is it me?

Posted on: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 5:53am
lilysmom's picture
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Joined: 07/20/2007 - 09:00

I went to visit in-laws yesterday, and started talking to them about DD2 1st birthday. MIL looked at me and said did you order a cake? Order a cake? I haven't ordered anything from a bakery since DD1 diagnosis and she wants to know if I ordered a cake. I politely told her no that I have found a cake mix that is peanut, egg, soy and diary free and that is what I would be making as I have for every other birthday in the past 2 years. She then proceeds to ask me why? I must have looked at her like she had two heads. I said because Lily is PA. She then says but DD2 isn't? UGGGHHH!!! this is after several conversations in the last few weeks about starting table food on DD2 because of FA in DD1 and how everything has changed I have to be extra vigilant about what foods I introduce when. I wanted to bite her head off. This is also the same woman who doesn't understand why she can't DD1 overnight. Well, she has her answer now!! I guess I'm tired of the stupidity and the lack of interest in learning about DD1 FA and leaving it up to me. ok, feeling better now. Thanks for listening.
catherine

Posted on: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 6:28am
Mom2Ian's picture
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Joined: 02/26/2007 - 09:00

Catharine, I've got nothing to say except I wish I could give you a great big hug and we could have a nice long gripe session about the extended families.

Posted on: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 8:34am
ajas_folks's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2000 - 09:00

We have been living with PA since Thanksgiving Day 1999.
My mom, who is a nurse (retired) still goofs & "forgets" about our son's PA & the precautions. (Younger daughter is not PA, so far as we know.) I realize I cannot expect my mom to ever totally "get it" because she is not up against the fence as we are in our household & having to face this allergy & its necessary precautions [i]24/7/365-forever[/i].
I know my mom honestly forgets. We live thousands of miles away & see them only once or twice per year. Eventhough I talk to her nearly every day & usually PA comes up in one way or another, she naturally doesn't have PA in her constant cross-check.
Be understanding, even if you are horrified by the ignorance or level of forgetfulness.
If the situation is such that the family member is NOT forgetting, but rather being unkind & NOT helpful, well, then it's up to you how to handle.
Many of us here have some (or even all, sadly) of our family distanced from us (or totally even off limits) due to PA.
"Speak softly, carry padded stick" is SOOOOOOO hard when it comes to our children's health, safety, and ability to survive.
{{HUGS}}
Hang in there.
It may not get "easier" -- just more "bearable".
------------------
~Eli[b]Z[/b]abeth,
Mother to 2:
DD age 5, NKA, treated as though PA/TNA
DS age 8, PA, possible TNA, Latex, legumes?
(PA diagnosed & ana reaction 1999)
Member here since 2000

Posted on: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 8:38am
ajas_folks's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2000 - 09:00

PS -- Welcome to PA.com -- sorry you have to find us because of this allergy (& all the other food allergies you are dealing with).
Just saw in your profile that you are nurse!
Considering nursing . . . in my "new" life of kids-are-both-in-school-and-I-need-a-new-career!
(My mom would be proud.) :-)

Posted on: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 8:44am
elmh23's picture
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Joined: 05/24/2007 - 09:00

My MIL didn't understand why my 2 year old would be upset that she couldn't have cake because MIL made it with peacan frosting (she's pa, but we avoid ALL nuts!) She tried to convince me that Sarah could just eat the bottom of the cake, forget the fact taht she doesn't like cake but LOVES frosting. Only reason I found out about it is because I wanted to know about the cake, she wasn't going to tell me. I brought over Oreo's for her instead.
------------------
Erin, mama to Sarah (11/29/04) allergic to peanuts and soy, and to Simon (2/26/07) who has no known allergies

Posted on: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 8:45am
elmh23's picture
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Joined: 05/24/2007 - 09:00

Oh and my MIL has no reason to forget. We live 2 blocks away and see her at least once a week, usually 2-4 times a week.
------------------
Erin, mama to Sarah (11/29/04) allergic to peanuts and soy, and to Simon (2/26/07) who has no known allergies

Posted on: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 9:52am
SallyL's picture
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Joined: 02/20/2006 - 09:00

Sigh. Been there too. So frustrating. I don't understand why they are making a big deal out of it. Lots of people make their own children's cakes, regardless of food allergies. I think it's more personal!

Posted on: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 9:59am
lilysmom's picture
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Joined: 07/20/2007 - 09:00

Thanks for all your support. MIL doesn't forget we live 2 miles from her and always bring own food because she never has any safe food. Ironically FIL is more in tuned and calls to ask when going to bakery etc, if DD can have anything, I may have to re explain asking if it is a nut free bakery but at least he tries. I found she was better at all this when we lived in Vegas and didn't see us as much. Again thanks for the support I am soo glad to have found this site.
As an aside as a Nurse I educate my fellow staff members constantly about FA and I am a nursing instructor and I always educate my student I actually lecture on it at the school I work for, my hope is that the next generation of nurses will be more aware just like medication allergies.

Posted on: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 10:35pm
peanutpatrol's picture
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Joined: 08/10/2007 - 09:00

lilysmom, sounds like we have the same MIL!!! I can totally relate and feel your pain. We just got back from a family reunion and although it's gotten a bit better over the 4 yrs since DD was diagnosed, we still fight so many battles and have to constantly defend our choices to keep our child safe. Unfortunately, we have had more resistance from my in-laws than from anyone else we've encountered since diagnosis. !!!

Posted on: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 1:30pm
2BPAfree's picture
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Joined: 08/10/2007 - 09:00

I've realized that not too many people get IT, unless it personally happens to them.
Example:
My daughter ate a Reese's cookie at someone's house who knew of my daughter's PA. We left the birthday party in a panic, came back from the ER after my daughter vomited (because my other child was still there) to find the cookies still sitting there!! The next time we were invited over to that same house, they had bowls of peanuts for snacks!!! Clueless.

Posted on: Sat, 08/11/2007 - 8:49am
Christabelle's picture
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Joined: 10/03/2004 - 09:00

I find I am very intolerant of this level of density in a person. Scary aside - these people vote, too - and drive. Yikes!

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