What to do,What to say to a 6 year old

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Hi all

Something my 6 year old said to me yesterday. I don't know where she is getting these ?'s from or why?

DD saies "Mom we need to go to the store and buy some peanuts and hold them and look at them". I tell her no we can not buy or pick them up. We can look at them that is all!

I Had to ask her to repeat what she had said to make sure I heard the words corectly. She keep saying she wanted to see them.About a month ago we have got books to read about PB. She has also stated to me that(in the past) "the world does not taste bad"! Her class studied the states a few weeks ago and she has said to me Mom"Georgia has peanuts and I don't want to go to Georgia I want to go to texas that is where sponge Bob lives".

The ? and statement's she had said have me thinking. What do I tell her and how ?

edited to add I get a uneasy feeling when she speaks of this. Is this feeling justified?

------------------ Love this site Synthia

[This message has been edited by synthia (edited February 16, 2005).]

On Feb 16, 2005

I have been thinking of this too. My son is 7 now.they are trying to sort this out in their heads I think. My sons class did a states project and he had Georgia. I thought it was ironic but then breathed a sign of relief since we had to bring in props from the state and figuered hey we had Georgia so I knew we WEREnt bringing peanuts in! He cut out pictures of peanuts from a magazine. He also said he didnt want to go to Georgia until I reminded him he had been there twice already.

I dont know what to say in particular just use things they bring up to teach them . They are getting older now and understanding the realm of this more. Maybe someone with an older child can help us out.

Flo

[This message has been edited by patsmommy (edited February 16, 2005).]

On Feb 16, 2005

Thanks Flo, I was hopeing I was not the only one dealing with this. Look forward to reading others reply's! Maybe some oldtimes can lend a hand here. Thanks

------------------ Love this site Synthia

On Feb 16, 2005

Hi Synthia, I understand the uneasy feeling. I used to get it when ds would purposely touch the Grandma Nut pictures in Candyland. He would say, "its just a picture". They need to process for themselves at a certain age. Just like with anything else, they go from simply accepting whatever the parent tells them point blank, to wanting to figure it out for themselves. They need to completely wrap their own minds around their situation, not just use blind acceptance. Take care, Naturemom

On Feb 16, 2005

(shrugging shoulders)

Dont know what to say... Caitlin hasnt asked many questions about FA's...

The ones she HAS asked 'Will I be able to eat that someday?' for whatever it was, was answered, 'maybe' -- we'll wait and see.

When she DOES ask about peanuts, we say no. Point blank. Just like mommy... Its easy to say 'we will not eat peanuts' since Ann doesnt. And its 'no big deal', if you will. Mommy doesnt eat them, Sara doesnt eat them... no one in the house does (IN the house -- outside, I do, like at work).

We just don't want to give her another reason to see a shrink. I'm sure we'll need one at some point.. just not yet... back to burying my head.

Jason

------------------ [b]* ENRICHED * [/b]

On Feb 16, 2005

Synthia, Two examples that might help.

When my son was under 2 years old he was always afraid of the lawnmower the gardener used. He would stand with his hands on the patio door and watch the gardener and cry and cry and cry. I would carry him away and try to distract him and he would run back to the door to watch and cry.

When a stranger is visiting us, a stranger to our dog anyway, our dog will do all he can to curl up in the stranger's lap, lick his hands and go to sleep.

The scariest horror films NEVER show you the monster, you hear all the noise and the rumbling but you never ever see the monster. The monster you don't know is much scarier than the monster you know.

Maybe your daughter needs to see a peanut. Hold a bag of them in her hands and see that they are not specifically out to get her. Hold a jar of PB too.

Take her to the grocery store and bring a big zip lock bag with you. Take a bag of unshelled peanuts and put the whole unopened bag into the big zip lock bag seal it and then give it to your daughter to hold and examine for a few minutes.

Give her a jar of PB to hold and look at too. All unopened.

It might help. I mean what is a 6 year old to think? Everyone else can eat this stuff and I cannot. What is it about me that peanuts don't like?

I remember when we first moved to CA we had a bunch of earthquakes and then the big one in 1994. It took me a long time to realize that my biggest problem after making sure we were all safe is I was taking the earthquake personally. It felt like the earth was coming after me. Once I learned to not take them personally I can function but before that it was tough.

I cannot imagine what I asked you to do with the bag of peanuts would be unsafe but please be careful if you choose to do it.

