playdate -popcorn

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Recently my sons have been going to play with neighbors at their house for a little while without me. Their kids come over our house even more often. I have spoken with the mother... explained what Ben is allergic to.. explained what to watch for etc. They live in our backyard practically. I told Ben today not to eat anything over there, if he was hungry he could come home and I fed him something b4 he left. Well they come home saying they ate popcorn. He quickly added.. it didnt have peanuts or milk. I asked him if he asked the mother if it did (not that i think that is ok but figure that would have clued her in to calling me)but he said no he didnt ask. I am not mad at the mother, I should have explained to her not to feed him anything but I am a little upset with Ben.. after telling him not to eat.. but he is 4 so can I really expect that from him. I want him to be able to play with friends. What kinds of rules do you set, how do you allow them to be kids and still keep them safe.

------------------ Lalow James 5 yrs, NKA Ben 4 yrs, PA and MA

On Feb 1, 2007

I send food with my son and instruct him and the parents that he is to eat only what he brought from home. If I am with him, then I will either bring stuff or check the ingredients of their food myself and see if the food is stored near any nuts, etc. - if we decide to try something offered from their house. Usually the parents are relieved to have a few safe options to give him from home. Takes a lot of pressure off of them having to decide if something is safe or not. It also gives a natural opening to introduce other folks to foods that he can eat and to the importance of always reading labels regardless.

On Feb 1, 2007

I am in the same boat. Especially in the summer my kids run around the cul-de-sac in and out of houses and usually come home holding some sort of food item! I tell you, before I wasn't so strict, honestly, I mentioned to the neighbros and they would often knock on the door and ask, or an older sibling would check what a younger one was given....NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!

Since visiting this site and learning that I had to be waaaaay more careful then I was, I've since changed the rules. As of now, my kids aren't allowed to go in their friends houses. If they want a playdate, I need to speak with the mom and day first. My neighbors know my kids are allergic, but not enough to remember everything. I let their friends come over, almost daily. They understand, I've explained to my son that it is just safer(and would give examples....I almost let him go over to a friends and the next day his mom says "I guess it was better he didn't I had been making some almond toffee candy all day and I had nuts all over the kitchen". That just reminded me my new rule is there for a reason!

So as it stands, his friends are welcome over here anytime, he can play outside with them anytime. He can NOT go in their house unless I say(and I am not saying at the moment). Their parents are starting to understand, I did explain it's just safer, that way their kids aren't giving him something he can't have, plus I'd need to start sending the Epipen with him and nobody wanted to be responsible for that....so this is working out nicely!

Good luck!

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Feb 2, 2007

My friends always check with me before they feed my son food at their house. They usually call or show me before I leave him. It works for us right now.

On Feb 2, 2007

When my son was diagnosed at 4 years old, we made rules for him. First rule was you NEVER eat anything without asking an adult to read the label....he's been great about it since then. If I tell him not to eat anything at so and so's house, he will not. It's probably the only time he actually does what I tell him. LOL.

If he goes on a playdate, I generally send a snack or talk to the mom about what is okay for him to eat.

He's now almost 9 and he's been very responsible with his allergies.

On Feb 2, 2007

I just had this happen last week, too. DS is also 4. He went to the neighbors whom I have trusted for 4 years now. I have been vigilant in trying to educate her. And ds is always asking me "Did you read the label?" I, too, said don't eat anythign over there. Anyway as I walk in to pick him up, there is a plate of pretzels in front of him. I said he's not eating those is he? Why yes he is. "There aren't any peanuts in pretzels"! Now I was/am upset w/ this woman. How many times do I have to explain that you feed my son nothing! But, also I was frustrated w/ ds b/c he knew he shouldn't eat them, but did anyway. He feels uncomfortable speaking up for himself. I guess it's just a process. I think 4 is too young to hold responsibility for the allergy, but it's still frustrating.

Julie

On Feb 8, 2007

My DS just turned 5 and he has known for 3 1/2 yrs he is allergic to Penaut/Tree Nuts. He will not take any food off of anyone even family without asking them if they read the ingredients. The first thing he says is I am allergic did you read it. He is never anywhere without me except for one of my Aunts who lives down the street. I will always send snack with him and they do have safe snack for him there. But most of the time, I tell them don't feed him anything except for the snacks I sent, it just makes me feel better, doing it that way.

On Feb 8, 2007

I have a note that i basically read on first playdates and hand to the mom for every playdate. It discusses x contamination and the necessity for label reading. I always say, you cannot judge a food by looking at it. If you read the label you may be surprised to find that it is processed on equipment with nuts or that it could contain trace amounts..... I really haven't had trouble with my son about food rules. He follows them. If I tell him to not eat at someone's home, he doesn't. He will not eat anything without consulting a label EVERY time, whether he's eaten it a million times or not....

