A brief pause.....

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 1:04am
MommaBear's picture
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Dear Mrs. Special Education Services Director:

Your followup is appreciated. Thank you for arranging it.

November 14 is fine to reconvene the IEP team. I'd prefer the Superintendent be present.

Yesterday, I spoke with Mr. Principal regarding a concern I have addressed with you previously. On several occassions, during which I had an opportunity to meet with certain staff in person, and during the school day, and while same certain staff were working directly with my 11 year old son, I have noticed, quite uncomfortably, that same certain staff were wearing clothing that was not in compliance with the <>> dress code as I received last year at <<>>. I'm assuming off-the-shoulder blouses and clothing items that allow for chest undergarments and what appears to be bra straps (either clear plastic or colored) to be in full view on the shoulder, back and chest, are not considered "professional dress" or in conformity with the dress code. You have informed me, lack professional dress/non-compliance with the dress code) it was an "ongoing problem" at <<>>. You are correct.

Mr. Principal informed me yesterday over the phone, that he had indeed, approximately three weeks ago, had opportunity to witness this himself and address the issue and in particular, with same certain staff. And yes, it appears to be an ongoing problem despite his attempts at redirection and/or asserting the dress code. Or at least it had occurred again as it was the case when I was present at school October 31 this week. I brought it to the attention of <>>. I've asked for discretion and confidentiality in handling this concern, as my son is quite literally, [i]in the middle[/i].

What promted my call.....about a week ago, my son had come to me on his own, ( when I spoke with you initially regarding this concern), and confirmed to me that this is making him feel [i]uncomfortable[/i].

I had hoped he wasn't feeling as uncomfortable as I had been when only chancing upon it during a brief encounter.. I had quite sheepishly, and a mistake on my part, hoped he was [i]oblivious[/i].

Apparently, [b]he's not[/b].

No surprise.

Some of the exact words he used to describe the apparent conflict he was having: [i]"I thought she was going to be older."[/i] He's never made an issue of the age someone appears to be, but I guess this is his best attempt, having a communication disability, namely Autism/Asperger's, to describe something that should, as it did for me, be a cause for [i]concern[/i]. The fact he actually put it into words says a great deal about the level of anxiety this is causing him. He is not one to be critical.

During a brief meeting with <<>>after school October 31, and during which I was also present, he expressed, using the same words, this same discomfort.

His response to a situation he currently finds himself inextricably bound to, unable to distance himself, merely since he is, in a sense, connected to this person throughout the day, and [i]unavoidably so[/i]------------[b]completely normal[/b], considering. But something that cannot continue as it is. It would not be appropriate to allow it to. It would be [i]negligent[/i].

It is distressful for him. At age 11, (despite being 145 lbs and 5' 8" at recent physician visit), I thought possibly, I might encounter this problem (dress code violations) among peers, but it had never occurred to me I'd be communicating a similiar concern related to staff charged with the care, possibly instruction, safety, and emotional development of him. [i]Role models.[/i]

Notes home in his communication folder question me as to why he might be becomming increasingly distressed and quote "frustrated" at school. From certain individuals.

I think this is where we should insert a brief pause.....

You had indicated to me at the end of that conversation, and in light of some other concerns, that sometimes a pairing might not be [i]a good match[/i]. I'm thinking this is the case. Please advise, as I'm no longer feeling as sheepish. I'm concerned. And I've taken the time to make those first in the chain of command aware.


Mrs. Growling, Poised, MommaBear.


Edit to add, I'm waiting to send aforementioned email when my child arrives home. Any suggestions would be helpful. I'm genuinely listening.

[This message has been edited by MommaBear (edited November 02, 2006).]

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 1:22am
mistey's picture
Joined: 01/18/2004 - 09:00

Wow. Almost makes you want to walk up to her and say, "Why Miss <>, what and interesting clothing choice you have made for yourself today. Going clubbing after school, are you?"