Just a thought.

Peggy

On Feb 16, 2005

The first thing I thought of when I read your post is something a friend of mine told me about curing allergies. She is really into holistic medicine and claims that if you hold a vile with the allergen in it for a period of time and message different specific places on you body you can cure and allergy. Maybe some other kid told her that to cure the allergy she needed to hold a peanut. Probably a long shot but that is the first thing I thought of.

On Feb 16, 2005

I have a couple thoughts on this. 1-When my kids were younger and came home with strange questions on any subject I always went to the teacher and asked about classroom discussions. Mystery was usually solve. They either misunderstood something and it stays simmering in their brain or just heard new information they were still trying to figure out. Either way, it gave me something to go on for further conversations with my child. 2- I wonder if these questions to peanut are different depending on if they have ever experienced a reaction or not. My son has had numerous cross contamination reactions requiring a week of steroids to get him back to normal size and has never been interested in touching one or looking at one. If they haven't had a reaction I don't know how I would explain the danger without scaring them.

On Feb 16, 2005

Quote:

Originally posted by Peg541: [b]Take her to the grocery store and bring a big zip lock bag with you. Take a bag of unshelled peanuts and put the whole unopened bag into the big zip lock bag seal it and then give it to your daughter to hold and examine for a few minutes.

Peggy[/b]

I really like this! Very empowering.

On Feb 16, 2005

Wow. We are dealing with something like this too! Dd is 4, and she now finds it funny to talk about wanting to eat peanuts, etc. When I get upset, she says "Mom, I'm just playing, they aren't real" as if I am seriously in need of help! She is a very careful child so I can't imagine she's going to intentionally make a bad choice about it. I think she is processing it.

On Feb 16, 2005

We are also experiencing these kinds of questions with my almost 3 year old son. He is obsessed with the same question and asks it every day "mommy when you were a little girl did peanuts make you sick?" . I answer him the same every time "no, they don't make everybody sick, only people who are allergic to them" . It seems as if he's waiting for a different answer or something. But yes, I do feel very uneasy when he gets 'obsessed' with this topic. It has to be some type of inner conflict they are working out. Sorry that I could't help with your question, but I do understand where you're coming from! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

On Feb 18, 2005

Quote:

Originally posted by dyanamaree: I have a couple thoughts on this. 1-When my kids were younger and came home with strange questions on any subject I always went to the teacher and asked about classroom discussions. Mystery was usually solve. They either misunderstood something and it stays simmering in their brain or just heard new information they were still trying to figure out. Either way, it gave me something to go on for further conversations with my child. 2- I wonder if these questions to peanut are different depending on if they have ever experienced a reaction or not. My son has had numerous cross contamination reactions requiring a week of steroids to get him back to normal size and has never been interested in touching one or looking at one. If they haven't had a reaction I don't know how I would explain the danger without scaring them.

dyanamaree I realy donnot know if she remembers the reaction at 18 months or not,she had a contact reaction 2 weeks ago but she is saying that chocolate makes her sick!! She is not making the conection with that cross contamination reaction.I have a lot of work to do with dd. as far as talking with the teacher I have not had a chance to do this,There is a lot going on in the school lately.I will talk with the teacher next week about this. Thanks!!!

Quote:

Originally posted by Gail W: I really like this! Very empowering.

YES! DD and myself need to face this head on and Knowledge(sp?) is power.I need to teach her to not run from it, but to know how and what she needs to do to keep herself safe I have told her she cah touch the picture and say the word with no reaction. Thank GailW I was hopeing you could shed some light.Could you ask your dd about this?

Quote:

Originally posted by pgrubbs: Wow. We are dealing with something like this too! Dd is 4, and she now finds it funny to talk about wanting to eat peanuts, etc. When I get upset, she says "Mom, I'm just playing, they aren't real" as if I am seriously in need of help! She is a very careful child so I can't imagine she's going to intentionally make a bad choice about it. I think she is processing it.

As parents we have a lot to conceder when talking about this allergy to our younger children.I think she needs to do this with the product to understand what it is all about. Thanks pgrubbs!

Quote:

Originally posted by JacksonsMom: We are also experiencing these kinds of questions with my almost 3 year old son. He is obsessed with the same question and asks it every day "mommy when you were a little girl did peanuts make you sick?" . I answer him the same every time "no, they don't make everybody sick, only people who are allergic to them" . It seems as if he's waiting for a different answer or something. But yes, I do feel very uneasy when he gets 'obsessed' with this topic. It has to be some type of inner conflict they are working out. Sorry that I could't help with your question, but I do understand where you're coming from!

