is a little one! I stay away a few days even if that's maybe unreasonable. He was a peanut butter ADDICT before me... Now he doesn't eat it at all, unless I'm out of town for a week or vice versa. He usually has an affair with some Thai food the first night I'm gone. ha ha ha.
You definitely don't have to stop eating out, just take good precautions! One thing I have learned is that if you find places you like to go that have been safe for you, tipping well and becoming a "regular" makes you a lot safer-- people go out of their way to take care of you and watch out for you!

Posted on: Fri, 04/04/2008 - 8:36pm
Moni's picture
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Joined: 06/06/2007 - 09:00

The day I met my husband was the day that peanuts (all nuts actually) were omitted from his life. He went away for four nights once and he was so excited, he said, on my first night I'm going to have a massive bag of peanuts, so I'll be clear of them by the time I get home (he hadn't eaten them for years). When he arrived home I asked him how his peanuts were and he said OH DAM, I forgot to have them, it was quite funny.
If you have a life threatening allergy they will give up the peanuts for you without battering an eyelid. From the night I met my DH, it was never an issue, he was the one telling others not to eat them around me. Even before him, I always told them, from the word go, you date me and you can't eat any peanuts and the only time I had one that did (we stopped to get icecream and I waited in the car and he got back in the car with a PEANUT BRITTLE ICECREAM, we were not together very long after that!
And you don't have to stop eating out, just always be careful when you are out (I often call the restaurant if its an asian restaurant, if I don't know it well and check what oil they cook with), but I always tell the waiter/waitress, that I have PA and to make sure that the meal I have ordered does not contain nuts or nut products/nut oils etc, if you order dessert, remind them, no nuts. It's never been a problem for me, they are 99% of the time understanding and check with the chef and I've been doing it for almost 40 years.

Posted on: Sun, 04/13/2008 - 11:36pm
sidni's picture
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Joined: 08/28/2004 - 09:00

Ahahah, I love this because my boyfriend has often done the same thing... We both travel a lot, and everytime we're apart I tell him to get his peanut fix... And it's remarkable how often he forgets!!! :) He's stricter about nuts than me at this point; if someone's eating something around me he'll say "STOP WAIT WHAT IS THAT!!!!!" While I'm not paying a lick of attention. Ha ha ha

Posted on: Fri, 04/18/2008 - 8:04am
phoenixrizing69's picture
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Joined: 12/21/2007 - 10:54

Same here...my fiancee is just as strict if not stricter about it. One time, I forgot to ask the wait staff about what the fries were cooked in, and when he ordered he asked for me. He works in NC and I live in VA so we don't see each other as often as we would like too, but he forgets that he can eat them when he knows he won't be seeing me for a while.

Posted on: Fri, 04/18/2008 - 8:34am
DianaMarie's picture
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Joined: 04/17/2008 - 21:49

Hello! Nice to meet ya! I am new here :)
I am the one with nut allergies. My husband can have what he wants. Nut products are not allowed in our room by our computer and he keeps his snacks in the trunk in a plastic bag for work.
He brushes his teeth, and to be honest it's hard to kiss even after that....
We live in a household where I have to battle against allergens. Once we are able to move our home will be peanut/tree nut free and nothing will be allowed in the car or front door.....
It's so difficult for the person without allergies. I always have to ask him what he has eaten before he gets close....
I personally would wait several days before I allowed the kissing....and I do.

Posted on: Fri, 04/18/2008 - 8:43am
phoenixrizing69's picture
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Joined: 12/21/2007 - 10:54

I'm sorry that your current household is not accepting of your allergy. It has taken my parents and sister's a while to start adjusting to the fact that they weren't allowed to have peanuts and tree nuts while I'm home from college. I am thoroughly blessed to have a fiancee that is completely understanding about my allergy and puts himself on the same dietary restrictions that I have to because of my allergy. I hope things get easier for you.

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