Who should do this?

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 5:50am
Gail W's picture
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First off, I should explain that in the scheme of things this is not a big deal. But I'm feeling sorta stunk in the middle of my daughter and the school, so I though I'd toss this out for feedback.

Mariah has been eating her lunch in the classroom with her teachers on occasion. She missed a day of school last week, so both Monday and Tuesday she made up work during her lunch hour with a teacher. Other kids are also present for similar reasons. Last year we integrated this into her 504, and the procedures for cleaning etc are followed. So no problems wrt safety issues.

The issue is that the cafeteria monitor wasn't aware that Mariah wasn't going to eat in the cafeteria as usual. So when she didn't show up on Monday, several staff went on a manhunt to find her. Completely understandable and what we'd hope would occur. I mean, she could be on the floor on a bathroom stall in the midst of anaphylaxis. So the issue is one of communicating to the cafeteria staff when Mariah is not going to eat in the cafeteria.

So. . . I suggest that when Mariah shows up in a teacher's classroom for lunch, that the teacher phone the front office to inform them. I see this as an sorta 'in-house' communication issue.

The school views it as a responsibility issue. They think Mariah needs to communicate to staff where she is going to be . . and be there. I see this point, and support it to an extent. I mean the goal here is for Mariah to become independent in a supportive environment.

It wouldn't be a big deal except that Mariah doesn't want to do it and has dug in her heels a bit. She thinks it's 'stupid' for her to walk down to the office to tell the front office staff this information, then walk back to the classroom. The teacher/students would all have to wait for her to return before work could begin. Her point is, why can't the teacher simply call from the room? It would easier for everyone. I see her point.

My antenea go up whenever I see Mariah feeling any type of unfairness or a sense of punishment. She thinks this is unfair, and not her responsibility.

Thoughts?

(BTW, Mariah is 12 and in 7th grade. She is certainly capable of this task. She just doesn't think she [i]should have[/i] do this task.)

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 5:56am
MommaBear's picture
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why not let her use the phone and call down to the office?

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 6:04am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Great idea. If they won't allow this, can she call using her own cell phone?
If they are concerned about authenticating the information over the phone, she could set up some kind of code/password with office staff so they know it is her.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 9:23am
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Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]Great idea. If they won't allow this, can she call using her own cell phone?
If they are concerned about authenticating the information over the phone, she could set up some kind of code/password with office staff so they know it is her.[/b]
Hi Gail,
I second this approach. Makes sense to me without making it unduly burdensome for Mariah...

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 9:51am
MommaBear's picture
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Quote:Originally posted by Nutternomore:
[b] Hi Gail,
I second this approach. Makes sense to me without making it unduly burdensome for Mariah...[/b]
odd thing is, any school I walk into in my district and my cell phone is [i]zip--el nada[/i].
No reception, difficulty dialing out. How well does her cell phone work *in* building? It's made me rethink a cell phone for my child strictly for use during school. I can't imagine him depending on it. I can't even dial out from the office foyer: "No Service".
That said, I haven't tried the government channel I can access on my cell... Less dropped calls, greater overlap, fewer "dead zones".

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 10:45am
Gail W's picture
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Thanks guys.
She'd love to be able to pull out her cell phone in front of her classmates to call [i]anyone[/i]. But MB, you are correct~ no cell phone service in the building. I asked her after school today if [i]she[/i] could use the phone in the classroom. She said she [i]could[/i], but that 'it's not her [i]job[/i]' so she [i][b]wouldn't[/i][/b].
So she's digging in on principle.
I guess it would be a non-issue if she *wanted* more responsibility, but she doesn't right now. In fact, she's [i]refusing[/i] and saying that she 'won't' do it. Her attitude is, "This isn't my responsibility. If the teacher doesn't want to call and let them know I'm here, then the monitors can run around trying to find me. I don't care."
<> . . . . not looking forward to these teenage years. . .

