My Apology

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 2:24am
LisaMcDowell's picture
Joined: 12/06/2002 - 09:00

Regarding "College Bound", my apology is to those I argued with only, it was unproductive to those that were not yet ready to hear or understand the information &/or ready to answer my initial questions. I posted a warning for those who are still learning about the many aspects of PA, and their role as a parent to prepare their child to leave the nest. Erik posted only what needed to be stated once, however, I would have used the term "I" rather then "We". "I" own my opinions, and "I" am not afraid to state them, and "I" am abolutely without a doubt responsible for them. My only regret was that the topic was not allowed to be played out in a proper manner.

"I" am fully aware of how I delivered my message, because "I" as a parent of PA child will always be horrified when a (any) parent willfully chooses to behave in a negligent manner with their responsibilty to their peanut allergic offspring all the way till adulthood & into adulthood. "I" have stated it permanently in writing and "I" will never change it or my opinion regarding "College bound".

To me, the appearance of the "College bound" thread indicates mass confusion.

If one has chosen to rally & side with others by not properly replying to the request or to the topic as it was presented &/or not replying w/answers to my questions; one has created confusion to new people as to their beliefs, and it is doubtful that a new person will want to wade through all the postings to find one that is focused on the subject matter. It has been demonstrated to me by the majority w/the overwhelming amount of postings, and possibly to those that new to this website &/or just learning about PA is that members beliefs are:

1.) That it is acceptable for a (any) parent to be willfully negligent with their responsibility to their PA offspring
2. That it is acceptable for a parent to not let go of the responsibility to their offspring when he/she has reached young adulthood
3. That it is acceptable for a parent to not teach their offspring about necessary "PA tools" such as social skills
4. That it is acceptable for a parent to overprotect their PA offspring
5. That it is acceptable to depend on members of society to know what is best for an PA adult
6. That it is acceptable for a parent to post personal information about their young adult such as dating habits, etc.
7. That it is acceptable to "enable" &/or shelter a person from the reality of their actions
8. That it is acceptable to stalk a person with an opposing view by the use of their personal e-mail address & by the use of posting in other topics
9. That it is acceptable for members to band together & behave irradically & irrationally
10. That is is acceptable for members to band together to persecute a person
11.That it is acceptable to not use resources properly
12. That it is acceptable to offer misdirected &/or misguided support
12. On & on & on

Because this support group does not have a written or clear definition of its purpose or desires by members, I will be re-posting the topic of "What is this PA support group about?" to benefit newcomers only. I invite anyone & everyone to please post if you can do so with the presence of mind that you will be communicating with a parent(s)whose child has recently been tested positive for PA &/or is new to this website. It is for their benefit & for them to read only. It is not a place to continue talking about "College bound". Please wait till Chris has posted his contact resources on the new topic otherwise please wait till tomorrow morning to post. Thank you.

Have a nice day!

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 3:06am
river's picture
Joined: 07/15/1999 - 09:00

Ummm? Well---that's not really an apology Lisa. That's called an attack. There's a really really big difference.
Anyway, I'm beginning to wonder if you are even real---or just a troll in mother's clothing. Why do you keep coming back if you don't like most of what is said on this sit?. What's your pay-off? Most people would have said, "Well I guess this isn't for me." The end. Are you a troll? I starting to think you are---especially after reading your 'declaration.'

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 3:51am
cathlina's picture
Joined: 06/29/2001 - 09:00

I have been reading this boards and others about "personal attacks" etc.
This is my perception.
Lisa has a very strong opinion about the college issue. I also perceive that she is very assertive and well educated. Her parenting assertions are very reasonable.
I do not disagree with her assertions at all.
I have five children between the ages of 17 - 30. So, I have been there and done that when the kids leave home. If's it not a peanut allergy then there's the drinking, potential HIV infections, driving under the influence, drugs, not knowing where they are at, days without communication, calling home and telling you they are pregant, bad grades that parents have to face when their kids leave home.
I guess the best any of us can do the best while they're home to teach them and hope (pray) they will use their common sense at college.
Basically, there are lots of people on this website with different personalities, experiences, different communication styles...there's lots of diverse factors.
I think we are all sharing...that's the purpose of this website.

