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Posted on: Sun, 04/25/2004 - 10:23am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Kim M., I agree with you.
It wasn't merely the word *paranoid* but the whole diatribe that I didn't think was okay, but then, as e-mom is able to point out to me, it was not addressed to me or any concerns I have raised on the board.
However, I have NEVER been called paranoid on this board with regard to PA (in Off Topic, perhaps [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img] )
So many times, in *real* life we are called horrible names when it comes to our protecting our PA children. Names like paranoid. Called them by our families, friends, Chrikey even the other parent of the PA child.
The last place I expect to be called paranoid re PA is here at PA.com. Truly.
I'll even give an example. A couple of years ago another member had posted about squirrels with peanuts in the backyard. I thought, oh my soul, do "we" (collectively) have to worry about everything? I don't know if I contributed to the thread or not (I'd have to re-raise it and have a look). But I honestly couldn't see where that member was coming from at that time and I don't even know if the word "paranoid" came to mind but certainly "extremely cautious" or "overprotective" were in there (and hey, those are okay words to me).
Then, lo and behold, I move here and on the front lawn of the first space we rented, peanut shells. Did I have to be worried about them? Should I dispose of them? Should I just keep walking by each day and ignore them or what?
Do you know what thread I came back to to get the information? To the one started by a very cautious, concerned PA.com member. Those damned squirrels with the peanuts in her backyard, well, I guess it was those damned people with peanut shells in my front yard but her thread did help me a lot (I think mostly to know that yes, I did have to deal with the removal of the peanut shell(s) ).
Again, I agree with Kim M. The wording simply could have been a bit different. Makes all the difference in the world.
I also truly hope jodi2boys is okay. Almost the whole second page discussing trucks and well, I don't know anymore. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/confused.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
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Posted on: Sun, 04/25/2004 - 10:54am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Okay, still thinking. Currently, Danielle raised a question about making her own conditioner because her child had had a reaction to shampoo.
I don't know, do any of us make our own conditioner? One person did post to her that they use petroleum jelly.
But did anyone call her paranoid for her question? No.
What I asked her was whether making her own conditioner was something she thought was necessary and viable (although in a much more long winded post than that). I gave her an example of hand-made soaps I have seen at my local supermarket and they came to my mind because in all honesty, if I had the capabilities, it would be something that I would like to learn how to make one day - my own soap, preferably vanilla scented.
I remember years ago discussing my PA son with a friend and she recalled how I used to bake all the time and had, through the years, lost that. She said that perhaps having a PA son was my way of getting back the sheer joy I had felt by making my own bread (pre-bread maker days) and doing more baking from scratch. What a wonderful thought on her part and obviously something a LOT of people do do here. (That didn't happen with me as you can see every time I re-raise Syd's Mom's thread re the Quaker brownies).
So, perhaps for Danielle, it is something that she would like to learn how to do - to have something more natural going on her child's head. Should she be called paranoid when I bet 99.9% of us do have shampoos and conditioners that we feel okay about?
Or what about the cream cheese story I've told over and over again here (and just told lalow again last night). Some members feel more comfortable making their own cream cheese than buying it. Are they paranoid?
I also think, in re-looking at the thread, since e-mom's response was the second response that jodi2boys got, well, it *could* have scared someone off or made them feel really crappy when they came here looking for support, looking for experience from other PA parents that do have their children participating in sports.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
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Posted on: Sun, 04/25/2004 - 10:58am
e-mom's picture
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Joined: 04/23/2000 - 09:00

A few of you are blowing this [i][b]waaaaaay[/i][/b] out of proportion!
We (yes, that includes me) have [b]ALL[/b] been paranoid at some point in time during our child's peanut allergy.
Perhaps it was in the very beginning when you had no idea of what was going on. No idea of what foods were ok or when labelling wasn't so great.
Perhaps it was recently when your child had a reaction. You had no idea what food he ate or thought that the food he had been eating was fine. Maybe you start second guessing yourself. Who knows!
Paranoid means [b]extremely fearful[/b]. Is this a bad word? I think not!
[url="http://dictionary.reference.com/"]http://dictionary.reference.com/[/url]
par

Posted on: Sun, 04/25/2004 - 12:25pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

e-mom, I understand what your saying.
Extremely fearful is one thing.
However, as you posted, look at this:-
Exhibiting or characterized by extreme and irrational fear or distrust of others
"extreme and irrational fear or distrust". I guess those are words that I don't personally feel comfortable with as being applied to me in a label (i.e., paranoid) and I think the reason I wasn't okay with the word (which, again, what difference does it make to me when you didn't call me paranoid) is that we, as PA parents, and often only the PA Moms are seen by family, friends, and the other PA parent as being paranoid - exhibiting extreme and irrational fear or distrust" and that *can* be disturbing, especially when you know in your heart and more often in your gut that you're not any of those things.
Extreme fear certainly. But then, you added the other bit, which would, to my mind's eye, be a negative definition or label to have.
Anyway, just wanted to say I agreed with Kim M. about the wording.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
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Posted on: Sun, 04/25/2004 - 3:19pm
Mama S's picture
Offline
Joined: 01/28/2004 - 09:00

E-mom - if you are going to quote my words, make sure you don't take them out of context in order to justify your position! It doesn't help your position at all when others catch wind of what you are trying to do.
I agree with Kim M. and Alt. to Main. (thanks for bringing up other examples - I would hope that would get the point across to e-mom).
No one is asking you to "kiss butt" and tell someone they are doing just fine. However, there are [b]COMPASSIONATE [/b] ways to get your opinions across.
Further, the definition you found for "paranoid" includes the word irrational. How could you still believe she is paranoid/irrational when there have been subsequent posts to clearly indicate that she has reasons to worry (such as the fact that dugouts can, in fact, be CONTAMINATED!)?
Yes, these boards are for disseminating honest information. Fortunately, most of us know how to do so in an understanding and compassionate way.
[This message has been edited by Mama S (edited April 26, 2004).]