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 11:43am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Strong-willed, isn't she? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Well, what can ya do, really?
I guess as long as she understands that there may be consequences for HER with the school if she chooses to make this more difficult for [i]them.[/i] I mean, there are [i]always[/i] consequences, even for adults. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] Not that I'm talking about actual retaliation-- just that if she chooses to say "I'm not mature enough to have to be responsible for THAT too...." Well, then the school is probably going to take a good look at anything else (ie- discretionary priviledges) that might be a reflection of "maturity" KWIM?
(But that's the sort of conversation I tend to have with my stubborn as a mule DD. It is just the kind of mean mom I am.... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] ) Unfair or not, the PA does come with it's share of necessity for additional maturity. I could see how allowing the lunch monitors to run around looking for her repeatedly could definitely lead to unwanted complacency about the situation later on. Crying wolf and all that. It's the reason you don't do fire drills too often in large buildings.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 11:52am
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Quote:Originally posted by Gail W:
[b]<> . . . . not looking forward to these teenage years. . . [/b]
I had to chuckle at that because I have said the exact thing.....and Drew is only 8!!!
She is so strongly opposed to this because it has to do with her PA, right? And no other students have to "check in" with the cafeteria monitors when they are eating lunch in the classroom, right? Obviously, she has a point.
I don't understand why the teacher won't simply pick up the phone and let the office know that Mariah is eating lunch in the classroom. What's the big deal with them doing that? I understand that she (as all of our children) needs to accept more responsiblity as they get older, but it is *SO* important to Drew (and I'm sure, Mariah) to be treated like everyone else. We all know that for their safety they can't always be treated same, but it is wonderful (for everyone) when they can be.
Would they (Mariah and the school staff) be willing to compromise? Maybe it could be her responsiblity to ask the teacher (quietly, beside the teacher's desk, not drawing any attention to herself or her PA) to call the front office and let them know where she is? Gradually transitioning to taking on more responsibility?
(That's great that they noticed she wasn't at lunch and checked on her!! Way to go cafeteria people!!!)
Good luck! Let us know what happens.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 11:58am
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Quote:Originally posted by Gail W:
[b]She thinks it's 'stupid' for her to walk down to the office to tell the front office staff this information, then walk back to the classroom.[/b]
Does she pass by the front office earlier in the morning? When she enters the school building? If so, could she just give a quick "I'm eating in the classroom today" message to someone then? I know that would still put it on her shoulders, which she is opposing, but not drawing so much attention to it by making everyone wait on her.
Just a thought....

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 12:32pm
Gail W's picture
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Quote:Originally posted by Drew's mom:
[b] She is so strongly opposed to this because it has to do with her PA, right? And no other students have to "check in" with the cafeteria monitors when they are eating lunch in the classroom, right? Obviously, she has a point.[/b]
Yes. That's [i]exactly [/i]right Drew's mom.
We've been in a pretty good groove. Things have been going so well for a while now that I think she actually felt pretty much like everyone else. . . I know it may sound wierd, but there are times when we've sorta 'forgotten' about the peanut allergy. I mean, it hasn't made the top most important issues on our mind. KWIM?
To her, I think this was a reminder that . . . well, no, you're not like everyone else. <>
And yes, she is now strong willed. I think that mostly came from having been too 'compliant' about her PA and experiencing some painful exclusion. I think now she realizes that she was 'wronged' by well meaning staff that segregated her (in the past), and that she/we should not have allowed that to happen. So yes, she is resolved not to be punished any more for having a PA.
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] I am very proud of her ability to advocate for herself.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 7:47pm
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I'm re-writing my original post. I had suggested to point out to your daughter that the teacher is giving up her free time and that your daughter could always choose to make up the work after school.
But then I re-read your post - the teacher is doing this for other kids, too. So your daughter is being singled out - even if she calls from the classroom, she'll look different in front of the other students.
At the same time, you don't want the monitors to start assuming if she's not there she's with a teacher.
How often do these lunch sessions happen? Do you know about them in advance? Maybe you could call?
Argh, but that would be doing the school's job for them.
Bottom line, the teacher should make the call, but I'm not sure if it's worth pushing for it.
[This message has been edited by Greenlady (edited October 12, 2006).]

