peanut allergy and dating questions

Posted on: Wed, 07/23/2008 - 1:22pm
kaylee3's picture
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Joined: 07/22/2008 - 14:19

Hey everyone, i am kinda new to this but ill try my best so here goes:
My name is Kaylee, im 14 years old and I've been allergic to peanuts since i was about 4 or 5 years old. I don't have a bad reaction, i just get sick or get hives, no anaphylaxic reaction yet. Even so,later on I'm going to be re-tested to see if my allergy still exists.
[b]Can people grow out of a peanut allergy?[/b]
Why do more and more labels on products contain peanuts or are made on equipment that has peanuts? they pop up out of nowhere like some breads now
And how do I not freak out if I'm around someone with peanuts?

I really want to be in a relationship but my allergy has always held me back. Truth is I'm scared. I'm scared to death of my allergy to peanuts like if I was around someone who had peanuts I would isolate myself from everyone. So I have no idea how to do the whole dating thing. Like I don't want to have my boyfriend take on the same burden as I have. That makes me feel terrible because why should someone else have to live with the same problem as I have?
So i need a few questions answered:
How would i handle dating?
How long do you have to wait to kiss and/or make-out with a b/f if they ate peanuts? (take into consideration that I'm not super super allergic)
How do i tell them that I'm allergic and not sound weird about it?

Any questions answered would be GREATLY appreciated. I really need help.

<3-KaYlEe

Posted on: Sat, 07/26/2008 - 11:42pm
Mrsdocrse's picture
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Joined: 01/16/2007 - 09:00

Hi Kayle
It is my understanding that only 20% of kids with PA outgrow. and they are the kids that have "mild" allergy. also they usually have no other food allergies and no asthma. They have mild or no other reactions. The rast # consistantly drop. But I was told that after age 5 -6 if they have not outgrown by then...probably won't.
I believe that because the FDA now requires foods to be clearly labeled companies are causious. Previously they were not reuired to clearly label peanuts. It could be listed as an ingredient in the label. Now more and more companies are getting into the swing of proper labeling. So I feel that If they label " may contains" it MAY contain so we don't eat it. study showed 20% of " may contains" di actually contain peanuts.
Manufacturer have different practices with packaging food. They change the places and equipment to accomodate suppply and demand. that is why something things that were previous "safe" now have a may contains. that is why it is important to always read every label everytime!
As far a Dating, If someone care enough about you they will adapt their habits when they are around you. I would talk to your doctor about precaustions about kissing ect. I would think that not having any peanut products the day you will be together and brushing teeth with and washing up would be sufficient but you should have a chat with your doctor about that.
good luck!

Posted on: Tue, 08/12/2008 - 2:22pm
falcon's picture
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Joined: 07/03/2004 - 09:00

Hi. In my opinion, the allergy is a burden because there is a possibility of a reaction, not because you need to avoid peanuts. It might be helpful to adopt a different perspective on how asking someone to avoid peanuts is going to impact them. It is most likely a minor nuisance initially and then just a need for well received reminders. The burden is on you, not them. If someone is unwilling to avoid peanuts for you, then they do not understand the danger involved and need more information from you, or are not the kind of person you would want to be friends with anyway.
You may find some info on google or on the research board about kissing. If I recall, a study was done that indicated the peanut protein can still be present even after brushing teeth. The speed at which it broke down varied from person to person, not sure why, but was recorded to last for many hours after ingestion. Personally, I would use a 12 - 24 hour rule to be on the safe side.
Perhaps it will help you to look at the allergy as an aid in choosing considerate, kind, and empathetic friends. People with these characteristics will be likely to support you and respect your need to avoid peanuts and not view it as a burden. It is really not that difficult for your friend to pass on the ice cream or a cookie if he wants to kiss you.

