Positive Experiences with non PA Parents/Etc.

Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2000 - 6:35am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Do you want to talk about positive experiences you have had with other non-PA parents or other people concerning your PA child? We have this site where we're able to vent about the people that don't deal with PA in the ways that we would like. What about the people who do? I have a friend who drives us back and forth from school. We initially had a few mishaps re the PA (her son eating a "may contain" product given to him by the school, through excitement, but we ended up having to walk home). But, this woman, despite dealing with health problems of herself and her children (non PA), learned as much as she could about the allergy. She does not send any "may contain" or blatantly peanut products in her 3 children's lunches although none of them share the same class as Jesse. She checks labels on all the products she buys knowing that Jesse may have a cookie or something else on a playdate at her home.
She hides the peanut butter when we're coming over so her kids can't get into it. Yesterday, she had a birthday party for one of her children and both of mine were invited. It was completely "peanut free". She checked the goodies for the loot bags, baked the cake and checked all the ingredients used for the cake, icing and decorating. Jesse was completely safe. This woman has been fantastic! Another woman, having driven us to emergency when Jesse went into anaphylactic shock last year, when having her child's birthday party, to which he was invited, made sure that she made the special request at Dairy Queen that the cake be "peanut free". This requires them making the cake on a completely different surface than where they make or serve other products because of the large amount of items available there with peanuts. She is also the school bus driver for my son's school, and when she knew that he was going on a field trip on her bus, she scrubbed the bus that morning to make sure it would be as "peanut free" as she could possibly make it (i.e., the seats, etc.). So, for all of the people that we deal with that don't understand, do we all find someone that does?
I'm certainly glad that I have.


Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2000 - 8:17am
Linda-Jo's picture
Joined: 07/30/1999 - 09:00

Your friend truly is a remarkable woman! You are so lucky to have a 'gem' like her!
My friend and I have daughters 6 wks. apart, mine having the PA. So, she's been with me since Day 1! She's also a nurse. She had a birthday party for her daughter last year and ordered pizza. She was not satisfied with the answer the 'pizza guy' gave her as to peanut products so she called other places until she found one that she was satisfied with. She also checked out the place that made the cake and made sure there was no peanut/nut products involved in making her daughter's cake. She checked and rechecked everthing to ensure safety, right down to the soft drinks! I am so glad I have her as a friend and I wouldn't hesitate to leave my daughter with her, as I know she checks and rechecks everything before we even step into her house! There are some understanding and cooperative people out there!
I also have had a very good experience with Meggie's preschool this year. Although it was not in my neighborhood, I felt it was well worth the distance where her safety was concerned. They wouldn't even allow her to eat a popsicle one day because it wasn't preapproved by me! Also, one boy brought in a Rice Krispies pre-made treat for snack and they wouldn't let him open it because it wasn't on the list I gave them of safe foods! I hope she has as safe an experience in Sept. when she starts Kindergarten!

Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2000 - 8:57am
Christine's picture
Joined: 02/03/1999 - 09:00

Last summer my PA son Evan was invited to a classmate's birthday party. The mother of the little girl told me ahead of time that there would be no peanut products at the party because another friend of theirs also had a PA son (not in my son's class). It was just so wonderful to be able to go to a party and not have to worry about the treats that were in the goodie bags or the ice cream or the cake. The woman was pretty thorough about checking things and I was comfortable. My son was also invited to another party and, while the mother did inform me (ahead of tiem) that she would be ordering a Baskin-Robbins cake (not safe) she would gladly supply anything for Evan that he would like. This is the kind of attitude I just LOVE. And I didn't even have to *complain* to get it. It is always nice to run into people who really care.

Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2000 - 11:52am
Kristy's picture
Joined: 04/07/2000 - 09:00

We also have some people in our lives that watch over Emilie with the greatest of concern.
The first is my sister-in-law, when she knows Em is coming over she scrubs their house from top to bottom. Puts away the PB and keeps labels for everything that Emilie may eat.
2nd is a parent who invited Em to a Birthday Party. We talked several times about the party, she called the "cake Lady" several times to check for "no nuts". She made her home Pb free for the day and made sure all loot bags were safe. She found the whole experience overwhelming, but said she would never think twice of inviting a child with allergies. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Kristy

Posted on: Mon, 06/12/2000 - 12:29am
DMB's picture
Joined: 02/22/2001 - 09:00

When my husband and I had our son, Evan, we had only lived in our suburb for a short time so I really hadn't made any other friends. Both of our families were a couple hours away so we really didn't do too much socializing when he was young. Evan just started gymnastics a few months ago and I was able to meet a mother of another little boy in his class. She noticed Evan's medic alert bracelet and asked what it was for. I gave her the basics of his peanut allergy which she had heard of before but didn't realize it could be life-threatening. Anyway, she invited us to be a part of her son's playgroup at her house. She called me the day before to tell me that she would not have any peanut butter or peanut products at her house so Evan would be safe--I didn't even have to ask. Once everyone got there she explained that Evan was allergic to peanuts and asked what everyone had for breakfast just to be sure that there was no peanut residue on anyone's hands! Another mother in the group already knew all about the allergy and asked if he'd had an anaphylactic reaction and if we had to carry an epi-pen. She knew almost as much about the allergy as I did. On another playdate, she was having a late birthday celebration for her son. She had made the cake herself and saved all the boxes for me to look at when I got there so I could be sure that Evan could eat it. Luckily, we've since become good friends and all the children in the playgroup will be attending the same preschool this fall--so at least I will know several other mothers understand my son's peanut allergy. Deanna

Posted on: Mon, 06/12/2000 - 6:25am
latymom's picture
Joined: 05/21/2000 - 09:00

Most people I know are very eager to do their part. My family is pretty conscientious (sp?) which helps a great deal. I guess the problem is with people who think they've done everything to ensure my daughters safety but really haven't because they don't see the hidden nut ingredients in so many things. (example: they buy "plain" M&M's instead of peanut M&M's)At least peeople are trying and they usually always ask me before they give my daughter anything anyway. Nobody wants to see a little kid hurt.

