What would convince the community that this is the right thing to do, banning nuts?

Posted on: Sat, 09/04/2004 - 8:25am
themom's picture
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Joined: 09/03/2004 - 09:00

Reading post on village soup has me worried. I thought that the community here would be helpful, instead I think they wish I would move somewhere else. I cannot believe how selfish some are. There are some dear supporters helping to try to convince the small minded. There are a few posting who have kids in my sons classroom? What do you say to these people who think this is unreasonable to ban nuts and nut products?
My son has MANY allergys that we are not even thinking of asking them to ban. He has severe allergies to Mold, Dust, Dander from Pets, seasonal allergies including oak, he has asthma. But he is a kid! My son and I want to protect him from the things that could kill him as much as I can. I dont expect the community to Care for him, just not send in some kinds of foods. Help!

Posted on: Sat, 09/04/2004 - 9:49am
turlisa's picture
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Joined: 08/29/2004 - 09:00

As horrible as this is going to sound, I dont think it can be done. A majority of the people around here are not willing to change, their philosophy is "if something aint broke, dont fix it" and lets face it, I can only IMAGINE what it must be like, since my kids dont have a PA, most people arent even willing to do that.
I'm not saying this to discourage you, you are advocating for your son. You are fighting for his life, but they dont see it that way, they see it as you being selfish placing your son above all others, the way I used to see it. I took the time to learn about it and find out I was wrong in thinking that way, most of these people are still stuck on the fact, and mad as hell, that they had to find out about it thru the media.
While I was in Walmart today, I heard people talking about it, I even heard my name come up, so I approached them, introduced myself and talked to them. I tried to share the knowledge that I now have and what I heard in return is "everybody's needs are important and I dont care, youre not changing my mind"
and the reason they are not being helpful is because they feel like they were blindsided by this and that they werent given a choice. Society as a whole does not react well to the word BAN.
I wish I could tell you different, but even though I have only lived in WALDOBORO for 4 years, I have known this community all my life.
Good luck, I will be at the board meeting, and I will try to difuse the parents tempers and support as much as I can, but I can only do so much.
Lisa
[This message has been edited by turlisa (edited September 04, 2004).]

Posted on: Sat, 09/04/2004 - 11:08am
themom's picture
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Joined: 09/03/2004 - 09:00

I know it does not help much, but I had no control over the 'release" of info with this. There are many other schools in Maine that have gone nut free, but just did not do a press release. I know the school was thinking it would be helpful to do the press release and I guess I just thought it would be local news, not national. I dont know That these people really should have a "say". I do know Susan wants to do a parent meeting where parents can come and ask questions. She wants to do that after the board meeting. I know she does not alwasy think everything through but she does mean well. Switching superintendents over the summer kind of put things back a bit as well. She did not take over until July and had more than just this allergy thing to deal with.
Do you think having a newsletter prepared for the meeting for parents to read over with some stats and some general allergy info would be helpful? I mean he is allergic to lots I am not asking them to ban, would that be helpful for them to know? The school and I are only asking for the serious life threatening stuff to be banned. What would begin to put out some of the burning fire?

Posted on: Sat, 09/04/2004 - 11:15am
momma2boys's picture
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Joined: 03/14/2003 - 09:00

themom, I am so sorry you are going through this. It makes me so sad that people don't understand that this is about a small childs life! I am not in your situation so I can only offer you my opinion on what I [i]think[/i] I would do in your situation.
If they are going to find out your identity anyways, you may want to go public. Get a reporter to do a story and tell your side. Maybe if they see a picture of your child it will trigger some compassion for him. Help them make the connection and realize what you are fighting for. You really don't have much to lose.
I hope things get better. Let us know what happens. Things should die down soon.

Posted on: Sat, 09/04/2004 - 11:35am
Dunpun's picture
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Joined: 01/26/2004 - 09:00

Some people never cease to disappoint me. (I really mean tick me off). I cannot believe you are going through this. My heart goes out to you. I hope each and every one of these people apposing the ban will feel very ashamed of themselves, hopefully sooner than later. I always feel like saying to people who appose bans that my child likes to drink bleach and he will be bringing it into the class for lunch. He may spill or may offer the other children some. We found out it is very good for him and insist he have it. (I know this only would cause trouble so I don't say it, but I sure want to)
I am so angry for you and sad that you and your ds have to go through this, you are a braver mom than me because I would probably cry and move away. You ARE strong and I can tell you have compassion for others, they are lucky you have these qualities and they should be thankful you are in their community.
Linda

Posted on: Sat, 09/04/2004 - 11:37am
Dunpun's picture
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Joined: 01/26/2004 - 09:00

sorry double post
[This message has been edited by Dunpun (edited September 04, 2004).]