Posted on: Thu, 08/14/2008 - 10:50am
falcon's picture
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Joined: 07/03/2004 - 09:00

Kaylee - you might want to google Allergic Girl. This woman provides a lot of information about foods, dating, restaurants, etc. She provides a worry free dinner program in NY but is also starting to do same in other states. Anyway she does address some of your questions and concerns. There are also some great responses on this board under relationships and dating or kissing.

Posted on: Mon, 09/08/2008 - 3:25am
Lapis's picture
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Joined: 09/08/2008 - 10:14

Kaylee,
I've had a very severe allergy since I was two years old. I'm now 28 and have had boyfriends and now am engaged to a wonderful man. If you are still allergic, my biggest advice is tell the boy you like upfront before your date. All of the guys I've dated have been very supportive and have even gone to look up information on the allergy after I explained it. I also show them and my friends how to use my epi pens just in case. When I was younger, I would make sure that my boyfriend or date hadn't eaten peanuts all day before we made out, but I'm a very allergic person. I've asked all the guys I've had serious relationships what they've felt about the allergy and they have had this to say. Giving up peanuts is no big deal. There are plenty of types of food around. And now that we are older, it even helps my fiance with the extra pounds by watching what we eat!
Just remember, tell him up front. An allergy doesn't have to ruin your dating life or prevent you from doing anything. Just stick with known restaurants for dates and any guy that makes an effort to accommodate your allergy has the makings of a great catch!

Posted on: Mon, 10/20/2008 - 10:51am
dkclark's picture
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Joined: 10/20/2008 - 17:23

hey kaylee,
i totally get it, i grew into my allergy so i havn't had to deal with the no peanuts thing until i got into college. All of the guys i have dated have been really good about it once i explained things. I'm dating a guy now and he will call me to make sure he can eat/buy a certain food to eat and i wont have a reaction to it. It sounds like the biggest thing for you is getting comfortable enough to go out and have fun with a guy. i guess my allergies has never been a conversation started, i mean i don't just go out and blurt out that i'm allergic to peanuts, it's normally either "oh hey can you not open/eat that cause i'm really allergic" or it's "hey i'm not really comfortable going and sitting with them/ hanging out there because they are all eating nuts and i'm allergic" then when we sit down or get a chance to talk i'll bring it up and say thanks for sitting over here with me or thanks for not eating that and i'll explain everything to them. They guys and my friends have always been really cool about it and have started looking out for me. As for dates i've always felt more comfortable picking the place myself that way i can make sure that i know it's peanut free. i think for me it's easier to call my bf and remind him before we go out in like a joking manner, i'll call him to make sure we're still going out and i'll say something like "now don't go eating nuts to get out of going out tonight" and he'll laugh and say that i shouldn't worry he hasn't been. i know that this might be awkward to say and do around guys that you don't know or where it's a first date but i think it's important that you face your fears and talk about this stuff head on. the worst that will happen if you do talk about it is he won't be cool about it and then he's not worth it anyway, but if you don't talk about it the consequences are more serious. don't be scared to death, i know it's really freaky to have a peanut allergy, mine has gotten to the point where air born peanut proteins make me sick, but i have really good friends around me that help me watch for things and i'm in graduate school now. You just need to be aware and let people know whats going on so that they can help you watch out for things. you should never be afraid to fight for your good health. You can do this, it will just take some time to not freak out everytime you think you hear or smell nuts (i've totally been there).

Posted on: Tue, 04/07/2009 - 9:59am
Saralinda's picture
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Joined: 01/12/2004 - 09:00

I've been allergic to peanuts since I was a kid and I have married for 38 years to a man who still thinks that he can not live without peanuts. Basically, he only eats peanuts when we are not together. But sometimes,he forgets. Once he ate peanut butter with toast for breakfast and then kissed me good bye before he went to work. My lips swelled up! GRRR.
Before you find yourself in a PB&J moment, tell him that you are allergic and how he can help. Basically, any boy that is worth dating will honor your request to avoid peanuts when you are together. Remember, the more friends you have acting as "food testers," the safer you are.

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