Sounds like the school was doing a
C.Y.A. (Cover Your A--)

Could you approach the teacher in a more conciliatory fashion? (By gritting your teeth and smiling, a few shots of whiskey in the parking lot first, you know, whatever it takes to be pleasant about it at this poit... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] )
She sounds like someone who is shutting down because she is truly overwhelmed. Maybe you could approach her [i]with concern for HER perspective[/i] in mind... tell her you'd like to meet with her to answer any questions she might have and reassure her about how simple it really is-- though it can seem overwhelming and complicated. It is truly hard to miss a child in anaphylaxis, though some early warning signs can be subtle.
Let her know that you intend to be there as a resource [i]at her disposal[/i].... and that you [i]appreciate her willingness to allow DS to feel unafraid in her room[/i] (this may [i]really[/i] require some teeth-gritting, huh?)
I just can't think that any teacher of young children would ever want any of them to come to harm. Every one I've ever known loves children dearly.
But some of those teachers can get emotionally overwhelmed and shut down before they can really absorb the information. I know that you've needed to be rather assertive thus far, but can you try a little more sugar with the teacher? I mean, if you don't get anywhere, you aren't any worse off than before, right?
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

I probably have an unpopular opinion, but if it were *me* I'd stop talking to the teacher altogether on this topic. . . for the time being. This isn't a matter of softening the teacher into 'liking you' so that she'll do what needs to happen. I'd be very businesslike in my demeanor. This teacher needs to be instructed by a superior as to her responsibilities, and you (any parent) aren't the proper person to do that. Someone, most likely the building principal, has the responsibility to make sure the school is 504 compliant, and to whom the teacher has accountability.
I think a 504 meeting is the correct solution so that individual responsibilities are identified/clarified. If the teacher needs assistance in the classroom to address student needs, then make a case for the district to acquire a classroom aide.
There was a time when I tried to fill in the gaps and shortcomings at my DD's elementary school regarding the proper management of her PA. In my situation, I was just doomed for failure until the school accepted that the success managing children with PA was of responsibility of the school [i]system[/i] and can't solely be dependent on a/the parent.
So maybe at the 504 meeting you can remember to ask often, [i]"So who is responsible for that?" [/i] And hold back on any inclination to offer up your volunteerism until they process it a bit and figure out how *they* should be addressing it without you enabling a broken system. I'd ask, who is the 'case manager" for your son's 504? And who is the building compliance officer? These are important lines of responsibility that they may not even be aware of.
And, on the subject of "home schooling" (totally inappropriate), if the principal brings this up at the 504 meeting ask her if she is recommending that your child receive services under a "home [b]bound[/b]" option. Ask her if she has the forms to fill out for "home bound." (This is where the School District provides instruction to your child in your home.) That should quiet her down.
Just my opinion.

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]Could you approach the teacher in a more conciliatory fashion? [/b]
LOL! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] You mean like bearing gifts and softly pleading, [i]"Please, oh please, with sugar on top, would you please do your job?" [/i]

lol Gail, but you beckon me back to the "do your job" side of the fence once again.
[i]with my own words, even[/i].
yes, let's be done with [i]ingratiating[/i] ourselves to people who need to realize [i]what their job is[/i].
~Or need get out of Dodge.
It only serves to encourage them. It makes me part of the [i]problem[/i], rather than the solution.
Too much time in Off Topic has made me lose my focus...

