Posted on: Sat, 06/05/2004 - 11:57am
Galette's picture
Joined: 05/26/2004 - 09:00

Hello, My dd is going into 1st grade in Sept. 04. Middle country school distr. in Long Island, NY. Last year at the public school pre-k it was nothing but a horror. I would be writing for hours and pages if I were to sit here and write all details of all the stories that happened to her and I. Short story - "we are not taking nuts out of her class" "if there is a party and someone brings in a nut product she can sit to the side" I was yelled at by the teacher in front of a class of 4 yr. olds. How I was able to handle myself as a mature adult was only for the children. I was lied to by the teacher that the next party VALENTINES DAY (a nightmare in itself) that any nut products would be put to the side and only distributed to the children in there goody bags to take home with them on there way out at end of party. I was grateful and allowed my beautiful baby doll to not only know about the party but tell her she was going (mistake) I was so excited to be acting like a regular Mom and child.

When I got to the party I asked to help them sort the products (tons of bags of candy, grocery store bought trays of BAKERY COOKIES, chocolate galore...) The teacher put her arm around my shoulder started walking me out the classroom door telling me "Oh it's O.K. Mrs. _____ (not sure if I'm supposed to write names on the BB) we'll look out for ___. Well I got such a strong terribly frightening feeling, I litterally turned under her arm and said "Oh it's O.K. and started reading. 90% of the stuff was contained or may contain so I had this huge pile of no good. (by the way,tons of good stuff all the kids were probably going to throw-up if they ate it all) Teacher tells me they can't remove all these products. I said but you told me blah blah
and she said she never said that. I told her very nicely she's going to have to call the principle because my daughter cannot play with guns and she surely cannot stay here as it would be the same, and she is all excited about the party. If you cannot make this decision maybe he can. I stayed way in the background not to disturb the children with my presence waiting for the principle. When he arrived he told me that I need to leave the building I was shocked. I had to take Nicolette and he escorted us out of the building. She was upset I was upset. She actually handled it like a real gosh darn trooper thow I have to admit. (no support at home at all).

Kindergarden was at the same school I couln't do it bad problems in marriage over this. Long story short I found a private little school and that is where she went for kindergarden. Excellent year. It was great.

I'm getting panicky now 1st grade starts in Sept. and new school is same district. New Superintendent. I went to him then principle the principle mentioned her eating alone for lunch I don't know really how I kept from screaming or breaking down like a baby NOT AGAIN!! I very calmly said Gee I don't think that would be to good for her mentally or socially. I suggested a half a table nut free? He suggested a seperate table. I said we could possibly work on that I just don't want her to be alone or at some 2 chair table (like they offered us for her in the kindergarden bldg.) looking totally rediculous and different - where it may cause other problems for her with other children.

He said he wants to know if I agree with him that dd has a disibility with her health not learning and I said I'm really not sure I guess it might be considered that. (was I an idiot?) So then he said he would like to under special ed get her an aid. I guess I was nervous and said I guess so. (idiot) also no hot lunches because they cannot make sure that there will be no contamination from the p/j sand. I asked if I could supply them with a microwave so she could have hot lunches from home. He said yes that could be arranged.

Is the aid thing a good thing? To me yes and no. I'm very confused because I went to 2 elementary schools in Sachem School Distr., Gatelot and Cayuga. What a grip they have on this nut allergy in children. This is where my dd has to go. The nurse in one school has walkie talkies with the teachers of the children with p/treenut allergies. Demands from parents No nut products will be allowed in these classes. By next year she's working on getting the p/j changed to cheese sand. for the kids getting free lunch or forget there money. Demands two epi-pens at the school, one for nurse ane to be with teacher. In depth education yearly for all employees by her.

And my baby has to go to these ignorant people who when you go to the school to introduce yourself and find out what there policy is they want to know what would you suggest. Great! I went to these other 2 schools and I didn't even speak much because both seperate nurses went on telling me what they do. Both schools I ended up leaving feeling so bullied that my baby has to go somewhere I don't want her to go this is killing me. I am so scared.