Posted on: Mon, 06/12/2000 - 6:36am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

My sister cares for my daughter while I work. She has been as diligent as I have been in reading labels and ensuring that nothing *unsafe* passes through. She watches other children during the week and does not serve any peanut products while my daughter is there. My day off is Tuesday so that is when pb&j is served at lunch time. Aside from that, she has been more supportive than anyone else. She has validated my feelings of anxiety and fear over the whole thing. It really helps to have supportive understanding people to "lighten the load".

Posted on: Thu, 06/15/2000 - 2:02am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

We have been really fortunate so far! With the exception of one cousin (whom we rarely see) and our two closest friends, everyone else (family, friends, and neighbors) have been extremely supportive.
Last week we were at the beach with my parents, and my Dad wanted glazed oatmeal cookies. All of the packages had the "may contain" label on it so my Dad chose not to buy any cookies. Although my parents have been label readers since finding out about his allergy, that really hit the allergy home to them. They now understand better what we deal with on a daily basis.
Another time we were going over to my sister-in-law's house, and she would not let any member of her family eat any peanut products the week before becasue she wanted to make sure that everything remained as clean and peanut-free as she could make it.
We have been very lucky so far, but my son turns 2 on Sunday. I hope that as he gets friends and starts school, we will still be able to find such supportive people.

Posted on: Mon, 05/07/2001 - 1:55am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

To compliment or counteract the thread I have started about family not getting it, I thought I would re-raise this thread I had started almost a year ago about positive experiences we have with people in our lives.
I haven't re-read my initial thread starter or any of the posts in it yet. I just knew it was here and thought it might be a good thing to raise. I do know that some of what I originally posted has changed for me.
But, I also really feel that people would like to be able to post about positive experiences they have with family, friends, etc. to almost balance off those of us who post differently.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Mon, 05/07/2001 - 3:27am
torontosue's picture
Joined: 06/08/2001 - 09:00

I have an incredible best friend. She is the one who T. was outside with the day he was threatened. We frequently swap kids to allow the other to have the night off. Her son is 10, mine are 9 and 7. All the boys get along fabulously, and her son looks out over mine better then his own brother does.
This weekend we were out for a walk together, and stopped at a little candy store. Right away he started saying to T., which candies do you like. I told him that we didn't allow him to eat any of the candy in the bulk bins, and the only thing we bought was some of the Irish Cadbury bars that we know are safe and the store stocks. He did buy his 'loose candies' but asked that his Mom put them in her purse for later and got a safe treat to eat while we were together.
We have also had a few parties where the parents substituted rice krispie squares for the cake (which the kids loved by the way) and they have also saved the wrappers for me to check. While I am sure there are still some parties he doesn't get invited to, there have been lots where the parents have gone out of their way to make sure he is safe.

Posted on: Thu, 05/10/2001 - 6:55am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I knew that Christopher was allergic to peanuts at the age of one. I feel very fortunate that we never had a reaction until at 4 1/2 we gave him a peanut M&M mistakenly believing he had outgrown the allergy. So in all these three and 1/2 years while being aware, but not hyper-aware, (so to speak) of the allergy we had no problems. My friends and family constanly asked me what he could and couldn't have. They all, without exception have not poo-pooed the idea that his allergy was real. (I don't think any of us knew about the very real possiblilty of death.)
After our trip to the ER I have found my family and friends just as supportive. I sent them an e-mail about the ER experience and how I would be tossing all the suspect foods in my house. I told them all that I would do this but I wouldn't expect them to do the same, but just to know what extremes I would be going through to have a safe home for my kids. They all said wow this is scary and gave me their support.
My in-laws, who own the shop where my DH has his business, have the place loaded with all kinds of stuff. This included two candy machines that FIL would keep full of PN and NonPN foods. It was always a treat for my boys to get two quarters from grandpa for the vending machines. (We just always told the boys what things they could choose from)
Again, after the ER visit, not only did grandpa take out all the PN foods, but he removed the candy machines all together. Got rid of them! This is from a man who will save anything and most of what he saves is really junky stuff. I was so pleased.
Also the day after the ER trip my MIL called to say there was an article in Readers Digest Mag about peannut allergies that I may like to read and that it was really interesting.
I told the leaders in my church who are in charge of the kids classes about our experience and they told me that our church handbook states that there should not be any food in the classes and they had just let it slide. But now they have reinstated the rule. No more food to be given out to the kids. If any teacher wants to make an exception, they must talk to the leaders and the leaders would inform them about the situation and to find some other ways to "treat" the kids without using food.
I informed my boys' preschool teachers about the situation and they said there is a boy in the class allergic to wheat and they know how to make accomodations for him, such as informing the mom when a kid would be bringing treats for a B-day, so she could have him bring his own treat. They also let me see what candy they were giving as little treats for the kids so I could approve or disapprove. (Luckily all treats they had already been giving out were safe treats). Their teachers also tell me when the boys have been good to ask, before given a treat, that it be checked for nuts and peanuts.
I have a SIL who always has her house full of candy. She doesn't mind when I go in and move the bowls of stuff to a place where the kids don't see them. Thank goodness she likes all kinds of treats and always has something that is okay for my boys.
As a final note, because this is all I have time for,(kids on the rampage upstairs) another SIL was the one who told us about this site and got us looking here the night we got home from the ER.
All around, I have people who care to help me or at least respect what I am doing and let me make the decisions about what my boys eat. I know I am fortunate and hope I never forget it. Certainly, coming here to peanutallergy.com is a way I am constanly reminded of this. To all those who suffer the blatant unconcern of some unkind idividuals, I wish you the best and hope someday you will find yourself in a situation such as mine. Until then, all I can say is accentuate the positive!
C&N's Mom

