I Can Breathe Now - PA Son\'s 1st Sleep-Over

Posted on: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 3:00am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

I couldn't post about this yesterday because there has been an invitation for Jesse to sleep at this particular house maybe three times in the last few weeks and it has fallen through at the last minute (even as late as 9:30 p.m.).

But my guy left here yesterday morning to go on a sleep-over for the FIRST time ever. He is 11-1/2.

My non-PA daughter regularly goes on sleep-overs (social butterfly [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] ) and I certainly am concerned when she's gone, but nothing like this.

He had his Epi-Belt on and he took his extra Epi-Pen with him. The parents know he is PA, but their home is NOT peanut free and they have two toddlers running about.

I was SO worried, I slept with the phone beside my head.

Called him this morning and everything is just honky dory fine - he had a great time (apparently stayed up all night - I don't know) and sounded really happy.

But man, was I a bag of nerves yesterday.

Separate from that, he had gone to the same house a few weeks ago - he was gone for 5 hours. He had forgotten his Epi-Pen. When he got home, he asked me how my day was and I said that I hadn't had a very good day because I had been worried sick about him (it was not within a distance that I could go and deliver the missing Epi-Pen to him, KWIM?). We had a *good* talk about how it's *his* allergy and how he HAS to remember it because it is a life or death situation for him - no if, and's or but's.

But no, his first sleep-over went well. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

I'm so used to having his friends sleep here.

Man, is it EVER going to be HARD to let go.
Entering those scary years and everything.

Thanks for listening and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

There but for the Grace of God, go I.

Posted on: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 9:16am
missusp's picture
Joined: 04/03/2007 - 09:00

Great news! My daughter is almost (only) 3 and I already worry about what I'll do when the time for sleepovers with nonfamily comes.
He sounds like a great kid!

Posted on: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 9:46am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

And I wonder if you have to worry more because it's more of a "girl" thing as well. I don't know. I know that my daughter goes on a lot of sleep-overs and has a lot of friends sleep-over. With my son, except for family, he has never been invited before - the kids have always come to my house.
I still think a lot of stuff - like the sleep-overs, lack of birthday party invitations, etc. HAS to do with his PA because to me, he's such a great kid. I knew it would hurt (and it does) when my daughter started school (she's going into 5th Grade) and started to get different birthday party invites and stuff that my guy didn't get.
I know - complain when he doesn't get an invite, then worry yourself sick when he does! LOL!
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
There but for the Grace of God, go I.

Posted on: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 12:08pm
Going Nuts's picture
Joined: 10/04/2001 - 09:00

Aw Cin, welcome to the big time, as in teen age separation stuff. I know I found this stuff hard with my elder son as well, but the PA just ratchets it up a notch, KWIM?
It is their allergy and they do have to own it, but getting them there can be so scary for us.

Posted on: Sat, 08/11/2007 - 12:59pm
Catherine82's picture
Joined: 08/11/2007 - 09:00

My son is 3 1/2 and he sleeps at my friend's apartment one night a week. Their place isn't peanut free (although they don't really eat peanuts or peanut products) and they live in a small building where everyone is always milling around and visiting each other.
We live in NYC and have no car. I take my son to and from school everyday on the subway and we are constantly around other people. I have been on buses and subways where people are eating peanuts, and at the park I have seen peanut shells all over on several occasions.
His school is peanut free, and so is our apartment, but the city is definitely not. I have just learned to calm down about it.
He has an epipen that I carry with me and we have been in an ambulance and had 24 hour stays in the ER twice so far. He gets hives all over every so often, and I have no clue what he was exposed to since we are out and about all day.
I have just learned to calm down and to accept the fact that he is going to get hives and rashes and maybe get a reaction. But I would rather have that than a child who lives in fear his whole life and can't spend the night with his friends. I don't want to smother my son and rob him of his independence and joy and raise him in a hermetically sealed bubble. I think that the trade off is fair.
That being said, I do take this allergy very very seriously, and I do my very best to make sure everyone he knows understands how serious it is and that he is not exposed. I just try not to make is a central issue and terrorize him.
Sorry if this was harsh. It just makes me so sad to hear about kids who can't have normal experiences because of this.

Posted on: Sat, 08/11/2007 - 3:31pm
Lindajo's picture
Joined: 10/14/2003 - 09:00

Oh Cindy, glad you got through it. I remember my DD's first sleepover. I checked out the house, the food, if they had any PB, etc. Even though I felt really confident when i left without her, I was a nervous wreck all night. I did like you, slept with the phone. I left her my cell phone (she didn't have one at the time) and had her call me before she went to bed, I called her before [i]I[/i] went to bed and then once again in the morning. But, I didn't get much sleep that first time either.
I still get nervous when she goes on sleepovers, even though I may trust the host. It's funny. She sometimes gets anxiety when it comes to going to friends houses like bday parties and wants me to stay (she's 12). I just go along with whatever she wants so she gets her confidence back.
I'm glad you survived his first sleepover. Its one step in the direction of independence for them. It can be really sad for us, tho.