[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

JacksonsMom,You have helped,in more ways then you can image!I think it might be a inner conflict too.My be she thinks it sould not hurt her because it is a [b]food![/b]I will tread lightly will this,and try very hard to [b]not[/b]freak her out!!!! Thanks again everyone! I will let everyone know afterward how we handle it!

------------------ Love this site Synthia

On Feb 18, 2005

i thought i got everyone on the reply I lost some of the info.so here is the rest!

Quote:

Originally posted by Naturemom: Hi Synthia, I understand the uneasy feeling. I used to get it when ds would purposely touch the Grandma Nut pictures in Candyland. He would say, "its just a picture". They need to process for themselves at a certain age. Just like with anything else, they go from simply accepting whatever the parent tells them point blank, to wanting to figure it out for themselves. They need to completely wrap their own minds around their situation, not just use blind acceptance. Take care, Naturemom

Hi Naturemom I too could not say the word or look at the pictures of a peanut I think I was angry at the food.But I have saied to her she can say the word or color the picture with no problem It is a uneasy feeling.She does need to wrap [b]mind[/b] around it!! Thanks!

Quote:

Originally posted by Peg541: Synthia, Two examples that might help.

When my son was under 2 years old he was always afraid of the lawnmower the gardener used. He would stand with his hands on the patio door and watch the gardener and cry and cry and cry. I would carry him away and try to distract him and he would run back to the door to watch and cry.

When a stranger is visiting us, a stranger to our dog anyway, our dog will do all he can to curl up in the stranger's lap, lick his hands and go to sleep.

The scariest horror films NEVER show you the monster, you hear all the noise and the rumbling but you never ever see the monster. The monster you don't know is much scarier than the monster you know.

Maybe your daughter needs to see a peanut. Hold a bag of them in her hands and see that they are not specifically out to get her. Hold a jar of PB too.

Take her to the grocery store and bring a big zip lock bag with you. Take a bag of unshelled peanuts and put the whole unopened bag into the big zip lock bag seal it and then give it to your daughter to hold and examine for a few minutes.

Give her a jar of PB to hold and look at too. All unopened.

It might help. I mean what is a 6 year old to think? Everyone else can eat this stuff and I cannot. What is it about me that peanuts don't like?

I remember when we first moved to CA we had a bunch of earthquakes and then the big one in 1994. It took me a long time to realize that my biggest problem after making sure we were all safe is I was taking the earthquake personally. It felt like the earth was coming after me. Once I learned to not take them personally I can function but before that it was tough.

I cannot imagine what I asked you to do with the bag of peanuts would be unsafe but please be careful if you choose to do it.

Just a thought.

Peggy

Peg when I first say your post I that you where "nuts" But I do sooo understand.thanks I will let everyone know how we handled it after we figure it out! Thanks

Quote:

Originally posted by jtolpin: (shrugging shoulders)

Dont know what to say... Caitlin hasnt asked many questions about FA's...

The ones she HAS asked 'Will I be able to eat that someday?' for whatever it was, was answered, 'maybe' -- we'll wait and see.

When she DOES ask about peanuts, we say no. Point blank. Just like mommy... Its easy to say 'we will not eat peanuts' since Ann doesnt. And its 'no big deal', if you will. Mommy doesnt eat them, Sara doesnt eat them... no one in the house does (IN the house -- outside, I do, like at work).

We just don't want to give her another reason to see a shrink. I'm sure we'll need one at some point.. just not yet... back to burying my head.

Jason

Thanks Jason, I try not to make a big deal either sometimes I just don't know I will step lightly! Thanks!

Quote:

Originally posted by lalow: Maybe some other kid told her that to cure the allergy she needed to hold a peanut. Probably a long shot but that is the first thing I thought of.

She has been teased about her allergy.I will be talking with the teacher next week!! Thanks!

------------------ Love this site Synthia

On Feb 18, 2005

Quote:

Originally posted by synthia: [b] I need to teach her to not run from it, but to know how and what she needs to do to keep herself safe I have told her she cah touch the picture and say the word with no reaction. Thank GailW I was hopeing you could shed some light.Could you ask your dd about this?