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 10:17pm
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Quote:Originally posted by Greenlady:
[b] she'll look different in front of the other students.
[/b]
aw, shucks. [i]she already does[/i]. To her mother, myself, and probably the staff. Am I right Gail?
I'm not even talking about PA.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 10:20pm
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Yes, from what I read I understand that your daughter is simply a strong-willed child in general, am I correct? But why is she being pointed out as strong-willed on this one? If the teacher--the person in charge of your daughter's care while she is in that classroom--won't call the office, doesn't that make her just as stubborn as your daughter? Or even more so?
My own daughter is as strong-willed as they come. I learned early on that you pick your battles. To me, this wouldn't be worth fighting my daughter over. I'd be fighting to have the teacher call.
If that really isn't an option (the teacher just absolutely refuses, showing she is indeed more stubborn), then the other approach I have found works with the stubborn is to make something seem like their idea. I am not manipulative by nature, so I have very few ways in which I succeed at that. The best one I have found is to present the facts in such a way that it clearly shows that the decision you want her to make is the one that is very obviously best. But I'm not sure how well that would work now that she already has decided she does not want this responsibility, and is already digging in her heels.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 10:59pm
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Quote:Originally posted by Jimmy's mom:
[b]Yes, from what I read I understand that your daughter is simply a strong-willed child in general, am I correct? But why is she being pointed out as strong-willed on this one? If the teacher--the person in charge of your daughter's care while she is in that classroom--won't call the office, doesn't that make her just as stubborn as your daughter? Or even more so?
My own daughter is as strong-willed as they come. I learned early on that you pick your battles. To me, this wouldn't be worth fighting my daughter over. I'd be fighting to have the teacher call.
If that really isn't an option (the teacher just absolutely refuses, showing she is indeed more stubborn), then the other approach I have found works with the stubborn is to make something seem like their idea. I am not manipulative by nature, so I have very few ways in which I succeed at that. The best one I have found is to present the facts in such a way that it clearly shows that the decision you want her to make is the one that is very obviously best. But I'm not sure how well that would work now that she already has decided she does not want this responsibility, and is already digging in her heels.[/b]
You know what I thought of when I read this? Patients I have who want me to continue to do for them instead of prepare them for [i]discharge[/i].
Chuckling at how many times patients say: "That lazy nurse wouldn't ________ for me."
The dog don't hunt, I mean. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/cool.gif[/img]

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 11:04pm
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Maybe because she is so.......[i]strong willed[/i] this is important for her to do. Not in "breaking the spirit", but in preparing her for discharge.
I can be [i]my own worst enemy[/i], and it's continually pointed out to me how strong willed I am.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 11:54pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Personally, I think it is your daughter's responsibility. If the school is willing to allow her to use the classroom phone so that she doesn't have to waste time walking to and from the office then she doesn't have an excuse anymore.
If she fights to much on this she risks that if something does happen to her one day it will take longer before anyone starts to worry, and therefore longer before anyone finds/treats her.
I know kids don't want to be different. And they don't want to be reminded of their differences - but unfortunately we do need to learn to not make a big deal of them. (I'm reminded of my neice who decided she was not going to wear her glasses anymore. One trip down a flight of stairs and she decided she'd rather be different with glasses then different with a wheelchair.)

Posted on: Thu, 10/12/2006 - 12:57am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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This was my point as well:
Quote:
If she fights to much on this she risks that if something does happen to her one day it will take longer before anyone starts to worry, and therefore longer before anyone finds/treats her.
Personally, the only way to defuse this kind of situation with my own DD (also iron-willed, frequently her own worst enemy....) is to be pretty blunt about the risks I see inherent in the situation.
Crying wolf= not good when there are real wolves. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
(Though perhaps the teacher could have the responsibility AT FIRST.... and a plan be written to transition it to your daughter somehow.)
Can she drop a written note off earlier in the day at the office?

Posted on: Thu, 10/12/2006 - 1:46am
Gail W's picture
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That is pretty much the conclusion that we (school, Mariah, and me) all came to as well. It is in [i]Mariah's best interest [/i]that she takes on this responsibility.
Yesterday the school counselor spoke to Mariah and they decided that 'either' she or the teacher will call. Very loose. I can see that the counselor is respecting Mariah, heard Mariah's objections, and they are sharing the responsibility for now. I thought that was very wise.
So no 504 meeting or changes in the plan for now. I think this is just a verbal understanding that will probably be formalized in her 504 for next year in the section listing "Mariah's Responsibilities. "
I think that both Mariah and I had a knee-jerk reaction that the school was 'dumping' this on to her as an easy solution. If they did, then taking the time to think this through together served the purpose of them rethinking that response. But regardless if that's true or not true, regardless if this is more convenient for the staff, this is a good thing for Mariah to do. That's the take away for me. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
So it's a 'happy ending'. . . Mariah was a good advocate for herself, the school listened to her and respected her position, and they came to an agreeable solution. Gotta celebrate happy endings when you get them. . . even when they are small ones. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Thanks everyone. It helped me a lot to read your thoughts and opinions. I really appreciate it.
ETA~
Yes Greenlady, in our Middle School the teachers are basically available during lunch period each day, and often several days after school every week. It is generous of them, and the students take advantage of it. On Monday at lunch, Mariah was one of about 20 other kids with their Comm Arts teacher. 'No Child Left Behind' has put pressure on Annual Yearly Progress, so the teachers are very available to work with kids to improve grades.
And Jimmy's mom, I smiled at your post. I agree that the school was being similarly 'stubborn'. I think it was originally a convenience issue for both the school and Mariah, and they were both digging in their heels. Knowing Mariah, Im sure she made that clear to the school counselor that she wasn't going to do it purely for [i]their convenience, [/i] especially since they weren't willing to do it for hers. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by Gail W (edited October 12, 2006).]

