Positive Experiences with non PA Parents/Etc.

Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2000 - 6:35am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Do you want to talk about positive experiences you have had with other non-PA parents or other people concerning your PA child? We have this site where we're able to vent about the people that don't deal with PA in the ways that we would like. What about the people who do? I have a friend who drives us back and forth from school. We initially had a few mishaps re the PA (her son eating a "may contain" product given to him by the school, through excitement, but we ended up having to walk home). But, this woman, despite dealing with health problems of herself and her children (non PA), learned as much as she could about the allergy. She does not send any "may contain" or blatantly peanut products in her 3 children's lunches although none of them share the same class as Jesse. She checks labels on all the products she buys knowing that Jesse may have a cookie or something else on a playdate at her home.
She hides the peanut butter when we're coming over so her kids can't get into it. Yesterday, she had a birthday party for one of her children and both of mine were invited. It was completely "peanut free". She checked the goodies for the loot bags, baked the cake and checked all the ingredients used for the cake, icing and decorating. Jesse was completely safe. This woman has been fantastic! Another woman, having driven us to emergency when Jesse went into anaphylactic shock last year, when having her child's birthday party, to which he was invited, made sure that she made the special request at Dairy Queen that the cake be "peanut free". This requires them making the cake on a completely different surface than where they make or serve other products because of the large amount of items available there with peanuts. She is also the school bus driver for my son's school, and when she knew that he was going on a field trip on her bus, she scrubbed the bus that morning to make sure it would be as "peanut free" as she could possibly make it (i.e., the seats, etc.). So, for all of the people that we deal with that don't understand, do we all find someone that does?
I'm certainly glad that I have.


Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2000 - 8:17am
Linda-Jo's picture
Joined: 07/30/1999 - 09:00

Your friend truly is a remarkable woman! You are so lucky to have a 'gem' like her!
My friend and I have daughters 6 wks. apart, mine having the PA. So, she's been with me since Day 1! She's also a nurse. She had a birthday party for her daughter last year and ordered pizza. She was not satisfied with the answer the 'pizza guy' gave her as to peanut products so she called other places until she found one that she was satisfied with. She also checked out the place that made the cake and made sure there was no peanut/nut products involved in making her daughter's cake. She checked and rechecked everthing to ensure safety, right down to the soft drinks! I am so glad I have her as a friend and I wouldn't hesitate to leave my daughter with her, as I know she checks and rechecks everything before we even step into her house! There are some understanding and cooperative people out there!
I also have had a very good experience with Meggie's preschool this year. Although it was not in my neighborhood, I felt it was well worth the distance where her safety was concerned. They wouldn't even allow her to eat a popsicle one day because it wasn't preapproved by me! Also, one boy brought in a Rice Krispies pre-made treat for snack and they wouldn't let him open it because it wasn't on the list I gave them of safe foods! I hope she has as safe an experience in Sept. when she starts Kindergarten!

Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2000 - 8:57am
Christine's picture
Joined: 02/03/1999 - 09:00

Last summer my PA son Evan was invited to a classmate's birthday party. The mother of the little girl told me ahead of time that there would be no peanut products at the party because another friend of theirs also had a PA son (not in my son's class). It was just so wonderful to be able to go to a party and not have to worry about the treats that were in the goodie bags or the ice cream or the cake. The woman was pretty thorough about checking things and I was comfortable. My son was also invited to another party and, while the mother did inform me (ahead of tiem) that she would be ordering a Baskin-Robbins cake (not safe) she would gladly supply anything for Evan that he would like. This is the kind of attitude I just LOVE. And I didn't even have to *complain* to get it. It is always nice to run into people who really care.

Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2000 - 11:52am
Kristy's picture
Joined: 04/07/2000 - 09:00

We also have some people in our lives that watch over Emilie with the greatest of concern.
The first is my sister-in-law, when she knows Em is coming over she scrubs their house from top to bottom. Puts away the PB and keeps labels for everything that Emilie may eat.
2nd is a parent who invited Em to a Birthday Party. We talked several times about the party, she called the "cake Lady" several times to check for "no nuts". She made her home Pb free for the day and made sure all loot bags were safe. She found the whole experience overwhelming, but said she would never think twice of inviting a child with allergies. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Kristy

Posted on: Mon, 06/12/2000 - 12:29am
DMB's picture
Joined: 02/22/2001 - 09:00

When my husband and I had our son, Evan, we had only lived in our suburb for a short time so I really hadn't made any other friends. Both of our families were a couple hours away so we really didn't do too much socializing when he was young. Evan just started gymnastics a few months ago and I was able to meet a mother of another little boy in his class. She noticed Evan's medic alert bracelet and asked what it was for. I gave her the basics of his peanut allergy which she had heard of before but didn't realize it could be life-threatening. Anyway, she invited us to be a part of her son's playgroup at her house. She called me the day before to tell me that she would not have any peanut butter or peanut products at her house so Evan would be safe--I didn't even have to ask. Once everyone got there she explained that Evan was allergic to peanuts and asked what everyone had for breakfast just to be sure that there was no peanut residue on anyone's hands! Another mother in the group already knew all about the allergy and asked if he'd had an anaphylactic reaction and if we had to carry an epi-pen. She knew almost as much about the allergy as I did. On another playdate, she was having a late birthday celebration for her son. She had made the cake herself and saved all the boxes for me to look at when I got there so I could be sure that Evan could eat it. Luckily, we've since become good friends and all the children in the playgroup will be attending the same preschool this fall--so at least I will know several other mothers understand my son's peanut allergy. Deanna

Posted on: Mon, 06/12/2000 - 6:25am
latymom's picture
Joined: 05/21/2000 - 09:00

Most people I know are very eager to do their part. My family is pretty conscientious (sp?) which helps a great deal. I guess the problem is with people who think they've done everything to ensure my daughters safety but really haven't because they don't see the hidden nut ingredients in so many things. (example: they buy "plain" M&M's instead of peanut M&M's)At least peeople are trying and they usually always ask me before they give my daughter anything anyway. Nobody wants to see a little kid hurt.

Posted on: Mon, 06/12/2000 - 6:36am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

My sister cares for my daughter while I work. She has been as diligent as I have been in reading labels and ensuring that nothing *unsafe* passes through. She watches other children during the week and does not serve any peanut products while my daughter is there. My day off is Tuesday so that is when pb&j is served at lunch time. Aside from that, she has been more supportive than anyone else. She has validated my feelings of anxiety and fear over the whole thing. It really helps to have supportive understanding people to "lighten the load".

Posted on: Thu, 06/15/2000 - 2:02am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

We have been really fortunate so far! With the exception of one cousin (whom we rarely see) and our two closest friends, everyone else (family, friends, and neighbors) have been extremely supportive.
Last week we were at the beach with my parents, and my Dad wanted glazed oatmeal cookies. All of the packages had the "may contain" label on it so my Dad chose not to buy any cookies. Although my parents have been label readers since finding out about his allergy, that really hit the allergy home to them. They now understand better what we deal with on a daily basis.
Another time we were going over to my sister-in-law's house, and she would not let any member of her family eat any peanut products the week before becasue she wanted to make sure that everything remained as clean and peanut-free as she could make it.
We have been very lucky so far, but my son turns 2 on Sunday. I hope that as he gets friends and starts school, we will still be able to find such supportive people.

