They are still wasting their money.

Posted on: Tue, 04/10/2007 - 6:06am
Samber's picture
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Joined: 06/22/2006 - 09:00

I am just venting a bit.
My IL's are wonderful with the girls. They live out of town and for every occasion they send a little gift for the girls. They just don't simply get that anytime they send a toy that has candy attached to it I will throw it away. My husband obviously hasn't conveid this strongly enough since two, very cute, bunny toys were sent for Easter and part was filled with jelly beans. My mom was here when I opened the box and even she said "well jelly beans should be ok". I started to read the little tag on the toy and RIGHT there, "CONTAINS peanut and tree nuts". It was a good learning experience for my mom who doesn't always think thru circumstances. But I am very annoyed that still the IL's don't read before they send, and of course hubby didn't say anything when they called so now I need too, again. Feel free to send toys but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO food attached. It isn't a hard request but so very frustrating when the message seems to fall on deaf ears.

Thanks

Samber

Posted on: Tue, 04/10/2007 - 7:53am
ajas_folks's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2000 - 09:00

Ask them to give books, small or larger. They can write dedication inside even & make it that much more personal.
~Eliz

Posted on: Tue, 04/10/2007 - 9:02am
Peg541's picture
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Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

Samber I can understand your story. My ILs NEVER in all their years brought gifts for my children. My kids are grown. It never happened.
Explain to the kids why they can't have the candy, let them keep the toys.
And remind the ILs. Show them some labels and what you are looking out for. Educate them gently, they sound like they care.
Peg

Posted on: Tue, 04/10/2007 - 9:43am
Chicago's picture
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Joined: 04/21/2001 - 09:00

I wonder if they are getting things for other grandchildren too. I only mention this as my ILs are sort of obsessed with everyone getting the same thing (they are that way with the grandkids and DH says that was the way it was with his siblings growing up). Girls, boys, teens, toddlers whatever - everyone gets the same thing at holidays. Which must make it hard to select gifts, but that is there way.
Not that this excuses them forgetting about the food and not that even if this is the case they couldn't get non food gifts for the others too - but it just a thought that they are focusing on something else and it is taking their mind off of the allergies?
Just maybe something to think about before you talk with them again.

Posted on: Tue, 04/10/2007 - 10:49am
Samber's picture
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Joined: 06/22/2006 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Chicago:
[b]I wonder if they are getting things for other grandchildren too. I only mention this as my ILs are sort of obsessed with everyone getting the same thing (they are that way with the grandkids and DH says that was the way it was with his siblings growing up). Girls, boys, teens, toddlers whatever - everyone gets the same thing at holidays. Which must make it hard to select gifts, but that is there way.
Not that this excuses them forgetting about the food and not that even if this is the case they couldn't get non food gifts for the others too - but it just a thought that they are focusing on something else and it is taking their mind off of the allergies?
Just maybe something to think about before you talk with them again.[/b]
They absolutely ADORE the girls. I really feel they are in denial. They don't want to believe that it is THAT bad or could be fatal.
That mentality is hard for me to deal with.
Samber

Posted on: Tue, 04/10/2007 - 1:50pm
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Joined: 05/24/2000 - 09:00

