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Maybe she was trying to point out to her son that some people can make things that are safe for him to eat? Truthfully, I wouldn't have been so blunt to say in your nephew's presence that you had made it for your son, and not for him. If just SIL was there, then I would clarify that point. However, that could feel like a rejection to your nephew--- like you extended the effort for your son, but not for him (of course you do more for your own child, but that might not be how the world seems to a kid). Personally, I would have said that you were happy you had made a cake that both your son and your nephew could eat because it was safe from ____ (list all the allergens).
I agree with Mookie, but I also know that family dynamics come into play and sometimes make it hard to think through how something like that could affect [i]the kids[/i].
I do understand you're feelings, though, Therese. But if a situation like this arises again in the future, think about Mookie's intelligent response. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
You weren't rude, just taken aback.
~phos
Yes, I don't like that I said that in front of my nephew. I have let comments slide before and I think I was just ready for something to be said, and when she did, I jumped, and should have just let it go. I think I am going to call and apologize for what I said, and clarify what i meant, to SIL, I know i always need to keep my side of the street clean and that is what I need to do,
Therese
Without knowing the family dynamics, maybe just hugging your nephew and saying something to the effect of you being happy BOTH could enjoy the cake without worry. If your SIL is sort of "snotty", I think it bugs those type more when you don't even acknowledge their stupid comments, no manner of reason will change their mindset, some people just look for an argument.
No, I don't think you were rude, you just said what you said.
Since there are obviously deeper issues between you and SIL, I wouldn't spend too much time and energy thinking about what she said.
Can I just surmise something?
I'm NOT saying that SIL isn't negating your son's allergies. But I'm thinking that maybe she was just really really happy that her child could eat something safely and she did want to express that sheer joy and also have her son thank you regardless. KWIM?
(If you like, please see my thread under Living with PA about a Birthday Party question).
It sounds like you may deal with the FA's differently and certainly she may sound over-the-top, but I'm trying to look at it from a positive point of view (at a time when I have NOTHING positive to say about my SIL).
Unless you think that she was trying to negate your son's allergies again, I would take it for a more simple exclamation of joy and thanks on the part of the woman and her child (trying to see the *good* in people).
But if that's NOT the feeling you're getting and you know the dynamics, then don't let it bother you, and no, you weren't rude.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
------------------
"That was Polanski. Nicholson got his nose cut."
Maybe she was trying to point out to her son that some people can make things that are safe for him to eat? Truthfully, I wouldn't have been so blunt to say in your nephew's presence that you had made it for your son, and not for him. If just SIL was there, then I would clarify that point. However, that could feel like a rejection to your nephew--- like you extended the effort for your son, but not for him (of course you do more for your own child, but that might not be how the world seems to a kid). Personally, I would have said that you were happy you had made a cake that both your son and your nephew could eat because it was safe from ____ (list all the allergens).
I agree with Mookie, but I also know that family dynamics come into play and sometimes make it hard to think through how something like that could affect [i]the kids[/i].
I do understand you're feelings, though, Therese. But if a situation like this arises again in the future, think about Mookie's intelligent response. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
You weren't rude, just taken aback.
~phos
Yes, I don't like that I said that in front of my nephew. I have let comments slide before and I think I was just ready for something to be said, and when she did, I jumped, and should have just let it go. I think I am going to call and apologize for what I said, and clarify what i meant, to SIL, I know i always need to keep my side of the street clean and that is what I need to do,
Therese
Without knowing the family dynamics, maybe just hugging your nephew and saying something to the effect of you being happy BOTH could enjoy the cake without worry. If your SIL is sort of "snotty", I think it bugs those type more when you don't even acknowledge their stupid comments, no manner of reason will change their mindset, some people just look for an argument.
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