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Posted on: Fri, 03/28/2003 - 9:31pm
Claire's picture
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Joined: 04/19/2000 - 09:00

I hope that what I say be taken as a help not a rude remark. I decided my children would not attend preschool before I even gave birth. Therefore the allergy had nothing to do with it. I just feel that it is such an honor to teach them their first things such as ABC,123,and shoe tying. Not that I feel anyone is wrong in sending them because you are not. That is just my preference. I just need my babies to myself for 5 years. I think if I had left Chris with his allergy at that age I would have gone crazy. People just don't always think and give our children things without using the brain god gave to them. Supposing your DD had a reaction to the M&M, How would that have been dealt with? My son did react to M&Ms very badly. These moms had no right in feeding your DD. This makes me so angry. I personally would no longer have trust in the class. What else bothers me is that your DD didn't react this time so what will these parents think and do next time.
I am sorry but this makes me so mad that anyone would forget and feed her.
Good luck in whatever you do because you have a tough decision to make. Take care claire

Posted on: Fri, 03/28/2003 - 11:13pm
darthcleo's picture
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Joined: 11/08/2000 - 09:00

I put my son in daycare against all the mothering fibres in my body! It's the thing to do, these days. Kids are sent away for daycare, preschool, school, and parents have little to say, it seems.
After 18 months, I took him out of preschool (age 4, is that preschool ? I'm unfamiliar with the English terms). He was very unhappy there, even though he was going without crying. He just kept asking me why he couldn't stay home with me? It's been a full year now, and I have no intention of sending him back. I can teach him just as well, and playdates, and afterschool activities can do just as well to develop friendships. It suits his personality - regardless of the allergy issue. It will not suit every kid nor every parent's personality though. But I do resent the pressure that's been applied on *me* to put my kid through "the system"

Posted on: Sat, 03/29/2003 - 12:58am
Peg541's picture
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Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

If you do not have to work out of the home then your child will thank you for keeping her out of pre school.
Maybe you can use this time to get her elementary school ready for her.
They grow up so fast. They are only children for such a little amount of time and although they yearn to be adults, when that time comes they miss their carefree years.
If you can, keep them home, read to them, take them places. You will be rewarded. Do not feel pressured to place your children in day care or pre school if you do not need to.
Working mothers have a totally different way to handle their situations. Their children grow up just as well as the children of non working mothers.
If given the choice I would not work. I never did and we suffered but my children today thank me for staying home with them.
Actually what I meant to say was my children thanked me for keeping them out of nursery school till they were 4.
peg
[This message has been edited by Peg541 (edited March 29, 2003).]

Posted on: Sat, 03/29/2003 - 2:17pm
becca's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

I am not debating, but it is a matter of what suits each child's personality, as Darthcleo said. My dd is an only, and was lonely. All the kids we would have playdates with(and we still do) were going off to school. She is in a single activity(music, swimming, gymnastics), once a week most of the time, and has a playgroup, and I was really having a hard time keeping her entertained. Mind you she is excellent at entertaining herself, and always has been.
It really would be so much *easier* for me to keep her home, but she gets lonely. Despite my stress and anxiety(!), she has thrived at going to preschool a couple of mornings a week.
Also, she learned her her first ABCs and 123's looooong before she went to preschool. They focus on simple things at ours, like sitting in the circle for something, following directions, art, music, outside play, speaking out(show and tell), taking turns. Just basic skills, not academics. The academics are embedded in the activities, but low pressure for sure. Let's face it, they do not go off to MIT out of preschool!
The allergies are the source of most of any of my reservations(aside form some general food-related other stuff), and I am surprised to say that. Before having a child, I firmly believed in being a SAHM(definately a choice for me), and doing alot with my child(ren) at home(and I do both). But for some(definately my dd), the social dynamics of going somewhere and interacting in a group and with a variety of others are really good for them. Just depends on the personality. I felt so confident it was going to be great for her development and social interactions, and I was right. It is only 2.75 hours twice a week at this point for us. Plus, so often parents are there for stuff anyway. becca
[This message has been edited by becca (edited March 30, 2003).]