Posted on: Sun, 04/25/2004 - 3:29pm
Renee111064's picture
Offline
Joined: 07/05/2001 - 09:00

Quote:Why is the dugout disgusting and contaminated? Is there peanut butter smeared all over the walls and bench??I think you are being a tad bit paranoid about this.
A few of you are blowing this waaaaaay out of proportion! We (yes, that includes me) have ALL been paranoid at some point in time during our child's peanut allergy.
So e-mom you are saying that is ok to be paranoid at one point but not at t-ball? Can you tell us when it is ok to be paranoid?? Is there a specific time as to when someone should be paranoid?
We all feel how we feel, unless you are there to see what she is seeing, how do you know whether to be paranoid for your child or not?
My son is 8 1/2 and has been playing soccer since he is 3 1/2 and baseball since his is 5.
I have not wiped down everything and insist that no one eat any products made with peanuts. He knows what they are. Either his father or I am there for 99% of his practices and/or games. We have never had a reaction to touching or using anyone elses equipment. He also played basketball this past winter and everything has been fine.
Our comfort levels are all different. My oldest is 12 has played baseball for 8 years now and has never come in contact with lice either. Nor did I or my brothers in all of the years that we played baseball/softball. Not that you can't get lice from a helmet, but have never heard of anyone getting lice that way.

Posted on: Sun, 04/25/2004 - 3:47pm
erik's picture
Offline
Joined: 05/15/2001 - 09:00

I don't really want to get involved...
...but just noting that e-mom did apply the prefix [b]a tad, bit[/b] in front of the word paranoid, so I believe when she typed this, it was not her intent to label the poster as a "paranoid person" but rather to say that there was a tad bit of extreme irrational fear in her comments in e-mom's personal opinion.
Like I said, I don't want to get involved in this battle (I try to steer clear of battles these days), but just thought I'd note that she did use "a tad bit" as a prefix, and to also note that her post was mild compared to a lot of the stuff I've seen written here. Based on her past history, e-mom is not a poster who is rude and uncaring to others.
Just my two cents worth...(one and a half cents American) [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
[i]tad = A small amount or degree; a bit.
[url="http://www.dictionary.com"]www.dictionary.com[/i][/url]
[This message has been edited by erik (edited April 26, 2004).]

Posted on: Sun, 04/25/2004 - 7:37pm
MommaBear's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Mama S:
[b]E-mom - if you are going to quote my words, make sure you don't take them out of context in order to justify your position! It doesn't help your position at all when others catch wind of what you are trying to do.
I agree with Kim M. and Alt. to Main. (thanks for bringing up other examples - I would hope that would get the point across to e-mom).
No one is asking you to "kiss butt" and tell someone they are doing just fine. However, there are [b]COMPASSIONATE [/b] ways to get your opinions across.
Further, the definition you found for "paranoid" includes the word irrational. How could you still believe she is paranoid/irrational when there have been subsequent posts to clearly indicate that she has reasons to worry (such as the fact that dugouts can, in fact, be CONTAMINATED!)?
Yes, these boards are for disseminating honest information. Fortunately, most of us know how to do so in an understanding and compassionate way.
[/b]
[i]specifically:[/i]
"E-mom - if you are going to quote my words, make sure you don't take them out of context in order to justify your position!"
***********************************
[b]e-mom[/b],
sometimes, I just quote a whole post (or nearly) to avoid taking something out of context. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sun, 04/25/2004 - 10:06pm
anonymous's picture
Offline
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Part of the problem here is text only.
You know, someone can say:
You look like sh*t!
OR
You look like sh*t! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Although I do think emom's words came off as sounding a bit harsh in her post, I really do not think that was her intention. Personally, I try to be careful with my wording so as not to offend or be judgemental.
Now what were those basic Kindergarten rules we all learned?

Posted on: Sun, 04/25/2004 - 10:50pm
e-mom's picture
Offline
Joined: 04/23/2000 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by MommaBear:
[b] e-mom[/b],
sometimes, I just quote a whole post (or nearly) to avoid taking something out of context. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img][/B]
Ya know, thought that it would be clearer if it was broken down--apparently not! (and, btw, NOTHING was taken out of context)
Although I do know that when a person quotes an entire post, they too get blasted for doing that, so I guess you get attacked no matter how you do it.
Heeeeeeeey, when did you give me that punching bag!!! LOL [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img]
Oooooooh wait a minute--how about this:
[b]Yes, what you are doing is perfectly correct. Have a nice day [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img][/b]
There you go, I have changed my original post.
Hmmmm, now I'll probably get blasted for using the word "perfectly".
You are worried, upset, extremely fearful [i][b](you pick the word that best describes you)[/i][/b] about [b]me[/b] telling Jodi that she was being "extremely fearful"--I wonder what she thinks of this thread now!! Geez [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img]
and you wonder why people have left the board!!
[This message has been edited by e-mom (edited April 26, 2004).]

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