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 3:37am
jtolpin's picture
Joined: 05/28/2003 - 09:00

What's the issue? A dress code violation?
In someone else's child?
If so, help me out, really...
would concern YOUR family? (or ANY other family?)
Id say more, but I dont know, really, if that the issue at hand?
I read the letter... Besides a fragmented sentence somewhere at the beginning Quote:Mr. Principal informed me yesterday over the phone, that he had indeed, approximately three weeks ago, had opportunity to witness this himself and address the issue and in particular, with same certain staff.) or maybe not fragmented.. but it was 'tough' reading, kwim?

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 3:52am
MommaBear's picture
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Jason, it's a staff member assigned to work closely with my child. It's a "related service" in his IEP. But I'll rework the letter to make it less fragmented. Point taken. If I'm not careful, that whole "stream of consciousness" thing falls through into my letters.
I'm going to wait for a few more responses before I rework it. Don't know why, but I'm trying not to name names in the letter or indicate specifically who it is. I've already covered that in several phone calls. Call it mercy. I don't want that floating around someone's "permanent record". I'm trying to allow the district to handle the matter discretely. To save face. Maybe I'm being too generous?
I might be editing this out....

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 4:04am
MommaBear's picture
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

So Jason, being a man, how would you feel at age 11, if you worked one on one with school staff each and every day that even if only occasionally, dressed as described? You know, in front of your peers?

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 4:05am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

MB,this is just my opinion, but I like to get straight to the point in letters:
"Dear Ms. XXXX
My son's aide dresses inappropriately. He is uncomfortable and stressed out by this. I think her clothing is inappropriate and against the dress code. What are you going to do about it?
Clear and to the point. Then under your breath you could remind the aide that Spring Break isn't until April!
Good luck!
mom to Ari(6) - severe nut allergies, asthma, you name it - and Maya (9), mild excema

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 4:10am
e-mom's picture
Joined: 04/23/2000 - 09:00

I think a quick fix would be to tell said teacher that her low cut shirts with boobs hanging out of them is turning your 11 year old son on and that it's causing him to feel all funny inside. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] Unless that's the kind of message she's trying to send. :shrug:
Btw, does she have a tramp stamp? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img]

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 4:38am
Gail W's picture
Joined: 12/06/2001 - 09:00

I agree: keep it short and. . . businesslike. I like the draft put forward by that'smetrying.
Question~ You've already notified both the principal and Dir of Sp Ed about this in verbal conversations? Yes?
If so, then at this point I wouldn't hesitate to put the name on record. You've given them (principal and Dir Sp Ed) the opportunity to take action and it remains a problem for your son. Personally, if I felt my concern needed to be raised to the level of providing a written letter, then naming the staff person is inevitable.

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 5:10am
Gail W's picture
Joined: 12/06/2001 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by MommaBear:
[b]I'm trying to allow the district to handle the matter discretely. [/b]
LOL! You're kidding, right? You're still in the same district that you've been in for a while now, right?

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 5:21am
MommaBear's picture
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Gail W:
[b] LOL! You're kidding, right? You're still in the same district that you've been in for a while now, right? [/b]
your absolutely right....entrails for dinner it is!!!
Honestly, Gail? I'm still reeling from the whole shock of it. The idea that this may be [i]retaliation[/i] for asserting the necessity of an aide....remember how many weeks of "interviewing" there was? The initial lack of the "position" being filled prior to the start of school? The phone call the night directly before, asking me if I was still sending him although a related service tied directly to his health care plan as well as [i]what is currently ending up as instructional assistance[/i] was enumerated in his IEP??
I'm telling you, the whole "aide" issue could have been implemented a lot less noticeably in order to allow him to socialize....
[This message has been edited by MommaBear (edited November 02, 2006).]

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 5:22am
JenniferKSwan's picture
Joined: 06/19/2006 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by e-mom:
Btw, does she have a tramp stamp? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img][/b]
Okay, I was going to ask exactly what a "tramp stamp" was because I guess I have just not been "out there" much lately. Instead, I took my husband's advice and "wikipedia'ed it."
Mommy to Aiden (1/26/05) PA,wheat,barley,soy,egg and others yet to be discovered and Connor (7/21/06) with possible egg allergy


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