Posted on: Sun, 03/30/2003 - 12:15am
California Mom's picture
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Joined: 07/14/2000 - 09:00

I'm on the same page with Becca, on this one. I have a BA and MA in child development, and worked in child care before my kids were born. I always knew that I wanted to be a mommy, first and foremost, and that being home with my kids would be a dream come true. I am very fortunate to be living that dream.
The pre-school that my 8 year old dd went through, and my 2 1/2 year old son is now in, is a parent participation pre-school run through a local school district's adult ed. department. A parent (ususally the mom) stays there with the child for one morning a week, and helps out with all the children. We partner up so that the morning(s) I am not there I have another Mom whom I trust and respect looking out for my child, especially. We choose our own partners. I could stay every day if I wanted, and some parents do, especially early in the year. This is not an academic program at all. The kids get to explore activities in a child centered environment at their own pace. They may get to do things they wouldn't do at home; I know my son does. It has been extremely positive for both of my children, and I feel so fortunate to have this program. It is inexpensive compared to others, since it is run by the school district and there is only one teacher per classroom. All the moms get to know each other really well. It helps that this school is entirely peanut and tree nut free. What a relief, I tell you.
We live in an area where [b]everyone[/b] goes to preschool. My dd and I are both very social. We benefitted tremendously from having a place to go that was "our own" to play and be with others. Pre-school is a very small percentage of their waking hours. My son is there two mornings a week, for 2 1/2 hours each time. I am there one morning. The number of days increase each year, so that he will be there 4 mornings (with me there one) the year before kindergarten.
I have no idea why I went into this diatribe about our preschool. I must feel that I needed to defend myself as a dedicated SAHM who also thinks preschool can be great for some families!!! Hope those of you who were bored just skipped it.
My best to all, and whatever you choose for your families. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Miriam

Posted on: Sun, 03/30/2003 - 12:02pm
doreen's picture
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Joined: 06/23/2001 - 09:00

Wow! I was away for the weekend, and didn't realize how busy everyone was. I decided to take her out, and before I left I was going to post the letter I decided to write to the school.
I actually never thought I would send my daughter to preschool, feeling as some of you that I wanted to keep her close. She just seemed ready. It was only 4-1/2 hours a week. I think it was me who wasn't -- behaving badly getting her out of the house the first few weeks. But, that being said, that is another reason I did it. I feel (felt -- not so sure now) it is a nice transition since there is all-day kindergarten now to go two days then three days at four and work up to that full day (which, I don't believe in ... maybe to discuss off topic).
Anyway, about the school, I decided to pull her out. Becca, I know you said your child's school is peanut-free, but I read here once about a mother that was so worried about peanut shells on the ground that her kid fell off the playground equipment. I was so worried about finding friends that would care for my kids' food allergies, that in one instance my son fell (jumped?) off the top of a bunk bed. This is the same thing I did with the preschool. The second school I have chosen for next year was one of my choices this year. I felt the school she's in now might pay better attention to the peanut allergy, but lost site of the overall picture. My point finally, Becca, is maybe if you don't trust her school, then you should reconsider.
I feel it is important at this point for my child to take a little break, but then to jump back in next year. She had another situation the second day of school where the teacher pulled (gently I'm sure) her off the potty. She was taking hours (felt like it) to get "clean" enough. She was having some obsessive-compulsive problems. I wanted them to speak to her, because that is the type of child she is. They refused. This is how we started. My daughter has only gone once when she had an accident and twice when I was there since. I feel like I failed her, but I think it's important not to quit too quick, and I think it's important now to take a stand and know when to quit. So, hopefully, she's learned some hard lessons early on.
My biggest thing is that they were not honest, and, of course, their general lack of caring. She's 4 now, but you know she was 3 for crying out loud. How can people be so cold? It's like Claire said about them not taking me seriously. If I question the allergy at times, then it's only natural for others to do it and assume I'm a paranoid mom.
Becca, again, my daughter is not as sensitive either. That is why I feel like a paranoid mom. But, it is the unpredictably of this allergy that scares me. It sounds like I'm preaching here, but what I mean is are you sure there are no other options for her because you really don't seem comfortable?
I'm not worried McKenzies' Mom about her seeing children on a regular basis or getting a break. I just felt she was ready. I do some of what you suggested once in a while, and, yes, it is easier when I have one with me!
Thanks everyone. I had a tough weekend, and it was really great to come home to the support -- even though I did forget to post my letter.
[This message has been edited by doreen (edited March 30, 2003).]
[This message has been edited by doreen (edited March 30, 2003).]