Posted on: Tue, 07/31/2001 - 1:05am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Jesse has FINALLY been invited to a birthday party which is the week-end following this one. We received the invitation the last day of school.
Because the child who is having the party has a very large extended family and his parents have a lot of friends, there will be 50+ people at this party.
The little guy's Mom, a young woman in her early 20's (does age make a difference when it comes to understanding and compassion?), had said that if Jesse was attending the birthday party (Ember gets to go too) she would make every effort to make it "peanut free".
Last night I stopped in the coffee shop and she was there. She told me that she was making the birthday cake herself and she wanted to check on different decorations with me. She's going with Smarties! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
You cannot imagine how wonderful this makes me feel. I understand that I still have to have a watchful eye while I'm there, as I do when we're anywhere, but I am just SO pleased that there was someone who was having a party with 50+ people who didn't think making it "peanut free" would be a pain in the a**!
I am SO pleased for Jesse as well!
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Tue, 07/31/2001 - 2:09am
Corvallis Mom's picture
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Cindy, this is great for you and your family!
Thank you for posting this- I really needed to hear some *good* news this week- and this is fantastic!!

Posted on: Mon, 08/13/2001 - 1:21pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Well, I am SO thrilled by this one, that I felt like starting a separate thread [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img] !
I had already posted about the invitation Jesse and Ember had received to a birthday party and how the Mother had asked me different questions to ensure that everything was "peanut free".
Well, we attended the party yesterday. They were expecting 50 people but I think there were probably about 25 there. This included the little boy's friends as well as extended family, including his Grandparents, Great-Grandmother, etc.
When we got there, his Grandfather came up and asked me about the barbeque sauce and if it was okay. It was. What I found wonderful about this was the man was barbequing for ages - wonderful homemade hamburgers and giant sausages.
Every single thing on the food table was completely safe. The cake, home-made, was absolutely beautiful (in the shape of a train) and decorated with all "safe" candy, including, of course, Smarties.
I had explained to the Mother a couple of weeks ago that she didn't have to go to a lot of trouble, that a lot of PA children carry their own treat bag with them, etc. and she said NO.
I had another PA parent suggest to me a few months ago that I was mistaken about the fact that we live in a small community and how so many people are unwilling to "get it", as compared to if we lived in Toronto again. Well, I must say, the woman is absolutely correct.
I was able to watch both of my children enjoy a wonderful day in the swimming pool and water slide thing (I'm so adept at describing some things [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img] ) and being able to eat without any fear. When I had come in, the Mom had asked me if I was going to stay.
She said that the invitation had been that any of the parents could stay if they wanted to but none of them had. Well, of course, I did want to stay (that's another thing that got me thinking about how we, as PA parents, are almost required to stay at these functions with our children when they are young, and maybe even when they're not young, while other parents are able to drop their children off and enjoy a few hours free time - I'm not saying I would prefer the free time to ensuring Jesse's safety, but I think I've made my point).
The whole family was terrific with us. I thanked all of them profusely for what they had done for Jesse to be able to attend a birthday party. They couldn't believe that he didn't receive birthday party invitations as much as the other children.
It was one of those things that made you feel really really warm inside and realize that there are good, decent, caring people out there, that for the sake of the enjoyment of ONE child, they would go to such lengths. Jesse is a good friend of the little guy whose party it was, but with the number of children he had there, it wasn't as though Jesse would have been greatly missed (especially 'cus the little guy's *girlfriend* was there!).
Thinking of it now, I feel like crying. I'm going to write this family a thank-you note.
Oh, and for the treat bags, the Mom explained that she had bought bulk candy (all of it labeled "safe" - really meaning the store brand candy) but she wasn't comfortable with that so she made separate treat bags for Jesse and Ember both. Can you believe it?
To top it off, it was a glorious day here weather-wise.
Thank-you to that family and thanks everyone here for listening (and also I hear a collective sigh of relief that Cindy is not complaining about Jesse NOT being invited again! LOL!)
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Thu, 08/16/2001 - 1:31pm
G Stanfill's picture
Joined: 04/01/2001 - 09:00

I'm so glad that you brought up this thread! I just had a wonderful experience last weekend.
My family was invited to a BBQ at a friends house that has a non-PA 18 month old. My PA son is 15 months old. These friends are old college friends of my husbands and live a couple of hours away so we had planned to spend the night.
The mother already knew of my son's PA, but I called well in advance just to remind her. The next week, she called me back and went over the ENTIRE menu down including drinks for me to approve. She also double checked labels when she went shopping and since we would be spending the night, she also didn't give her daughter an peanut products the whole week before the BBQ!!! I was so greatful!!
I almost wanted to cry due to her thoughtfulness!! We are also vacationing with this family next week and will be sharing a condo with them! Needless to say I'm not worried about my PA son at least inside the condo. This will make our trip much more relaxed!!
It's wonderful to have friends that care!