I am just venting a bit. VENTING IS GOOD--WE ARE HERE TO LISTEN
My IL's are wonderful with the girls. THAT IS WONDERFUL--SO MANY FAMILIES DO NOT HAVE THAT CONNECTION--I AM GLAD YOU CHERISH IT.
They live out of town and for every occasion they send a little gift for the girls. They just don't simply get that anytime they send a toy that has candy attached to it I will throw it away. WHY THROW IT AWAY? THAT SEEMS TO ME TO BE AN OVER-REACTION BASED ON FEAR NOT REALISTIC RISK MANAGEMENT. ONE OF THE THINGS YOU NEED TO DO FOR YOUR CHILDREN IS MODEL TO THEM WHAT REALISTIC RISK MANAGEMENT LOOKS LIKE IN LIFE--NO LIFE IS WITHOUT RISK.
My husband obviously hasn't conveid this strongly enough since two, very cute, bunny toys were sent for Easter and part was filled with jelly beans. My mom was here when I opened the box and even she said "well jelly beans should be ok". I started to read the little tag on the toy and RIGHT there, "CONTAINS peanut and tree nuts". It was a good learning experience for my mom who doesn't always think thru circumstances. I MIGHT HAVE TRIED VIGOROUSLY WASHING AND RETAINING THE TOY. I HAVE 45 YEARS EXPERIENCE DEALING WITH FAMILY FOOD ALLERGIES INCLUDING PEANUTS/NUTS IN MY SON AND SIBLINGS. I CANNOT MAKE YOUR DECISION AND DO NOT PRESUME TO DO SO BUT I HAVE FOUND THAT AUTOMATIC RESPONSES NEED ADJUSTING SOMETIMES-BEING APPRECIATIVE OF GIFT AND FOSTERING RELATIONSHIP IS ALSO IMPORTANT. THEY DO MEAN WELL AND IT LIKELY IS IMPORTANT TO YOUR HUSBAND AND FAMILY
But I am very annoyed that still the IL's don't read before they send, and of course hubby didn't say anything when they called so now I need too, again. THIS ONE IS WHERE I DO WANT TO OFFER ADVICE--TALK TO HUSBAND AS IT SHOULD NEVER OR RARELY BE YOU DESCRIBING ALLERGY AND PROVIDING INFO TO HIS FAMILY--HE HAS TO SHARE THIS AND DEAL WITH IT IN THE WAY THAT YOU BOTH AGREE TO--YOU ENABLE HIM TO AVOID HIS ROLE AND RESPONSIBILITY IF IT IS ALWAYS YOU TELLING THEM--THEY NEED HIM TO TELL THEM AND YOU TO BE THE NEUTRAL ONE
Feel free to send toys but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO food attached. It isn't a hard request but so very frustrating when the message seems to fall on deaf ears. NOT DEAF EARS--JUST ONES THAT DON'T REALIZE THE RISK YET--THEY WILL GET IT. TAKE CARE.
Thanks
Samber

Posted on: Wed, 04/11/2007 - 1:05am
Samber's picture
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Joined: 06/22/2006 - 09:00

I feel why take a chance if you don't need to? I was going to put the toys in the dishwasher,but my mom pointed out they would probably melt. The girls never saw the packages thrown away. My daughter is SO contact sensitive, again why take a chance? Can't it just be ok to follow a few SIMPLE rules? I LOVE my IL's, we are lucky to have loving people in our lives, however, life and death is more prevelant than "over-looking" or "adjusting" because people who DON'T live with the situation decide something that is potentially harmful is ok.
It is NOT ok to let things slide at age 3. Scrub a toy, yes, did you scrub enough? Now mystery hives, from the toy? New allergy? Again, why take a chance?
Also, I have tried to explain to them how sensitive she is and they just don't get how it's possible. I know this because they still say things that make me KNOW they don't understand . The other 4 items that did not have candy on them they enjoyed.
Samber
[This message has been edited by Samber (edited April 11, 2007).]

Posted on: Wed, 04/11/2007 - 1:14am
saknjmom's picture
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Joined: 04/02/2003 - 09:00

I know this is annoying, but kids love to get stuff in the mail. After my parents died, getting stuff in the mail was a huge void in my son's life.
MIL has 9 other grandkids and feels that having to buy something for each one plus the postage is too much. FIL is too ill to do these little things.
My mom used to buy these little "HUGS" that are inside a box frame with a little character that said..A birthday hug, a hug from an angel etc. They came in this adorable outer box that was about 2"x2" and she'd mail one here or there. He has 50 of them, she wrote something on each one. He cherishes them.
So, what i would do is say...it is way too risky to send anything edible...no candy, encourage them as others have said, but make suggestions...
You are so thoughtful and you make their day when you send little things, please just don't send any food or candy!
Peanut Kate, if you want to reply with quotes, you can hit the button on the thread that you want to quote. It is on the far right with the red arrow on it. You can insert your opinion within the text. That way you don't have to type in all caps!
[This message has been edited by saknjmom (edited April 11, 2007).]
[This message has been edited by saknjmom (edited April 11, 2007).]

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