What would you do better?

Posted on: Sun, 01/05/2003 - 2:26pm
LisaMcDowell's picture
Joined: 12/06/2002 - 09:00

I'd like everyone's input on this story of "N" & her short lived adventure at college. Fortunately, God put "N" in my life years before my dd was born so that I could learn some things from her.

"N" & her PA went off to college. "N" was removed from college by her parents after nine PA reactions, some were minor & a couple full blown anaphylactic(these were the only ones her parents were aware of during that time). She experimented w/drinking, consuming liquor like "Amaretto" & others that were made from nuts. "N" said it never occurred to her that liquor could be made from nuts. She also ate asian foods, again problematic. "N" said that she was so accustomed to having her parents take care of everything (including her PA) that it never occurred to her to do it herself. The parents had to move her back home to teach her, & to ensure that she knew how to read a menu, read labels, learn to ask appropriate questions, etc. It had also never occurred to her parents that "N" would drink liquor since she never had during high school.

With this very abbreviated story in mind...what would you do better & why? When do you think is the best time to prepare or start preparing your child to enter society on their own? When would be a good time to begin releasing bits of responsibility of the PA?...10 yrs, then year by year? 16, then year by year? Depending on their level of responsibility? etc. At what age do you think you will release full responsibility of the PA & why?...age 18 or there abouts? Time of registration for college? The day college courses begin? Never?


Posted on: Sun, 01/05/2003 - 3:27pm
LilMansMom's picture
Joined: 03/14/2002 - 09:00

In my home, we started from the day we fully understood how serious PA is, which was about 6 months after the diagnosis. He was around 2 at the time. Children learn a lot from simple repetition and I feel that the more we discuss it and the more times I show him what to do, the better he will grasp it. And I think he is getting it already. He is a little over 3 now. He won't take candy or food of any kind from anyone. First time they offer he says "No, thank you." If they push, he says "I'm 'llergic. You need to ask my mommy." It is something I have to remind him of everytime we leave the house, but when he is tested (especially by the women at the bank or barber shop.) he responds beautifully.
And, example is important, too. Not just telling him what to do, but showing him and then doing it. I also feel that I must be consistent and serious. He sees me read the labels EVERYTIME and as soon as he can read he will learn, too. He sees me ask questions in restaurants EVERYTIME and he will be encouraged to do the same. And he has seen me walk out when it was necessary.
Elsewhere on the board a mother mentioned that her 8 year old asked for the cook in the restaurant and spoke with him and explained his situation himself. I like this idea and think it is a great way to start letting him

Posted on: Sun, 01/05/2003 - 9:26pm
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I'm sorry, but I really don't even understand this question. When it's a part of your everyday life, you just deal with it as it comes - just like anything else. Other learning steps in life aren't separated into a certain time frame - for example, socialization. We don't teach our kids how to make a friend and then never talk about it again, never help them maintain those friendships, etc. Why would learning to handle PA be any different, really?
I do think the use of the Epipen is one of those things that needs to wait a bit for very young kids, but general education about PA can start from the minute you find out about it, and never ends. Yes, there will come a day when my son handles his PA totally on his own, but I can't set or predict a date for it.
I think "N's" story is sad, even tragic. It's my assumption that she was also unprepared in a lot of other ways, not just about the PA... and that's a whole other story, I'm sure.
Our kids are just little people, and it's our job to guide them as they grow into big people. Every child is different, so every parent's job will be different. But, some don't look down the long road, they don't understand what their job is, and the kids 'pay' for it.
So, in a short answer... we deal with PA in one way or another every day, learning about it just the same way we learn about anything else. There is no time frame.
[This message has been edited by Lam (edited January 06, 2003).]

Posted on: Tue, 01/07/2003 - 12:12am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Raising to go along with Dawn's post under Living w/PA.
[This message has been edited by Lam (edited January 07, 2003).]