Posted on: Thu, 08/16/2001 - 10:59pm
McKenziesMom's picture
Joined: 03/05/2001 - 09:00

We live in a small town quite near Cindy and we have been really lucky with almost ALL our neighbours and friends. My DD is 11, so we've been doing the birthday thing for quite a while and I can't think of a party where we've had a problem.
I've even had a mom call me from her cellphone while she was walking the supermarket aisles to check on if a product was OK for my PA girl to eat!
We have a GREAT teacher at our school who spearheads the allergy alert program at the school and a LOT of literature comes home with all the kids at the beginning of the year, and at Halloween and other special occasions about what are SAFE treats. (It helps that his daughter is PA)
Our family circle is great too - always careful, except for ONE sister-in-law who insists on bringing carrot salad with raisins and !@#@!! peanuts in it to every family occasion. I had the nerve to ask her to leave out the peanuts once and she hasn't been the same since! Too bad.
When I read all the horror stories that some people have about people that don't "get it", I feel VERY lucky that we've had almost no negative responses from anyone.
Nice thread, very positive!

Posted on: Sun, 07/13/2003 - 3:26am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

I just wanted to re-raise this thread, hopefully for people to add to, but also because there seem to be a couple of threads running about people not "getting it" and I thought it would be *nice* to see that there are some positive things out there as well. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sun, 07/13/2003 - 3:43am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Okay, so I haven't added anything since we moved to our new town almost two years ago. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/redface.gif[/img]
Within the first month of moving here, Jesse received a birthday party invitation to a fellow classmate's. I spoke with the Father and he checked every food item with me. I actually dropped Jesse off at the party and went home because we lived on the same street.
This year, my Year from He** with the school, one young woman particularly stuck out for me. After three months into the school year, the teacher finally started checking for "may contain" items (completely different story, which I believe most people know here). Well, this young woman, who couldn't seem to get a straight answer from the teacher about what was "safe" came to my house one night.
She wanted to know what was "safe" to send into school with her daughter who was in Jesse's class and also a close friend of Jesse's.
She dealt with PA really well all year. Her one daughter's birthday party was "peanut free" and it was Ember that was the friend of that daughter (Jesse was invited to be company for the other daughter). She was simply amazing.
They moved with about four months left of school. They ended up moving to another school (the children) and lo and behold, her daughter that had the "peanut free" classroom with Jesse ended up with 4 or 5 PA children in her new class at her new school. This woman actually thanked me because she knew, because she had dealt with Jesse's "peanut free" classroom about what to buy for her daughter for her new school/class.
She also phoned the school, ahead of their move, to see if either child would be in a "peanut free" classroom so she could gear her shopping properly. This isn't something that would have occurred to her a year ago.
No, she's been great.
This thing I have really learned is that it doesn't take money or education for people to be compassionate. It just takes basically good hearted people that care enough about the life one of child.
Under a great amount of stress at the end of this year's school year (I have to move again [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] ), I decided it was okay if I didn't send the thank-you notes to Jesse's classmates and the BE A PAL certificates. It sounds really terrible but to me, this year, it would have been a passive aggressive little dig on my part had I sent home anything to thank the other parents. Each and every day there were at least three children (and not always the same three) who had to take their lunches/snacks to the office to eat. It was very upsetting, right to the last day of school, and I thought it was okay for me not to send the thank-you notes (of course, I did feel crappy about not doing it, but also recognized my stress level at the time). I almost feel as though I made some backwards step by not sending the notes (backwards as far as how gracious I usually am with Jesse's classmates). Sorry, veered off topic.
Kids have apparently gone insane outside with Off bug spray (they don't physically have it but want it) to try to protect themselves from a single bee, another one has put dish detergent in some water she's playing with, and I'm just not sure what's going on except their Father sounds as though his head is ready to explode (more than usual [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img] )
I know I veered Off Topic and put a not positive thing in there. That was not my intention. Just felt the need to get it out.
I do feel guilty about not sending the notes out.
Now, anyone else with any positive experiences? I think there are a few people here right now that really need to hear some!
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Tue, 07/15/2003 - 5:48am
ElleMo's picture
Joined: 06/19/2003 - 09:00

I have been having some very good experiences.
Today I was at a friends home for a pizza/pool party (just an aside -- I am wondering if the peanut butter in tomato sauce is a regional thing because all the italian restaurants & pizza parlors I have asked seemed genuinally puzzle by the question because they have never even heard of the practice) The mom made brownies & made sure there were no nuts in the box. She also made sure all the snacks were nut free.
Last week, my friend had a party for her 2 year old twins & the entire party was nut free. I offered to bake the cake & she was so thankful, even though my daughter was really the one benefitting the most.
Next weekend we are having a bar-b-q; and aside from one PIA, everyone has been really nice about what to bring. They all refuse to bring nothing (which I told them would be fine) & instead are telling us what they want to bring/cook to make sure it's ok.
Allergic to Shellfish/ Mom to Jesse 9/01 who has PA

Posted on: Wed, 08/13/2003 - 2:42am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I've just had a wonderful experience today with my son's preschool. I called the director to see if my brother's little boy (Tucker's cousin) could get into the same school. The director said she had an opening and she of course would hold it for him! What does this have to do with pa? It wasn't until after I hung up that it hit me. SHE NEVER ONCE ASKED IF TUCKER'S COUSIN HAD FOOD ALLERGIES! This tells me that they don't think of Tucker as "the one with the pa," and that they would not discriminate against others that may have it!

