What a day....

Posted on: Fri, 08/03/2007 - 11:01am
psufan1996's picture
Joined: 06/03/2007 - 09:00

Beware readers because this is going to be long....My daughter is transitioning to the toddler room at her daycare which is a peanut-free facility. I have spoken to the director and her previous teachers about her PNA. So, I stop the new teacher yesterday and I say something along the lines of "Did the director mention that Emily is allergic to peanuts?" She says that no one let her know, but that the center is peanut free so this should not be a problem. She then proceeds to tell me that she keeps a bag of peanut m&ms in the closet just for teachers, but it is out of reach of the kids and she washes her hands after she eats them. What?! I left and when I got home I thought about my comfort zone. Since this is so new for us, I have not yet established how I feel about certain situations. So after much deliberation, I decide No! So, I spoke to the director this morning, and she is going to address with all staff about peanut products not being allowed. I will follow up tomorrow. Okay, that is taken care of.

Then tonight I was speaking to a friend who does not have children and I mentioned the situation to her and that I was concerned that this might set up a negative relationship with Em's new teacher. The conversation went something like this:

Her: So, you are basically telling the teacher she can't eat peanuts?
Me: No, I am saying she cannot eat peanuts in my daughters classroom, which is supposed to be peanut free anyway.
Her: You can't tell someone what to do.
Me: No one loves my child and will protect her the way her parents will, so in this case I think I have every right.
Her: You are a mommy snob. They love your child just like you do.
Me: I think my dinner is ready, have to go!

Unbelievable! The fact that anyone thinks that I am being unreasonable by trying to keep my child from dying! And no, I think that if a moving train was coming at my daughter her teachers would probably not jump in front of it, but her father or I would. If that makes me a snob so be it.

Well, if you have made it to the end of this post thank for listening. I do feel a little better now just getting it out.


Posted on: Fri, 08/03/2007 - 11:22am
Lindajo's picture
Joined: 10/14/2003 - 09:00

You are not a "mommy snob". You are not saying that the teacher cannot eat peanuts. You are just asking that she do not eat them in your DD's classroom or in the presence of her. That is not being a mommy snob. That is protecting your child and being her advocate.
Your friend has no children so she has no idea what it is like to protect and take care of someone so precious. Maybe someday when she has kids of her own, she'll understand. But for now, she only has herself to worry about.
I like the way you ended the conversation!

Posted on: Fri, 08/03/2007 - 11:28am
Corvallis Mom's picture
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Hate to say this.... wait, let me preface it with a big {hug}. What a rotten day!
Now. Take a deeeeeeep breath. No, you are NOT wrong for wanting the d@mned things out of your child's "peanut free" environment.
But expect this to be the first of a GREAT MANY SIMILAR CONVERSATIONS.
My daughter is exquisitely aerosol sensitive-- even my good friend who [i]saw this with her own eyes[/i] had a similar conversation with me once about limitations on PB in cafeteria settings....
[i]THAT[/i] was an eye-opener. You can't teach pigs to sing, as it is a waste of your time and it annoys the pig. (Not even pigs you like and otherwise think of as distinctly operatic.) [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
Me? I have found it still stings, yes, when friends don't get it to this extent, but I have to let it go.... Not the peanut M+M's.... my goodness, no. But the friend's jaw-droppingly insensitive comments. BTDT, got the teeshirt.

Posted on: Fri, 08/03/2007 - 11:40am
Adele's picture
Joined: 01/31/2005 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by psufan1996:
[b] They love your child just like you do.
BALONEY! Your friend doesn't know what she is talking about.

Posted on: Fri, 08/03/2007 - 12:16pm
smudgesgarden's picture
Joined: 02/26/2006 - 09:00

if you are not confortable with anything SAY SOMETHING! if you dont who will?????
stick to your guns.

Posted on: Fri, 08/03/2007 - 1:29pm
Sarahb's picture
Joined: 01/22/2007 - 09:00

The policy at the Bright Horizons Family Solutions that ds went to was that the teachers/carefgivers/any staff were told not to eat peanuts in the morning or within 4 hours of their shift. DS was outta there before we knew about his PA but that is the policy that I remember.
When you are dealing with infants and toddlers I think it is the only reasonable way to do it. And this should be in place on planes as well.

Posted on: Fri, 08/03/2007 - 1:47pm
lilpig99's picture
Joined: 12/22/2005 - 09:00

Oh. I so know the comments you're talking about. I'm sorry, truly. It stinks. But yes, you will continue to hear these sorts of things from even people you call friends. Never forget that it's your job to advocate for your child...if you don't, I guarantee no one else will. It sounds like you are weighing these situations, forming your zones, and seeking to provide necessary accomodations...an excellant advocate indeed [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]. Hang in there.
And I second everything that Corvallis Mom said.

Posted on: Fri, 08/03/2007 - 3:28pm
psufan1996's picture
Joined: 06/03/2007 - 09:00

What a coincidence, I am actually referring to a Bright Horizons facility. They are known for a strict no peanuts policy. She has been there since she was 8 weeks, well before we knew about her PNA, but I am thankful for the policy now. We just need the teachers to follow it! I think it is just going to be a matter of education, because I know before Emily's reaction I would not have had a second thought to peanuts or allergies.

Posted on: Fri, 08/03/2007 - 3:39pm
Sarahb's picture
Joined: 01/22/2007 - 09:00

I had a feeling it was BHFS....something in your post....sounded familiar I guess.
Well the one ds was in was pretty good about it...althought the menu was sugar, sugar and sugar. I was the leader of the third wave of parents to complain about it and we actually got a lot of positive changes to it.
BUT in the infant room....one day.....they did a sensory activity with the babies. They let them touch and sit in white flour.
I said..."isn't that wheat?" The caregiver wasn't really sure....I wasn't really happy about that. They don't do it anymore.
I pulled DS out at 2years old. Up until that point it was excellent...but they offered nothing stimulating after that.
If you have problems work your way up the chain of command if you need to. They really should be able to handle peanut free pretty well.

Posted on: Sat, 08/04/2007 - 12:13am
notnutty's picture
Joined: 03/15/2004 - 09:00

Sorry you had such an experience with a friend. Be prepared to have similar conversations in the future with others. Unless you live with this allergy on a daily basis, it is very difficult to understand. I have had to grow "thick-skin" over the past 4 years. I used to be very sensitive to such comments, but I now know that most of it is just ignorance. People just don't get it.
I had a similar situation last spring. Long story short...I was volunteering at school for staff appreciation week. I was in the staff lounge making smoothies for the staff. Another volunteer came in the lounge with a huge can of mixed nuts and began placing them all around the tables. I was shocked and did not know what to say at first. I then said, "did you know there are several children in this school who are severly allergic to nuts?" She said, "the kids are not going to eat them, they are for the staff." I tried to explain cross-contamination, etc...but she did not get it. So instead of fighting with her, I simply walked down the office to the principal who walked back to the lounge with me and removed the peanuts and told everyone in the lounge to wash his/her hands.
The principal understands because she has several allergies herself (not food, but medicine and environmental).
You can try to educate your friend, but in the end, it is not her responsibility to keep your child safe. It is yours and whatever you need to do to accomplish this...do it!
The M&Ms should have never made it into the school if the school is peanut-free. Good luck!

Posted on: Sat, 08/04/2007 - 2:18am
Christabelle's picture
Joined: 10/03/2004 - 09:00

I find it sad that anyone could think a paid daycare staffer loves a child as much as his or her mother.
Wow. Talk about some kind of cultural denial. I find it unbelievable that some people really believe that.


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