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Posted on: Mon, 03/31/2003 - 1:48pm
Peg541's picture
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Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

Doreen,
The school person missed the boat didn't she?
Control? Of course you want control. Your child's life is at stake.
This person did not understand the situation at all. She thinks she did. She is not a safe person to leave your child with, period.
You did the right thing for this situation.
I applaud and support your decision.
Peg

Posted on: Mon, 03/31/2003 - 2:06pm
becca's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

That is harsh, suggesting that your dd won't get 1/10th the attention she gets there. It was her emotions speaking, and very unprofessionally at that. Obviously, she would take this withdrawal personally and that got her in a defensive mode, saying inappropriate things. Things like that should reaffirm your choice.
Your heart is leading you and you should follow it.
It is a tough balance, trying to do what is best for our child if there were no allergies and then doing it regardless and/or in consideration of the allergies. People without it do not comprehend the detail in the diet with complete avoidance of a food. Nobody would unless they had to deal with it, and peanut isn't even the hardest one! It really bugs me that we are labelled control freaks over this.
I honestly have a dd who separates easily from me with familiar people, giving me a gentle shove when I try to kiss her good bye! If not for PA, sending her off to preschool would have been so joyous and exciting, really, because she needed it. Things could certainly be worse, but it is a bummer that we have to worry so. But kids eat at least 5 times a day, and every time is a worry, even if at the back of our brains. Just never really goes away.
Peg, I think often of how parallel you situation is, really, sending your boy off to college. It is a big leap(actually the ultimate leap), not unlike the first ever leap into schools, and your perpsective is great after getting through all these years. Thanks! becca

Posted on: Mon, 03/31/2003 - 11:21pm
Peg541's picture
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Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

Thanks Becca. I appreciate the kind words.
Peg

Posted on: Tue, 04/01/2003 - 1:59am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Becca, your experience is in such contrast to mine! Perfect example of two kids, two personalities. My 4yo is also an only, and she is very comfortable in situations she knows are "safe" (well, as safe as anything ever CAN be) but is too frightened for us to even consider sending her in to an environment where pn would be present. (Ever) She doesn't seem lonely (though as an only myself, I watch for this) but I used to worry about it a lot, and my DH (not an only) thinks it will make her "weird" not to "socialize" her! (LOL! Like a pet!) Since I started following our doctor's advice to treat only children like they were three or four siblings, she seems perfectly normal. (If you wouldn't do it for three kids, don't do it for the one, in other words.)
Just interesting- because I remember being quite lonely sometimes as an only, and my DD isn't bothered by it at all (and we don't have a lot of contact with other kids- but she doesn't care). Her social skills when we DO have play dates are fine- maybe even a little better at conflict resolution than some of her peers- and she certainly enjoys them, but she doesn't "pine" for other children.
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited April 01, 2003).]

Posted on: Tue, 04/01/2003 - 4:06am
AnMaMc's picture
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Joined: 01/25/2000 - 09:00

As a volunteer pre-school aide in my 4-year old son's school, I was very curious about this topic. I have been on both sides of the fence, so to speak. When my 8-year old PA son was going off to pre-school for the first time I was 8 months pregnant and a bag of nerves...so many changes for him and most importantly his PA. His pre-school teacher and administrator couln't have been more accomodating to him. They gave me instructions to call whenever I liked, to drop in and visit, anything that made me feel better. That seems to be the key...the correct balance between teachers and parents working together for the good of the child. Of course, there are many children in the classroom and they all need special attention at times. But, when you have a special needs child, that attention is mandatory and the teacher and administration should welcome the input from parents.
My son had an epipen in the principals office and a poster posted in the classroom where all the parents could see explaining his allergy. He was there 2-3 days a week for two years and he never had an incident.
(I now volunteer there with my younger son.)It is a shame that you had a bad experience with your pre-school. My sister-in-law switched her daughter twice before she found a pre-school to her liking ( no allergy involved ). Follow your instincts, they usually are right!!!! Enjoy her pre-school years they do go by very fast!!!!