Posted on: Thu, 08/14/2003 - 6:15am
becca's picture
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

My friend, Jen, and my neighbor/room mother last year both go out of their way to make *me* feel safe about dd's allergies. They not only do whatever thay can for her safety, but are empathetic and patient with *my* worries about it all too. They just bring tears to my eyes sometimes, especially the room mother since we really never knew each other until school though we are neighbors. She wept one day as she told me a story of a father who made a fuss(complaining that a little PB couldn't hurt my dd) moments before I arrived at the school party. Apparently she put him in his place by simply saying to him my dd could die. He was quite embarrased. I was surprised by the story(it was some time later) and thanked her profusely and felt a little choked up, and noticed she had tears in her eyes as well. I just consider this woman our guardian angel at school because she ran alot of interference for me with the teacher since the teacher favored her for some reason. Just exceptional eforts to do safe things for dd.
My friend, Jen, is our everyday around the neighborhood friend. We always hang together and our kids are best buddies. She has always kept a safe home for dd without me even having to aske. Offered up that she never gives the kids PB(generally only her M-I-L does and she warns me about it). Today, she had a B-day for our little bud(her son) and all the candy and ice cream was safe. If not for our egg allergy, even the cake would be made safe. What is the coolest about her is she never draws attention to it or makes a big deal out of her efforts, so my dd is totally unaware and is just another person in her home. She has no idea anything is done for her, and can be totally herself. Just like home.
I really love these people! What helps is these are people that never knew me or dd before the allergy. Our children have grown together and we all learned of it together, so thet understand what I have learned and gone through. Old friends and family are not so close by and every day in our lives, so they just do not know the day to day stuff.
THE BONUS! All of our children, as well as another with severe milk and peanut allergies are in the same class this year. I just know it will be a better year! Also, the one girl, whose mom I have the most annoying comments from, is no longer in our classes and will go off to Kindergarten a year ahead of us. Ahhh. becca
[This message has been edited by becca (edited August 14, 2003).]

Posted on: Sat, 11/08/2003 - 2:42pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Simply re-raising in the hopes that Kelseymom might see it and not feel so badly. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I did re-read the whole thread and noticed that not a lot of people have posted positive things in this thread (of course, there are threads that have been started that talk about positive experiences). So, of course, that got me thinking, even if it really is too late to think.
When we visit here, do we tend to vent because we need to get support, caring, concern and encouragement from other PA parents that will understand (hopefully) what we're going through? And we tend to not mention the good stuff a lot?
Or is it because the negative stuff that we talk about re relationships with friends and family has such a deeper impact on us emotionally then when something finally *nice* happens?
Not really questions that need answered, and certainly not a slight at all towards anyone.
I personally like the positive-ness of this thread and I do hope that it helps anyone that is having a difficult time with friends or family right now.
(And yes, I've already answered one of my questions already - I have talked extensively about my Mother and how she completely "gets it" and even my MIL and how she finally almost completely "gets it" and yet they're not mentioned in this thread. I've mentioned them in other threads on the board and *should* have transferred the information into this thread as well. That's what's happened! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img] )
At any rate, I do hope this does help Kelseymom through what she's going through right now and perhaps someone has something positive to add.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sat, 11/08/2003 - 2:54pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

I guess when I first entitled this thread, I guess by the etc. I meant either family or other people that our PA children come into contact with. After I re-raised the thread tonight for Kelseymom and re-read it, I realized I hadn't posted any positive family stories in this thread and wondered if I should raise another thread for positive family only stories.
However, rather than do that, I decided to go and find something I just recently posted (and have posted quite often before) about my Mom and MIL. I took it from NicoleinNH's thread under Main Discussion and I hope it still makes sense in this thread:-
(redtruck, do you remember a time when we started the Canadians thread and we would post Canadian specific information on one part of the board and then copy it into the Canadians thread? - I'm not even sure if you're reading but perhaps other Canadians would remember as well - sorry, veered off topic, after midnight, babble speak, yadda yadda)
I've told this story before but I'll tell it again about my Mom who is 75 this year. We were living a twenty minute drive from her home but she always came to my home to visit and I think in the 3-1/2 years that I lived that close to her I was over to house twice with the kids (remember again, I'm Idiot Woman that doesn't drive ) However.....
My Mom keeps a completely peanut free home. Why? Because she knows it could kill her grandson. It may seem bizarre considering the fact that we're now hundreds of miles away but for her, peanuts are now the same thing they are to me, something that could kill someone she loves.
I remember shopping with her one day and she wanted to buy cashews for her own home. I said Mom, it's okay, they're not peanuts. She was quite hesitant but finally put the cashews in her shopping cart. I checked when she was looking in another aisle and the label did say "may contain trace peanuts". But I thought, I'm not going to be around Mom with Jesse when she's eating the cashews so why say anything, especially when she was so hesitant in the first place?
But my Mom is just SO cool. I know, without even having to ask, that I could go to her place to-day and it would be completely safe for Jesse. That is how much PA hit home for her. Her grandson could die. Why she's so compassionate and understanding, I'm not clear because we didn't have any food allergies in our family or any special accommodations that had to be made for anyone. It's just who she is and I love her for it.
She also makes sure at Hallowe'en that she buys "safe" candy to shell out to other children because of the PA *issue* period. I think it's really really cool.
My MIL has been a bit more difficult to educate because she can be a bit more difficult period (maybe it's just a MIL thing) but even she "gets it". She does come to visit us, maybe once a year, and I would never have to worry about her bringing an unsafe product into our peanut/tree nut free home.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sun, 11/09/2003 - 7:36am
Klutzi's picture
Joined: 03/10/2002 - 09:00

