MORE KIDS...

Posted on: Tue, 05/01/2007 - 5:08am
M. Mariano's picture
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Joined: 04/30/2007 - 09:00

I know this posting will get lots of heat, but I do value multiple perspectives, so I want to hear many. I want another baby, especially so Eliana can have the companionship of a sibling. However I want to be exteremley realistic in giving her the caution she needs. I feel she does need more of my attention than a child free of severe allergies. My question is is it fair or unfair of me to be thinking I may not want another baby because of allergy risks. Have people had to quit their jobs to stay home with an allergic child? If this is the case, I want to make an informed decision so we arent stuggling financially? I still am wondering what impact this will have on our lives? What are your experiences?

Posted on: Tue, 05/01/2007 - 5:16am
jtolpin's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2003 - 09:00

Do what you want.
Having FA's is NOT the end of the world.
Storytime - Grab a big cup of coffee.
One visit to Boston-Childrens Hospital. 2 girls at the time (Sara/Caitlin)
We were going up the elevator - got in, pressed the button, and we hear 'Please hold the elevator'. We did.
This mom was pushing her daughter, probably Saras age at the time (age 6)
The mom looked REAL REAL tired/worn down.
The daughter had a white towel on her head, looking lethargic, skinny, etc...
Sara pulled my coat, to whisper something to me, I told her to wait.
We got up one floor, and the mom/daughter wheeled out, and to the Cancer area.
Sara pulled me down and said 'Daddy. Why doesnt she have any hair?'
Perspective.
Story over. back to work.
Do what you want. Don't let food allergic run your life.
Jason
------------------
[b]* Beyond Obsessed * [/b]

Posted on: Tue, 05/01/2007 - 5:21am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Jason, excellent post! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
------------------
There but for the Grace of God, go I.

Posted on: Tue, 05/01/2007 - 6:18am
Greenlady's picture
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Joined: 06/30/2004 - 09:00

Well, as far as financially, if people did a cost-benefit analysis before having kids, then the human race would be extinct. :-)
I wouldn't rule out a second kid as because of concerns over not being fair to the first child. For one thing, I think my DS has benefited enormously from having a younger sister, not the least from the fact that mommy has another victim for her worries and fears. :-) He has learned a lot about sharing and taking turns and compassion that he might not have as an only child.
Also, I found the second child to be MUCH easier. Taking care of an infant was like riding a bicycle - the old instincts came back immediately. (DS was 4 when DD was born).
Food allergies haven't be a problem - we already had our routine down. So far, DD doesn't appear to have allergies, but we'll be testing her this summer. Even if she did, I wouldn't regret having her.
HOpe this helps!

Posted on: Tue, 05/01/2007 - 6:19am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Obviously, nobody can answer such a question but [i]you.[/i]
I can tell you that my daughter is an only child, and her MLTFA played a role in that. We waited a [i]long[/i] time to have her. She was supposed to be the first of two (we hoped). We had planned to have a second when she was two or three.
She was a very high-maintenance baby and toddler. (This is a huge understatement.) By the time we could conceivably 'see' having another, there were other factors at work that made us think better of the idea.
The nature of my work poses particular prenatal risks. DH and I have almost equivalent earning power, and both of us have terminal degrees. We long ago came to the inevitable conclusion that one of us MUST stay home with DD. Even now, we have few other options, and she is 8. This means that our financial situation is [i]half as good as it could otherwise be.[/i] This has consequences when it comes to financial planning. We live with it because we must.
We considered adoption as a way to 'give' my DD a sibling-- but it was not to be.
We worried about my ability to be as vigilant if I were trying to watch 2.
We worried that since we had 'done everything right' with this one, that a severe manifestation of atopy was pretty much a given (probably about 95% probability in our family). With that said, a biological sibling's different allergies could make my child's world [i]much smaller,[/i] not better. The more atopic your family is, the more complicated living becomes. This is simply true.
We also realized (once we were honest) that one reason we were considering having a second child was to have a 'reserve' in case anything happened to DD. This was after she had nearly died. When examined, that obviously isn't the right reason to have a baby, and particularly since this was entirely borne out of fear, not because our family felt 'incomplete' to us.
I have known a number of people with special needs children who have quietly admitted that if the special needs child had been the first, there [i]would be no siblings.[/i] For other people, it doesn't seem like such a big deal, for whatever reason.
And before anyone jumps all over this-- I really believe that some of it is knowing your own limitations as a parent, and not about 'how horrible' FA are. I love my daughter so much that I can't imagine compromising her safety for my own desire... and [i]for me[/i] that is what running after a toddler would have done. It was (and still is) difficult enough without any distractions.
If she were not contact and aerosol sensitive, would it have been different? What if she were only PA, or just PA/TNA? Maybe. Without certain elements of our lifestyle, I can see myself parenting two children well. But that isn't the hand we were dealt.
I can also say that this is a decision that we wrestled with for nearly five years. We still revisit it occasionally whenever something in the equation changes...
ETA: So what I said all that for was to say this: Is it okay for FA to be [i]one[/i] reason in this decision? You bet it is.... if the thought occurs to [i]you[/i], it's worth including in [i]your[/i] decision, right? (Same as thoughts about affording a house or paying for college are important to [i]some[/i] parents in family planning decisions but not to others, KWIM?) What probably [i]isn't[/i] okay/healthy is to make considerations of a food allergy [b]'the' reason.[/b]
[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited May 01, 2007).]

