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Posted on: Sun, 09/10/2006 - 4:39pm
gvmom's picture
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Joined: 08/24/2005 - 09:00

[b]Yes- I forgot to look for the bag when we got back into the car. I didn't realize that she had taken them off in the restroom because there was no reason for her to (really).[/b]
Couldn't you call it a 'wash' then? She did something that she wasn't supposed to -- but you also forgot part of your bargain. As grown up as she may be, she is still a 7 year old little girl. For some strange reason -- I would say it was her being 7 -- she took off her bag. Why? Who knows -- little kids do all sorts of things for odd reasons. You acknowledge that you forgot to check. If you forgot something -- because, you are her parent and bear some responsibility -- what is your punishment?
Isn't there a way for a lesson to be learned, without it being unfair? Both of her parents were with her -- yet you expect her to hold the entire burden for the loss.
Couldn't all of you talk about what happened, and go over the mistakes that all of you made? You could talk about what the rules are for her wearing her bag, what you expect of her, and also what she should be able to expect from you, as parents. She has a responsibility to herself -- yes -- but at 7, something like this, in my opinion, doesn't rest the bulk of the responsibility on her.
BTW, if you were able to look through the screen at me, I'm not saying this with a wagging finger at you -- my tone is truly coming from me thinking about how upset my own son would be (he will be 7 in 1 month). As mature as he is about some things - this boy who brought me a drawing the other day of a strand of DNA - I couldn't not check,and double check, if he were to carry his Epi-pens. I wouldn't want him to feel as though that weight rested all on him, because I would feel equally responsible.

Posted on: Sun, 09/10/2006 - 9:25pm
luvmyboys's picture
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Joined: 05/25/2006 - 09:00

One thing I've learned being a mom...every child is different and every family's situation is unique. I can't fathom a mature 7 year old because I don't have one...I have a somewhat immature just turned 6 year old.
I have yet to let him go anywhere out of my sight (or his father's or grandmother's). Nonetheless I find he is more responsible about making sure his epi is on his body after 3 weeks of practice than his dad is!
It's amazing how our kids rise to the occasion and take on more than anyone else would have thought possible, isn't it?
Luvmyboys

Posted on: Sun, 09/10/2006 - 10:14pm
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Well, I must say I am relieved that a "mature" 7 year-old lost her epi-pen. My "immature" 7 year-old lost his twice in the last few weeks. The first time I am still a little angry at. We were out running errands, and when we got home, I asked where his epi-pen was. He said in the closet (where it stays when we're home). He even looked to double-check, and said he put it away. About 10 minutes later, I got a call from one of the stores we'd gone to (our phone number is on it, but not my first name, but the owner knows me, and knew who lost it, and did call me by name). So anyway, he was in very big trouble for lying about it.
Then last week, we were in Massachusetts. He took it off in a men's room, simply because how it fits with the waist of that pair of pants makes it very difficult to do what needs to be done. He forgot it there. The problem is, none of us realized it until we were back in CT. His father was still in MA, though, only two miles from where he left it, so he went to pick it up. And in the meantime, I had the one I carry in my purse.

Posted on: Sun, 09/10/2006 - 10:24pm
3xy1PAinNH's picture
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Joined: 08/07/2006 - 09:00

SO glad you have the epi's back! I ran here this morning to check the post, b/c I was direct last night. I didn't realize your daughter is gifted academically! That does make it tougher on you, b/c she often probably seems older than she is. We have a neighbor's son who is gifted and skipped a couple of grades (although it turned around and bit him in the butt in HS, and he they just paid $35K for a year of prep school before he was ready for University!) [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] and he is also physically BIG...she said they often times had to remind themselves consciously of his age b/c his behaviors wouldn't match what they expected...but then again...he was a boy! I have three boys, and I see that they just aren't wired the same way as girls.
I guess I am saying do what you need to do for your family...I think a couple of us just can't fathom ANY 3, 4 or 7 year old being that responsible, no matter what their IQ...but you know your situation better than ANY of us do! I tell you, it is my nearly 4 yo that has the PA....he is academically slightly above average...and I could NEVER imagine him carrying his epis!

Posted on: Sun, 09/10/2006 - 10:47pm
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Corvallis Mom -
Glad to hear everything turned out OK. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sun, 09/10/2006 - 11:39pm
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]What I couldn't quite fathom is why the notion of harm to [i]her[/i] didn't seem to faze her much during this.... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/confused.gif[/img]
Anyway-- would I treat the average 7yo this way? No way. My daughter? Absolutely. She's a fourth grader who intends to finish fifth grade by June. She is super-responsible about her allergy (and everything else, for that matter) and has a self-awareness that frequently makes [i]everyone[/i] around her forget that she is 7. (Soooo, not typical.) We don't expect her to be older than 7, but we do expect her to be [i]herself[/i] if that makes sense. (sigh) It probably doesn't without knowing her...
[/b]
Would she be finishing fourth grade by June if she weren't homeschooled? This is not an academic question. Merely a [i]life/self care[/i] type of question. Because your expectations of her are based on a small part of a sheltered home environment. It's part of the reason I no longer exclusively "homeschool" my child. He needed some [i]real life[/i] experience.
*I* needed to know what he was *really* capable of.
He needed to adapt to a [i]changing environment[/i]. An [i]artificial one[/i] if you may point out. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
What my child is capable at [i]home[/i] might be very different from what he is capable in that [i]artificial environment[/i] called "The Public". [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
Lots of stressors, a new environment everytime you walk out the door.......
But, as "mature" as folk thought I was as a child...........getting out "on my own" was a [i]major overhaul[/i]. I still have my mother living with me. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
I was very academically advanced, but [i]socially[/i] (including adapting to my environment)--------[i]a flop[/i].
Everything sent me into a tailspin......
I also didn't realize for a long time, what consequenses existed in the [i]public[/i], outside the shelter of my family environment. Probably well into my late twenties, I was still on the "naivete'" scale of a 15 or 16 year old. With an incredible IQ.
[i]Very dangerous combination[/i], if you ask me.
I'm kind of a sassy *** now, since I'm *just* comming into my own. (I think)
I'm just beginning to see the [i]Forest[/i].
I think that "backlog" is *still* causing me clashes. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] Might just be my lot in life. You know, the price of tunnel vision---- of that imbalance. I mean, socially, I'm still playing "catchup". It's just not knowledge that enrolling me in park district programs could teach me. It's something I probably should have learned, or been exposed to earlier on. Just last week, one of my coworkers, a woman in her early fifties, told me in a joking fashion (I think): "You're not one of us, but we love you anyway."
I'm still odd man out. Guess I'll *never* catchup.
But it struck me. I thought "the older crowd" were my cohorts. It used to be that way. I mean, I always gravitated to persons older than myself....they always identified with me. I'm suddenly finding myself more [i]alone[/i].
It's not like I'm not used to it.
But IQ and life skills. I wouldn't be so quick to expect they matchup. Ya know?
~no advice, just speaking personally.
[This message has been edited by MommaBear (edited September 11, 2006).]
[This message has been edited by MommaBear (edited September 11, 2006).]