I'm so excited! I have so many people who get it!!
My parents & my in-laws get it! They go out of their way to make sure Jamie is safe & always ask me about food items to see if they are safe! I have no problem leaving Jamie with either set of grandparents!!
Also, so many people at our church get it!! After Jamie's reaction, countless people helped us track down all the ingredients of what they had had for snack. After eliminating the food, we talked with her club leaders about how we think it was a contact situation that caused Jamie's reaction. Some kid had Peanut butter on them & then Jamie got it on her hands & rubbed her nose/mouth. ANYWAY, Jamie's leader sent home a note with all the kids asking the parent's to "refrain from giving your child peanutbutter on Wednesdays. We have a child that is extremely affected by peanuts and we want to avoid a chance of spreading peanut oil to the child". We didn't even ask for this note to be sent!!
So far we've been very fortunate that so many people in Jamie's life "GET IT"!!!

Posted on: Sun, 11/09/2003 - 1:19pm
pgrubbs's picture
Joined: 10/27/2003 - 09:00

My parents REALLY get it. Thank goodness, as my mom cares for the children while I am at work.
My neighbors get it. On Halloween, they made up safe treat bags just for DD, and every neighbor that we went to had safe candy.I had written them notes explaining the situation and asking not that they get safe candy (though I did list a few) but asking that they place the candy in her basket.
It was so nice.

Posted on: Tue, 11/11/2003 - 10:39pm
Gwen Thornberry's picture
Joined: 10/14/1999 - 09:00

My boyfriend (who I have been with over a year and a half) and his family really get it. He gave up his beloved dry roasted pn for me pretty much when we started dating. I think the whole time we've been together, he's had pn maybe twice! His family are really good at checking labels for me too, and won't buy any food with warning labels on them if I'm coming for dinner.
I have to go to my company's US office sometime in the New Year, so I think I'll buy himself a big pack of dry roasted and tell him to go ahead and have the time of his life when I do - he deserves it [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] !!

Posted on: Thu, 11/13/2003 - 10:14am
helenmc's picture
Joined: 05/01/2002 - 09:00

We're lucky to both have families who understand and do the right thing by Helen. We also have a few friends we trust implicitly to cook for us.
And I guess Helen has me, her boy who won't eat may-contains in case I put her in hospital when I kiss her...
Geoff (Helen's hubby) [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Wed, 03/10/2004 - 4:24am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Simply re-raising for Mom2Sariah. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I notice that the story about the woman washing all of her children's toys before we visited is not in here. I know it is on the board somewhere! LOL! (Remembering that my whole life is on this board somewhere [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img] )
Six minutes left of library internet time so no time to up-date, but believe I did fairly recently so cool with that.
I just hope it makes some people feel a bit better especially if they're experiencing difficulties with friends/family right now.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sat, 03/20/2004 - 1:48pm
SkyMom's picture
Joined: 10/27/2001 - 09:00

It is a good feeling to hear about the considerate people around us. My dd is five, almost six, and has had a pa for five years. Both sides of the family have been very supportive.
I must say that my friends have been so great. They always keep everything containing nuts or pa away and clean countertops, tables, etc. before we visit. Going for supper is never a problem as they always check labels or call me to check for safety.
I consider myself very lucky as her school has banned peanuts and may contains and the other parents initially came to me for safe snack suggestions.
I hope others reading this thread who are new to pa can find comfort and know that there are a lot of great, considerate people out there. (This thread is for those positive people, I'm not bringing up "the others")

Posted on: Mon, 03/22/2004 - 3:18am
LaurieI's picture
Joined: 04/04/2002 - 09:00

My daughter's 2nd grade had green food day for St. Patricks Day. I went in to check the food. A mom sent in a written note with a list of all the ingredients in her food. I was not expecting this at all. It was very nice for a change.

Posted on: Thu, 04/01/2004 - 6:27am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Simply re-raising to compliment lalow's thread. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Fri, 04/02/2004 - 11:24am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

So, this wasn't related to my PA son but my non-PA daughter. She had a play-date tonight after school which was to include dinner from McDonald's since Friday is the family's take-out night for dinner.
When the other Mom made arrangements with me on Tuesday night for Ember to come over this evening, I'm not sure if she knew that Ember had a PA brother or not.
What I did think was really cool was that she asked me if it was okay for Ember to have probably McDonald's food and she asked if Ember had any food allergies. I said no, she doesn't, but her brother does, so she isn't allowed to eat any peanuts/peanut products (just in case they had them at their house).
I just thought this was really cool that she would ask if Em had food allergies. It's probably something that *most* parents ask nowadays, I don't know because this has been Ember's first playdate away from home (or actually first all together [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] ) this year.
I do know that my birth-sister, whose daughter will be 16 this year, she ALWAYS had that practice in her home, long before I had Jesse (PA). Whenever her daughter brought someone into their home and the child was going to be staying there to eat, R. would always ask if the child was allergic to anything or if he/she had had the food they were going to eat before. I thought that was really cool because it was "ahead of it's time", but I still think the Mom asking the other day for tonight was great as well.
I'm a funny one, eh? I have posted here about how I usually end up the unpaid babysitter because everyone feels more comfortable (yeah, right) leaving their kids with me than having my children (PA and non-PA) over to their home. Part of me has wanted, of course, for my kids to be invited to other children's homes for playdates. It was really sad for me to-day because Ember went off and Jesse and I came home together but it was okay because we had our own playdate on [url="http://www.games.com"]www.games.com[/url]
But, I guess the other children that we've done playdates before with, it's all been walking, either walking in our townhouse complex in the previous town (or walking into town out of the townhouse complex to my friend's house) or at the last schools here, other children also within walking distance and their parents were walking as well.
To-day, Ember gets picked up by the Mom in a car at the school. The Mom had told me that she would pick Em up when she picked up her daughter and her son but I just stood there and waited to make sure Em got safely into the car.
Then, I turned around and started crying. Can't even say why. Too many emotions concerning this one particular playdate.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sat, 04/03/2004 - 2:54pm
Jazz It Up's picture
Joined: 08/19/2002 - 09:00

