Other kids hate your kid and wish they would die...

Posted on: Sat, 08/28/2004 - 9:07am
StaceyK's picture
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Joined: 05/06/2003 - 09:00

*Please forgive me for posting this.* It's NOT a hard news item, it's not even a letter to the editor...it's a mere *idiot post* on dejanews (google groups)...I peruse it sometimes, to get a feel for what the PA 'buzz' is. Often it's not very positve for us, but sometimes things go very negative.
This, I fear, is what (some)(a lot of?) people think to themselves about us. They are more apt to post on dejanews or the like their TRUE feelings. Makes you look around at other parents and wonder which of them is thinking: other kids (and maybe I) wish your kid would just die and be done with it. Argh.
Tell me I'm wrong, please. I want to be wrong. Tell me that most likely, most people are not harboring these thoughts about our innocent children. Tell me it's mostly nutjobs and hard-hearted, defective people, in the minority, who are posting things like this.
What kills me is mean-spirited, soul-less people like this have the nerve to call our peanut allergic kids "deeply defective."

"From: Darren Garrison (cynapse@charter.net)
Subject: Re: PB&J question

View this article only
Newsgroups: alt.tv.big-brother
Date: 2004-08-28 05:43:10 PST

...I do feel pity for people with allergies-- but not to the point that they try to make it
other people's problems. Got a kid that can't be around peanuts? Keep them out of public schools.
Send them to one of those special schools. Home school them. But don't demand that the world
change to fit those kids. Sure, they are in a sad situation, but the world is full of sad
situations. Some kids are literally allergic to sunlight (Porphyria). Does that give a right to
demand that a child be sent to public school and that the school be required to board up all the
windows to accomidate that child? Some are allergic to beestings. Does that give a parent a right
to demand all aviaries be removed from the area? What about the cases where a child is severely
physically or mentally handicapped in such a way as to require the school provide a personal nurse
for the child, draining more resources from already cash-strapped schools? It's a sad situation
when you have a child that is deeply defective, but it is your and your child's burden to bear, not
the rest of societies. It is only an boorish, arrogant, selfish sense of ENTITLEMENT (and lazyness)
that makes moron parents try to demand that society reshape itself to fit their limitations. Again,
if a parent or child has an allergy, that sucks, but it is THEIR PROBLEM, NOT MINE. It is THEIR
responsibility to modify their lives to avoid risk, not MINE to modify my life to fit their severe
limitations. It is no better a situation than we have with immigrants who, instead of assimilating
into the culture, expect us to have to learn their language to communicate with them in our own
country.

Note to parents who force schools to avoid all products their children are allergic to: the other
children hate your child and wish he/she would die."

Posted on: Sat, 08/28/2004 - 11:20am
NutsBugMe's picture
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Joined: 11/25/2003 - 09:00

Stacey,
Ouch. How could anyone with a heart write such things? I don't even know what to say.
Terri in the USA

Posted on: Sat, 08/28/2004 - 11:57am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Stacey K., I had a weird thing happen to me on the internet to-day, just in some new websites I've been visiting about a TV show and one actor. Not life threatening stuff. Not even stuff that one would think people spend a lot of their time doing. But it's fun.
Well, I found out to-day that even amongst these people, talking about a MERE TV show and an actor can be absolutely wicked and heartless.
My point?
I'm not surprised. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
You know the story I've posted here about the one member years ago who had entered a parenting discussion group and was getting really bad response about PA. She asked me for her help and I did try to go in and post rationally (I was new to the net then [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img] ) and man, you should have seen the things parents of other children were posting - that our children weren't *normal*, they were *deformed*, everything you can possibly imagine.
I don't even know if that other member ever returned to PA.com (it was a long time ago). She was so badly shaken by what she read from these other PARENTS, but non-PA parents.
It's something to do with the me me me society, which again, I do think perhaps we, as a group might try to explore.
I'd like to think that these kind of people are in the minority, that for the most part, people are kind, caring, compassionate and decent people, but after what uproar I saw to-day over a TV show, I'm really not so sure anymore.
At least if there are any children that feel that way about my son, I haven't heard about it yet and he's almost nine. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
Compassion and caring. The "there but for the Grace of God go I" stuff.
And then you bang your head against your monitor, as you hold back your tears, knowing that even ONE person could say/write something so horrible, and just pray that yes, the internet is a haven for a**holes and their opinions.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sat, 08/28/2004 - 12:19pm
Sandra Y's picture
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Joined: 08/22/2000 - 09:00