On Feb 8, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by saknjmom: [b]I have a note that i basically read on first playdates and hand to the mom for every playdate. It discusses x contamination and the necessity for label reading. I always say, you cannot judge a food by looking at it. If you read the label you may be surprised to find that it is processed on equipment with nuts or that it could contain trace amounts..... I really haven't had trouble with my son about food rules. He follows them. If I tell him to not eat at someone's home, he doesn't. He will not eat anything without consulting a label EVERY time, whether he's eaten it a million times or not....[/b]

I'm curious, how do the moms usually respond to the notes?

[This message has been edited by AuntAmanda (edited February 08, 2007).]

On Feb 8, 2007

When I'm in situations where I don't want people to feed my kids (pretty much everywhere), I find that it MAKES IT EASY for the other folks to get the point if you always walk in and hand them a bag of safe snacks, even if it's just for a 1/2 hour visit or Sunday School class. They will be afraid to feed your child anything that does not come from the bag, which is exactly what you want.

I also have learned to label the bag with a Sharpie in my own handwriting with Nate's name and "Safe Snacks." As he has gotten old enough to read, it's an extra step to help keep him safe. He can see that it came from me, and he questions things if they depart from the normal routine.

April

On Feb 8, 2007

They respond very well....I think it makes them more comfortable if things are CRYSTAL clear for them. knowledge is power!!!

Here is the letter:

Thank you for having xxx over for a playdate. He has some allergies that you should be aware of.

Peanuts, Tree Nuts (Walnuts, pecans, macadamia nuts almonds etc), Coconut

For his safety, it is preferable that no nuts/peanuts be consumed in his presence. Reactions can occur through airborne and contact transmission of nuts and peanuts.

Please read the label of ANY food given to check for trace amounts of peanuts and tree nuts. Even if you know that it doesn

On Feb 8, 2007

I agree with the labeling thing -- I print labels with my sons picture and name -- he knows if he is handed something and it does not have his name and pic he should not eat it -- we use this for vacation bible school - kindergarten snack -- and special treat days, etc.

when he gets older things will change but for right know he knows what he should look for.

On Feb 8, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by caryn: [b]I agree with the labeling thing -- I print labels with my sons picture and name -- he knows if he is handed something and it does not have his name and pic he should not eat it -- we use this for vacation bible school - kindergarten snack -- and special treat days, etc.

when he gets older things will change but for right know he knows what he should look for.[/b]

I think that is an adorable idea! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

(Why won't the img's work in my signautre?)

[This message has been edited by AuntAmanda (edited February 08, 2007).]

On Feb 8, 2007

I won't drop my son off without me except for when I need someone to babysit and he is only allowed to eat what I have/bring for him. I'm afraid that someone might read a label of a company I'm not comfortable with and think it's o.k. I've had a teacher once ready to give him "plain pretzels" after I told him he was only allowed to eat his snack from home.

On Feb 8, 2007

I wouldn't allow someone to read labels for my son either. I always pack his own snack, or I read the snack before I leave(if he is playing at a good friends house occasionally). This is why I don't like those approved snack lists though...I want to visiually *see* each and every wrapper each and everytime. His snack he takes each day(I also put in a baggie, in the original wrapper, but with a sticker so he knows I checked as well, those stickers from allergykids is what I use at the moment).

For now, I just keep playdates to a minimum, and he only goes to freinds house I totally trust. Another friend, who I know, but not closely, we declinded a play date, but I agreed if the boys came to our house...it worked out, they had alot of fun....in my home! We have lots of neighbor friends though, but my rule is he doesn't go in their houses, they always come here, or just stay outside, which works great!

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Feb 8, 2007

I agree with the posters who don't trust others to read the labels. Bring all your kid's foods, inspect and label the "okay" items, insist that you be given an opportunity to "approve" snacks, whether in someone's home or in school.

I had some very disturbing eye-opening experiences in a small school in which I formerly worked (and sent my kids). Although the school was dedicated to keeping their food allergic children safe, I found in the pantry granola bars with peanut flour clearly on the ingredient list, other foods with students' allergens clearly warned on the label, nut-laden cookies, and no clear policy in place for other parents bringing dangerous foods into the school. And this was a situation where they were seriously dedicating themselves to the food safety issues. I discussed each and every allergen problem I encountered, and the woman in charge (who also did all the shopping) tried really hard to do the label reading right, but she just couldn't get it. She was a sweet, incredibly devoted educator who truly wanted to accommodate and serve these children. She wasn't cavalier about her mistakes, either, she felt horrible about each and every one. But she wasn't up to it, and quite frankly very few people are. Even I make mistakes, and with all my daughter's allergies I should be the expert by now. It is actually tons easier for me to deal with this because my daughter is so allergic to so many things that it naturally makes sense to everyone that I say no to others serving her, but after these experiences I feel it's important for us all to recognize that even the best intentioned people (even those who have allergy experience) can make major errors.

Laura

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