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Posted on: Tue, 03/21/2006 - 12:10pm
ajgauthier's picture
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Joined: 04/13/2005 - 09:00

hiya,
I usually try to stay clear of some of the child conversations and topics, since, I'm not a mom and have a different perspective. But, I did have a thought here.
This might be a good opportunity to show your son (he's 10 right?) how to enjoy the company of others even if PN foods are present. As he gets older, in teens and college, I think it's important for him to have the skill of having to deal with eating before an event and not eating at the event, but still going to have fun with his friends. That's really the point, to be with friends.
In my teens up to now there are numerous social occasions where there is food I can't eat or don't feel comfortable eating, but I want to go out and be social...so I eat before or bring my own food. It took a while to get used to and confident and comfortable fielding questions...but the skill comes with time. In a way, I do still feel left out, but it rolls off my back and I don't give it a second thought. When you are an adult, you don't make your own cupcake to bring, ya know? You just go without...and it's no big deal. Since you'll be there, you can walk him through it and keep an eye out for any dangers.
Good luck,
Adrienne
------------------
30-year old survivor of severe peanut/tree nut allergy

Posted on: Wed, 03/22/2006 - 1:25am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Wow, thank-you. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
The kids did know that we were invited back to the house afterward.
I spoke with Jesse about it last night and at one point he said that he didn't want to go and then he changed his mind again. I guess, for him, he's trying to sort through it, because really, it will be the first time we've gone some place that hasn't been safe for him in such an obvious way (the pb sauce).
Then, I'm thinking, well, maybe they won't make the pb sauce - that it's just a possibility.
Adrienne, I appreciated your post (and think perhaps you *should* enter more of the children's threads [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] ) because yes, he does have to learn how to deal with this type of situation at some point in his life.
If he was wee, I'd say no. But he is 10. He is cautious. He is careful. At school now, he doesn't sit at the "peanut free" table and if a classmate does happen to have pb, he does have to decide whether he's going to change seats or not.
If I wasn't going, I would say no. But since they'll be two pair of hawk eyes there, and perhaps even three with my daughter's, I think I'll just make sure I plan an escape route, if we need one. KWIM?
But I will check with Jess again as the day gets closer because if it is something that is going to make him anxious or uncomfortable, he really doesn't need that right now either.
He's funny last night. The birthday boy is putting M&M Star Wars' figures in the loot bags. Jesse asked if it was okay for him to keep the figure (he's such a huge Star Wars' fan) even though he's allergic to real M&M's. I said, of course it is honey, if you're comfortable with it - it's not like your allergic to the M&M guys themselves.
Then you stop and think what queer things pass through our PA children's minds that didn't pass through ours. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
But no, definitely right on, momma2boys, I'll check with Jess as we get closer to the day. Apparently, we're on like a special invite list for back to the house to begin with since it will be mostly the child's Father's family there (it's the Portugeuse half that has the pb sauce on potatoes - that one I still really need to see [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img] ).
Ember and I discussed it last night and she agreed that she wouldn't be eating there either.
Many thanks and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
------------------
"That was Polanski. Nicholson got his nose cut."

Posted on: Wed, 03/22/2006 - 2:20am
gvmom's picture
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Joined: 08/24/2005 - 09:00

You know, if Jesse feels uncomfortable with the Star Wars figure, I would guess it is plastic -- it probably could be washed.

Posted on: Wed, 03/22/2006 - 2:55am
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Now I am the kind that is very flexible anyway, but here's what I would do. I would definitely plan on going to the bowling part, and play the rest by ear. If Jesse is nervous about going don't force him, but if he's having a good time and wants to go to the house go. BUt be prepared to leave abruptly if you or he feels uncomfortable. Or if it is obviously more dangerous than you had anticipated (for example if a young child gets the PB on their hands and then smears on surfaces). Talk to the kids about being flexible about your plans, and the hosts as well. Good luck, and I hope you all enjoy the party. We all know you deserve a happy day right now.

Posted on: Wed, 03/22/2006 - 3:09am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Quote:The birthday boy is putting M&M Star Wars' figures in the loot bags. Jesse asked if it was okay for him to keep the figure (he's such a huge Star Wars' fan) even though he's allergic to real M&M's. I said, of course it is honey, if you're comfortable with it - it's not like your allergic to the M&M guys themselves.
I love those guys. They are so adourable. Even cuter then Darth Tater. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img]
My favourite coffee cup is an [i]autographed[/i] M&M cup. It's a set - and I usually chose the one signed by Red and Blue. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
Funny thing though - I really scrubbed these mugs when they were brand new. I was laughing at myself while I did it - but, I still had to do it.
I'm jealous Jesse. I don't have any of those M&M star wars guys. They would make a pretty cool avatar though.....
***********
Sorry CSC - back to discussion about your party (which I apparently have nothing to add to).