I have the absolute best friends when it comes to my son's peanut allergy. I was very nervous meeting new people when we moved from FL to TX and found out quickly I worried for nothing. Whether we were at the pool or neighbor's house, peanut butter was kept away from my son.
Whenever my neighbor/dearest friend had my son over for a playdate; dinner, etc., labels were always read (even if they had to call me and read me the ingredients over the phone) and the Epi-Pen was always with my son and my friend knew how to use it.
Some people are just fabulous! Ahhh, missing Texas already. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
Stay Safe!

Posted on: Sat, 04/03/2004 - 3:19pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Jazz It Up, hon, what state are you in now, if you can post that? What state is your family in, if you have any?
I bet you have white carpet no matter what state you're in. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
Big hugs, dear woman. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sat, 04/03/2004 - 3:40pm
Jazz It Up's picture
Joined: 08/19/2002 - 09:00

Sorry, Cin, I neglected to put in my post that I am now living in Atanta, GA. I moved here March 25th. I have a brother and SIL here and a sister and BIL here and nieces. I also have a brother/SIL in Jacksonville Beach, FL and another brother/SIL in Montana. I will e-mail you (which I didn't do earlier as promised) with the details.
More drama than this queen can handle. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
BTW - I'm staying with my brother and his family and they have WHITE carpet! I have already taken over their laundry and dishes. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img]
Stay Safe!
[This message has been edited by Jazz It Up (edited April 04, 2004).]

Posted on: Fri, 04/09/2004 - 5:05pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Simply re-raising. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Wed, 07/21/2004 - 2:13am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

I thought I should re-raise this just so we can read (and perhaps post some new) positive experiences. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Thu, 07/22/2004 - 4:12pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Are we truly a sad sack little lot that have NO positive stories to share, only horrible ones? I hope not. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
I think we probably just come here and post when something rotten happens and when something good happens we may forget to come and post because we're like WOW! Or, we start a separate thread.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Thu, 07/22/2004 - 8:45pm
Claire's picture
Joined: 04/19/2000 - 09:00

As you know Chris has had pretty good friends over the years but 2 in particular. I had 2 moms that actually wouldn't have any PB in there homes when Chris was around. They would call me for dinner ideas and they would actully feel very bad if he didn't eat there because they knew they had been so careful.
Our school was not PB safe at lunch so there kids would not bring PB just because of Chris and they wanted him safe.
My family has been excellent with him. IN fact we say spoiled rotten by them.
Mom always has a lemon pie just for Chris and my sister has always had certain items at her house.
We have been very lucky with Christopher.
My nieces and nephew watch out for Chris whenever they are with him and warn him if they even think there is pb around.
I tell Chris all the time how very fortunate he is.
My brother the chef has been known to just start baking for him.
My inlaws that have had a rough time learning to do what is safe for him we just leave alone.
We only had one parent in all of his school years that didn't get it and we haven't talked with her since he was around 10ish.
Cindy I am so glad you were able to enjoy the birthday party with your children. It sounds like so much fun. Take care Claire

Posted on: Sun, 07/25/2004 - 6:45am
cooper's picture
Joined: 12/20/2002 - 09:00

I'm very lucky to have extended family who really understand. Especially - my SIL, whose kids do not have allergies, is simply amazing. My kids spend lots of time with their cousins, we've gone on joint vacations, weekends together, and my dear SIL (and brother) never forget, only bring safe food, and just make everything so much more enjoyable and relaxing for us. Plus their kids never say a word, even tho I know they love PB, and are so gracious about the whole thing.
Also had an unexpected very nice experience at the market a couple days ago. I don't usually buy deli meat, but I was talking to the guy behind the counter about ingredient labels, and he asked if I was looking for anything in particular. When I explained, he said he helps another parent whose child has allergies, and he cleans the machine down, changes gloves, etc. He said that if I ever wanted any deli stuff, to just come find him and he'd be glad to help, "if it keeps a kid safe, I'm happy to". [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] Need to talk with the manager about him! He was just terrific.