I want to move. I have problems in my marriage. We go to counseling. Since I've gotten some support. Let's put it this way I wish I had the support at home from my H like you hear the concern from the males on this BB. It amazed me isn't that messed up. But no time for that.

I want to know if you think this aid thing sounds kosher? Threw special ed? Get a 504 right off the bat right? Does a 504 get signed by all? I definetely want to move to Sachem sd. But we are booked for bathroom remodel end of June. Then some floor work and house could go up for sale for all I care. But dd may have to go for a while to this district.

It's not fair she cannot go there anyway. Didn't we all have the right as parents to choose the babysitter or pre-k or video we thought would be best suitable for them?

Thanks for listening, stay safe

P.s. Imagine I tried to make this as short as possible ha ha, and there's so much left out.

Posted on: Sat, 06/05/2004 - 1:47pm
momma2boys's picture
Joined: 03/14/2003 - 09:00

Galette, Hi, sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. First off, I know you had a bad experience at one school, but maybe this will be different. My ds started school this year as the first pa student in the district. Things have worked out great.
My ds does have an aide, and I can't imagine him not having one. She stays with my son the whole day and carries his med. bag. The kids don't know that she is specifically there for him so he isn't singled out or anything.
My suggestions for you are to first, get a 504 plan. I think that is very important. Make a list of what accomodations you would like, and know which ones you will not back down on, and which ones are more flexible.
Second, if they are willing to pay an aide, take one. I know some people here have fought for an aide with no luck.
Third, I would ask that all of the staff is trained in epi-pen use. Get it in the 504 that it is done at the beginning of every year. And yes the 504 should be signed by all. For us it was the 504 team, his teacher, principal, aide, nurse, and allergist, as well as both parents.
You may be surprised. I was. Things have worked out, and it does sound like they are at least concerned for her well being, which is more than alot of people get here.
Keep reading here, there are lots of threads on 504's and other school issues. That is where I got most of my ds's plan from. Ask questions, and don't sign anything until you are sure. And RELAX, hopefully everything will be fine.

Posted on: Sat, 06/05/2004 - 1:50pm
momma2boys's picture
Joined: 03/14/2003 - 09:00

One more thing, don't feel like an idiot. Until I came to this site, I had never even heard of a 504 plan! Or lots of other stuff.

Posted on: Sun, 06/06/2004 - 2:08pm
Galette's picture
Joined: 05/26/2004 - 09:00

Hi Mamma2boys,
Thanks for the advice. I am going to send them in writting of course our request for the 504. I have a question. Can a 504 be only for the year-you see last year we had a 504 with the school that was terrible to us for the following kindergarden year, but no one signed anything. It was a meeting with the principle, a kindergarden teacher, the nurse and school pychologist and the 504 coordinator and we later received a memmo type piece of paper with what we all decided (which was not to my liking. I just couldn't send her to these people who just over and over again kept telling me Mrs. ____ don't worry we have the epi-pen)and they said that's the 504. I had printed a 504 bear copy from a website. It was pages and there were areas at end of document for signing.
They told us the 504 should only take 15 minutes. I said wow all these topics talked about in 15 min. that would be great. Could it really take that short of time - because we went over that time and they really cut it short saying we could always add to it later.
Also they said that the 504 is just good for that year, could that be done? Is a 504 something you do every year? I have a feeling your going to tell me a 504 isn't just a memmo typed up with no signatures. I'm not that bad, I have to admit I didn't push it with them or H because deep down I knew my dd wasn't going there.
I'd like to know how to get an idea of what people ask for. Because I don't want to do this and then say "Oh shoot I should have brought that up at the 504". I have a good idea but I don't want to miss something.
What do you do for your ds on field trips. Some schools want the parent to come , another just treats the parent as normal if she gets picked she gets picked. Anybody else? Definetely into hearing your 2 cents. (I refer to it as 2 cents so I am not refering to it as advice) I would always make my own judgements.
Did anybody actually get a child transfered to another district because of the way things were already being handle there?
1st grade in Sept. 04 is in a diferent bldg. but same district but of course different principle, nurse and we also have a new superintendent. Who SEEMS concerned and caring, but so did they last year until school started.
Where or rather how does your son eat lunch at his school? I hope these are O.K. questions. If personal please just tell me.
Well I'm sure I'll be writting again. I write o.k. but these meetings with these people I definetely get nervous (intimidated maybe?) Getting better thow.
Best health to everyone's family
Thanks again, Galette
P.s. the teacher at the meeting last year spoke only for 2 min. to explain to ME that she had a child with a nut allergy and his mother allowed him to sit next to children eating p&j as long as he didn't eat it or touch it. I was as nice as pie explaining to her different severities of the allergy and also what I now refer to as comfort zones.

