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Posted on: Tue, 05/14/2002 - 8:28am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

You hit our "style" right on the nose!
Just the other day I took my son to his future school to have lunch in the cafeteria - just to see if he would have an airborne reaction of any kind. (We aren't sure if he is airborne allergic or not.) I wanted to put him in that situation well ahead of time, and with ME THERE, to see whether we will have to make accomodation for him in this area for school.
Anyway, BENSMOM, thank you for explaining how you do things (which is also the way we do them) so clearly.
As for this thread... well... I always feel badly when people are 'at odds' here. I hope everyone can work this out soon.
Take care,

Posted on: Tue, 05/14/2002 - 11:32am
LI-LIAN's picture
Joined: 05/11/2002 - 09:00

I think the very fact that you are someone's mother just brings about guilt in pretty much everything you do or don't do. Whether you have a pa child or not I think that's pretty much the lot of mothers. Ever notice how they always seem to ask how 'mass murderers' have been brought up? The blame always seems to fall on the shoulders of the mothers. I'm not saying that we just forget our responsibilities but often we just get caught in a no-win situation and feel guilty about things regardless of how we act. Example : if I still allow my child to eat things with 'traces of peanuts' am I not being vigilant enough? Alternatively, if I remove all these foods from her repertoire others label her as the bubble girl. You can't win - either way you get guilt. Accepting the fact that this is just what life is like helps a lot. I know I used to get paralysed by guilt all the time and now I just take each experience as a learning one and move on.

Posted on: Tue, 05/14/2002 - 12:16pm
KATHYANN's picture
Joined: 09/29/2001 - 09:00

I just wanted to thank the people who took the time to acknowledge my post. You are very right about having alot to deal with. I can't help but feel terribly unsure about alot of how I handle this allergy. Most of you sound as if you have a pretty good support group around to help and that's the one thing we are seriously lacking. The bottom line is along and because of this allergy I have a very lonely,lonely 4 year old boy and that breaks my heart everyday. We have lost some "friends" and the others are either pitying us or insulting to us, and I find myself not saying as much to defend our actions just so James can have some kind of interaction with another child.I don't feel I or my husband dwells on the worst case scenerio but I do worry about his mental health as he gets older .That's where my posts might sound fearful or dreading but not because I worry constantly for his safety, right now I feel he is as safe as I can keep him and with more info and knowledge it will keep getting better.I can't help but feel sometimes upset by the boards response to some of my posts when everyday is a constant justification for why we have to do what we do to keep him safe .I just wish we could meet someone who just sees him as a little boy instead of a outcast that isn't worth the effort to get to know. Maybe I just need a break from all this for awhile but thanks again for caring. Kathy Ann

Posted on: Tue, 05/14/2002 - 12:40pm
Lisa V's picture
Joined: 03/12/2002 - 09:00

Kathy Ann - I wonder if there are any PA support groups in your area? We have one around me and it is nice be face to face with people who "get it." It's great for the kids too. Keep faith that there will be a preventative cure someday . . . that's what keeps me going. Until then, do what works for you. Take care and take one day at a time. Lisa

Posted on: Tue, 05/14/2002 - 3:17pm
kcmom's picture
Joined: 12/18/2001 - 09:00

As we go on learning about this allergy, and there is so much to learn, the one thing that keeps coming to my mind the most is, I don't want my child to be afraid to live! I want her to understand she has an allergy that she needs to be very vigilant and careful about but that she also has a life to live! What kind of life am I providing my child if I teach her to be afraid of everything! I want her to know there are peanuts out there and not that everyone else is wrong for eating them but that they are there and it is something she needs to deal with and live with. If I had a pool in my backyard, I would rather teach her to swim than to merely just build a fence around it and *hope* she never gets around the fence. Do you know what I mean? I hope I am making sense here. It is late and my mind is not at full functioning capacity! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Like I said above, if this is the worst we have to deal with in life, I will take it, and we will deal with it together and learn together how to stay safe, healthy and happy. And I wish all the health, happiness and safety for all you and yours out there! No matter how you choose to do it, if it works for you, stick with it and don't care what others say about how you do it! Love to all! Good-night! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]

Posted on: Tue, 05/14/2002 - 3:27pm
solarflare's picture
Joined: 02/07/2002 - 09:00

My ds Jason has multiple food allergies. We've known about one of them for almost 3 years, and the others we've only known about for a year and a half.
I can't live in panic mode all the time. I can understand being hypervigilant for a while after diagnosis or a serious reaction, but it's a lousy way to live on the long term. Yes, my son is aware of his allergies (he's almost 5), but he's not aware of the life-threatening nature of them yet.
We try to let him live a normal life. We eat out at restaurants, play at parks, he attends preschool and spends the night with his grandparents occasionally. He's a kid first... we try not to treat him any differently than his brother who has no allergies.
Cheryl, mom to Jason (4) and Joey (2)

Posted on: Tue, 05/14/2002 - 11:01pm
Going Nuts's picture
Joined: 10/04/2001 - 09:00

As I was checking homework last night, my mind wandered back to this thread. (I guess nothing can make the mind wander like checking homework, lol!) It occurred to me that part of the "hypervigilance" problem stems from the lack of reliable information we get from professionals. There are scores of posts from people telling about the poor information they have gotten from allergists, pediatricians, ER personnel. I'm quite sure this contributes to a feeling of vulnerability and uncertainty.
I never got to finish my train of thought on this, as I was interrupted by a vomiting child! Anyway, this lack of professional guidance makes it all too easy to operate from fear, rather than facts. This is why it is imperative that we not close ourselves off, because our best indicators of what we can expect may turn out to be our own experiences. Of course, this means REASONABLE risk, not reckless risk.
[This message has been edited by Going Nuts (edited May 16, 2002).]

Posted on: Wed, 05/15/2002 - 10:18pm
Marla H's picture
Joined: 02/26/2002 - 09:00

I agree. It seems from looking over people's experiences with doctors that some doctors are very dismissive while other doctors issue dire warnings, and that either way they don't provide much helpful specific information to families about interpreting test results or about the state of current research, never mind practical coping strategies. No wonder that so many parents are anxious and bewildered. Better medical support on issues like this would benefit everyone.

Posted on: Thu, 05/16/2002 - 11:02am
becca's picture
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

We had our first follow up appt. with our allergist. It was very psychologically reassuring. He is very much for being prepared and aware, but teaching our dd to live in the real world. He used the analogy of getting on an airplane and getting a guarantee that the plane won't go down. But there are no guarantees. It is dealing with risks. If you order a baked potato, you like to believe it is just a baked potato, and within reason it was not cut with a peanut butter knife. He definately discouraged me from allowing my dd to eat foods in preschool(a new issue for us come fall) prepared by others, sticking to our own food, having a PN free table, not necessarily a free room. I am sure some might not agree, but I felt very reassured and he is extrememly experienced in this field.
I think we all know our kids, too, and how sensetive they are(and I know it is unpredictable, but some are always extremely sensetive), and there is room for some gray areas here. However that is really tough when trusting our kids with others, and you cannot really present gray rules to keep our kids (and adults!) safe. So hard.
Anyway, his perspective was similar to where I want mine to be, LOL, and where some of you are discussing here. I have found comfort in this thread and just thought I would share. becca

Posted on: Tue, 05/21/2002 - 2:48am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Simply re-raising as another PA.com member had told me off-the-board that it was a "must see" thread, and it actually is!
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]


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