Posted on: Mon, 03/31/2003 - 12:12am
becca's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Doreen, perhaps you misunderstood my posts, and perhaps I was not clear, [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] !
Though I *do* have some complaints about overall curriculum, in that there is way too much use of food, they *do* make it safe for the kids with allergies. It is just time consuming and annoying. I would be more stressed out if she were at a school where the kids were eating PB around her, even if they were neat and washing, etc... I would see it as micro exposures over time, jeapordizing her chances to outgrow, even if she had no reactions.
It is the first time I have sent a child to school, and the first year this school went peanut free and had any PA kids, and they got 3. The chose to go peanut/nut free, I never requested it, actually. The single error made was understandable, when reviewed, if not a bit careless, but nobody knew they gave my dd the wrong thing until I called them, and they felt terrible, and followed up, calling me later in the eve to be sure she was ok(it was a cracker I do not use, not anything that had nuts or may contain on the label).
Anyways, my point is, that thre is anxiety, but there would be *more* at the other school I would consider in my community. There are many other schools I *did* look at, but they did not suit me for reasons other than PA(what age group she fell into, daycare/preschool versus preschool only, location, cleanliness, nurturing environment). There was so much more for me to consider besides our allergies. This place also has extended care available and I love that because they are so aware and are peanut free.
So, nothing is perfect, but my child *is* safe(there were some wrinkles to work out at first), and I am proud and happy in the end that I have helped and continue to help raise awareness of an entire school community about the allergy. I would prefer to stick with it, give them my feed back and help them get it right or get it better and better, than to leave, even if it is hard sometimes.
I thought long and hard, and decided that the peanut free school with lots of food stuff(that *is* safely done) is better for us than the school where they eat PB around my dd at 3 years old.
As you said, you had some other very real issues with the way your dd was handled. Potty training was another big one for us. My dd is still not trained at 3.5 [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img] ! They are really cool and respectful about it. I have also seen them wait and wait while a little boy took his time and sang away fro *forever* while he did his business, LOL! They are very nurturing and loving, if not Ivy League!!
My dream is to have a preschool with no food, peanuts or otherwise, LOL! Outside of the little dry snack and drink which is workable. My dream does not exist in my community. becca
[This message has been edited by becca (edited March 31, 2003).]

Posted on: Mon, 03/31/2003 - 6:33am
Peg541's picture
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Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

You know Becca I never considered single children. That is another story altogether.
My kids had each other. They are only two years apart. They did go to nursery school for socialization and religious training but they spent lots and lots of time with each other.
I should have thought of the other side of the coin.
Of course Peanuts are the real problem here, not how many children we have.
Good luck with your decision
Peggy

Posted on: Mon, 03/31/2003 - 10:55am
California Mom's picture
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Joined: 07/14/2000 - 09:00

Peg, you did a great job "isolating" an interesting factor in all of this. My kids are 5 1/2 years apart, so my first was a "singleton" during her pre-school years. They play together really well now, most of the time, at 8 and almost 3. Now I finally understand why I felt like I was doing all the play date inviting! When people have kids who can play together nicely, it is a whole different dynamic. It can get a bit lonely for an extrovert mom (like myself [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]) and kid to hang out all day. Thank you for thinking about this in such a logical manner.
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Miriam

Posted on: Mon, 03/31/2003 - 12:30pm
doreen's picture
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Joined: 06/23/2001 - 09:00

Well, I talked to the school today and told her she would not be coming again. My daughter cried when I told her, but only for 5 or 10 minutes. I really do think she prefers to be with me, and maybe she was somewhat relieved. Who knows? She actually told me her teachers are fun today, which is nothing near what she has said since September (when she says anything at all). Anyway, I was crying when I spoke to the teacher, but of course didn't let her know. I didn't say too much, because I'm going to write them a letter. She was nice enough, but if only she was that way before. You know I switched pediatricians when my daughter was 9 months old, and I felt this same tug but I think I'll see I'm right when I see how much better this other school is (hopefully).
Becca, sorry if I misread your post, it was just how you said you were worried all the time, but I guess we are anyway. It sounds like you do have a good school there. I agree with you about the food. I think it's ridiculous that within an hour storytime at the library they have a snack. At preschool (this one anyway), they have their snack the last 15 minutes, so what's the point? I think we are so food oriented. This new school is peanut-free also, but you know they asked more questions so I guess it made me unsure. It was actually a good thing. Also, I believe last year they were going to have the EpiPen down the hall or something. I can't remember. Now they'll have it right in the class. They also have this big, long hallway I was concerned about, but have resolved those issues I think. No place is perfect, which is originally why I thought I'd keep her home and feeling guilty about sending her at all this year!
I asked for the address of the school's board of directors, and she said send it here I won't open it. Well, I don't know if I believe that, but I think that's as far as I will go. She actually did apologize to me, but she said lots of other things that for some reason were very emotional for me. For instance, she said my daughter won't get 1/10th the attention in any other preschool she gets there. She also said she feels sorry for me when thinking about public schools and that I should consider home schooling if I want this much control.
I think I'm all steamed out.

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