Posted on: Thu, 10/12/2006 - 1:58am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Glad to hear they reached a resolution that will keep your daughter safe and happy. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 5:56am
MommaBear's picture
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why not let her use the phone and call down to the office?

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 6:04am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Great idea. If they won't allow this, can she call using her own cell phone?
If they are concerned about authenticating the information over the phone, she could set up some kind of code/password with office staff so they know it is her.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 9:23am
Nutternomore's picture
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Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]Great idea. If they won't allow this, can she call using her own cell phone?
If they are concerned about authenticating the information over the phone, she could set up some kind of code/password with office staff so they know it is her.[/b]
Hi Gail,
I second this approach. Makes sense to me without making it unduly burdensome for Mariah...

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 9:51am
MommaBear's picture
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Quote:Originally posted by Nutternomore:
[b] Hi Gail,
I second this approach. Makes sense to me without making it unduly burdensome for Mariah...[/b]
odd thing is, any school I walk into in my district and my cell phone is [i]zip--el nada[/i].
No reception, difficulty dialing out. How well does her cell phone work *in* building? It's made me rethink a cell phone for my child strictly for use during school. I can't imagine him depending on it. I can't even dial out from the office foyer: "No Service".
That said, I haven't tried the government channel I can access on my cell... Less dropped calls, greater overlap, fewer "dead zones".

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 10:45am
Gail W's picture
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Thanks guys.
She'd love to be able to pull out her cell phone in front of her classmates to call [i]anyone[/i]. But MB, you are correct~ no cell phone service in the building. I asked her after school today if [i]she[/i] could use the phone in the classroom. She said she [i]could[/i], but that 'it's not her [i]job[/i]' so she [i][b]wouldn't[/i][/b].
So she's digging in on principle.
I guess it would be a non-issue if she *wanted* more responsibility, but she doesn't right now. In fact, she's [i]refusing[/i] and saying that she 'won't' do it. Her attitude is, "This isn't my responsibility. If the teacher doesn't want to call and let them know I'm here, then the monitors can run around trying to find me. I don't care."
<> . . . . not looking forward to these teenage years. . .

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 11:43am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Strong-willed, isn't she? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Well, what can ya do, really?
I guess as long as she understands that there may be consequences for HER with the school if she chooses to make this more difficult for [i]them.[/i] I mean, there are [i]always[/i] consequences, even for adults. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] Not that I'm talking about actual retaliation-- just that if she chooses to say "I'm not mature enough to have to be responsible for THAT too...." Well, then the school is probably going to take a good look at anything else (ie- discretionary priviledges) that might be a reflection of "maturity" KWIM?
(But that's the sort of conversation I tend to have with my stubborn as a mule DD. It is just the kind of mean mom I am.... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] ) Unfair or not, the PA does come with it's share of necessity for additional maturity. I could see how allowing the lunch monitors to run around looking for her repeatedly could definitely lead to unwanted complacency about the situation later on. Crying wolf and all that. It's the reason you don't do fire drills too often in large buildings.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 11:52am
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Quote:Originally posted by Gail W:
[b]<> . . . . not looking forward to these teenage years. . . [/b]
I had to chuckle at that because I have said the exact thing.....and Drew is only 8!!!
She is so strongly opposed to this because it has to do with her PA, right? And no other students have to "check in" with the cafeteria monitors when they are eating lunch in the classroom, right? Obviously, she has a point.
I don't understand why the teacher won't simply pick up the phone and let the office know that Mariah is eating lunch in the classroom. What's the big deal with them doing that? I understand that she (as all of our children) needs to accept more responsiblity as they get older, but it is *SO* important to Drew (and I'm sure, Mariah) to be treated like everyone else. We all know that for their safety they can't always be treated same, but it is wonderful (for everyone) when they can be.
Would they (Mariah and the school staff) be willing to compromise? Maybe it could be her responsiblity to ask the teacher (quietly, beside the teacher's desk, not drawing any attention to herself or her PA) to call the front office and let them know where she is? Gradually transitioning to taking on more responsibility?
(That's great that they noticed she wasn't at lunch and checked on her!! Way to go cafeteria people!!!)
Good luck! Let us know what happens.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 11:58am
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Quote:Originally posted by Gail W:
[b]She thinks it's 'stupid' for her to walk down to the office to tell the front office staff this information, then walk back to the classroom.[/b]
Does she pass by the front office earlier in the morning? When she enters the school building? If so, could she just give a quick "I'm eating in the classroom today" message to someone then? I know that would still put it on her shoulders, which she is opposing, but not drawing so much attention to it by making everyone wait on her.
Just a thought....