Posted on: Sun, 07/25/2004 - 7:41am
ALLERGYMOM's picture
Joined: 10/09/2003 - 09:00

I honestly have to say that in 4 1/2 years since dx I have not had any negative respnses from non pa parents. They all seem to be very interested and want to learn about ds's allergies. As you all know in our situation ds is also allergic to fish, eggs, shellfish, and tree nuts along with peanuts. So when they find out that he has so many allergies they ask alot of questions. I just hope this continues when school starts.
Have A Great Day

Posted on: Tue, 07/27/2004 - 3:50pm
momjd's picture
Joined: 02/24/2002 - 09:00

I was invited to a Pampered Chef party by the mom of one of the children DS has play dates with and decided to go. I remarked to my DH that I wouldn't be able to eat the main food that would be prepare because they always demonstrate the food chopper by chopping nuts for it. DS is PA and TNA and I'm still nursing his little sister, so I don't eat any kind of nuts ever.
A few days later DH (who works with the mom's DH) tells me that she has told the PC consultant not to prepare anything with nuts. I hadn't said anything to her and DS wasn't even going with me, she just did this all on her own. I was really touched that she would think that far ahead. I'm also very relieved because I had this image of the consultant spilling nut crumbs all over the place (they did the presentation in the living room) and then DS coming over to play.
Now I need to remember to write my friend a nice Thank You note.

Posted on: Wed, 10/19/2005 - 10:48am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

There's a positive birthday party story in here so I wanted to re-raise it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Wed, 10/19/2005 - 11:14am
gvmom's picture
Joined: 08/24/2005 - 09:00

Okay, so I have a positive Birthday story w/ a non FA Parent. Our neighbors across the street have 2 children, who are contemporaries of my 2 boys. My older son goes to school with their daughter, same class, etc. So, their younger son was having a birthday party on the 15th of this month. Both my boys were invited. Mind you, my older one is PA/TNA, and younger son is allergic to eggs. The mom, told me everything in the pinata, and did her best to make sure the candy was safe for my boys. Also, she took my recipe for Wacky cake, no eggs or nuts, and that's what she made the cupcakes out of (from scratch - which is big). Additionally, she even double checked with me about the frosting. This was the most amazing experience to have someone who took the time to check about the FA's, it was safe for both boys -- and she realized how easy it was. Plus, it helped immensely that a few days prior to the party she & her kids were over for my sons party, and she was able to taste how great the "safe" cupcakes were. She was even happier when she saw how easy & lowfat the Wacky cake recipe is.

Posted on: Tue, 03/14/2006 - 12:52am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Simply re-raising for Lori Anne. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
"That was Polanski. Nicholson got his nose cut."

Posted on: Thu, 03/16/2006 - 12:16am
tidina's picture
Joined: 01/26/2005 - 09:00

we have friends that asked about safe pinata and loot bag candies, my sister in law is letting me make the bday cake and sends me a list of what she is serving and gave me pizza places menus, my family is pretty good about not bringing food over for holidays, except my mom. some playdate moms are real aware and even clean games before they let my son play with them.

Posted on: Thu, 03/16/2006 - 7:53am
luisa's picture
Joined: 12/23/2004 - 09:00

I wrote another thread to praise my neighbor, I missed this one. She is really good. Maybe because she has a PA niece, maybe she would be the same way anyway... She is super careful and understanding and her daughter even says she does not want PB sandwich anymore since it can hurt her best friend (she used to eat it once a week only). I know I can't count on that coming from a 4 year old but it is the cutest thing. They are great!
"Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it."

Posted on: Thu, 03/16/2006 - 10:07am
Lori Anne's picture
Joined: 07/13/2005 - 09:00

One of dd's friends was having a birthday party. The mother was going to have pb&j sandwiches at the party. When I told her dd wouldn't be able to come, she switched it to ham & cheese and just plain cheese sandwiches--just so dd could go. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Thu, 03/16/2006 - 3:55pm
sebastian's picture
Joined: 05/26/2003 - 09:00

We have been so blessed when it comes to having people who "get it"!
We joined a local Moms Club (playgroups, field trips etc) and at the first meeting they decided they would make all playgroups and activities peanut free!
Our homeschool co-op has also gone to great lengths to keep Em safe. They made the PreK and K class peanut/nut free. They include the safe snacks list in all of the teaching packets, put hand wipes out in the beginning of class and have all the kids wash up before class.
There have been a few mishaps (parents forgetting and bringing in stuff containing nuts) but they are so on the ball...they send out emails every so often to remind the parents.
Most of my friends are from the MOMS club and co-op...most of them from co-op also go to our same church and other church related stuff so they KNOW about Em's PA and go to great lengths to ensure her safety.
We also just went to a party (I did not know the people, my DH did) and they were going to put out pbandJ...but once I mentioned em's PA they promptly put them away and said they would much rather have us there then have us leave.
Of course, we have come across some people who are tough to deal with but that comes with the territory I guess!

Posted on: Fri, 03/17/2006 - 12:15am
mommyofmatt's picture
Joined: 03/12/2004 - 09:00

There's a mom in the boys' preschool class whom I don't know really well...but I'm thinking I need to get to know her now [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
She's planning a party for her ds. At around the same time, she's giving birth to her 4th child. She and I have talked of course, but not at any great length of time. She's always busy...
She wants to plan the entire menu around ds! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] I told her she didn't need to, we're used to bringing our own food to parties, as long as she doesn't mind not serving pb&j. Her response was, I don't want him to feel left out in any way [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] Now, keep in mind, ds is also milk and egg allergic too. She wants to have hot dogs, and ice pops for dessert. How awesome is that?!

Posted on: Fri, 03/17/2006 - 1:41am
Kelseymom's picture
Joined: 11/20/2002 - 09:00

Kelsey got invited to a birthday party. When I called the mom to ask about the cake (offering to bring separate food for Kelsey) she said that she wanted to work with me to have a cake that Kelsey could eat too. Also this week a mom asked if her daughter switched to almond butter could she sit next to Kelsey during lunch at school. I have been having some negative experiences lately, so it was a real boost to have people be so nice.


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