What is this PA support group? Chris, can you also help me to understand?

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 4:50am
LisaMcDowell's picture
Joined: 12/06/2002 - 09:00

What is this PA support group? Are support groups the same? If not, why?

Webster's New World Dictionary Second College Edition defines SUPPORT as:
4.) to give courage, faith, or confidence to; help or comfort 5.) to show or tend to show to be true; help prove; vindicate, or corroborate...

Is a support group to support only one frame of mind?

Is it permissable to state another?

As it stands, it is permissable to criticize people unaware of PA...why?

Is it best to enable someone by posting comfort thereby leading a person to believe that their actions are okay even though you believe it could potentially harm or effect someone else in the very near future? If so, why? If not, why?

Is it best to not post at all thereby also leading a person to believe their actions are okay?

Is it okay to demand that someone stay out of another's post? If so, why?

Is it okay to continue to ridicule someone in other posts?

I feel I have progressed to a place of where I should be by accepting: my daugher's PA, the fact that PA is manable, that we live in a world full of peanuts, and my responsibility is raise her to care for PA & accept responsibility at early adulthood. I have totally accepted God's gift of my daughter w/her crooked teeth, PA impairment, narrow feet, wild sense of humor for an 8 year old, etc, therefore I do not blame or get angry w/peanut manufacturers.


Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 6:28am
California Mom's picture
Joined: 07/14/2000 - 09:00

These boards normally function as a "support group" in that members support one another in whatever we are going through. When a member wants to express a different point of view, it is normally done in as tactful a way as possible. Personal attacks and direct criticism do not serve a useful purpose in a support group. I suggest that you take time to peruse the boards, and familiarize yourself with the way members typically communicate with one another. You will most likely find some threads where people have expressed differing view points. Hopefully you will get some good examples of how members manage to do this in a supportive manner. In the thread you started about the girl scouts wanting to conceal your daughter's identity - you got a lot of support. That is what we like to do here. All the best.

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 7:53am
Kim M's picture
Joined: 06/09/2001 - 09:00

I think California Mom said just about everything that needs to be said about what this site is all about, and said it beautifully, but I must point out the irony of someone who stated that they were livid at how another poster had raised her child asking if it is OK to ridicule another poster. (And I would add to the list "Is it OK to insist that people discuss an issue on another forum thread?")
Lisa, your valid point that you were trying to make in that "other" thread was lost because of the way you expressed it. I do hope you take the time to read through the forums on this site. I have seen questions asked that prompted me to say to myself "are you out of your mind?!!" And I couldn't think of a nice way to say it, so I didn't post at all. Inevitably, though, someone who felt the same way I did found a tactful way to say it that furthered the discussion instead of stopping it in its tracks. It's all about respect, and treating each other with respect is not the same as enabling.

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 8:30am
Chris PeanutAllergy Com's picture
Joined: 04/25/2001 - 09:00

Lisa, if you would like to call I am normally available from about 10 am to 1 pm to talk at length on the phone. We are on eastern standard time.
The PeanutAllergy.Com phone number can be found from the "Our Contact info" link which is on the home page (or you can send me an email and I will reply with the phone number). Here is a link to the contact info page
Hope to hear from you soon.
Stay Safe,
[This message has been edited by Chris PeanutAllergy Com (edited January 06, 2003).]

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 8:31am
LisaMcDowell's picture
Joined: 12/06/2002 - 09:00

The ridicule was about me in other posts for giving me point of view.

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 8:37am
Kim M's picture
Joined: 06/09/2001 - 09:00

Yes, I know that's what you meant, but you have completely missed the point that people were originally upset about your ridicule of the initial poster. You have never addressed, much less apologized for that, and the fact that you seem to be upset about people ridiculing you (and I don't think that was OK, BTW) is a bit hypocritical.
And the ridicule did not result from stating your point of view, but the manner in which you expressed it. No one disputes your right to have a different point of view. We are all different people with different life experiences and no one is going to have the same point of view, and that is what is so wonderful about this board. I posted a little while ago about how my husband was driving me crazy. He was being (in my view) ridiculously overprotective in looking for a preschool for our daughter, yet reckless in taking her trick or treating without her epipen and letting her take peanut candy and put it in her bag. I couldn't see him as anything other than an irrational pain in the neck, and couldn't really imagine anyone seeing him any other way. But everyone had absolutely wonderful insights into his behavior, and made me see things in a totally different light. (And, as an aside, because of his views about schools I looked some more and found a fabulous peanut free school that is better than the one I had wanted to send her to. Don't you hate it when they are right?)
Please try to acknowledge your responsibility in what has happened. No one wants you to stop posting because everyone's experiences are valuable, but respect for each other has to be paramount.
[This message has been edited by Kim M (edited January 06, 2003).]