Posted on: Sun, 08/12/2007 - 3:08am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Catherine82, welcome! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] I'm pretty much like you, although that may surprise you. I live in Toronto and we live in an apartment building. I don't worry about things like door knobs. There are peanuts in front of my building (someone feeds the squirrels from their balcony) and there are peanuts all the way on our walk to the store daily. I also travel the transit with my children and never take any special precautions due to PA. We have never had a problem.
The only difference would be that when my son was 3-1/2, we were living in a small town and I didn't have the same things around or even worries about transit. But no, my son even goes on transit by himself now and I don't think twice about that with regard to PA (not by himself but with friends). He goes to the movies with friends, etc. and again, no worries with regard to PA as far as I'm concerned.
The sleep-over to me, was a totally different thing.
Going Nuts and Lindajo, yes, it's a new part of the journey isn't it? It's the time when any kid is going to start to be away from home more often - even if it's not for overnights; but as I've experienced this summer, my guy going to the big shopping center near us with friends and also going to the show with friends. As I posted above, although I can't say for sure that PA didn't enter my mind, I knew he had his Epi-Belt on and off he went.
PA or not, the scary years are here, I guess, BUT I have to say, when you enter the fact(s) of PA and the fact that they're entering the age where most deaths due to FA's are occurring, yes, I was worried sick.
But no, my guy leads a *normal* life (Catherine82, you could take a look at my thread about Are You Sure You Can Walk Out the Door To-Day?).
I have had my non-PA daughter dropped off near midnight because she had her "croupy" cough (she hadn't had it when she left early that day to go to a birthday party and then activities after the party and a sleep-over) so she didn't have her puffers.
I recently had a child sleep-over that has some sort of difficulty (I'm not clear what it is) and he woke up around midnight and I had to call his Mother and he had to go home because whatever he had, I couldn't deal with and he wanted his Mom.
So, even PA aside, I think sleep-overs can be scary things or at least unpredictable, but when you add PA into the mix, and the first time, yup, I was scared.
But no, to me, we live a totally *normal* life - he walks by bins of peanuts in the grocery store every day - I don't know of all of the examples.
He has had sleep-overs at his Grandmother's and his Aunt's. I didn't have any concerns those times.
I think perhaps it's the "new" experience that triggered the anxiety and because your son has been doing this for awhile, well.....
Anyway, yes, I just want to get through these teen years. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] That's why I look to Peg541 and Claire often. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
There but for the Grace of God, go I.

Posted on: Sun, 08/12/2007 - 3:14am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Also, I would have to say that it has certainly not been my fault (or my son's), that he hasn't had birthday party invites or invitations to sleep-overs before. I don't "blame" anyone - I get the fear thing and the responsibility thing.
So, yes, he got his first sleep-over invite at the age of 11-1/2. Had he gotten it any earlier, he still would have gone and I still would have posted the same.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
There but for the Grace of God, go I.

Posted on: Fri, 08/24/2007 - 12:23am
sidni's picture
Joined: 08/28/2004 - 09:00

Well congratulations to him for finally going on a sleepover and taking care of himself just fine, hey?
I hope that the good experience sets your mind at ease a bit for the future.
I'm 20 years old and I've had severe PA since I was about 9 or 10 (weird). I have slept over a thousand places, I've been an excahnge student in germany, i've moved a zillion times since I have been out of the house, I eat at (some) restaurants, go to concerts (big and small), bars (I'm in canada [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img], sporting events-- I take airplanes, the metro, busses, taxis... I had plenty of normal boyfriends when I was in high school, and a lovely normal relationship now that I'm a little older. I go to weddings, parties, and a huge university here in Montreal. School isn't peanut free. They *sell* stuff with peanuts in our vending machiens- 40,000 students is too many to regulate I think [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Anyway, my point is just that as your son (and all of your kids) get older, they're going ot be fine so long as they are careful...! As a parent, you of course want to protect your children as best you can, but *believe* me-- it is you childs life on the line, and your PA kids will very quickly learn to fend for themselves once parents aren't always there to double check. they will figure out their best way to deal with it, they'll find the comfortable way to talk to their friends about it-- and as the friends get older too, (believe me, again!), they'll be on your child's side and doing their best to be helpful. (How many times have friends of mine said "Oh *%^#*^$^*... That person over ther 979573 feet away has a Reeses! Are you going to be OKAY?!?!?!?" lol.....)
Just a little ray of hope and stuff for you!
best wishes!

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