[/b]

Sure, synthia, I'd be happy to ask Mariah. I think she'd like being consulted. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Can you clarify what to ask her?

I remember when Mariah started asking lots of questions too. It's such a wonderful time. You've a got a great opportunity now with Little V.

Because we never had nuts in our home, she wasn't "seeing" what nuts looked like. How could she avoid them if she couldn't recognize what they looked like? And I think she was trying to understand the "invisible nut" (as she called it)~ foods with nut cross-contamination. What does that look like?

Her questioning happened at an age when she was really into cutting and pasting. My friend was letting her daughter cut pictures out of magazines and paste them into a scrap book. My friend is a former teacher, and she always had great ideas about engaging her kids in fun educational crafts. She told me how she only let her daughter do this special cut and paste project while she was fixing dinner, and how it was great because it was something her daughter couldn't wait to do (they only did it during dinner prep time) and it allowed my friend some time to get dinner underway.

Anyway, at her suggestion, I modified the same project where Mariah cut out pictures of food from old magazines during dinner prep time. I found the weekly ads from the grocery stores were especially great. Anyway our game was to cut our pictures and then (or later) talk about whether or not we thought that food had nuts. Sometimes we'd find pictures of actual nuts, that was very exciting! I remember one picture board we did had categories "Nuts", "No nuts" and "invisible nut?". Most were in the " ? " category, and it was fun to go to the grocery store and look at those ingredients to make our "final determination".

Mariah [i]loved[/i] it. Especially all that cutting and pasting. We did it for months. And she was really proud of those boards, which we hung in the kitchen to display. It was very empowering.

Ahhh, I get a warm feeling just remembering it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

On Feb 18, 2005

Gail I like that idea with pictures and board. I think I may do that with my sons. Flo

On Feb 18, 2005

Thanks for this thread. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] I don't really have any help to offer, but I can relate, sort of.

My son was afraid of the CandyLand Game. His thought GrandmaNut would hurt his mommy. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] He felt safe with the computer version of the game though - and specifically likes to make *the nutty grandma* talk. For awhile, he started calling me that - hee hee.

He did go through a period of wanting to touch peanuts in the grocery store. DH was getting quite upset about it all - thinking ds might touch and not tell us. We had to repeatedly tell him that if he touched peanuts he has to wash up right away.

Then, of course, he reversed courses and said we should never shop again at any stores that sell peanuts because they don't care about keeping his mommy safe. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] A six year old that wants to start his own little boycotte. I love it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

On Feb 18, 2005

Okay, I tried to explain this to Mariah.

She wanted to know if the little girl [i]wanted[/i] to hold the bag of peanuts.... and I said, Yes that the idea came from her.

She asked if the girl was afraid of peanuts and I said I didn't know, but that she wanted to hold a bag of them to study them. Mariah thought "that's good".

She asked why the mom wasn't sure about doing it, even with the zip-lock, and I said I didn't know the mom's concerns... that was what we were discussing.

She said that if the girl wanted to do it and the mom wasn't sure, then the mom should practice it first (without the daughter there) to make sure she was okay with it... because "the mom needs to be okay with it for the girl to be okay with it.'

Such is Mariah's HO.

On Feb 18, 2005

How old is your daughter Gail? That sounds very mature for the young girl I have pictured in my mind. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

On Feb 18, 2005

Quote:

Originally posted by Gail W: Okay, I tried to explain this to Mariah.

She wanted to know if the little girl [i]wanted[/i] to hold the bag of peanuts.... and I said, Yes that the idea came from her.

She asked if the girl was afraid of peanuts and I said I didn't know, but that she wanted to hold a bag of them to study them. Mariah thought "that's good".

She asked why the mom wasn't sure about doing it, even with the zip-lock, and I said I didn't know the mom's concerns... that was what we were discussing.

She said that if the girl wanted to do it and the mom wasn't sure, then the mom should practice it first (without the daughter there) to make sure she was okay with it... because "the mom needs to be okay with it for the girl to be okay with it.'

Such is Mariah's HO.

Mariah, Thank you very much,dd does not seem to be afraid of peanuts, [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

I think you are right it's mom I will listen to your words,and use them wisely.(((hugs))) and [b]Thank you![/b]

Gail W, You must be sooo proud or your daughter. thank you for talking with your dd about this I have this habbit of listing to the children when they speak,more so then adults DYKWIM Thank you!

AnnaMarie not to answer for gail I think ... oh I think Gail should answer that.