Posted on: Tue, 05/01/2007 - 7:12am
Spoedig's picture
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Joined: 09/17/2004 - 09:00

Of course, it is only your decision but you are asking for info.
I am not into the idea of having a baby so a child has a sibling.
I do have 2 children by choice. I do not think anyone should have only one child because of food allegies. Food allergies can be dealt with and should not rule life.
My one suggestion is to remember that there are MANY other things that a second child could have. My oldest has PA/TNA and my second has Sensory Processing Disorder which takes an enormous amount of time to deal with and is present every minute.
Only have a baby if you want that baby -- including the good and any "bad".

Posted on: Tue, 05/01/2007 - 8:59am
Daisy's picture
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Joined: 01/16/2006 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by M. Mariano:
[b]... Have people had to quit their jobs to stay home with an allergic child? If this is the case, I want to make an informed decision so we arent stuggling financially? I still am wondering what impact this will have on our lives? What are your experiences? [/b]
I quit my job to stay home with my non-allergenic child. [i]It was just what was right for our family.[/i] Besides, after paying for child-care (& a long commute), we did not have the money (or the time) to miss my salary.
I started back to work 9 am - 2 pm when DD started Kindergarten. No childcare expenses, so the money we make is ours.
Having MFA is tough, but think of the money you will save on dining out! And I bet you'll eat healthier, too.
Take care,
Daisy
seafood, egg, nuts, sulfites

Posted on: Tue, 05/01/2007 - 10:53am
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I do not think that food allergy should even enter into the equation when questioning whether you do or do not want another child. I would have more if I were able to, but it is not in the cards for me so we are adopting our 3rd child. Yes, food allergies are scary, but that is exactly what it is an allergy. I hate this allergy but I would have 10 Josh's if I could. My daughter we have since figured out was allergic to peanuts (we knew egg already) outgrew her allergies. Hopefully if you decide to go back to work you can find a peanut free daycare. When we go out to eat we usually bring our child's food. Not b/c of allergy it is just something we have done since my daughter was little. I don't mean to make anyone mad, but I do not believe that having a food allergy should mean you don't have more children. Plus, just because one has allergies does not mean your future children will. Just my two cents worth [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Tue, 05/01/2007 - 2:22pm
NicoleinNH's picture
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Joined: 06/21/2003 - 09:00

[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 10, 2007).]

Posted on: Tue, 05/01/2007 - 8:25pm
Peanut Militia's picture
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Joined: 03/06/2007 - 09:00

Our first daughter was diagnosed very young-5 months. She is air and contact sensitive, asthma and eczema. I worked outside the home, but had decided before we got pregnant that I would stay home or just work part time. We had been married 12 years when we decided the time was right to have kids. When she was born she was so sweet

Posted on: Tue, 05/01/2007 - 10:03pm
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I only have a minute to respond....
Our 6 year old DD had her ana reaction when she was just one. It was terrible.
We didn't really think about not having other kids. We knew that we wanted a few more. We just dug in and dealt with the PA.
We just had our 4th child last month. We know for sure that our 3rd child is PA/TNA through testing. Our home totally avoids any and all nut/shellfish products.
If you happen to have another child with an allergy, you already know what you are dealing with.
And to the people who ask why you are having another child, because they "may be just like your other PA children"?!?!
Please let them be. I am truly blessed by every single aspect of all of my children. I don't care if they have an allergy or not.
So don't let PA be a reason NOT to. Do what is right for your family!!
God Bless!!

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