Playdate gone wrong, Think I overreacted..

Posted on: Sat, 08/19/2006 - 6:53am
KATHYANN's picture
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Joined: 09/29/2001 - 09:00

My 8 year olds playdate today with a new boy that has never been here before went wrong after my son accidently picked up this boys drink and drank out of his straw. I saw it and kind of flipped , sort of yelling no put that down.. I got so scared since I really don't know if this boy ate anything ( I asked but in the last month my son has 6 new allergies besides peanut and I don't always know if people are really getting it) needless to say I scared my kid, this kid and myself.. Just when I think after almost 5 years I am more calm something like this happens.. Any thoughts on letting him just be or did I do the right thing I really don't know anymore .. thanks, Kathy Ann

Posted on: Sat, 08/19/2006 - 7:34am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Well, I don't know if [i]you[/i] were over-reacting... but I can tell you that you have company either way. [i](sigh)[/i]
I must sound utterly crazed much of the time.... "don't touch that.... don't put your hands there... don't you know everyone puts their hands there???" Which sounds fine. Until you realize that my DD is 7. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
It's like some wild SNL version of Leno's monologue. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
We come across as utterly germophobic and probably agorophobis OCD as well... the handwashing, the rules about touching public surfaces and never using drinking fountains or grabbing from open containers of straws or silverware... well, you know. Like Jack Nicholson's character in "As Good As it Gets." I have no problem stepping on tile. I comfort myself with that, actually.
{{hugs}} Sounds like it was a bit of a hard day.

Posted on: Sat, 08/19/2006 - 8:17am
joeybeth's picture
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Joined: 09/01/2006 - 09:00

i tend to be a germophobic person so PA actually gives me a good excuse to not allow drink/food sharing. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] it's a built-in excuse and one of the few "positives" about having a serious food allergy in the family.
i did offend friends one evening last week. i took two of my three daughters (the two who are PA) out to dinner with a couple and their daughter. during dinner at a mexican restaurant, their toddler kept double dipping (to my HORROR) into the queso dip. besides just being gross, imo, i had no idea what that child had eaten during the rest of the day and was not about to take chances with that.
the mother (my friend) was upset when i turned down her repeated requests for my children to have some queso. first of all....i can't stand when people keep PUSHING even when you've politely declined in a way so as not to hurt feelings. why can't they just leave it at "no, thank you???" often times, i find that adults just push and push until you really do seem to be rude by the time they finally get it. but, i digress....
my friend really took it personally when it was all said and done (i could tell by the look on her face after my final, and more stern "no thanks, they don't need any" but i have to say i would not have let them eat it even without the PA issues to be concerned with.
this particular friend knows about my girls' PA and is usually very good about it but she was adamant her toddler had not eaten anything unsafe for my girls that day (even though her child spent the entire day at daycare....who the *%$# really knows what the kid ate??? i wasn't going to let me girls have the queso and just "hope for the best." kwim???)
as for dip sharing (or whatever); i wanted to be able to say to her: "if you want to allow one of your children (or heaven forbid, grownups in your family) to douple dip.....disguuuuuusting....)when sharing a meal with others, then put your child's dip in a separate bowl."
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] i KNOW i'm a little over the top on the food/drink sharing thing (i barely even share drinks/bites with my very own children...i do, but it's hard).
anyhow....back to what happened with you...i have done exactly what you did in the past. it's happened a million times probably. and not with just food....how many times has another child picked up my kids horns and other blow toys or musical toys, whistles, etc. and slobbered all over them and i've had to take the toy straight away to be cleaned??? especially when my girls were younger. they don't have a lot of toys that go into the mouth anymore. haha. i just apologize and explain the best i can (depending on how old the child is) and hope they don't take it too personally. it just comes with the PA territory.
you did fine and maybe our strong reactions will be remembered more vividly than if we'd just glossed over it or been wishy washy about it. kwim???

Posted on: Sat, 08/19/2006 - 9:57am
KATHYANN's picture
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Joined: 09/29/2001 - 09:00

Thanks guys you made me able to sleep tonite..Kathy Ann

Posted on: Sat, 08/19/2006 - 10:09am
Chicago's picture
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Joined: 04/21/2001 - 09:00

Sorry, had to edit as I did not really answer your question, yes, you should have stopped it (you did the right thing) and as much as possible make it just like an ordinary thing "Opps that is XXX's cup - we are very careful about sharing - let me get you some new glasses with juice" That way you would not embarass your child or his friend and you would obviously still be alerted if any problems showed up.
Just as an additional thought - maybe you want to talk about this with your son. He is 8 and on the road to looking out for himself in this type of situation.
DD is 11 and we had a similar incident when she drank out of another bb players water bottle during a game. She went to the player and asked (on her own) what they had eaten before the game - some sort of vanilla cookie and dd started to worry since she did not know if the cookie was OK. Nothing happened except a lesson for both of us.
She now marks her water bottle with bracelets, sweatbands, or if nothing else is around by peeling the label of the bottle off. With plastic cups you would have lots more options - but she does not want to look that different, as everyone else has the bottled stuff. All of these options were her ideas, so she is happy with them and does not have to stress out (not do I!) about that type of mistake.
Stuff happens and we all just try to find ways to work it out!
[This message has been edited by Chicago (edited August 19, 2006).]