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 3:58am
KarenT's picture
Joined: 10/30/1999 - 09:00

I think I came to the wrong link, I thought this one was titled Apology? I do not see an apology.
The last I checked a negligent parent would not do the following things:
-Talk to their child daily about situation that may come up in their life and how they will be prepared to deal with it.
-Talk about kissing girls.
-Admitting as a parent that we are scared.
-Sending your child to a small or private school is not negligent either.
-Have your child call ahead before going to a party is sensible in my eyes.
-Teaching your child to read labels is one of the best things we can do.
The above points are the type of parenting skills I took from the posting on "College Bound". I do not personally know the original poster of that thread therefore, I cannot assume to know anything else about her parenting. I do not understand how you came up with your conclusions (unless you have psychic powers?).
I would like to say one last thing

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 5:16am
Kim M's picture
Joined: 06/09/2001 - 09:00

I am not going to respond. I am not going to respond. [Grits teeth. Bites tongue. Ow!]

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 5:23am
California Mom's picture
Joined: 07/14/2000 - 09:00

May I suggest that those of us who would like the board to return to being a support group follow Kim's lead?! 'nuff said... [img][/img] Miriam

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 5:51am
LisaMcDowell's picture
Joined: 12/06/2002 - 09:00

Thank you Erik for clarifying your point, & its okay if you don't agree w/my assertions I found they worked wonders in my former profession, and still do today. It appears that having worked w/those w/a disease & their loved ones is equally the same as those w/a food allergy & their loved ones; "Denial just as fear is just as strong, & can be just as inpenetrable".
River, all I can say is that you should not have expected the apology you wanted; you sound very angry & disappointed.
Kim, everyone has their own point of intolerance & mine is lower then others (scary). However, I have confidence in what I am teaching my daughter. And I don't feel it necessary to talk to her everyday on how to stay safe, I think it would just project "fear" from me to her, which I do not have. Its a manageable food allergy & occasionally my family & I have concerns, however, we focus on trying to find a solution(s). My family & I have choosen to not be fearful of PA, we choose to learn its many aspects & to work with it & in doing so we have eliminated fear...for me the only thing that I would be fearful of is an "intentional act" toward my daughter using her PA.
What you have described to me is that you are not addressing the topic as it was presented & choose to look for positive things. It's okay to avoid the presentation, but trying to defend the actions of the parent is another matter; the actions were not minor mistakes, they were choices that could be potentially harmful to another.
Besides, after that many years why continually choose to be in fear?
In any case, what I am gathering is that those who have posted feel comfortable w/their contribution to the "College bound" thread and how it will be interpretted by those that are new to the website. I do also.

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 6:00am
LisaMcDowell's picture
Joined: 12/06/2002 - 09:00

I'm sorry I meant to say Cathlina, not Erik.
Thanks again, Cathlina for posting.
If I was a newcomer, I'd be wondering about the maturity level of some people.

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 8:07am
Dawn's picture
Joined: 02/22/1999 - 09:00

deleted my post....
[This message has been edited by Dawn (edited January 10, 2003).]

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 9:35am
Codyman's picture
Joined: 08/14/2002 - 09:00

Lisa, You need not apologize to me --- I am able to read your posts taking from them what I need to.
I hope this Topic won't be a repeat of "College Bound" if so I may have to follow my husbands suggestion of saying "Goodbye".

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 9:46am
cathlina's picture
Joined: 06/29/2001 - 09:00

What is meant by denial? Whenever, we as humans, go through an emotional crisis as a serious illness, a death, divorce...we go through the various stages of grief.
The stages are numbness, denial, anger, depression, and acceptance.
A good example would be a woman who finds a breast lump but refuses to go to the doctor because she is in denial. Afterall, she couldn't have cancer.
Another example is my husband's brother. He is 43, weighs 375, has sleep apnea, smokes and eats high fat foods. He does not exercise. My mother-in-law thinks that since his physical didn't show heart problems that he is OK. My husband's brother is in denial and so is my mother-in-law.
All of us are probably in different stages concerning the peanut allergy.
Hope this helps...


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