Posted on: Tue, 04/01/2003 - 7:08am
California Mom's picture
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Joined: 07/14/2000 - 09:00

Doreen, the good news is that you now [b]know[/b] you made the right decision. That teacher sounds terribly unprofessional and has a serious lack of understanding of your needs as a parent; especially the parent of a child with a severe food allergy. I hope the new school will be much better. Miriam

Posted on: Tue, 04/01/2003 - 3:28pm
doreen's picture
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Joined: 06/23/2001 - 09:00

Thank you everyone. You all said what I thought today. Yesterday I was feeling doubtful, but today as I put more of what she said to me into the letter for the board of directors it hit me. She totally reaffirmed my decision. It was funny to see what everyone wrote, because it was exactly what I thought today. Well, I wrote a pretty extensive letter. This woman will not likely forget me anytime soon. She just writes me off as some paranoid woman right now, but I've answered every one of her point. My friends usually play devil's advocate with me, and this time they so much more forceful then I could imagine -- saying get her out; they lied to you; don't let this one go by; write to the board of directors. Usually they are someway midstream. It's good to have a few people without food allergies to run thoughts by. Luckily, my friends are proving to be more and more supportive as they understand more. So, it's great to know that I have people on both sides of the fence on my side. I think you are right Becca this experience is not unlike Peg's. I was too upset last night to write everything she said, but I did address it in my letter. If you are interested, then I will post my letter tomorrow (or later today as it turns out).
Take it easy everyone, and thanks again for the support. My daughter said I don't want a new school, then two minutes later, she said "I want to go to Meg's school." (a friend of hers) Another indication that she'll be just fine.

Posted on: Tue, 04/01/2003 - 3:38pm
California Mom's picture
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Joined: 07/14/2000 - 09:00

Doreen, I'm so glad that you're getting a lot of support during this stressful time. I would love to see your letter if you feel up to posting it. I am sure your dd will do well with the change. We moved a year ago, and my dd had to start 2nd grade at a new school. I was so worried, as she is not a child who adapts well to change. It turns out that she is doing great, and I wish I hadn't spent so much of my energy and time stressing out. Take care, Miriam

Posted on: Wed, 04/02/2003 - 12:05pm
doreen's picture
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Joined: 06/23/2001 - 09:00

California Mom,
I believe you posted around the time I did last night, so I peeked at your post and went to bed. Because I felt good last night about finishing most of my letter that one of my friends insisted I write, I read your post and thought "this stressful time?" and "if I feel up to posting it?" Then I read the rest and I knew too that my daughter will be fine. I feel like a psycho. Tonight I have a whole different perspective. I am stressing out, because I did not get any sleep, I visited my grandmother who has been in the hospital four weeks, the school was nice enough to call and tell me the school pictures were in, I'm fighting with my husband and my friend read my letter and said I wrote too much and they won't read it. And, of course, my husband agrees, so now I am just depressed. I'm still going to finish it because I feel I have to in the off chance it might push any kind of change. Boy, whoever thought preschool would result in this much stress. I don't think it's normally supposed to. I'm a procrastinator because I try to get it "just right." I'll try again tomorrow. Looks like you were right.

Posted on: Thu, 04/03/2003 - 2:08pm
doreen's picture
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Joined: 06/23/2001 - 09:00

Well, I haven't finalized my letter because they haven't given me a sufficient way to get in touch with their board of directors. The church said they didn't know either. Does anyone know how to get this information?
Besides, I have a new thing to add -- they called me yesterday and told me to come in and pick up her school pictures. Guess what they were eating? One teacher went out of the room, the other asked "Are you done with the peanut butter?" I was actually feeling bad and thought I'd bring her in to say goodbye. Thank God I didn't -- I might have ended up choking someone. Can you believe it?
Joeybeth, if you read this, thanks for your email, but my replies to you keep getting returned.

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