Posted on: Sat, 03/25/2006 - 10:56am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

The party went well. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
The bowling alley part was no big deal at all. One note I made. The vending machines that sell bubble gum and stuff - they had clear warnings about allergy alerts - one was one filled with barbequed peanuts and another one was a "may contain" product. I thought that was excellent.
The cake (not safe - just "may contain") was served at the bowling alley so no worries about that back at the house.
Then, it turned out they had rented the party room of their apartment building. The room is spotless before you go into it and you have to pretty well leave it that way when you leave as well.
It turns out the family with the peanut sauce on the potatoes wasn't Portuguese, but Spanish speaking from Ecuador I believe.
At any rate, all of the hot dishes were put out on the table and I did eat there. The kids had eaten at the bowling alley though (all the kids ate at the bowling alley). So, the food back at the house was really for the adults (although kids could have eaten if they wanted to).
I had people sit at the same table as me eating the potatoes and I couldn't even smell peanuts and I think I have a pretty good sense of smell for them (if nothing else). So, it must have been very light.
I watched Jesse. He went over and asked what dish had the peanuts in it and kinda looked at it and that was it. Didn't go close to it or touch the dish or anything, just looked at it, perhaps curious.
Then, later in the evening, he was actually playing right beside the table where all the hot food was and he was fine. No coughs, nothing.
For me, it was wonderful to see a family that got along so well and were willing to include us as part of their celebration. I don't just mean the birthday boy's family (and his Aunt and Uncle who are friends of our's to begin with - we met the boy through the Aunt and Uncle), but the extended family - Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, nieces, nephews. It was an absolutely joyous experience. Extremely positive.
I can't explain it *properly* but so unlike what we're used to experiencing in life and man, what a ray of sunshine. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Very much needed sunshine. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
So, I was really pleased that I did discuss it with Jess; that we did make a quick escape plan and our friends understood (the ones that were driving us home - they knew they might have to take us home at a minute's notice - I had said that if we needed to make a quick escape, I would transit it home, but no, they wouldn't let me think of that); and that we were able to enjoy ourselves "this time" in such close proximity to a peanut sauce.
I'm very happy and very thankful. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Thank-you to everyone here who gave me advice on what to do re this. I appreciate it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
------------------
"That was Polanski. Nicholson got his nose cut."

Posted on: Sat, 03/25/2006 - 12:05pm
Daisy's picture
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Joined: 01/16/2006 - 09:00

Hooray! Yippee!!! So glad you had a nice time. Really glad all your friend's were so supportive about being careful with the food. It really can be done!
Have a good weekend,
Daisy

Posted on: Sun, 03/26/2006 - 4:32am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Quote:and our friends understood (the ones that were driving us home - they knew they might have to take us home at a minute's notice - I had said that if we needed to make a quick escape, I would transit it home, but no, they wouldn't let me think of that);
While I'm glad to hear how great the whole party went - I especially liked this part that I quoted. [i]If[/i] you had needed to make a quick escape, I'm glad your friend was willing to leave to drive you. Red Rocket is not the place to be when you fear a reaction, and I'm glad you wouldn't have been faced with that possibility.

Posted on: Sun, 03/26/2006 - 6:07am
ajgauthier's picture
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Joined: 04/13/2005 - 09:00

hi - glad it all worked out for you :-) Now you have a feeling of how those sorts of situations can work...with peanut food in the room at social gatherings. Sounds like your DS had a real good way to handle it, it's good he asked where the peanut food was, got a look at it, and then knew better how to avoid it.
I think you are at the point where your own comfort level and your DS's comfort level with social situations will start to evolve. I'm super happy you had a good experience with the "first step" at this party :-)
Adrienne
------------------
30-year old survivor of severe peanut/tree nut allergy

Posted on: Sun, 03/26/2006 - 11:15am
gvmom's picture
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Joined: 08/24/2005 - 09:00

Happy to hear that you all had a good time -- with no mishaps. Sounds like a great day for all of you, and it is lucky that you have friends that understand about emergency exits! That is really cool.
Hey AnnaMarie -- what is Red Rocket?

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