pI have already said something similar to this in a different thread, but I think I will get more responses here. /p
pAs a 16 year old, I find it extremely hard to ask a boy if he has eaten any nuts before I kiss him. Once he must have eaten some because I was very ill straight away and the symptoms were clearly those of a reaction./p
pSo what I need to know is how to get around this. I really can't picture anything less "sexy" than me demanding to know his eating habits at that crucial moment!/p
pAny help whatsoever would be great as I am missing out on essential teenage experiences!!!/p
pTake carebr /
Rach/p
KISSING!
Posted on: Wed, 05/23/2001 - 6:10am
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It may be easier to discuss the allergy when you're not in the moment, say over dinner or something. Explain what happens etc & what the risks are; kissing is just one of them. It's a lot less threatening & stressful to talk about it beforehand (& nobody gets swept up in the moment). Anyone who's worth kissing would care enough about you to make it their issue, too.
I don't know how your parents feel about kissing, but I heard a story about a young lady with who kissed a young man who had had a peanut snack. Not only did her lips swell up to the size of elephants and greatly emberrass her on her date, but her parents immediately knew what must have happened when she walked in the door afterward and began demanding details...(Now this occured perhaps 20 years ago, but I know some parents would still ask....)
This is going to be pretty awkward for you if you don't ask, and sould be pretty uncomfortable if you do. Practice a humorous way...if the gentleman can't take it even as a joke, well further contact might be a problem.
I have dealt with kissing many times, and there is no real solution that I have found. When I was younger, when I told a girl about my allergy they would just look at me like I was odd, and could not grasp what I was saying. Unfortunately, I was unsure of myself, I decided that instead of protecting myself, and ensuring my safety, I would rather take the chance and kiss.(I was afraid of the reaction from friends, if they found out I would not kiss a girl) However, when I was younger, after kissing someone I never swallowed my or their saliva, and when the person was not looking spit it out. There were a few times, I had an oral reaction, but nothing more then that. Now that I am older, I demand that the people I am with brush their teeth, and if I feel they have not done a good enough job, I tell them their breath stinks, that usually gets them into the washroom fast... lol.. But all in all, I have found it better and less risky to minimize the amount of partners you have, and always tell the person you are with about your allergy. If they listen and really make an effort, then it shows they care, and believe me, I know from experience, these are the people you want to date and to fall in love with.
I'm not in HS anymore, Rach, but I remember what it was like, so I empathize with you. (I'm 29 now). It is imperative you tell the boy sometime before you kiss him about your allergies, and if he is nonchalant about it, it's been my experience he's probably not worth kissing anyway. My boyfriend in HS once ate Reese's peanut butter cups 20 minutes before he saw me. All he gave me was a quick kiss on closed lips, and I had a violent reaction (though thankfully didn't need the Epi-Pen). And, once in college, my boyfriend ate M&Ms and then leaned down and kissed me without thinking (same thing, quick closed-mouth kiss), and he almost got his teeth knocked down his throat. If a guy doesn't take you seriously, then he's either 1) not very imaginative, 2) not very intelligent, or 3) a completely egomaniacal pig, or 4) all of the above, and not worth the effort anyway (consider him one less frog to kiss!). Good luck and hope all goes well. -- Julie
Hi Rach
Just wondering how you are getting on lately (what with it being summer and parties are happening etc, etc...). Have you had to deal with this at all yet?
I remember that I was at a party when I was around 17 and I kissed a boy who had obviously been eating pn/tn before hand. Luckily (unluckily??) it was only my lips that it affected, but I swear, I looked like Pamela Anderson after having a bad lip job!! I was so embarrassed that I hid in the toilet for about an hour!!!
Here's hoping that never happens to you.
gwen
This is such an important topic because as our nut allergic children grow up, we will have to help them handle this very important issue. I think that one of the best lines is "your breath stinks!" and then they should go brush their teeth but is that enough to avoid a reaction in someone who had a snickers bar an hour earlier or who was munching on the M and M's while drinking a beer just before you got close?
Need help so when our son grows up, I know what to say!!
Well, yes, summer is here, and there are many parties because all of our exams ended a month or so ago.
So, this has come up a few times because of all the parties. There has been only the one close call about three weeks ago - me and a boy were just dancing - holding hands and just dancing, but my hands got itchy and so did my eyes. Thank god I didn't kiss him! I went to casualty anyway, because my friends were worried, and my parents were away, so we couldn't call them (apart from the fact that it would really not impress them). But I was fine, but it has made me more realistic - I have to check right away (I don't "want" to, but it's going to have to be done).
AlwaysAviodAnaphylaxis, I don't think that just having someone brush their teeth is enough - it's unlikely that they will remove very much of the nut traces, and if they are going to be kissing, well, it's just not worth it.
But thanks for asking Gwen! Off to a party tonight as it happens, so fingers crossed.
There is one potential hazzard on the cards for next week so I might make an excuse and not go (which is unlike me because I LOVE parties). My friend who lives about an hour away wants me to stay at hers for a couple of nights, and wants us to go into Oxford at night to a restaurant (Mongolian - I don't have much idea about what sort of food it will be). And she is trying to set me up with some boy I have never met (which I'm not keen on because he is 20 - yup, I know that is older, I'm not so keen). But because he hasn't met me he isn't going to know about my nut allergy, and I hate relying on other people to explain it because you never know if they have got it exactly right or not.
HELP!
Take care
Rach
Rach, if you are going to go on the blind date, what about asking your friend to give the guy your phone number. That way you could chat before the date, get to know each other and slip in a "oh by the way did my friend tell you I have life threatening allergies?" I always find I can say alot more on the phone than in person.
Do you know any stories of someone else that you could talk about such as-"I know this other girl with LTA that kissed a guy after he had eaten a peanut chocolate bar..."
That way you become the 3rd party in the story but yet get your point across.
Good luck, this is an area I am not looking forward to for my 11 1/2 year old daughter.
Is it legal to lock her up in her room!? LOL
------------------
Karalot
And, of course, there are other, more 'intimate' allergies.
I've read that peanut protein has been detected in semen, possibly causing reactions, but other women are simply allergic to the semen itself.
Hope this isn't too risque. This *is* the adults section. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
More info.:
[url="http://allergies.about.com/cs/intimate/index.htm"]http://allergies.about.com/cs/intimate/index.htm[/url]
Rach I am so glad to hear you raise this question,because I am dreading this day. Are you a very shy girl?? Very important to know in order to help you. Chris is extremely shy and would probably have a hard time with this. YOU KNOW he is only 15 you to would be a match. O.K just kidding and trying to make you smile. I am sure that this is why I have never allowed my son to date. I feel that I have worked so hard to make him safe that I would not handle a girl friend well. In Fear i am sure. I know he is talking to some and the fear of peanut bothers him.
I think that maybe your mom or dad should make an appoint to talk to your boy friend this way cover all basis and teach him. If he is not willing to listen then he is not worth it. Remember the one you end up chosing has to be perfect. Let your parents do it if it embarrasses you. Chris knows me I would.I don't believe in embarrassing things when it comes to the allergy.
Maybe you could invite him over to dinner and explain the measures that you have to take. If you don't want a houseful of people there then maybe your parents would allow you to cook him a safe meal at your house. I know that when i do allow dating it will be so hard to trust a new person in my sons life. Please relationships are hard enough to handle and yours will be even more special if he is willing to listen. Take care and feel free to mail us at home. claire
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