Posted on: Sat, 09/04/2004 - 11:38am
b and c's picture
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Joined: 09/03/2004 - 09:00

This is not a fight you should be trying to win. All you can do is present your concerns in a calm manor. You are dealing with people who have made up their minds. Only people like Turlisa who are willing to learn and understand will ever change their mind's.
However, if you explain your concerns in a calm non-impassioned manor, you may find people willing to listen. People will use your anger and frustration against you. You need to present your case as one open to the views of others. If you do it right, you may find others willing to compromise and meet you in the middle (if there is one).
My wife and I are in negotiations with our School Board right now. These techniques have helped us a great deal. We have even been able to win over some of our most ardent opponents.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Brian

Posted on: Sat, 09/04/2004 - 11:43am
turlisa's picture
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Joined: 08/29/2004 - 09:00

I know you didnt have any control over the release of info and you dont have to convince me. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] I know this is extremely hard on you.
And you are right, these people shouldnt have a "say" in what [b]you[/b] need to do to protect [b]your[/b] child, but (and I can only really speak for myself and the way I would feel if I still didnt know how serious this allergy is) the parents feel like something was taken away from their children and they should have had a say about that.
A newsletter might be helpful and it would give parents actual facts that you are not the only one out there with a PA child. It might help them to be a little more understanding, but in my honest opinion, I dont think they will waiver on wanting to lift this ban, and most will want a compromise. I think it could go either way if they knew how many things he was allergic to, some would feel more compassionate but there are others that would take the "well if he's that bad you should keep him home" approach.
Another thing that might help is if the other parents saw that this was [b] a little boy[/b] and not just some story. and while some kids can be cruel I think the majority would in a way look out for your son, asking their moms not to send them with pb&j cuz it could hurt a friend. That however is totally your call and what you feel comfortable with.
I am in the process of preparing something now that I am going to read at the meeting and I hope that it will start to put out fire in the people that are supporting my initial reaction.
I havent finished it yet, but here it is so far......
**************************************
Hi, My name is Lisa Txxxxx, and I came here tonight because when I first read about the ban in the paper, I was beyond mad. I was FURIOUS! How dare the school make a decision like this, that affects the whole student body with out even telling us parents in person, It seemed sneaky and very well timed. And who were these parents who thought their childs needs were more important then EVERYBODY.
Originally I decided to come here to DEMAND you lift the ban or I would do everything in my power to make sure your seats were recalled and a new school board would be elected, one that looked out for EVERY child and not just one.
So I went online to research what I would need to do, and to get some ammunition to use here. And the first thing I learned is that THE SCHOOL HAS A LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY TO PROVIDE A SAFE LEARNING ENVIRONMENT FOR ALL CHILDREN. In learning that, and still being mad. I set out to show examples of why a ban of peanut products would be unsafe for children with peanut allergies. I went back online to find arguments and evidence that supported my way of thinking.
What I found was something else all together. I happened across a peanut allergy site and I decided to read some of the posts that were made. And in the last 2 weeks, I have learned a lot about this allergy.
Most foods that can cause anaphylactic shock have to be eaten, the peanut allergy is different. Because of the oils and residue, the peanut only has to be touched.. Sometimes not even that. I know we have heard it all before, but in seeing all these mothers who don

Posted on: Sat, 09/04/2004 - 12:22pm
b and c's picture
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Joined: 09/03/2004 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by b and c:
[b] This is not a fight you should be trying to win. All you can do is present your concerns in a calm manor. You are dealing with people who have made up their minds. Only people like Turlisa who are willing to learn and understand will ever change their mind's.
However, if you explain your concerns in a calm non-impassioned manor, you may find people willing to listen. People will use your anger and frustration against you. You need to present your case as one open to the views of others. If you do it right, you may find others willing to compromise and meet you in the middle (if there is one).
My wife and I are in negotiations with our School Board right now. These techniques have helped us a great deal. We have even been able to win over some of our most ardent opponents.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Brian[/b]

Posted on: Sat, 09/04/2004 - 12:24pm
b and c's picture
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Joined: 09/03/2004 - 09:00

Wow it sure is easy to double post.
Brian

Posted on: Sat, 09/04/2004 - 12:48pm
ALLERGYMOM's picture
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Joined: 10/09/2003 - 09:00

themom I am so sorry this is happening to you and your family. I cant imagine the stress you must be under. You have support here.
I hope it all works out for you and I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
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Have A Great Day

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