PA Adults Post Here!?

Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2000 - 8:56am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

I'm wondering if PA Adults would like to have their own thread whereby they could discuss whatever it is that concerns them. I know that when a lot of PA Adults first come to this board they feel overwhelmed with PA Parents with young children.

Perhaps, and I'm not clear if it's true, but if they had their own thread, they may be able to share more comfortably. Of course, this wouldn't stop non-PA Adults from coming in and looking at the thread or even posting in it. To me, it would be similar to the Canadians thread I started, to try to gather all Canadian related information together, or the PA Sufferers in U.K. thread recently started by Nick under Living with PA, which may bring all U.K. information under one thread.

It is, by no means, an intention to segregate people from posting on other places on the board. If I may use the Canadians thread as an example. I may post something under the appropriate discussion heading and then realize it is Canadian specific. I then go into the Canadians thread and refer people to the post I have just made without duplicating the whole post.

It was just a thought and I hope in no way it offended anyone. Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2000 - 10:12am
SharonA's picture
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Joined: 11/16/2000 - 09:00

This is a great idea! Okay so to start off I'd like to ask some advice here please......(gawd I'm starting to feel like a pain in the butt)
Next week I have to be out of town for business......I have spoken to the airlines and they told me to preboard so that I could explain to the flight attendants what my emergency equipment is and how to use it. Okay one thing out of the way.
I'll call the hotel and make sure my room is a "peanut free room" and when I am out to eat on my own I'll ask the questions I need to ask to feel safe. My concern is that I will be out for some business meals and I don't want to bring "negative attention" to myself and am not sure how to ask what I need to know without drawing attention to myself. Eating nothing could be a faux pas just as being very "picky" could be.
Anybody out there who has encountered this problem & can offer advice on how to handle things?
Please help!
thanks in advance
Sharon the lady of 20 million questions! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img]

Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2000 - 6:43pm
Gwen Thornberry's picture
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Joined: 10/14/1999 - 09:00

Thanks for starting the thread Cindy, great idea.
Sharon
I don't think you should feel that you are bringing "negative" attention to yourself. You are not doing this because you just don't like pn/tn - this is a life threatening allergy, and you shouldn't feel that you have to do it discretely. OK, so maybe making a scene isn't the way to go either [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img], but you have the right to know what is in the food you are eating - pa or not.
If you really feel uncomfortable asking in front of colleagues / clients, then you should excuse yourself before ordering and go and speak to the manager. Perhaps you could even visit the restaurant prior to the meal when there will be none of your colleagues around.
I once read on this board that a young adult went off to the bathroom by herself when she had a reaction because she was embarrassed. I cannot understand this at all. Anyone I eat with knows about the allergy, and the first thing I do when I have a reaction (even just a localised contact reaction) is tell everyone around me!! You never know how quickly this could develop, and I DO NOT want to die alone in a loo just because I was too embarrassed to tell people about something I have no control over.
I hope it goes well for you.
Gwen

Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2000 - 8:46pm
Nick's picture
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Joined: 11/01/2000 - 09:00

Sharon : I concur with all the other posters here - you are not being negative. Quite the opposite - you are making positive efforts to safeguard your health.
I have made it very clear to family, friends & colleagues what my allergy problem is. They (mostly!) understand. For example, the latest thing is our Christmas meal as a company in a couple of weeks. The hotel cannot guarantee that their kitchen is nut-free, so they have been told that I am bringing my own food and they will provide tableware for me. If, on the day, they don't like it, I will simply leave their restaurant, go & get my "safe" food and return for the remainder of the festivities when finished. There is no way that it is worth taking risks just so that you don't "inconvenience" the others with you. If you explain, I'm sure they'll understand. Checking with the restaurant first usually smooths the path. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Tue, 11/21/2000 - 2:49am
andy's picture
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Joined: 04/26/2001 - 09:00

Gwen, in one case where a young mother went off to the bathroom to be alone, she died in the bathroom leaving a young child. I know that because her child's lawyer posted here a couple of months ago looking for information. Cindy, I think this is another one of your great ideas and I am looking forward to being a part of this thread. Sharon, I enjoy your posts and get satisfaction in helping you in these early days of PA. By the way, I am looking forward to Thanksgiving to celebrate everything I have to be grateful in my life. Andy

Posted on: Tue, 11/21/2000 - 12:24pm
mkruby's picture
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Joined: 05/01/2000 - 09:00

Sounds like you need to weigh the options between "bringing negative attention to yourself" by asking the waiter or "bringing negative attention to yourself" by going into anaphylaxis. PA is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about and if your colleagues have a problem with it, too bad. It's a matter of life and death for you. Just my extremely candid and blunt opinion on the situation.