I didn't think this was about her offering to do the teacher's job for her (or anyone else's either) but rather in doing what she could to de-escalate the deteriorating situation with this particular teacher. Positive reinforcement as a training aid, if you will.
The teacher is a human being. She was obviously feeling both totally overwhelmed and probably totally unappreciated for the effort she was making. (Probably wondering, [i]"good nightshirt!! What will ever be enough??"[/i])
All I was advocating was a way to let the teacher know that her efforts were not being wasted and that learning about PA [i]is[/i] a stressful adjustment-- just simple good communication skills, folks. NOT conceding a thing. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] I wouldn't have suggested it in a situation where the teacher was seeming grumpy and uncooperative. This one seemed... overwhelmed.
While I agree that the school should be doing more to prevent situations like this from happening in the first place, making the teacher understand that you don't regard her as "the enemy" seems a pretty innocuous thing!
In other words, "I know you can do it!" or even,"We can make this work as a team," is quite different from "If that's too much, I can do it." (Which I have never, nor will ever say when I fully believe it is their JOB to be doing it.)
Once things are going more smoothly, it may be a more powerful engine of change to have BOTH of them suggest ways for such rancor to [i]never[/i] develop during a 504 process again.
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Points for style, ladies.... there are points for style.
ETA: (But I agree wholeheartedly about asking [i]many[/i] questions about whose responsibility things are!!! You've seen some red flags that warn you this is a problem with the school.)
Linking:
[url="http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/Forum7/HTML/002528.html"]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/Forum7/HTML/002528.html[/url]
[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited September 13, 2006).]

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]
While I agree that the school should be doing more to prevent situations like this from happening in the first place, making the teacher understand that you don't regard her as "the enemy" seems a pretty innocuous thing!
In other words, "I know you can do it!" or even,"We can make this work as a team," is quite different from "If that's too much, I can do it." (Which I have never, nor will ever say when I fully believe it is their JOB to be doing it.)
Once things are going more smoothly, it may be a more powerful engine of change to have BOTH of them suggest ways for such rancor to [i]never[/i] develop during a 504 process again.
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Points for style, ladies.... there are points for style.
[/b]
Just don't come across as thanking them [i]for doing you a favor[/i]. Sorry, but that's the way it seems to me when we "sweeten the deal". Sugar is addictive. What makes the coffee palatable today, might not placate tomorrow.
I'm back to setting [i]boundaries[/i]. Recent "sweetness" has resulted in a rapid spiral downward, human nature being what it is. My school district has been "swamped", and you know what they say about squeaky wheels. I don't remember anything about "sugar coated" wheels. Just squeaky ones.

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]I didn't think this was about her offering to do the teacher's job for her (or anyone else's either) but rather in doing what she could to de-escalate the deteriorating situation with this particular teacher. Positive reinforcement as a training aid, if you will.
The teacher is a human being. She was obviously feeling both totally overwhelmed and probably totally unappreciated for the effort she was making. [/b]
Point taken. There is a human component here that shouldn't be overlooked. Nothing is more [i]personal[/i] to me than my girls. I certainly have needed a *connection* sometimes with a teacher, especially when I was uncertain, fearful and/or stressed out. Good communication, positive and reassuring words, *a hug* are all ways that I've connected with those caring for my DD. There were times I would have been lost without it, and I'm sure the reverse is true too.
I'm sure the one thing that both ~*Trace*~ and the teacher have in common is that they are both afraid. That primal human emotion: fear. I'd be afraid too if I were in [i]either[/i] of their shoes.
~*Trace*~ 's situation is probably polar opposite of mine right now. We're in our 4th week of school and I haven't met a single one of Mariah's teachers. Not one. I'll meet them for the first time tonight at Open House, just like all the other parents. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I don't have any fears because the system is working as it should now. (The School Counselor administers the 504 and the School Nurse administers the IHP).
Wasn't it the [b]Superintendent[/b] who has a "PA" who stated that she [i]couldn't [/i]restrict PB? ~*Trace*~ is a victim of a broken system and so is the teacher. I hope that they can see what they have in common and work together to address the broken system as a whole. Otherwise, it's as MommaBear says:
Quote:Originally posted by MommaBear:
[b]yes, let's be done with ingratiating ourselves to people who need to realize what their job is.
~Or need get out of Dodge.
It only serves to encourage them. It makes me part of the problem, rather than the solution.[/b]
[This message has been edited by Gail W (edited September 13, 2006).]