I can find all sorts of racist hateful crap on the internet. Anyone can. I can't see how it benefits any of us to copy this on our site.
When I saw the topic heading, I figured this was posted by the troll. But now I see it is from one of our own members.
I understand it was not posted here to hurt anyone, but it serves no productive function. I'm not a paranoid person, so I don't go seeking out things on the internet that are going to hurt me. Why does this even have to be posted on our site?
There are Nazi sites, white supremacist sites, sites advocating child pornography and all sorts of evil things. Should we cut and paste it and post it here? No. These are fringe ideas, the sick sick thoughts of troubled people. Let's not pollute ourselves with it.

Posted on: Sat, 08/28/2004 - 9:19pm
StaceyK's picture
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Joined: 05/06/2003 - 09:00

Sandra Y,
I didn't go looking for hateful crap, all I typed was "peanut allergy" in dejanews.com and this is the FIRST ITEM that came up.
There is a LOT of poisonous attitude out there about our little PA children. IT BY FAR OUTWEIGHS THE POSITIVE. Not just on dejanews; everywhere, but it's usually expressed more bluntly on those newsgroups.
I do find it useful if there are people thinking this, *personally*. Not speaking for anyone else. Don't you want to know the range of feelings people have about peanut allergies? If 10% of people feel this way at your child's school, don't you want to know it's possible for someone to feel so hatefully about your child?
Denial serves no useful purpose, in my opinion. It used to be really "dirty" to talk about molestation and rape and people swept it under the rug because they just didn't want to know. That did more harm than good.
I believe in A LOT OF SUNLIGHT for ugly beliefs, get it *all out in the open*. It helps clean it up!!
On the other hand, I am very much more into knowing hurtful things than other people; so I can see how other people can't take knowing about things. Denial is very useful protective attitude for some people. I am not one of them! I want to know the full range of attitudes about PA...all falls under my KNOWLEDGE IS POWER thing. I encounter people simply not wanting to know the truth FREQUENTLY. They just hope it will go away if they ignore it.
Sorry to offend. I can be pretty blunt about what I post so if you feel I am being troll-like, just ignore my posts in order to be safe. That will solve it!
My intention is never to hurt people or shock them just to hurt or shock them. My intention is always to empower us.

Posted on: Sat, 08/28/2004 - 10:13pm
Sandra Y's picture
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Joined: 08/22/2000 - 09:00

StaceyK,
I do not think you are at all troll-like and I know you are a legitimate member and I also know that you didn't post that to hurt anyone.
I am not in denial. I know exactly what is out there. I know pornography exists, but I don't have to put it up in my living room.
If a troll had posted that, it would be removed. Why is it OK for a member to post it? I disagree with you posting it here. I don't think it's productive.
So we disagree on this point. It's not the end of the world when two people disagree. I respect your viewpoint but I disagree with it.

Posted on: Sun, 08/29/2004 - 12:37am
California Mom's picture
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Joined: 07/14/2000 - 09:00

I totally agree with Sandra Y and I am disturbed to see that topic heading on our site.
I know that our site is not a children's site, but my pa/tna 9 year old has been "cruising" this site sometimes. My first thought when I saw your heading (after realizing it was not the troll whom Claire had written about) was "ouch! I hope my dd doesn't see this heading." [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
I'm not saying that everything here has to be sanitized to be at a 9 year old's level. But your heading was way over the top, IMHO. I wish that you had titled it something else. In fact, I'm going to write to Chris and ask if he could change your title.
The content is fine, IMHO, but who needs to click on daily topics and see your heading?! Not me, and certainly not my child.
Sorry, I don't mean to bash you. But I am pretty enagered right now.
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] Miriam
[This message has been edited by California Mom (edited August 29, 2004).]

