I Feel Terrible - I Ate \"May Contain\" In Front of PA Son

Posted on: Sun, 07/11/2004 - 12:59pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

I feel really terrible. It's really hot here and we were supposed to be going to bed. I felt kinda crappy and thought if I had some caffeine perhaps it would make my head feel better. But not hot caffeine. I decided I wanted a Tim Horton's ice cap.

So, the kids go with me wherever I go, it's not like I can sneak out of the house and get something and they won't know I'm missing and I won't know it's against the law.

I take both kids to McDonald's where they get PA safe chocolate ice cream sundaes. I hate McDonald's sundaes. The only kind I really like are Dairy Queen and well, that's a no go and not close to us anyway.

Then, I go into Tim Horton's and get an ice cap. I've been wanting to try the strawberry tart with chocolate drizzled on the top. I know it's a "may contain". We sit down and the kids eat their sundaes and I eat the tart but even then I'm feeling so badly, I can't really taste the bloody thing and wish I had never bought it.

It came in it's own little container and I made sure I threw the container out in a garbage can on the way home so I wasn't bringing that into the house. I explained to Jesse that I had eaten a "may contain" (he again saw the huge allergy alert when we walked in the door) and the 1 in 5 chance thing and that he may very well could have eaten one as well but I thought I did okay because I had gotten them sundaes which I knew were safe.

My daughter asked me what it tasted like and I asked her if she wanted a bite (they are very small tarts) and she shook her head no and looked quite horrified actually.

When we got home, I knew Jesse would want me to wash my hands, so I asked him to please open the door to the house so I wouldn't touch it. I had already gone through the 1 in 5 chance of it maybe having come in contact only with peanut products and that there was an 80% chance that he probably could have had one safely.

I finished my ice cap and then I went inside and I said, "I'm sorry, Jesse, I shouldn't have done that". I asked him why he seemed bothered by me eating it, because it didn't have peanut products in it and I said that there were a lot of parents that did eat peanut products and I don't. He said that he felt badly because he had really wanted to try one and couldn't. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]

Now I feel like sh**. What the he** was wrong with me? I can't blame it on the heat.
I have gone for years without eating peanuts, tree nuts, and "may contains". Why would I eat a "may contain" that looks delicious in front of him?

And the BAD MOMMY of the YEAR AWARD goes to..... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]

Thanks for listening.

The tart was not worth it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]

Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]


Posted on: Sun, 07/11/2004 - 1:16pm
California Mom's picture
Joined: 07/14/2000 - 09:00

Cindy, you are NOT a bad mommy!!! I know what you mean, though. I have done it, too, and then I also feel like s*it. At least he did have his own treat.

Posted on: Sun, 07/11/2004 - 1:51pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

California Mom, thank-you. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I still feel like sh**. I went and hugged Jesse and he said that he was sorry and I couldn't figure out what he was saying he was sorry about. I say, hey buddy, you don't have anything to be sorry about. I do.
I know other people may disagree but Jess will have friends that will eat peanut products and "may contains" around him throughout his life probably. Perhaps even his sister. At least not let his Mother fail him.
I didn't need to try one of the damn tarts that bad.
There are plenty of opportunities for me when he is in school for me to eat anything that I want (and you know what, that ticks me off even more - I never even do it then).
I know other people may disagree with the way that I deal with Jesse's allergy by not eating the things myself and even going so far as to not eating "may contains" but I just want him to feel safe with one person in his life - me. If other people can provide him with that same level/feeling of safety, GREAT! But his Mother at least should do it.
Also, it probably wouldn't have been as bad if it had been a "may contain" product that didn't look delicious and that he didn't want to try. Again, that whole psychological thing. Jesse gets bombarded with the same Tim Horton's commercials that I do and yet he knows he can't even go in and order something. I can, just without him. So how does that feel. And again, that huge allergy alert sign on the door when you walk in (a positive thing I know, but basically telling you if you have PA, don't walk in the door to buy food).
No, it was not worth it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
California Mom, thank-you. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sun, 07/11/2004 - 2:01pm
persnicketyFriend's picture
Joined: 05/14/2004 - 09:00

Try not to beat yourself up over it! You didn't know that it was something he'd want to eat, right? I doubt highly that you'd eat something in front of him that you knew he wanted but couldn't have! Besides, having a migraine entitles you to the tart! LOL. I'm only sorry that it wasn't good! It sounds like you took precautions anyway.
Sorry you're upset about it. Maybe this will make you feel better: I've had an upsetting day/night. We all went to a friend's house for a barbeque. They are aware of our allergies. They served shrimp (dh is severely allergic). I was watching everything, aware of the cross-contamination, etc. I'm more aware of it than dh. I don't eat seafood, and my children don't either... until TODAY!! For some reason my dd decided that she wanted to venture out and try the shrimp! DH was playing horseshoes, away from her, and she tried it. I told her to wash her hands afterward, and reminded her not to kiss dh or really go near him for a while. Then I sat there, worrying, looking for a possible reaction from her. My children were never tested for seafood allergy. Guess it's time! She fared well though. Can't say the same for me! I was on pins and needles the rest of the night!
So, I felt like the worst mommy-allowing her to try the shrimp without really knowing if she was allergic. Dumb. Really dumb... (Does that make you feel better, ATM? lol)