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 12:32pm
Gail W's picture
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Quote:Originally posted by Drew's mom:
[b] She is so strongly opposed to this because it has to do with her PA, right? And no other students have to "check in" with the cafeteria monitors when they are eating lunch in the classroom, right? Obviously, she has a point.[/b]
Yes. That's [i]exactly [/i]right Drew's mom.
We've been in a pretty good groove. Things have been going so well for a while now that I think she actually felt pretty much like everyone else. . . I know it may sound wierd, but there are times when we've sorta 'forgotten' about the peanut allergy. I mean, it hasn't made the top most important issues on our mind. KWIM?
To her, I think this was a reminder that . . . well, no, you're not like everyone else. <>
And yes, she is now strong willed. I think that mostly came from having been too 'compliant' about her PA and experiencing some painful exclusion. I think now she realizes that she was 'wronged' by well meaning staff that segregated her (in the past), and that she/we should not have allowed that to happen. So yes, she is resolved not to be punished any more for having a PA.
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] I am very proud of her ability to advocate for herself.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 7:47pm
Greenlady's picture
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I'm re-writing my original post. I had suggested to point out to your daughter that the teacher is giving up her free time and that your daughter could always choose to make up the work after school.
But then I re-read your post - the teacher is doing this for other kids, too. So your daughter is being singled out - even if she calls from the classroom, she'll look different in front of the other students.
At the same time, you don't want the monitors to start assuming if she's not there she's with a teacher.
How often do these lunch sessions happen? Do you know about them in advance? Maybe you could call?
Argh, but that would be doing the school's job for them.
Bottom line, the teacher should make the call, but I'm not sure if it's worth pushing for it.
[This message has been edited by Greenlady (edited October 12, 2006).]

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 10:17pm
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Quote:Originally posted by Greenlady:
[b] she'll look different in front of the other students.
[/b]
aw, shucks. [i]she already does[/i]. To her mother, myself, and probably the staff. Am I right Gail?
I'm not even talking about PA.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 10:20pm
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Yes, from what I read I understand that your daughter is simply a strong-willed child in general, am I correct? But why is she being pointed out as strong-willed on this one? If the teacher--the person in charge of your daughter's care while she is in that classroom--won't call the office, doesn't that make her just as stubborn as your daughter? Or even more so?
My own daughter is as strong-willed as they come. I learned early on that you pick your battles. To me, this wouldn't be worth fighting my daughter over. I'd be fighting to have the teacher call.
If that really isn't an option (the teacher just absolutely refuses, showing she is indeed more stubborn), then the other approach I have found works with the stubborn is to make something seem like their idea. I am not manipulative by nature, so I have very few ways in which I succeed at that. The best one I have found is to present the facts in such a way that it clearly shows that the decision you want her to make is the one that is very obviously best. But I'm not sure how well that would work now that she already has decided she does not want this responsibility, and is already digging in her heels.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 10:59pm
MommaBear's picture
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Quote:Originally posted by Jimmy's mom:
[b]Yes, from what I read I understand that your daughter is simply a strong-willed child in general, am I correct? But why is she being pointed out as strong-willed on this one? If the teacher--the person in charge of your daughter's care while she is in that classroom--won't call the office, doesn't that make her just as stubborn as your daughter? Or even more so?
My own daughter is as strong-willed as they come. I learned early on that you pick your battles. To me, this wouldn't be worth fighting my daughter over. I'd be fighting to have the teacher call.
If that really isn't an option (the teacher just absolutely refuses, showing she is indeed more stubborn), then the other approach I have found works with the stubborn is to make something seem like their idea. I am not manipulative by nature, so I have very few ways in which I succeed at that. The best one I have found is to present the facts in such a way that it clearly shows that the decision you want her to make is the one that is very obviously best. But I'm not sure how well that would work now that she already has decided she does not want this responsibility, and is already digging in her heels.[/b]
You know what I thought of when I read this? Patients I have who want me to continue to do for them instead of prepare them for [i]discharge[/i].
Chuckling at how many times patients say: "That lazy nurse wouldn't ________ for me."
The dog don't hunt, I mean. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/cool.gif[/img]

