21 posts / 0 new
Last post
Posted on: Wed, 05/19/2004 - 3:27am
Sue's picture
Sue
Offline
Joined: 02/13/1999 - 09:00

Carolyn,
You have asked some very good questions. We do send our ten-year-old daughter to public school. I appreciate your post. The things you ask about are things we think about most every day.
We have had so many ups and downs with the school. There are some WONDERFUL people at our daughter's school. There are, also, the ones that don't get it or don't want to be inconvenienced
Our family walks a fine line on the issue of sending her to school. Our daughter has FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome), is ADHD to the max, she has OCD - the list does go on. She is adopted (more issues to deal with) and she is our precious little girl. She has taught us so much about life and living it to the fullest.
One of the things she has taught us is that she has to have peer interaction if she is to make it in "the real world". She thrives when she has friend that accepts her. She gets great acceptance from the boys in her classroom. Maybe they accept her because she is very athletic?
A fair amount of the girls seem to avoid her. For example - yesterday (while we were waiting for the school bus) my daughter told me that she tried to talk to one of the girls in her classroom. The girl told her that she was a perverted, sick headed freak and not to speak to her because she doesn't talk "dork". This broke my heart. Yes, I did wait until my daughter was on the school bus before I cried.
She has a very difficult time reading social cues and social space. She is behind her peers in emotional maturity by about a year and yet academically she gets a report card full of A's and B's. She is in the 4th grade and has an 8th grade reading level. BTW, the teacher loves our little girl - she says she is kind, sharing, smart, gentle and funny.
I am sure I have told you more than you wanted to know (tee hee). So I guess what I am trying to say is, based on the over-all picture, we are trying to balance her health needs and her emotional needs. It is not easy sending her to school.
Our wonderful and caring school nurse is the main reason that we can send our daughter to school. Everyone of her teachers have been wonderful with her. Every teacher she has had has been her "favorite" and she gets real sad and cries the last day of school! This helps me know that I am doing the right thing (I think ... maybe .. most of the time .... Tee Hee)
So again, thank you for your questions - they help me think about the balancing act our family must deal with. And the choices we continue to make for our daughter.
Are we doing the right thing? I hope so. I do know that I am doing the best I can.
Sue in Sunny Arizona

Posted on: Wed, 05/19/2004 - 3:34am
FromTheSouth's picture
Offline
Joined: 03/01/2000 - 09:00

I have enjoyed reading these honest and non-resentful posts about the efforts involved in 504 plans and dealing with schools. I think the point about the personality of the parent very interesting, something I had not considered. I have been reading for years on this site the frustrations, problems that parents here have faced. I've been amazed how much time/effort/stress is involved. I admire those who have worked so hard to make a school safe for their dc. Academically they truly must be good schools worth fighting for.
As my dc seems to be the "only" student the "six" schools I have tried to work with have ever known to be airborne/casual contact allergic, I'm not sure my fighting tooth and nail to establish a 504 plan and the constant monitoring to make sure it was being upheld would pave the road for future p.a. students. Even though there is more food allergy awareness in our society, it comes down to a good school cares about each individual child's needs but my general impression of most schools' mission is to educate the masses (majority rules). Public schools especially are tied down with so much bureaucratic red tape it is mind boggling.
I even had an allergy doc. (who was on our local school board) tell me he couldn't work with me to make the school safe because the Superintendent of Schools told him not to have any contact with me. Yes, I called him to ask for his help and he agreed to contact the school but decided to check with the Superintendent first (without telling me). He later admitted the Superintendent was more concerned about ticking off parents if their child had restrictions on nut products at school than the rights of my child. The public schools here do not have a good reputation so after touring the schools and talking with the teachers (who also seemed to want to protect their status quo) for us the effort and stress on our family and my dc didn't seem worth the effort. We have been h.s.ing for 6 years but evaluate our school options each year. Are doing that very thing right now.
I don't think many schools are afraid of lawsuits for not adhering to 504 plans. They know it is a long, expensive, difficult process to sue.

Posted on: Wed, 05/19/2004 - 5:08am
SeaHint's picture
Offline
Joined: 04/28/2004 - 09:00

Alternative to Mainstream : if, as you say, you have "nothing to add", then WHY post??

Posted on: Wed, 05/19/2004 - 7:36am
momma2boys's picture
Offline
Joined: 03/14/2003 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by SeaHint:
[b]Alternative to Mainstream : if, as you say, you have "nothing to add", then WHY post??[/b]
She did add something. If you don't like what you're reading, don't read it.

Posted on: Wed, 05/19/2004 - 7:58am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

momma2boys, thank-you. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I couldn't figure out where that comment came from because what I actually said was:-
I'm not even sure what I have to add to this discussion. Some really wonderful points have been made.
So, I was saying I wasn't sure if I had anything to add, not that I had NOTHING to add and simply because such wonderful points had already been made.
However, in reading responses after my post, it would appear to me, reading, that what I did end up adding to the discussion was useful if for discussion purposes only.
SeaHint, I don't know what the problem is and really honestly, don't care. If you don't like my posts, don't read them.
momma2boys, thank-you again. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] I wasn't going to say anything - even to clarify the wording, I was just going to sit here, shake my head and go WTF, a feeling I thought had passed on this board for me a couple of weeks ago (although I recognize it does return [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] ).
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
------------------