Posted on: Mon, 07/12/2004 - 12:56am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Quote:Originally posted by Alternative to Mainstream:
[b]I still feel like sh**. I went and hugged Jesse and he said that he was sorry and I couldn't figure out what he was saying he was sorry about. I say, hey buddy, you don't have anything to be sorry about. I do.
Cindy, you feel guilty for eating something that your son can't eat. You have no reason to feel guilt about that. BUT, I do understand your feelings. I would feel the same way.
Jesse, he feels guilty for being the cause of you not eating treats - and when you did eat an especially good looking one you didn't enjoy it. In his mind, it's his fault. I feel that way to sometimes too.
This week, dh went to buy some chicken at the grocery store. It was not the stuff we usuallly bought so I asked him to check the ingredients. He searches, finds them, and says "seasonings". Ok, what kind? Don't know. He looks at the package and back at me. Back and forth a few times. Then he puts the package back, curses and says something about it being a lot cheaper then what we usually get.
guilt [i]guilt[/i] [b]guilt[/b]
Now. This was something that I was going to eat - so any risk of may contain, and we can't buy it. But, it's MY FAULT we can't get the cheap one.
btw, dh doesn't usually complain about this, and when he does it's in the da*n companies category - not against me. Just was a really bad day.
So, anyway, (I'm in babble speak again aren't I? Da*n it is contagious [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img] ) anyway, I understand Jesse's apology. He feels bad because you have to *give up* for him. He knows there's nothing he can do about it. He knows there's nothing he did to cause it. But, sounds like he's a compassionate, caring person - and so he feels bad.
Give him a hug for me OK?

Posted on: Mon, 07/12/2004 - 4:18am
mommyofmatt's picture
Joined: 03/12/2004 - 09:00

This guilt thing that goes along with being a parent is brutal isn't it?!
You sound like you're always so careful with Jesse, and it is very hard to cut out all these foods from your diet when you're not allergic. Think of all those dieters out there who have tried and failed so many times, and some of them have major medical conditions!
As Jesse gets older, he'll run into more and more people who will be eating foods around him that he can't eat right? So, you gave him an example of something he'll experience more frequently as he gets older. And, you talked about it afterwards. You're giving him the tools to cope with his allergy as he gets older.
All this being said, I beat myself up all the time, so you're not alone. For example, my dh has high cholesterol, so we're trying South Beach Diet so he doesn't have to go on medication. But guess what it includes alot of??? Low-fat dairy, egg whites, nuts. All the things Matt's allergic too. We won't be doing the nuts part.
Just this morning I was cooking egg whites before the boys got up (Matt's never had an airborn reaction), and was hoping we could wolf them down before they wanted to get up. Well, it didn't work, and I felt so guilty eating them in front of him....
Meg, mom to:
Matt 2 yrs. PA,MA,EA
Sean 2 yrs. NKA

Posted on: Mon, 07/12/2004 - 4:31am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Anna Marie, thank-you. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] It really helps quite a bit here when a "big person" with the allergy (or allergies) explains where my guy is coming from.
It's still MY fault. I shouldn't have placed Jesse in the position, by buying the bloody tart in the first place, where he was ever made to feel guilty about his allergy. My soul, isn't it bad enough to have the allergy itself? Never mind having to feel guilt about it when a grown woman can't eat something that she really didn't need to have in the first place.
I honest to God don't know what my rationale was last night. I never eat "may contains" or when I have, it was a couple of years ago at a donut shop that I took Ember to (she had half-days of school then) while her brother was in school. Heck, I even posted about that here. I'm not even sure that they were "may contain" but I know that I wouldn't have felt comfortable taking Jesse into the donut shop because there were giant pb cookies on the counter by where you paid.
I could blame Tim Horton's and say that their advertising campaign was THAT effective that even a woman who normally boycotts their food products and only caves for an ice cap a couple of times a summer, HAD to have one, but still.
In thinking about that, Jesse's been seeing the same commercials and because I've noticed how he's very clearly noticed the allergy alert sign when we've gone into Tim Horton's twice recently, he would just know in his head that he can't try one of those really yummy looking strawberry tarts.
So, gosh darn it, why did his Mother go and buy one and eat it in front of him? Couldn't I have bought it and since it is containered separately, hidden it and eaten it when they finally go to bed (in the wee hours of the morning, but still)?
No, I'm angry with myself. Justifying it by saying that I had gone first to buy them a PA safe treat doesn't quite cut it for me. What I *could* have done was tell the kids that I was planning on getting a strawberry tart at Tim Horton's and that if they wanted something strawberry as well, perhaps they could choose the strawberry sundae rather than their usual chocolate.
We're not dealing with sesame seed allergy as well, as you know and I can only imagine how difficult that is.
But I know there have been times in the grocery store where there has been a "deal" on something and we have to pass because it's not PA safe. I'm hoping that I never let Jesse know, even by a sigh or anything, that I can't buy it because of his allergy.
No, I still feel crappy.
I have been waiting for two hours for someone to show up to tow the car out of the driveway, especially given that one of the windows is now smashed. They said "after lunch" which I assumed would have been quite some time ago (and my timing is always off [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img] ) and they're still not here. I had wanted to go and run some errands.
Well, they must have known I was typing those words. They just showed up now. Amazing that you can have a car towed off your property for nothing and actually without even showing them ownership papers or having keys to the car. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img]
Anna Marie, thank-you again. I now understand where Jesse was coming from. The tart, again, was not worth it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Mon, 07/12/2004 - 5:40am
jtolpin's picture
Joined: 05/28/2003 - 09:00

