Spoilt children

Posted on: Wed, 01/18/2006 - 2:56pm
xlared's picture
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Joined: 10/26/2005 - 09:00

I have 4 boys & only 1 with allergies I was curious 2 no if anyone else found them selves spoiling their allergic child, I have known 4 some time that I overprotect him & I make no apologies 4 this but I am concerned that we r raising a spoilt child.I find that always living with the fear that we could lose him at any time makes me ignore or not discipline him like we do our other children!

Posted on: Wed, 01/18/2006 - 3:22pm
jayD's picture
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Joined: 09/20/2000 - 09:00

I understand this... I think I might have a tendency to do the same thing a bit, but our PA child is SO mischevious, and our only boy, so he spends quite a lot of time in trouble! My older daughter accuses me once in awhile of letting him off the hook too easy , but she is his self appointed "other-mother" at age 8, and has less patience than I do! In our house, all three kids seem to balence out fairly well in this deptpartment though... my oldest gets extra attention because she is very bright and outgoing, and is often in the spotlight- our youngest has had physical developmental delays from very early on, and is pretty danged spoiled! So, they all get a bit of special attention here and there......I guess the challenge is to keep it all in perspective, and try not to let it create resentment from the other children .......take care, jen

Posted on: Thu, 01/19/2006 - 4:18am
KarenT's picture
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Joined: 10/30/1999 - 09:00

My 15 year old would say "no way my parents do not treat me any different!" Other than she is dealing with "hormone **** ", which makes her treat the rest of us a little different at times!!
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Karalot

Posted on: Thu, 01/19/2006 - 6:46am
Going Nuts's picture
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Joined: 10/04/2001 - 09:00

I understand what you're saying, but for us it wasn't PA, it was asthma and croup.
When DS was a baby, he got croup or an asthma attack every time he cried hard. I'm talking from about 4 months on. Needless to say we went out of our way to avoid one of these attacks, as living in the ER waiting room is just [b]so[/b] unappealing...
It got better as he got older and we could reason with him, but his toddler years were a little rough. I hated spoiling him, but what are you going to do?
He's 12 now, and a great kid - not spoiled at all. If his mom does say so herself! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
Amy

Posted on: Thu, 01/19/2006 - 8:41am
SpudBerry's picture
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Joined: 07/23/2002 - 09:00

Sometimes I fear the opposite. My only children happen to be twins - 1 PA and the other not. I fear that sometimes I expect the PA child to be mature enough to handle things concerning his PA when he isn't really old enough for me to be expecting that of him. It doesn't help that he is almost 4 inches taller and 10 pounds heavier than his twin. He does act more mature in most instances. But lots of times I worry how fair it all is. But like most things concerning PA - nothing is fair.
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Sherlyn
Mom to 6 year old twins Ben & Mike - one PA & the other not.
Stay Informed And Peanut Free!

Posted on: Thu, 01/19/2006 - 9:43am
xlared's picture
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Joined: 10/26/2005 - 09:00

I can appreciate the fact that you would try to do anything to stop your child from crying Going Nuts I have the same problem with my son But he is 5 now & find I get frustrated with him at times as he can get so worked up & bring on an attack it is hard 2 find bounaries when he knows he has the hand where this is concerned.Maturity wise he is normal 4 his age but I totally no where u are coming from Spud Berry in the fact that they need 2 learn alot of important things alot sooner than their non allergic syblings/peers, I don't no about u but my son gets sick & tired of hearing about it but also enjoys the fact that he is being a 'TEACHER' as that is what we call him as he is alawys teaching us & the community new things about his allergies.