Posted on: Wed, 05/19/2004 - 11:15am
momma2boys's picture
Offline
Joined: 03/14/2003 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Alternative to Mainstream:
[b]momma2boys, thank-you. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I couldn't figure out where that comment came from because what I actually said was:-
I'm not even sure what I have to add to this discussion. Some really wonderful points have been made.
So, I was saying I wasn't sure if I had anything to add, not that I had NOTHING to add and simply because such wonderful points had already been made.
However, in reading responses after my post, it would appear to me, reading, that what I did end up adding to the discussion was useful if for discussion purposes only.
SeaHint, I don't know what the problem is and really honestly, don't care. If you don't like my posts, don't read them.
momma2boys, thank-you again. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] I wasn't going to say anything - even to clarify the wording, I was just going to sit here, shake my head and go WTF, a feeling I thought had passed on this board for me a couple of weeks ago (although I recognize it does return [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] ).
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
[/b]
No problem [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] , and I see no reason why you should have to clarify your wording here.

Posted on: Wed, 05/19/2004 - 11:38am
Scooby's picture
Offline
Joined: 04/09/2000 - 09:00

Why even bother you ask. The answer is simple. This is what DH and I signed onto when we decided to have children.
We didn't know if our kids would be healthy, or if they weren't , what type of disability to expect. Or what to expect for their future. An aquaitence of mine lost her 5 year old to cancer. It was a sudden diagnoses and he did not respond well to treatment. So who knows what cards you can be dealt in life.
All we knew was that we wanted a certain type of lifestyle for ourselves and our children. Something akin to what we had experienced ourselves.
So my DS is now finishing first grade. Successfully I might add. The school has been great. The teacher and parents have been very more than helpful. We have a full time and part time nurse who have done a tremendous job in watching out for him.
And I did not go to heroic extremes.

Posted on: Wed, 05/19/2004 - 12:01pm
selketine's picture
Offline
Joined: 04/11/2004 - 09:00

My son is only 2 and has both the peanut allergy and type 1 diabetes just diagnosed with both since March of this year. I went to a homeschooling question and answer session last night just to get some idea of what homeschooling is like in my area and what resources are there. I live near Washington, DC so lots of resources and it made the whole idea of homeschooling look exciting actually. There is so much you can do with it. I have another son (non- allergic) and he is in 1st grade and he does well but I see how much he has learned and what kind of kids he is exposed to and I think I could do that well teaching him myself - or better. And there are so many socialization groups for homeschoolers in my area that is not a problem either.
I've also seen how things go in our local public school and it does not make me comfortable. It will be a long ordeal with them I think because they really have no peanut policy in place (amazing really considering where we live!). I'll have to learn more the next 4 years and see what happens but I want to be prepared to go either route. In just "thinking" about it now...the homeschool option seems far less stressful and has many benefits.
It would not be possible if I was not a stay at home mom however - and many moms with PA kids are not I'm sure...even if they want to stay home they need to work.
Carol

Posted on: Thu, 05/20/2004 - 1:39am
KarenH's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/21/2002 - 09:00

I think this question can apply to children with any sort of difficulty that schools would have to accomodate.
I don't go to extremes in my son's school. I can't. I work at a school about 50 km away, during the same hours. So any hope of volunteering is gone because I'm always working during school hours. I keep in touch with the school, and make sure that I stay on top of things that come home. I would LOVE to be the sort of Mom that can help out with the hot lunch days, read with kids, etc. I didn't plan on being a working Mom, it just happened that way. I think that some members of this board do it because they love it, and want to be involved so that they know what's going on, they aren't just having to trust that what the school is telling them. Schools aren't always honest-and also if you are there, they are likely more on their toes.
As for us and homeschooling....well it looked like a good option way back in November. We were furious that ds's school wasn't accomodating him and his learning disabilities. He has the right to attend school and get an appropriate education. However, homeschooling wasn't really an option at the time either. So we fought the school, and now things are much much better.
I think that you have to decide what works best for you and your children. I would prefer not to teach my son, since he is very strong willed and we would likely drive each other nutso. It would be a last resort. You could do what my sister did...send them to school for a bit to try it out, and try homeschooling for a bit too. She's done both. I don't think that any one is better then the other, it really just depends on your children, the school in question, and you. Even at a fantastic school you can get some pretty horrible teachers, or vice versa.

Posted on: Thu, 05/20/2004 - 3:35am
Kay B's picture
Offline
Joined: 12/30/2002 - 09:00

Fromthesouth,
I agree that schools are not afraid of being sued. It is almost impossible to sue a school and there is very little redress if you do. BUT that is a different matter than a civil rights complaint. If you file a civil rights complaint (which is what I believe you do with a 504, and which I have done without one) it is free, easy (just a form to fill out) and WILL be assigned a case number, WILL be assigned a case worker, and WILL be investigated until the caseworker can file a reccommendation. This is a huge PITA to the school district and could potentially result in millions of $$ being pulled until they comply. This is the "liability" they are so afraid of.
Kay

Pages

Peanut Free Store

More Articles

There are many reasons why you may want to substitute almond flour for wheat flour in recipes. Of course, if you have a...

Are you looking for peanut-free candies as a special treat for a child with...

Do you have a child with peanut allergies and an upcoming birthday? Perhaps you'd like to bake a...

Most nut butters provide all the same benefits: an easy sandwich spread, a great dip for veggies, a fun addition to a smoothie. But not...

Do you have a sweet tooth and more specifically a chocolate craving? Those with peanut allergies must...