Posted on: Tue, 11/21/2000 - 9:31pm
Shawn's picture
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Joined: 09/07/1999 - 09:00

When I was working full time, I would always ask about food ingredients when going out on business lunches (I'm a vegetarian). It was never any big deal. Obviously, my ordering the soup of the day and finding it topped with bacon wouldn't be as serious a catastrophe as you getting a dish garnished with peanuts. If going to the restaurant (or calling during an "off-peak" time) wasn't an option, I'd simply mention it very casually. The more calm and matter-of-fact you are about it the better. If your business associates are making the dining reservations, you might want to mention it to them, anyway - would be a shame if they made reservations as Logan's Roadhouse, or another one of those great steakhouses, that serves those pails of roasted peanuts and diners throw the shells on the floor.

Posted on: Wed, 11/22/2000 - 10:31am
SharonA's picture
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Joined: 11/16/2000 - 09:00

Well just wanted to wish you all a wonderful, happy and healthy Thanksgiving. I hope the day is filled with wonderful things and tons of smiles.
Sharon of the Canadian persuasion

Posted on: Wed, 11/22/2000 - 3:40pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Thank-you to everyone who complimented me for starting this thread. I don't know where the idea came from, it just did. I'm Queen of the Thread Starters and Cayley's Mom is Queen of the Website Links!
Actually, there are a couple of other people here that are coming up very quickly from behind in the thread starting category!
When I first came to this site and was e-mailed by Chris, he had asked me to incorporate a lot of questions I had been asked on a survey by a researcher who found me (and a lot of others) here into different thread-starters. That's where it all came from. So, from my beginning of posting, I started out by basically posting all of the researcher's questions under their appropriate headings. Now, I either have original thought, or if someone else brings up a really good question in a different thread, I post it.
Often times I think people think I personally want the answers to these questions, but in a lot of cases I don't require them for me, but I know that other people may require them. I don't know, I'm trying to say that it's my way of hopefully contributing something positive to the board.
I had also noticed recently that a lot of people were starting threads where they had questions that were specific to PA Adults, so why not have a separate thread? Many thanks regardless and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
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Posted on: Thu, 11/23/2000 - 3:49pm
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

How do you handle passive aggressive people? I just got back from Thanksgiving at the in-laws and left at dessert time in tears. I've explained the allergy to them.One in-law in particular has decided to just keep "forgetting" about the allergy. She brought over an almond salad to my daughters birthday party, (I again explained the allergy) and suprise, suprise for Thanksgiving had a salad with nuts and 3 pies, 2 with pecans and 1 loaded with more walnuts on it than gravel on the road.AAAAAAAhhhhhhhh. Any suggestions on how to/or how you've handled this?

Posted on: Thu, 11/23/2000 - 9:28pm
SharonA's picture
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Joined: 11/16/2000 - 09:00

Dear ScaredoftheWalnutAisles
I'm so sorry that you had such a tough time of it. I have not had this specific thing happen to me however, I have experienced similar situations.
I am a firm believer in "logical consequences" for actions.
My suggestion is that you tell this individual what actions are upsetting you and let her know what you will have to do to protect your child. Let her know that this is her choice. Then act on it!!!!
So in this incidence, I would say.
"When people don't pay attention to the serious health needs of my family I feel very frighened that my child can be very seriously hurt and possibly die. Serving food filled with nuts is dangerous and as a responsible parent I can't bring them into these situations. It is your choice, but if you serve nuts again, I will no longer bring my child into your home nor into any other situation where you bring foods that are served. It's your choice now"
You must do your part and act on your words. It is not easy, believe me I know.
I really wish that you had not had to go though this horrid situation and that your day was not ruined. I can imagine how much it really hurt.
Hugs
Sharon
[This message has been edited by SharonA (edited November 24, 2000).]
[This message has been edited by SharonA (edited November 24, 2000).]

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