Friday nights, in our house, had been pizza nights many a times...
We will order a take-out pizza (or 2, with Meghan eating now..), and we/Caitlin make a safe pizza for her (rice crust, soy cheese, pineapple, ham, brocolli - y'know -- a fine looking pizza)
But no, its not the same as a cheese/sauce pizza... and we all eat in the kitchen, and although we're all eating pizza -- it's the same situation as you dealt with --
What if she looked up and said 'Gee, that pizza looks really good.. but I cant have it because it has...'
Id probably feel like &@(# as well... And we'd probably stop eating it... But for now, shes quite ok with what she eating.. and shes accepting of the fact.
But I'll tell you a quick story -- a BBQ cookout bday party this weekend, we went to.
We brought food for her, fine... but then a pinata came out, and she wanted to hit it.. we didnt know about this, and had no snacks packed up (she ate her cake when other kids ate their cake...)
So the pinata, breaks, and I was with her, watching it break, and all the candy goes everywhere... tootsie rolls, kitkats, tootsie pops, shrek fruit snacks... all this milk type candy... no safe dum dum lollipops (c'mon -- they're like $1 for 100's of them.. why didnt you have those!) and shes looking at all the candy on the ground, as a dozen kids are grabbing what they can... and shes just looking like 'What can [I] eat?' -- So I grab some fruit snacks, quickly read the ingreds, deem them 'safe', and pass them out to her, and she was quite ifne eating them (physically and emotionally -- esp. since Sara was eating them too)
But for one of the first times, she looked kinda sad like 'Wheres mine?' And I could do nothing for her at the time... And if the fruit snacks werent there, I wouldve could up with some excuse, or something PDQ, kwim?
But anyways, shes only 4, and she is accepting of what she eats... and what eat in front of her. No, we dont eat peanuts in front of her, but Sara/Meghan drink glasses of milk (and Caitlin has soy), sara/Caitlin eat ice cream sundaes, and so does Caitlin... We try to keep it similar, but if I were to take her to the park, see an ice cream man, I might be inclined to get Sara/Caitlin similar popsicles, and not let Sara get a 'real fancy' one, that 'looks better', kwim?
I dunno where I'm heading with this... but I wanted to say It's ok [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Mon, 07/12/2004 - 6:31am
Lindajo's picture
Joined: 10/14/2003 - 09:00

You DO win Mother of the Year! For being a careful, caring mother! The worst thing you could've done was gone just to Tim Hortons and gotten something to satisfy your craving (probably a PMS one!). But, you didn't. You stopped for the kids and made sure they were satisfied first. And you, not liking McD's sundaes, wanted something different! Nothing wrong with that!
Don't worry about eating that in front of Jesse. At least it was only a "may contain" and not actually something with nuts in it. That's something I know you would never do. You really weren't endangering Jesse. I know about the guilt, tho. Sometimes I think we put our anxieties onto our kids. If we really feel bad about something, we'll go and ask them how they feel and they probably never even thought about it until you bring it up with them.
In a similar situation, we went to a family graduation party. My cousin knows about her allergy and there is usually something there for Meggie to eat. Well, this time, there was nothing I trust except for the fresh fruit. I felt horrible that everyone was enjoying the pasta, sausages, etc, all stuff she likes, and she couldn't eat any of it because I didn't trust where it came from. But, I think I was more worried about it than her. She was content to eat the fruit and play with her cousins. I learned my lesson tho, I always feed her first and bring some other food that I know she can have.
Don't beat yourself up on this one. I think you did fine. Jesse knows how much you love him and how you would never put him in danger! He's quite a little guy!


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