Other parents don\'t \"get it\"

Posted on: Sun, 11/19/2006 - 10:46pm
notnutty's picture
Offline
Joined: 03/15/2004 - 09:00

I was picking my PA son up from school on Friday. I was sitting in the common area. Another parent came and sat next to me. I know this parent has a diabetic son from previous conversations. She said to me "when did they get the candy machine in here?". I hadn't noticed and I made a comment that I was not pleased because it is not part of the wellness policy and I was concerned about the peanut butter products being offered. I said "this is a peanut-safe school and I don't understand how the machine could fit into that category." She then proceeded to explain to me that "this is a peanut-safe school NOT peanut-free." I said I understood this because I have been working with school for almost a year to put accommodations in place for my son.

She then said "well, my son NEEDS to eat peanut butter to control his diabetes." I just explained to her that I am very familiar with diabetes because both of my parents are diabetic and they have been just fine having a peanut-free diet around my son. I also said that school is just 5 meals per week.

She got very angry at me and said that I am only interested in the safety of my son and I am not concerned with the needs of others. I said "well, yes, my son's safety is my main priority, just as she is concerned with her son."

I ended the conversation quickly when my son approached me.

I just don't get it. I don't know what this parent was arguing about. Peanut butter is allowed at lunch at the RED tables. All cold lunch and those children who want to visit the peanut butter cart sit at the RED tables. Her son is NOT prevented from eating peanut butter, yet she has to argue with me about the peanut-safe policy.

This is just more of a vent than anything else. I know that I need to contact the school to find out what happened with the vending machine. I guess I am just tired of people so concerned about themselves that they have little or no regard to the health and safety of other people. Even a parent who is dealing with her child's own health problems doesn't seem to get it.

VENT...VENT...VENT....

Donna

Posted on: Sun, 11/19/2006 - 11:41pm
MommaBear's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by notnutty:
[b]I was picking my PA son up from school on Friday. I was sitting in the common area. Another parent came and sat next to me. I know this parent has a diabetic son from previous conversations. She said to me "when did they get the candy machine in here?". I hadn't noticed and I made a comment that I was not pleased because it is not part of the wellness policy and I was concerned about the peanut butter products being offered. I said "this is a peanut-safe school and I don't understand how the machine could fit into that category." She then proceeded to explain to me that "this is a peanut-safe school NOT peanut-free." I said I understood this because I have been working with school for almost a year to put accommodations in place for my son.
She then said "well, my son NEEDS to eat peanut butter to control his diabetes." I just explained to her that I am very familiar with diabetes because both of my parents are diabetic and they have been just fine having a peanut-free diet around my son. I also said that school is just 5 meals per week.
She got very angry at me and said that I am only interested in the safety of my son and I am not concerned with the needs of others. I said "well, yes, my son's safety is my main priority, just as she is concerned with her son."
I ended the conversation quickly when my son approached me.
I just don't get it. I don't know what this parent was arguing about. Peanut butter is allowed at lunch at the RED tables. All cold lunch and those children who want to visit the peanut butter cart sit at the RED tables. Her son is NOT prevented from eating peanut butter, yet she has to argue with me about the peanut-safe policy.
This is just more of a vent than anything else. I know that I need to contact the school to find out what happened with the vending machine. I guess I am just tired of people so concerned about themselves that they have little or no regard to the health and safety of other people. Even a parent who is dealing with her child's own health problems doesn't seem to get it.
VENT...VENT...VENT....
Donna[/b]
i couldn't help but think about this thread
[url="http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/Forum1/HTML/003529.html"]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/Forum1/HTML/003529.html[/url]
and this post:
Quote:[b]An excerpt I found interesting:
Scroll down to "MEAL PLANNING" in the link in this post.
"Nutrition therapy is one of the most challenging aspects of diabetes care. Diet-related issues are complex, requiring that the behavioral, functional, cognitive and socioeconomic aspects of the person be considered. In addition, cultural and religious customs play a significant role in a person's ability and desire to adhere to a recommended meal plan."
From: "Diabetes: Patient Teaching for Disease Management"
Link to full article/course:
[url="http://www.netce.com/course.asp?course=424"]http://www.netce.com/course.asp?course=424[/url]
Maybe it is a question of defining "needs". Life-threatening ones. It's not always a question of weather metabolically PB is the best choice. Needs are not always metabolic. I *personally* believe that Life-Threatening Needs are not always metabolic either.
[/b]
General Disclaimer: I am not offering advice in any manner or form. I do not guarantee the accuracy, currentness, content, or applicability of the link in this post. IMMV.

Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2006 - 12:26am
notnutty's picture
Offline
Joined: 03/15/2004 - 09:00

Mammabear: As always, I appreciate your comments. The point I was trying to make to this parent is that her son IS allowed to have PB for lunch. I have not pushed for a Peanut-free school. I have just tried to put policies into place to "reduce the risk." However, IF her son was not allowed PB for lunch, I strongly believe that his diabetes would still be controlled. I am comforatable with the lunch-room policies at this point and my son has not yet had a reaction while at school this year.
What irritates me is that I always try to consider the opposing viewpoint and try not to have blinders on when I consider a policy. The vending maching filled with peanut-products is not only against the school wellness policy (that has nothing to do with PA), but it also is a risk to my son. Who actually benefits from the vending machine??? Just the school administrators.
I really don't like the diabetic vs. pa argument. Both of these medical conditions pose very serious threats to the child's well-being. I would think that parents could work together to put policies in place that would benefit both types of conditions.
If this parent was not so argumentative, but would have listened to what I was trying to say she probably would have realized that "I AM ON HER SIDE!". I want all the children in the school to be safe and healthy...not just my son.
Donna
[This message has been edited by notnutty (edited November 20, 2006).]

Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2006 - 1:48am
Carefulmom's picture
Offline
Joined: 01/03/2002 - 09:00

There was a thread here about a year ago about this very issue: do diabetics really have to have peanut butter and nothing else will sufice. Last year I had a lengthy conversation with a diabetic parent asking her about this. The way it came up was that her ds is diabetic and is one year ahead of my dd in school. I was checking out middle schools, her ds was in 6th grade in middle school, my dd was in 5th. I called her to ask about his middle school and how did things go with a 504--was the school willing to do it, did they give her a hard time, how was it with all the different teachers instead of just one teacher, etc. I was considering sending my dd to that middle school. So somehow this diabetic and peanut butter question came up and I asked her. Is there something specific to peanut butter that diabetics must have it? She said absolutely not and said that when someone is having a low blood sugar, in fact you would not want to give peanut butter. She said that peanut butter is a good source of protein, but it is not an immediate source of sugar. If someone`s sugar is too low, you want to give them a food or drink that will raise their sugar immediately and peanut butter does not do that. So she said that argument makes no sense that diabetics must eat peanut butter. She also commented that although peanut butter is a good source of protein, there are many other good sources of protein, there is no reason that a diabetic would need peanut butter for their protein as opposed to some other source.

Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2006 - 4:31am
notnutty's picture
Offline
Joined: 03/15/2004 - 09:00

Carefulmom: Mamabear linked the discussion from a year ago in her post. Like I have said in my previous posts that although I believe that diabetics do not NEED peanut butter, it does not bother me if that is the personal choice they make. Maybe it helps regulate the blood sugar better for some people. That is what liberty is all about. I get it. However, if the pb is given in a environment in the school that affects other people (ie, vending machines open to everyone to eat from), that is when I have a problem. Right now every child has the choice whether or not to eat pb during lunch, it is located in a designated area.
Vending machines in an elementary school is not necessary for many reasons...of those reasons...pa, diabetics, obesity....I see this as not just a pa issue.
This mother was upset because she THOUGHT I wanted all pb eliminated from school. Although in a perfect world that would be wonderful, I know that my son does not live in a perfect world and this situation is working for us right now.
It annoys me that she used the "my son NEEDS pb argument" when we were discussing the vending machine. I will always believe that no one NEEDS pb. That is just a stupid statement that irritates me every time I hear it. I grew up in a diabetic household. Both my parents are diabetic...I never remember my mom stating....hurry get the peanut butter!!! My blood sugar is low!!! Orange juice or candy, but never pb.
I guess I am rambling again and still VENTING...VENTING...VENTING.....
Donna
[This message has been edited by notnutty (edited November 20, 2006).]

Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2006 - 4:45am
anonymous's picture
Offline
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

My understanding is that PB is not used to raise the blood sugar in a diabetic, but to keep it from rising. The way I understand it (and I could be wrong) is the carbs and protein are a good balance, and it is metabolized slowly enough that it doesn't cause a quick rise in blood sugar. So it would be a good choice for a diabetic. But certainly not the only good choice. In fact, if it is on white bread, it could be a poor choice.

Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2006 - 5:05am
Gail W's picture
Offline
Joined: 12/06/2001 - 09:00

I hear you. I understand that there are vending machines almost everywhere (though none at our schools thankfully). I'm not on a campaign to get rid of all vending machines. But vending machines at school are a different story IMO.
Quote:Originally posted by notnutty:
[b]However, if the pb is given in a environment in the school that affects other people (ie, vending machines open to everyone to eat from), that is when I have a problem.
Vending machines in an elementary school is not necessary for many reasons...of those reasons...pa, diabetics, obesity....I see this as not just a pa issue.
It annoys me that she used the "my son NEEDS pb argument" when we were discussing the vending machine. [/b]
Completely agree. I don't think vending machines are necessary [i]especially[/i] at school, as they promote snacking. <> That's just MY opinion.
If you have a child with a dietary need (FA, diabetes, picky eater, need of frequent snacks, etc.etc.) then you [i]know [/i]to plan ahead and bring your appropriate food.
Venting right there with you. I'd have a big problem if my schools had vending machines.

Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2006 - 5:41am
MommaBear's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

People seem to be overlooking my point.
Lack of compliance, adherance, [i]interest[/i] in managing one's diabetes is, through evidence based research inextricably connected to a [i]poor outcome[/i] (translate: significant early death) in diabetics.
Diabetes is the fifth leading cause of death in the United States (pretty sure United States, not sure of the global picture). That's pretty significant. Hands down, pa doesn't even come close. I think it would behoove our community to have a little compassion, even when our intent in schools is misunderstood by the diabetic community. They have a lot on their plate. I wouldn't trade with them in a heartbeat. Never. Especially the parents. Too often I think as a community we get on this "but [i]our needs are imminently life threatening!!" not seeing the big picture for others. But that's just me. It's such a big picture, and blood sugars "in the range" aren't anywhere near the sole indicator that they are doing it right. (I personally believe glycosolated hemoglobin is a better indicator they are in the [i]ball park[/i], but again, it's just one aspect, there are so many aspects of health management to consider....I could be wrong)
But [b]compliance[/b]. Research (and common sense) has shown that [i]preference[/i].......CHOICE.......has a HUGE impact on [b]compliance[/b]. A KEY to surviving the disease. Or not dying any younger. Getting a shorter straw than you've been alloted. Quality of life. Sorry to sound dismal, but I can't argue with the documentation and statistics.
There but for the grace of God, right? No one is promised tommorrow, and I think pa is quite manageable. [i]I think multiple food allergies are quite manageable.[/i]
But that's just me.
Read the link. Please. Read, in particular:
>>>>>>>>Scroll down to [b]"MEAL PLANNING"[/b] in the link I posted earlier.
[i]"Nutrition therapy is one of the most challenging aspects of diabetes care. Diet-related issues are complex, requiring that the[b] behavioral, functional, cognitive and socioeconomic aspects[/b] of the person be considered. In addition, [b]cultural and religious customs[/b] play a significant role in a person's [b]ability[/b] and [b]desire[/b] to [b]adhere[/b] to a recommended meal plan."[/i]
desire, preference, wants....ARE inextricably linked to ADHERANCE.
[i]Compliance[/i].
If I were a parent of a diabetic child who expressed a [i]preference[/i] for a particular item that "worked" for their particular metabolism and diabetes (which can be highly individual and children tend to be "brittle diabetics"), I'd fight tooth and nail for it. And I'd have research to back it up, too.
pardon any spelling errors. sticking up for the other side is really demanding here. taxing.
a simple search of "preference compliance diabetes management outcome" etc.... probably will turn more than you could read in an afternoon or two related to the subject.
When it comes to a needs based comparison of pa and diabetes related to "life threatening" this just isn't a point I ethically can argue in my favor...

Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2006 - 5:42am
MommaBear's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

GailW.
weren't you a "health educator" in a previous life?
Comments related to "compliance"?

Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2006 - 6:35am
notnutty's picture
Offline
Joined: 03/15/2004 - 09:00

Mommabear: I am not trying to overlook your point. I understand what you are trying to say...I agree with you. If someone is going to comply with the diatary restrictions relating to diabetes, there must be a strong support system with MANY choices (including peanut butter if it does not cause harm to others).
If I had a choice to exchange PA for diabetes...NO WAY. I think diabetes is extremely hard to manage. However, we live in a society. We are not islands. What we do affects other people. What we eat in certain situations can affect other people.
I would be very supportive of any policy that would help any diabetic live a better, healthier life. Removing the vending machines could be a start.
I have also stated quite clearly that I am not asking the school to remove the pb from the lunch room. She just assumed that I would try to do that. I just don't think the vending machines are necessary...especially in an elementary school.
My point is that my son's health is JUST AS important and can be JUST AS difficult to mangage as any diabetic. I know, I have lived with both medical conditions most of my life.
I think if parents of diabetic children and parents of PA children could work together to create an environment that benefit both types of children. There are many things that we are both concerned about (holidays, birthday celebrations, etc...)
Donna

Posted on: Mon, 11/20/2006 - 7:21am
Corvallis Mom's picture
Offline
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

You know, what strikes me about your conversation with her is that she seemed irritable and distracted (like she wasn't really hearing what you were saying, right?)...
I have to wonder why. Maybe she's had a rough few days/week managing with her child. We all have those weeks. Definitely not the time to push a particular FA button, right? Maybe you inadvertently pushed a button with her and it was kind of the last straw.
I think most of us have been there. Maybe look back on how we have handled conversations a bit badly because of being so exhausted and on-edge. Handling the blood-sugars of someone who is frighteningly brittle because of illness is truly as bad as anything PA parenting has to offer. There are times when those things can give you tunnel vision and all the social grace of a water buffalo at a Manhattan cocktail party.
I agree with MommaBear-- compassion.

Pages

Peanut Free and Nut Free Community

Click on one of the categories below to see all topics and discussions.

Latest Discussions

Latest Post by Italia38 Wed, 01/15/2020 - 11:03am
Comments: 10
Latest Post by Italia38 Wed, 01/15/2020 - 10:52am
Comments: 2
Latest Post by penelope Tue, 01/14/2020 - 1:03pm
Comments: 1
Latest Post by penelope Sun, 12/29/2019 - 6:21pm
Comments: 2
Latest Post by sunshinestate Sun, 12/29/2019 - 6:00pm
Comments: 3
Latest Post by Italia38 Sun, 12/29/2019 - 5:44pm
Comments: 5
Latest Post by justme Tue, 12/17/2019 - 3:41pm
Comments: 4
Latest Post by justme Tue, 12/17/2019 - 2:39pm
Comments: 45

Peanut Free Store

More Articles

If you have a food allergy, you will probably need to make some changes to your diet...

When love is in the air we can get caught up in the moment and throw caution to the wind. However, if you have a...

Do you have a child with peanut allergies and an upcoming birthday? Perhaps you'd like to bake a...

Many doctors treat allergies, including pediatricians and general practice doctors. When allergies are severe, primary care physicians often refer...

If you are looking for a way to support food allergy education and awareness, you may be interested in a documentary created by a young filmmaker...

The most frightening thing about a severe allergic reaction to a new food is that it can happen so fast. If parents are not looking for allergic...

Skin rashes and itching are common allergic reactions to peanut butter. According to the Mayo Clinic, reactions to peanut butter can happen within...

A low oxalate diet may be recommended to prevent kidney stones from forming. Oxalates are chemicals found in plant-based foods. These may collect...

So many wonderful recipes call for peanut butter. These recipes can still be enjoyed by experimenting with peanut butter replacements.

...

According to the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, one out of five people in the U.S. has an allergy. Because there is a...

Hydrogenated vegetable oil sounds healthy because of the word "vegetable" in it. The truth is that it is not very healthy at all because it...

Foods with soy lecithin may need to be avoided if you have a soy allergy. Soy lecithin is present in many different foods. Since it is derived...

At some point in time, most people will suffer from food intolerance or a food allergy. Having an unpleasant reaction to something you have eaten...

The Jaffe Allergy Technique or Jaffe Mellor Technique (JMT) is an alternative approach to addressing symptoms of a variety of health issues, both...

Phenols found in healthy fruits, vegetables and grains could point to food allergies...

Allergies and anxiety are often experienced together, yet there is no scientific evidence that either condition causes the other. The enduring tie...

Tree nuts and peanuts are distinctly different. An allergy to one does not guarantee an allergy to the other. Peanuts are considered legumes and...

What can you eat if you can't eat peanut butter? Fortunately for people with a peanut allergy, there...

A few years ago, a 47-year-old Toronto woman received a lifesaving double-lung transplant. After the transplant, she suffered four anaphylactic...

Whether it's the holiday season, birthdays, or a dinner party, there's always a need for good gift ideas but it gets a bit more challenging when...