Posted on: Sun, 09/10/2006 - 11:43pm
williamsmummy's picture
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Joined: 03/26/2002 - 09:00

I have handled this situation very badly in the past. I admit it, I do forget he is only a small boy. And as a parent I forget to look at things from his point of view.
I see missing epi pens as an accident waiting to happen.
For some time I didnt tell my son that I had spare antihistamine and epi pens in my own bag. I let him think that his bag was all we have to help him.
and on occasions he still has forgot.
However , we do stick to the non eating outside the home or going straight home rules until we get the epi pens.
William sees his bags as a bloody pain in the backside, a bag that interfers with his life and fun.
Football cant be played with your mates down the park if there is a bag on your back.
I do regret being so harsh with him. I bent down looked him in the eye and asked him what were we supposed to do if he has a reaction? who ? was going to need the meds more? , him or mummy?
Mummy's cant make things better if you dont look after yourself a little bit.
The last time he lost his bag was when he was 8, so far , at 10 1/2 he still remembers his meds.
There is no doubt in my mind that children bearing this kind of responsibility have a part of their childhood taken away.
Worse still, it seems that its our duty as parents to do this to them.
sarah ( mrs grumpy today)

Posted on: Mon, 09/11/2006 - 12:07am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]What I couldn't quite fathom is why the notion of harm to [i]her[/i] didn't seem to faze her much during this.... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/confused.gif[/img]
[/b]
That doesn't really surprise me much. Most young people don't seem to think anything can actually happen to them. Apparently even kids with pa can feel this way.
It's part of why young people with cars or motorcycles whip in and out of traffic, drag race, etc. They really think nothing can actually happen to them -- it's always the other guy.
Big difference here is that your daughter cares about about the *other guy* and doesn't want to cause harm to them. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Sounds to me like you're doing a great job. I also don't think your punishment sounds extreme. Sounds serious, yes -- but not extreme.

Posted on: Mon, 09/11/2006 - 12:21am
Peg541's picture
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Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

I agree with MB. Your daughter is smart but endowed with life skills is another story.
Yes also mature in some ways but her little body and brain are only seven years old and there is a physical/mental maturation process we all go through that does not involve our intellect.
My children are in their 20's now. This is one thing I would change if I had the opportunity to.....
No matter how old they were I always thought they, or at least my daughter, was as old and as mature as they were going to get. I just felt they were so ready for what I threw at them. It wasn't much but sometimes it failed miserably.
I guess I should take my son out of this equation because he was off the charts with not ready. But my daughter was brilliant from day one. I did not know that because she was my first. But I treated her that way. I equated brilliant with ready to face the world.
Now I look back and I see the few videos we have and I say to myself "I sent that BABY to school? How could I?"
When back then she seemed so ready to take on the world. K at just the beginning of five, cried every day on the way to school and for the first hour of school. I just thought it was her way and the school was happy to get my tuition check so they clammed up too. Thank goodness the next school kept her in K!
She was not ready and I may have pushed her into situations where she was so not ready.
That's why I agree seven is young, really young and to ask a seven year old to have to save her own life (like we all have to do) carries some special considerations with it.
One of those considerations is we all learned a lesson today about carrying the epi pens. Lets forgive each other and move on.
Sorry to belabor this point I feel pretty passionate about this.
Peg

Posted on: Mon, 09/11/2006 - 12:35am
saknjmom's picture
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Joined: 04/02/2003 - 09:00

Corvalis Mom,
Glad things worked out and you did find the bag. Wow, what a day.
Interesting because I have been speaking with my DH about having DS carry his epi pen. He is against it. He says that he's a kid and shouldn't be burdened with that right now. That right now as his parents, we are responsible for his safety. That he has enough burden in dealing with the day to day rules he follows on eating etc. We are with him for the most part, DH coaches his sports activities, is the den leader for boy scouts. If he's on a playdate, the parent has the epi pen. While he's at school, the nurse has it etc.
I understand what he's saying, but I want him having his epi pens to become a habit for him, a part of his normal routine. He is 8 and is very responsible with his food allergies and follows the rules we've laid out for keeping safe. I am ready to add the epi pen to the mix.
DH says no, so I am going to compromise for one more year and then have him start to carry it.

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