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Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 10:17pm
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Greenlady:
[b] she'll look different in front of the other students.
[/b]
aw, shucks. [i]she already does[/i]. To her mother, myself, and probably the staff. Am I right Gail?
I'm not even talking about PA.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 10:20pm
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Yes, from what I read I understand that your daughter is simply a strong-willed child in general, am I correct? But why is she being pointed out as strong-willed on this one? If the teacher--the person in charge of your daughter's care while she is in that classroom--won't call the office, doesn't that make her just as stubborn as your daughter? Or even more so?
My own daughter is as strong-willed as they come. I learned early on that you pick your battles. To me, this wouldn't be worth fighting my daughter over. I'd be fighting to have the teacher call.
If that really isn't an option (the teacher just absolutely refuses, showing she is indeed more stubborn), then the other approach I have found works with the stubborn is to make something seem like their idea. I am not manipulative by nature, so I have very few ways in which I succeed at that. The best one I have found is to present the facts in such a way that it clearly shows that the decision you want her to make is the one that is very obviously best. But I'm not sure how well that would work now that she already has decided she does not want this responsibility, and is already digging in her heels.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 10:59pm
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Jimmy's mom:
[b]Yes, from what I read I understand that your daughter is simply a strong-willed child in general, am I correct? But why is she being pointed out as strong-willed on this one? If the teacher--the person in charge of your daughter's care while she is in that classroom--won't call the office, doesn't that make her just as stubborn as your daughter? Or even more so?
My own daughter is as strong-willed as they come. I learned early on that you pick your battles. To me, this wouldn't be worth fighting my daughter over. I'd be fighting to have the teacher call.
If that really isn't an option (the teacher just absolutely refuses, showing she is indeed more stubborn), then the other approach I have found works with the stubborn is to make something seem like their idea. I am not manipulative by nature, so I have very few ways in which I succeed at that. The best one I have found is to present the facts in such a way that it clearly shows that the decision you want her to make is the one that is very obviously best. But I'm not sure how well that would work now that she already has decided she does not want this responsibility, and is already digging in her heels.[/b]
You know what I thought of when I read this? Patients I have who want me to continue to do for them instead of prepare them for [i]discharge[/i].
Chuckling at how many times patients say: "That lazy nurse wouldn't ________ for me."
The dog don't hunt, I mean. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/cool.gif[/img]

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 11:04pm
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Maybe because she is so.......[i]strong willed[/i] this is important for her to do. Not in "breaking the spirit", but in preparing her for discharge.
I can be [i]my own worst enemy[/i], and it's continually pointed out to me how strong willed I am.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 11:54pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Personally, I think it is your daughter's responsibility. If the school is willing to allow her to use the classroom phone so that she doesn't have to waste time walking to and from the office then she doesn't have an excuse anymore.
If she fights to much on this she risks that if something does happen to her one day it will take longer before anyone starts to worry, and therefore longer before anyone finds/treats her.
I know kids don't want to be different. And they don't want to be reminded of their differences - but unfortunately we do need to learn to not make a big deal of them. (I'm reminded of my neice who decided she was not going to wear her glasses anymore. One trip down a flight of stairs and she decided she'd rather be different with glasses then different with a wheelchair.)

Posted on: Thu, 10/12/2006 - 12:57am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

This was my point as well:
Quote:
If she fights to much on this she risks that if something does happen to her one day it will take longer before anyone starts to worry, and therefore longer before anyone finds/treats her.
Personally, the only way to defuse this kind of situation with my own DD (also iron-willed, frequently her own worst enemy....) is to be pretty blunt about the risks I see inherent in the situation.
Crying wolf= not good when there are real wolves. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
(Though perhaps the teacher could have the responsibility AT FIRST.... and a plan be written to transition it to your daughter somehow.)
Can she drop a written note off earlier in the day at the office?

Posted on: Thu, 10/12/2006 - 1:46am
Gail W's picture
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Joined: 12/06/2001 - 09:00

That is pretty much the conclusion that we (school, Mariah, and me) all came to as well. It is in [i]Mariah's best interest [/i]that she takes on this responsibility.
Yesterday the school counselor spoke to Mariah and they decided that 'either' she or the teacher will call. Very loose. I can see that the counselor is respecting Mariah, heard Mariah's objections, and they are sharing the responsibility for now. I thought that was very wise.
So no 504 meeting or changes in the plan for now. I think this is just a verbal understanding that will probably be formalized in her 504 for next year in the section listing "Mariah's Responsibilities. "
I think that both Mariah and I had a knee-jerk reaction that the school was 'dumping' this on to her as an easy solution. If they did, then taking the time to think this through together served the purpose of them rethinking that response. But regardless if that's true or not true, regardless if this is more convenient for the staff, this is a good thing for Mariah to do. That's the take away for me. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
So it's a 'happy ending'. . . Mariah was a good advocate for herself, the school listened to her and respected her position, and they came to an agreeable solution. Gotta celebrate happy endings when you get them. . . even when they are small ones. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Thanks everyone. It helped me a lot to read your thoughts and opinions. I really appreciate it.
ETA~
Yes Greenlady, in our Middle School the teachers are basically available during lunch period each day, and often several days after school every week. It is generous of them, and the students take advantage of it. On Monday at lunch, Mariah was one of about 20 other kids with their Comm Arts teacher. 'No Child Left Behind' has put pressure on Annual Yearly Progress, so the teachers are very available to work with kids to improve grades.
And Jimmy's mom, I smiled at your post. I agree that the school was being similarly 'stubborn'. I think it was originally a convenience issue for both the school and Mariah, and they were both digging in their heels. Knowing Mariah, Im sure she made that clear to the school counselor that she wasn't going to do it purely for [i]their convenience, [/i] especially since they weren't willing to do it for hers. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by Gail W (edited October 12, 2006).]

Posted on: Thu, 10/12/2006 - 1:58am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Glad to hear they reached a resolution that will keep your daughter safe and happy. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 5:56am
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

why not let her use the phone and call down to the office?

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 6:04am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Great idea. If they won't allow this, can she call using her own cell phone?
If they are concerned about authenticating the information over the phone, she could set up some kind of code/password with office staff so they know it is her.

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