Posted on: Sat, 08/19/2006 - 7:34am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Well, I don't know if [i]you[/i] were over-reacting... but I can tell you that you have company either way. [i](sigh)[/i]
I must sound utterly crazed much of the time.... "don't touch that.... don't put your hands there... don't you know everyone puts their hands there???" Which sounds fine. Until you realize that my DD is 7. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
It's like some wild SNL version of Leno's monologue. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
We come across as utterly germophobic and probably agorophobis OCD as well... the handwashing, the rules about touching public surfaces and never using drinking fountains or grabbing from open containers of straws or silverware... well, you know. Like Jack Nicholson's character in "As Good As it Gets." I have no problem stepping on tile. I comfort myself with that, actually.
{{hugs}} Sounds like it was a bit of a hard day.

Posted on: Sat, 08/19/2006 - 8:17am
joeybeth's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/01/2006 - 09:00

i tend to be a germophobic person so PA actually gives me a good excuse to not allow drink/food sharing. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] it's a built-in excuse and one of the few "positives" about having a serious food allergy in the family.
i did offend friends one evening last week. i took two of my three daughters (the two who are PA) out to dinner with a couple and their daughter. during dinner at a mexican restaurant, their toddler kept double dipping (to my HORROR) into the queso dip. besides just being gross, imo, i had no idea what that child had eaten during the rest of the day and was not about to take chances with that.
the mother (my friend) was upset when i turned down her repeated requests for my children to have some queso. first of all....i can't stand when people keep PUSHING even when you've politely declined in a way so as not to hurt feelings. why can't they just leave it at "no, thank you???" often times, i find that adults just push and push until you really do seem to be rude by the time they finally get it. but, i digress....
my friend really took it personally when it was all said and done (i could tell by the look on her face after my final, and more stern "no thanks, they don't need any" but i have to say i would not have let them eat it even without the PA issues to be concerned with.
this particular friend knows about my girls' PA and is usually very good about it but she was adamant her toddler had not eaten anything unsafe for my girls that day (even though her child spent the entire day at daycare....who the *%$# really knows what the kid ate??? i wasn't going to let me girls have the queso and just "hope for the best." kwim???)
as for dip sharing (or whatever); i wanted to be able to say to her: "if you want to allow one of your children (or heaven forbid, grownups in your family) to douple dip.....disguuuuuusting....)when sharing a meal with others, then put your child's dip in a separate bowl."
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] i KNOW i'm a little over the top on the food/drink sharing thing (i barely even share drinks/bites with my very own children...i do, but it's hard).
anyhow....back to what happened with you...i have done exactly what you did in the past. it's happened a million times probably. and not with just food....how many times has another child picked up my kids horns and other blow toys or musical toys, whistles, etc. and slobbered all over them and i've had to take the toy straight away to be cleaned??? especially when my girls were younger. they don't have a lot of toys that go into the mouth anymore. haha. i just apologize and explain the best i can (depending on how old the child is) and hope they don't take it too personally. it just comes with the PA territory.
you did fine and maybe our strong reactions will be remembered more vividly than if we'd just glossed over it or been wishy washy about it. kwim???

Posted on: Sat, 08/19/2006 - 9:57am
KATHYANN's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/29/2001 - 09:00

Thanks guys you made me able to sleep tonite..Kathy Ann

Posted on: Sat, 08/19/2006 - 10:09am
Chicago's picture
Offline
Joined: 04/21/2001 - 09:00

Sorry, had to edit as I did not really answer your question, yes, you should have stopped it (you did the right thing) and as much as possible make it just like an ordinary thing "Opps that is XXX's cup - we are very careful about sharing - let me get you some new glasses with juice" That way you would not embarass your child or his friend and you would obviously still be alerted if any problems showed up.
Just as an additional thought - maybe you want to talk about this with your son. He is 8 and on the road to looking out for himself in this type of situation.
DD is 11 and we had a similar incident when she drank out of another bb players water bottle during a game. She went to the player and asked (on her own) what they had eaten before the game - some sort of vanilla cookie and dd started to worry since she did not know if the cookie was OK. Nothing happened except a lesson for both of us.
She now marks her water bottle with bracelets, sweatbands, or if nothing else is around by peeling the label of the bottle off. With plastic cups you would have lots more options - but she does not want to look that different, as everyone else has the bottled stuff. All of these options were her ideas, so she is happy with them and does not have to stress out (not do I!) about that type of mistake.
Stuff happens and we all just try to find ways to work it out!
[This message has been edited by Chicago (edited August 19, 2006).]

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