------------------ Love this site Synthia

[This message has been edited by synthia (edited February 18, 2005).]

On Feb 18, 2005

Quote:

Originally posted by AnnaMarie: [b]How old is your daughter Gail? [/b]

11. (Going on 41?)

I know she has been thinking about this on and off today because later today she asked me again if it was [i]safe[/i] to hold a bag of peanuts (in a zip-lock bag) and I told her that I thought it was safe. She asked me again why then was the mom was concerned about it. I tried to explain that I thought it was an emotional concern about what that experience might be like for her daughter.

Then I asked her if she ever wanted to hold a bag of peanuts and she said, "No"... and nothing more than just 'no'.

But then, later tonight after dinner, she told me she was thinking about holding a bag of peanuts. I asked her again if that was something she'd consider doing, and she said she didn't know... "it would be weird." So obviously it has got her thinking and she's not sure if it would be comfortable or not.

So you've got us really thinking on this end, synthia.

On Feb 18, 2005

Even though I initiated that piece of advice about holding a bag of peanuts sealed in a zip lock bag, I doubt my son would do it either.

I still think it is a good idea though. If a child has a specific desire to see peanuts and you are certain they won't go and do this unsafely by themselves.....

Gail I think you are handling this whole thing very well.

Peggy

On Feb 19, 2005

Peg and I are on the same wavelength. Mariah is obviously now thinking about if/why she would be uncomfortable hold something that is [i]rationally[/i] safe.

This whole thing is very interesting.

And, by the way, I thought this:

Quote:

Originally posted by synthia: [b]She has also stated to me that... "the world does not taste bad"![/b]

was simply precious!

On Feb 28, 2005

Good Morning everyone!!

This is realy weird. Over the weekend Dh found a peanut in our yard,we thought this would be a good time to show dd.

First I put the peanut in two snack bags. Then I held it and rolled it around to get comfy with it,I thought, I would have a problem with it.The only thing I felt was angry at the peanut (the enemy)very angry!! After playing with it I was comfy but still mad that this food could take my daughter down.

So we started by showing the peanut to little V and asked her "Do you know what this is"She said "no".We then told her it was a peanut! You should have seen the look that came over her face (suprised look)almost like why do you have that?DD stated that she does not want to eat them,I said I am not askeing you to eat them.She goes on to say she is allergic to them and they make her sick.I went on to tell her yes they will make her sick,but it is ok to say the word and I asked if she would like to hold it?She said no.I told her it was ok to hold the peanut because it is in two bags and it can't hurt her.I asked her If she would like to brake it up inside the bag?At first she wanted to open the bag and brake the peanut, I told her no that it is safer,we need to leave it in the bag and brake it open .She choose not to brake it open I asked her if she would like me to brake the peanut open,Yes!So we did and I showed her the nut in side.

While we are doing this her twin brother comes over and said what is that? I was reall suprised that neither of the twins know what the peanut looked like! A couple of months ago we picked up some books at the school and read about peanuts and looked at pictures.

On one of the commerciasl on TV they where doing a advertisement on Reeces and chocolate cereal.Little V said"I want those" I told her they where peanutbutter and that she could not have them,she goes on to say "but I can take the peanutbutter out and eat the chocolate"!! My heart droped!!!I have a lot of work to do with dd.One step at a time.

Peg,Gail,and everyone else Thank you,so much for all your support!!!!! And Mariah,Thank you sooooooo much sweet heart.((((hugs)))) [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

------------------ Love this site Synthia

On Feb 28, 2005

Quote:

Originally posted by synthia: [b]

After playing with it I was comfy but still mad that this food could take my daughter down.

[/b]

I understand.

This stood out *for me*. I feel that way about so many things [i]just waiting[/i] for my cubs. Cars, Drugs, Alcohol, Smoking, *the [i]wrong[/i] 'friends'*, Sex, [i]high risk activities[/i], and just bad luck.

Some things will require a delicate balance coupled with informed decision making, most likely erring on the side of caution, while others............*complete, total, and utter avoidance*. Personally? I'm going to run interference while educating, offer unwaivering support, and undying love. And pray. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

I'm not offering advice, just describing my thoughts after a period of time. IMMV.

On Feb 28, 2005

Beautiful! Strong work, synthia. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

On Feb 28, 2005

Yes Synthia, very good work. I'm glad it worked out so well. Peggy

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