what would you do ? fears are being realized...

Posted on: Mon, 05/17/2004 - 7:24am
rebeccas's picture
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Joined: 07/05/2003 - 09:00

I am looking for any and all opinions...please... Here goes:
My husband and I were out of the country for a week and my parents were here taking care of ds (kindergartener). My mom went up to have lunch with him in the cafeteria. As the children were lining up to leave the cafeteria, a child from his class ran up to ds from behind, reached around him and tried to shove a nutter butter cookie into his mouth. Unbelievable!! Sidenote: this child has numerous behavioural problems. Long story short (or shortened), the reaction of the nurses and faculty was wonderful. Withing 30 seconds epi-pen was brought and ds taken care of (epi was not necessary - cookie only touched his cheek). He was given Benedryl and montiored. The problem child was taken to the office for approximately 2 hours, parents summoned to school, etc.
Here is my question....Although I have been assured that this situation has been taken care of and the child has been disciplined, do I leave it at that or take further action. Whatever disciplinary action was given is confidential so I am unaware what exactly was done or said to the child. School has obviously agreed that they will not be in the same class next year. I have had several meetings with the principal. So I let this sleeping dog (or tiger) lie ???
BTW, I know the mother of this child (somewhat)...and am very surprised that she never phoned to apologize. Do I call her ?
So confused and sick to my stomach. Thanks for your help.

Posted on: Mon, 05/17/2004 - 7:43am
rebeccas's picture
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Joined: 07/05/2003 - 09:00

Sorry...forgot to mention - we have no 504. Obviously rethinking this as well.

Posted on: Mon, 05/17/2004 - 8:14am
ALLERGYMOM's picture
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Joined: 10/09/2003 - 09:00

WOW..............I am speechless.
rebeccas I am sorry this happened to your ds. I hope he is ok. How is he dealing with it? How are you doing?
I know I did not answer your question bc I dont even know what I would do in this situation. But I did want to let you know that I am sorry it happened and you have support.
This is really scary and what I am affraid of when ds starts school this September.
------------------
Have A Great Day

Posted on: Mon, 05/17/2004 - 9:17am
Chicago's picture
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Joined: 04/21/2001 - 09:00

Just wondering if you think the other child knew that the peanut cookie was very dangerous to your son, or if he was just being a butt head and trying to shove food into someone's mouth. Not trying to excuse anything - but they are only in kindergarten and bad behaviour vs. threatening behaviour may be treated differently by the school and the parents.
Hope you see the difference - "this peanut cookie will make XXX really sick" vs. "won't it be funny to cram this into someone's face". Obviously neither is the right thing to do, but maybe the other child didn't understand all of the consquences of that action.
When dd was younger we used the FAAN video of Alexander the Elephant and the kids were responsive to them and better understood how a food that was not dangerous to them could be harmful to someone else. For maximum effect, I would wait until the start of next school year to show/discuss something like that with the kids - not that it would hurt now but their brains are already on vacation and you would probably have to do it again next year.
Glad ds was OK. Good luck.

Posted on: Mon, 05/17/2004 - 10:26am
rebeccas's picture
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Joined: 07/05/2003 - 09:00

unfortunately, the little monster did know that the cookie would make ds "very sick and possibly go to the hospital". According to his teacher little monster has also tried to touch ds with things that he knew ds should stay away from. This is my concern. I really do not feel it is safe for ds to be around this other child but at this point don't really know what else to do. I have spoken with principal and next year will do FAAN PAL program.
I guess for now it will just take awhile to get through this.
Thanks so much for your help,
Rebecca

Posted on: Mon, 05/17/2004 - 11:03am
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Advance planning here.
Unfortunately, little monsters grow up to be big monsters and this is when the 504 can come in REALLY handy in a bad situation. The 504 will grant your child protected handicapped status. Thus, harrassment issues can be addressed.
I'm not saying this will be the case, but the 504 designation might be something for you to think about.

Posted on: Mon, 05/17/2004 - 11:36am
selketine's picture
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Joined: 04/11/2004 - 09:00

Seems like the "little monster" should be suspended from school for an action such as that. If he knew what he was doing then he was intentionally trying to cause a great deal of harm to your child. If the child had pulled a knife or set a firecracker down his shirt I don't think he was have been slapped on the hands and sent back to class.
I would be interested to know what protections the 504 plan can offer in this circumstance. Your son needs protection from this child and it could be an ongoing issue. I would not let it drop.
I'm sorry for your family - I hope your son is doing well.

Posted on: Mon, 05/17/2004 - 11:58am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

I'm assuming peanuts are not banned from the school or from the classroom.
But maybe it's now necessary to ban them from this one child. I actually think the school should make that request - actually that demand - to the child's parent. They should very clearly state that since he has shown that he cannot be trusted with peanut products around a pa child he cannot have them at school. Period.
However, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for the principal to make that call. If the principal won't tell you definitely that he/she will do this - then yes, call the parent and ask. Explain the seriousness of pa (if she doesn't already understand it).
Good luck - and I hope ds never has to go through something like that again.

Posted on: Mon, 05/17/2004 - 12:02pm
Danielle's picture
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Joined: 04/08/2003 - 09:00

The mother may not be calling you to apologize because of liability reasons. Apologizing would be admitting the child's guilt and possible law suit especially if it had been a terrible reaction with hospitalization (thank god it was not). Just a thought. Hope you are okay. I am sure this is keeping you awake at night. How old is your child and the child that did this?

Posted on: Mon, 05/17/2004 - 2:47pm
KarenH's picture
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Joined: 09/21/2002 - 09:00

I absolutely agree with Anna Marie. And I would fight tooth and nail to have that happen.
A child in my son's school, last September, threatened to kill my son. He cornered him and said "watch out or I'll kill you". Having observed that lack of supervision his Mom provides, and the fact that the week before he was running around our townhouse complex with a kitchen knife, I demanded the school do something. They did. He's never bothered my son again.
In your case, I would demand that this child not be allowed peanut products. Period. This is a safety issue, and like someone mentioned, if it was a knife or a firecracker they wouldn't just tell him to stop and send him back to class. What he did was down right dangerous.

Posted on: Mon, 05/17/2004 - 2:47pm
Sandra Y's picture
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Joined: 08/22/2000 - 09:00

I agree with Anna Marie that the child should not be allowed to have peanuts at school any more.
We have the same problem at our son's school. It is an international school but most of the kids are Korean. They just think food allergies are funny. It's a big cultural difference. Several boys threatened my son with peanuts and sesame in the beginning of the year. Now, nearly at the end of the year it's starting again, but this time it's girls doing it.
We are getting a new principal and I guess I'll have to meet with him/her in the fall and try to figure out a way of dealing with it. It is very frustrating. My son is OK--he takes it in stride and is not upset about it, but I want an end to it. It is frightening.

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