Posted on: Thu, 01/19/2006 - 4:53pm
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

No, not spoiled, in spite of what you might think based on all that we do for our DD. She is refreshingly unspoiled and generous-- always has been. Empathetic and kind.
With that said, we do a TON of compensating because we are forced by our situation to also do a ton of saying "No, that isn't safe." KWIM? Some people might say we over-compensate, but the FA issues have really created horrible family issues as well for us, so we are compensating for absent family in DD's life too.
Besides, we like her. She's an incredibly cool kid. Other people who know her call her an "old soul," if that makes sense. She is wise in ways that have nothing to do with years, and in a few that do.
I think spoiled implies a manipulative nature and egocentrism, possibly coupled with a cruel streak. (Think "Veruca" from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) Or maybe just pure selfishness. I don't see PA kids in general developing that, being at the recieving end of "unfair and non-negotiable" so often. If anything, they seem to be more sensitive to the needs of others.
DD asked me (when she was four) why street signs all have the same uniform pictograms on them and I explained that this was of great assistance to people with information processing disorders, which led to a discussion of invisible disabilities. Later she remarked that the people in the library must have that kind of disability since they couldn't read the "no food and drink" signs... and were eating cookies because of their "disability." ROFL!!! But soooo kind. Thoughtful. So no, not spoiled, even though she's a kid who has almost all her material desires. She hears "no" plenty-- personally, I think that is what makes the difference. We tell her when her behavior is unacceptable or rude or hurtful.
What an interesting question! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited January 20, 2006).]

Posted on: Thu, 01/19/2006 - 9:09pm
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]
Besides, we like her. She's an incredibly cool kid. Other people who know her call her an "old soul," if that makes sense.
[/b]
Perfect sense. A room mother at the last holiday party (for my 6 year old) came up to tell me how delightful she felt my youngest was. She called him an "old soul".
It's not the first time he's been called that either. I mean, I know someone else [i]personally[/i] who was called that as a child and is still to this day. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/cool.gif[/img]
My oldest is often referred to as a "kind soul".
I think a lot of what determines "spoilt" is in a child's nature to begin with. I mean, environment aside. But hey, who am I? I could be wrong.
I don't think it's [i]possible[/i] to spoil my children. Especially my oldest. The more he gets the more determined he is to ensure everyone else around him benefits from his good fortune.
They are both very "down to earth". And despite wearing their hearts on their sleeves, [i]non-transparent[/i]. Intuitive. Dependable. and yes, [i]Empathetic[/i]. I especially like that their empathy isn't always what's done because [i]it's expected[/i] or necessarily "politically correct" empathy. I mean, they are not shallow by any means. They are honest with their empathy, even to a fault. Which isn't a bad thing IMPHO.
I mean, they are [i]honest[/i]. No pretenses. You know where you stand with them.
General Disclaimer: Just my own personal experience, nothing more.

Posted on: Thu, 01/19/2006 - 9:12pm
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by MommaBear:
[b]
I don't think it's [i]possible[/i] to spoil my children. [/b]
...but I'm trying. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]

Posted on: Fri, 01/20/2006 - 11:27pm
Sandy1's picture
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Joined: 09/17/2005 - 09:00

I would rather call it "pamper" my p.a. child. After all, look what they have to go through!
When I was little I was "pampered" too, and my sister didn't like it either. But I has severe asthma and was always sick in bed. My mom would say "at least you get to go out for Halloween and your sister has to stay in bed sick again." She did understand after a while.
By spoiling my son when he was little (now 15 years old) he has become very sympathetic and caring when he sees someone who is sick or has a disability. When I am sick in bed, he is always there to help me if I need anything.

Posted on: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 2:10am
Lidia's picture
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Joined: 04/25/1999 - 09:00

I agree with Sandy. I too, try to "pamper" in certain situations, usually involving food. I feel my pa son is told "no" so many times when his siblings are not that it is nice to spoil him a bit on things he can have. For example, when I saw the new Hershey Kissables I bought him 20 bags! (I didn't know if they were seasonal or permanent at the time so I wanted to have some in my personal stock) I told him to give each sibling one bag and he could have the rest. Of course I heard "That's not fair," but is it fair that their brother has to watch every morsel of food that enters his mouth and they don't?? I also think the "spoiling" comes with the constant attention you pay to every detail surrounding the child with the allergy. It is just natural. Make no mistake, though, my pa son is definitely disciplined when his behavior is inappropriate, as his other siblings are and he is not turning into a spoiled brat, at least not any more than his brother or sisters!!
Another reason to pamper him is when he is told he cannot have something because of the allergy, he never, ever complains. If I was ten years old I don't think I would be so good. That behavior should be rewarded! So go ahead, spoil... a little.

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