Posted on: Tue, 01/07/2003 - 1:11am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Lam, I liked your answer and don't feel as though I could really add anything to it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
We learned that Jesse was PA at 18 months of age. It has been a continual and changing learning process since then. He has just turned 7.
I do like to think that we have been very open and honest with him and prepared him, as best as we can, at age 7, to deal with his PA.
(I was going to post something else, but given the nature of the board right now and particularly the thread that I'm in, I'm not going to right now - it really has to do with the nature of your child as well).
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 5:46am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42


Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 7:01am
LisaMcDowell's picture
Joined: 12/06/2002 - 09:00

Lam, was there something you wanted to ask me?
I actually just threw this topic out there for everyone to comment on &/or just to think about.
All I can say is that "N's" parents were very ashamed of their negligence w/the responsibility toward "N" w/regards to her PA. The dean or whoever it was at her college purdy much gave them a wake up call into realizing how vital their role is/was w/"N's" PA & their responsibility as parents. Therefore "N" was removed till she learned what things to avoid, effective communication skills, where & how to get help, etc. They laugh about it now, however, they still get teary eyes thinking about this...I'm trying to recall how long its been, maybe 15 years.

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 9:03am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I just wondered why you hadn't been back in this thread to address the responses you had gotten. You had asked some questions, and a few of us answered. I was watching and waiting for you to come back.
Thanks for explaining. And thanks again for sharing the story.

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 11:02am
synthia's picture
Joined: 10/05/2002 - 09:00

It just hit me like a ton of bricks.
I am not teaching my little v the right way.
She has a speech problem along with other developmental problems,and communication issues.
At our last meeting little v had put her mouth on the pencial machine, and started to cough.It dawned on me.
At the grocery store the bakery she is offered a cookie I let her get one.
I just got her to start to say no peanuts for me.
Last week her father took her to the store she saw peanuts and asked for them.
After reading thru the posts from the beging of the week about the very long IMO.It hit me
Iam not teaching her the right way ,for the future.
I want to think you from the bottom of my heart.
It truly woke me up.
Love this site

Posted on: Fri, 01/10/2003 - 11:51pm
LisaMcDowell's picture
Joined: 12/06/2002 - 09:00

Hi Lam,
I'm so sorry I hadn't gotten back to you & others sooner, I've been pre-occupied (no longer) w/another thread. I presented this same story about "N" in another thread. Alot of people became pisst off when I expressed my horror & disbelief about another parent for not allowing their own college age offspring to take responsibility for their own PA & by the manner in which this parent raised her child. I did this by asking legitimate questions & stating my position on what I'm doing for my dd now & what I won't be doing for her when she reaches adulthood which will be guiding her to resources by asking her about what she thinks she needs to do to be safe in society (job, college, etc.); my mistake was arguing my point. You may not want to look at it, unfortunately it demonstrated alot of "fear" by others, & promoted "fear" onto to others by suggesting that a parent (K-HS in this case, the parent hasn't mentioned what she will be doing at the college) needs to or should go beyond what is necessary to remind school administrators to remember their child in regards to their PA. A simple "Thank-you" is sufficient, in addition, the staff will be reminded of your child & their PA whenever they see you headed toward the cafeteria for a periodic inspection; HS will be different for us
since it will be her testing ground to prove responsibility & for us to learn what more we need to teach her.
I'm so happy for you! Please continue to educate yourself w/lots of reading material on its many aspects & the "tools" one can use w/PA including that of effective communication skills in spreading PA (one on one, etc.), asking for accommodations for your child & most importantly to teach your child how do it him/herself. In doing so, these tools have allowed me & my family to relinquish "fear" of PA & deal w/it on a healthy basis so that we now live peacefully w/it. My husband & I now feel confident in how/what we teach our dd & due to it, its proving that it boosts her "self esteem" because she knows she has "tools" to work with to keep herself safe.
When my dd was under 4 yrs, anytime she decided to grab at or ask for peanuts, I would say, "NO, you can only have food that is healthy for you, these are not...& then I'd hand her a bag of Cheetos (what a bonehead! I guess, I could've run over to the produce section or while standing in the check out, I could've grabbed a piece of fruit out of someone's cart if I didn't have one).
Sorry about all the unsolicited advice, in any case, I hope it helps.

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