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 8:47am
smack's picture
Joined: 11/14/2001 - 09:00

What California Mom and Kim M told you are so true.
Your message from Intro was not justified because of how you sent your message. We see that you can write but can't hear in all honesty, what you say.
Here on these boards we are all capable of being misinterpreted.
My dh understood your message and I did to, but because it was judgemental it didn't serve it's purpose. You need to give it up and understand that it's a lot of people here on this forum that are not relating to what and how you said something.
No excuses anymore Lisa, come clean and realize you are not perfect...either.
[This message has been edited by smack (edited January 06, 2003).]

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 8:56am
cynde's picture
Joined: 12/10/2002 - 09:00

I agree with Kim, no-one seemed upset about your different point of view, only how you attacked Pegs parenting.

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 9:25am
MommaBear's picture
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

I've always been a down to earth, no nonsense girl with some incredible culinary skills (just had to stick that in there). I am quite a forgiving person and hate to hold a grudge (see my halo yet?)
I am also quite accomodating. I always let my friends choose the activity, manner of dress, food preference, and general time of day. I have a good time just about anywhere I go and since I enjoy the company more than the activity, I let them set the mood. Same with posting boards. Someone one on this board (wink wink) took off the gloves early on. Many on the board graciously accomodated her and dressed down accordingly. More than anything, I think that is what stings her the most. Choosing the activity, the place, dessert, and manner of dress. AND STILL DID NOT ENJOY THE LUNCH DATE.

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 11:06am
LisaMcDowell's picture
Joined: 12/06/2002 - 09:00

Hi California Mom,
Yes I did get help for my dd, the issue is entirely different. My dd is 8 years old, not a young adult who should be doing for himself or herself.
I will not apologize for my postings or how they were posted because if I did everyone else would owe me an apology for being ugly & nasty. Someone could have informed me of how it appeared calmly, remember I was also livid.
My respect is for those who deserve respect.
I still do not believe this woman respected her son enough to be concerned about his welfare. She was concerned about herself.
Enough said about the other thread. I'm looking for answers to my questions.

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 12:03pm
erik's picture
Joined: 05/15/2001 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by LisaMcDowell:
I will not apologize for my postings or how they were posted because if I did everyone else would owe me an apology for being ugly & nasty. Someone could have informed me of how it appeared calmly, remember I was also livid.
I believe that in my respsonse, I informed you of how it appeared in a calm manner, as I wrote:
The reason people are making these comments about your posts is not because you are stating your viewpoint. It is because you are saying negative comments about Peg.
You are implying she is a bad parent by saying she as a parent should have her son solely responsible for being able to manage his PA independently saying the "issue" is her parenting skills (referring to good parenting being preparing a child for PA as you would prepare them for money management, etc). You use negative terms such as telling her she is babying her son ("Attending introductory sessions is not "babying", however, making appointments for & attending for a PA adult is "babying".")
Everyone raises their children in their own way as is best for their own situation. As Cindy, River, Redtruck, Cayley's Mom, and the numerous other long time board members will attest to, when newcomers to the board get criticized in their initial posts for the way they handle PA when simply asking a question, they quite often disappear from the boards never to be seen again. They come here hoping it is a friendly place where they can find support and assistance but then stop coming.
People come here for support and understanding and information, not to have their child-raising, peanut-allergy coping skills criticized by others. I know you mentioned that it is an open forum and you should be able to post what you want, but if you check other threads you will see that people always try to be supportive and try not to post comments that will be negative towards the way others manage their lives."
It sounds calm to me...


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