Posted on: Sun, 06/06/2004 - 3:17pm
momma2boys's picture
Joined: 03/14/2003 - 09:00

Here are some links from when I was doing our 504. I will answer the rest of your questions tomorrow.
Also check out for a lot of great information.

Posted on: Mon, 06/07/2004 - 12:51am
Gwen 5's picture
Joined: 01/24/2003 - 09:00

I am sooo sorry for what you are going through with your school. You are entitled to much more than you are getting.
A 504 plan is good for one year and should be re-visited and redone as needed every year. Our meetings take up to 2 hrs several times.
Please look under SCHOOL thread- look at all the posts from Nutternomore- he has an incredibly thorough 504 plan and it has everything that you need.
Also look at too.
Research the media thread also- you will see everything that you need and than some.
I am going from K to 1st and the accomadations are going to be different so we are not quite final yet!!
Good luck and remember educate your school about what needs to happen to keep dd safe.
I go on all field trips and will until I feel my dd is old enough. The teachers are very relieved that I go.
I hope you get what you need, we are here to help... [img][/img]

Posted on: Mon, 06/07/2004 - 1:09pm
Galette's picture
Joined: 05/26/2004 - 09:00

Thanks Gwen5,
I will look at all suggested to me from you and momma2boys.
I do want to go on all field trips. I hope they do too. I think I'm the kind of person that needs to see things for myself.
You know just like we have to work with teachers at home with our children enforcing good school habits or problem areas. They need to work with us in situations too.
I'm not crazy about field trips as it is.
The last one I was on we were trying to push our kids a little not to have a massive (hundreds) amount of school bus loads of kids not catch up with us at this pumkin/animal trip. We didn't know how we would keep our kids together.
My girfriends story of her field trip was at the aquarium. She just was so happy to have completed the fish tanks she just let the kids keep going on the make believe submarine ride. Again because of the crowds. This way they just got off the ride and back on line. Easy to watch she was scared she was going to lose somebody.
My dd can't afford to be lost w/o meds.
No child could afford to be lost, especially these days.
Hope I'm not coming off as being real paronoid. If so go easy on telling me.
Thanks for the empathy. I've only tasted
that from my Mom. She's 83 and worries alot. So I don't usually talk to her about certain things till I could give her (them Dad too) the good news end of it after the storm end of it is passed.
I never even told dd's history (our story) when I first posted. Just got right into talking and asking and reading. I want to tell what happened and how we found out. There just so many things I want to talk about.
We all basically know how horrible it must have been for any of us when we first found out. My dd's 5 (6 in July). Has had 1 nut related reaction since 2 1/2. It was a cough that turned excessive and then she threw up finally 2 seperate dry heaves later and it was over. I just wasn't sure if she needed the pen. By the time I thought mayby she does need the epi. She vomited and it was over. Thank God.
The culprit was at the park. Kids were eating p/b cookies.
The first time people give the epi-pen must be terrifiing. But I think we do good knock wood and thank God again.
Take care Gwen5 and Thanks again.
Be back soon I'm sure,

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