Posted on: Mon, 05/07/2001 - 1:55am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

To compliment or counteract the thread I have started about family not getting it, I thought I would re-raise this thread I had started almost a year ago about positive experiences we have with people in our lives.
I haven't re-read my initial thread starter or any of the posts in it yet. I just knew it was here and thought it might be a good thing to raise. I do know that some of what I originally posted has changed for me.
But, I also really feel that people would like to be able to post about positive experiences they have with family, friends, etc. to almost balance off those of us who post differently.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Mon, 05/07/2001 - 3:27am
torontosue's picture
Joined: 06/08/2001 - 09:00

I have an incredible best friend. She is the one who T. was outside with the day he was threatened. We frequently swap kids to allow the other to have the night off. Her son is 10, mine are 9 and 7. All the boys get along fabulously, and her son looks out over mine better then his own brother does.
This weekend we were out for a walk together, and stopped at a little candy store. Right away he started saying to T., which candies do you like. I told him that we didn't allow him to eat any of the candy in the bulk bins, and the only thing we bought was some of the Irish Cadbury bars that we know are safe and the store stocks. He did buy his 'loose candies' but asked that his Mom put them in her purse for later and got a safe treat to eat while we were together.
We have also had a few parties where the parents substituted rice krispie squares for the cake (which the kids loved by the way) and they have also saved the wrappers for me to check. While I am sure there are still some parties he doesn't get invited to, there have been lots where the parents have gone out of their way to make sure he is safe.

Posted on: Thu, 05/10/2001 - 6:55am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I knew that Christopher was allergic to peanuts at the age of one. I feel very fortunate that we never had a reaction until at 4 1/2 we gave him a peanut M&M mistakenly believing he had outgrown the allergy. So in all these three and 1/2 years while being aware, but not hyper-aware, (so to speak) of the allergy we had no problems. My friends and family constanly asked me what he could and couldn't have. They all, without exception have not poo-pooed the idea that his allergy was real. (I don't think any of us knew about the very real possiblilty of death.)
After our trip to the ER I have found my family and friends just as supportive. I sent them an e-mail about the ER experience and how I would be tossing all the suspect foods in my house. I told them all that I would do this but I wouldn't expect them to do the same, but just to know what extremes I would be going through to have a safe home for my kids. They all said wow this is scary and gave me their support.
My in-laws, who own the shop where my DH has his business, have the place loaded with all kinds of stuff. This included two candy machines that FIL would keep full of PN and NonPN foods. It was always a treat for my boys to get two quarters from grandpa for the vending machines. (We just always told the boys what things they could choose from)
Again, after the ER visit, not only did grandpa take out all the PN foods, but he removed the candy machines all together. Got rid of them! This is from a man who will save anything and most of what he saves is really junky stuff. I was so pleased.
Also the day after the ER trip my MIL called to say there was an article in Readers Digest Mag about peannut allergies that I may like to read and that it was really interesting.
I told the leaders in my church who are in charge of the kids classes about our experience and they told me that our church handbook states that there should not be any food in the classes and they had just let it slide. But now they have reinstated the rule. No more food to be given out to the kids. If any teacher wants to make an exception, they must talk to the leaders and the leaders would inform them about the situation and to find some other ways to "treat" the kids without using food.
I informed my boys' preschool teachers about the situation and they said there is a boy in the class allergic to wheat and they know how to make accomodations for him, such as informing the mom when a kid would be bringing treats for a B-day, so she could have him bring his own treat. They also let me see what candy they were giving as little treats for the kids so I could approve or disapprove. (Luckily all treats they had already been giving out were safe treats). Their teachers also tell me when the boys have been good to ask, before given a treat, that it be checked for nuts and peanuts.
I have a SIL who always has her house full of candy. She doesn't mind when I go in and move the bowls of stuff to a place where the kids don't see them. Thank goodness she likes all kinds of treats and always has something that is okay for my boys.
As a final note, because this is all I have time for,(kids on the rampage upstairs) another SIL was the one who told us about this site and got us looking here the night we got home from the ER.
All around, I have people who care to help me or at least respect what I am doing and let me make the decisions about what my boys eat. I know I am fortunate and hope I never forget it. Certainly, coming here to peanutallergy.com is a way I am constanly reminded of this. To all those who suffer the blatant unconcern of some unkind idividuals, I wish you the best and hope someday you will find yourself in a situation such as mine. Until then, all I can say is accentuate the positive!
C&N's Mom



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