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 11:04pm
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Maybe because she is so.......[i]strong willed[/i] this is important for her to do. Not in "breaking the spirit", but in preparing her for discharge.
I can be [i]my own worst enemy[/i], and it's continually pointed out to me how strong willed I am.

Posted on: Wed, 10/11/2006 - 11:54pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Personally, I think it is your daughter's responsibility. If the school is willing to allow her to use the classroom phone so that she doesn't have to waste time walking to and from the office then she doesn't have an excuse anymore.
If she fights to much on this she risks that if something does happen to her one day it will take longer before anyone starts to worry, and therefore longer before anyone finds/treats her.
I know kids don't want to be different. And they don't want to be reminded of their differences - but unfortunately we do need to learn to not make a big deal of them. (I'm reminded of my neice who decided she was not going to wear her glasses anymore. One trip down a flight of stairs and she decided she'd rather be different with glasses then different with a wheelchair.)

Posted on: Thu, 10/12/2006 - 12:57am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

This was my point as well:
Quote:
If she fights to much on this she risks that if something does happen to her one day it will take longer before anyone starts to worry, and therefore longer before anyone finds/treats her.
Personally, the only way to defuse this kind of situation with my own DD (also iron-willed, frequently her own worst enemy....) is to be pretty blunt about the risks I see inherent in the situation.
Crying wolf= not good when there are real wolves. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
(Though perhaps the teacher could have the responsibility AT FIRST.... and a plan be written to transition it to your daughter somehow.)
Can she drop a written note off earlier in the day at the office?

Posted on: Thu, 10/12/2006 - 1:46am
Gail W's picture
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Joined: 12/06/2001 - 09:00

That is pretty much the conclusion that we (school, Mariah, and me) all came to as well. It is in [i]Mariah's best interest [/i]that she takes on this responsibility.
Yesterday the school counselor spoke to Mariah and they decided that 'either' she or the teacher will call. Very loose. I can see that the counselor is respecting Mariah, heard Mariah's objections, and they are sharing the responsibility for now. I thought that was very wise.
So no 504 meeting or changes in the plan for now. I think this is just a verbal understanding that will probably be formalized in her 504 for next year in the section listing "Mariah's Responsibilities. "
I think that both Mariah and I had a knee-jerk reaction that the school was 'dumping' this on to her as an easy solution. If they did, then taking the time to think this through together served the purpose of them rethinking that response. But regardless if that's true or not true, regardless if this is more convenient for the staff, this is a good thing for Mariah to do. That's the take away for me. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
So it's a 'happy ending'. . . Mariah was a good advocate for herself, the school listened to her and respected her position, and they came to an agreeable solution. Gotta celebrate happy endings when you get them. . . even when they are small ones. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Thanks everyone. It helped me a lot to read your thoughts and opinions. I really appreciate it.
ETA~
Yes Greenlady, in our Middle School the teachers are basically available during lunch period each day, and often several days after school every week. It is generous of them, and the students take advantage of it. On Monday at lunch, Mariah was one of about 20 other kids with their Comm Arts teacher. 'No Child Left Behind' has put pressure on Annual Yearly Progress, so the teachers are very available to work with kids to improve grades.
And Jimmy's mom, I smiled at your post. I agree that the school was being similarly 'stubborn'. I think it was originally a convenience issue for both the school and Mariah, and they were both digging in their heels. Knowing Mariah, Im sure she made that clear to the school counselor that she wasn't going to do it purely for [i]their convenience, [/i] especially since they weren't willing to do it for hers. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by Gail W (edited October 12, 2006).]

Posted on: Thu, 10/12/2006 - 1:58am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Glad to hear they reached a resolution that will keep your daughter safe and happy. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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