Posted on: Sun, 08/29/2004 - 1:34am
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

StaceyK,
*Personally*, I'm thankful you brought to my attention what you did. It is causing me to rethink some aspects of my cubs plan at school. Some items in it are just to important to leave in the hands of others. Maybe it's just me. I mean, I haven't met many persons who see my son's needs [i]the way I do[/i]. I haven't even met many persons who will [i]verbalize[/i] a positive attitude about items like PA and accommodations at school, for instance. [i]Quietly wondering if the sentiment posted about is actually in "the fringe" groups or possibly more widespread.[/i]
ps.......... I for one, pull back the curtains and flood my home in light at least once a day. (and the curtains are sheer to begin with).

Posted on: Sun, 08/29/2004 - 3:24am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Stacey K., I, personally, didn't see anything *wrong* with your post. I think you really clarified why you posted it when you responded to Sandra Y.
Actually, I don't believe the post would have been removed had a "troll" and not a regular member had posted it. There have been a few "troll" postings that Chris has reviewed and allowed to stay on the site, for whatever his reasons were - I know the one where the troll had posted a picture of a peanut and Chris thought that might actually be helpful, even though it was in the post of a "troll".
So, I do disagree.
Stacey K., I've always found your information quite enlightening because I, personally, don't search the 'net for PA stories/information. I know I asked you only recently how you found SO much information to post under Media and you very graciously told me that that's one of the things that you do do, search the 'net looking for information.
As far as our children seeing it, this raises an interesting question for me. I know that my son (8-1/2) has a UserName here which he uses to post in Kids' Korner under Off Topic. When it comes to viewing other things on the website, I don't think he has ever done that unless he's been standing behind me when I'm typing. I do remember, if I'm in a topic that I don't want his young eyes to see/read, that I have asked him to stop standing over my shoulder.
It does raise an interesting question though - at what age are we comfortable with our children becoming full-blown members here and reading such things as Stacey K. posted (or even horrible family stories where the PA child's extended family doesn't give a toss about them - how hurtful [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] and how hurtful for even another PA child to read) (or the Schools section and the difficulties that people go through and the things that are said). So, at what age are we comfortable with our children becoming members and not simply reading over our shoulders?
For me, it's certainly not 8-1/2. I'm not clear when it is, but it's not now. I believe right now, if Jesse is reading anything on this site, I'm reading it with him (and have read it first) and this would be a topic that of course he would not see.
Having said that, there are a LOT of topics here that I wouldn't want Jesse to see (even the articles where we've been told that we should homeschool, etc.)
A question Sandra Y. did raise that is also interesting - how is this information productive for us to know is "out there"?
Again, Stacey K., I do believe you answered her very well. How do we know that any of the resistent (or even not resistent) parents that we deal with throughout the school year don't feel the same way as this person? We don't.
And, it's like everything else, if you don't like the topic, just don't go into the thread. I click on Daily Topics for my visits daily and I have to say, a lot of times there are things I don't click on, I just scroll down and avoid. This isn't under Main Discussion, it's under Media (so a bit more hidden) and it is avoidable.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sun, 08/29/2004 - 4:00am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Sorry, this does raise another interesting question (one we would probably not care to deal with) - do we think that other people we deal with in our lives feel this way? In any way, shape or form?
Are there people that we deal with at our children's school(s) that we could be standing beside that actually harbour these kind of sick, evil thoughts?
(I'll answer later because my answers are never brief, but you know what? I actually don't believe that there are. Resentful people, yes. Upset and angry, perhaps. But not to this extent. But only in my experience).
I'll probably raise the question later (something beckons from behind me, unclear what - trying not to turn around! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] , oh, not a child, someone said "Oh Ch*ist and I don't want to know why they said it)
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sun, 08/29/2004 - 6:25am
darthcleo's picture
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Joined: 11/08/2000 - 09:00

Well, before I had kids, so before I knew much about PA, I had a co-worker (in fact two) who were allergic to peanuts.
And I vividly remember that another coworker (yes an adult) mentionned at one point that he wished the male PA coworker (who happened to be his boss) would simply die so he could eat his favourite food at work.
I was shocked at the comment, but not too many people were. In fact, a lot of the coworkers agreed that he had defective genes and it was a good thing he hadn't reproduced. Ok, the guy was not liked to start with, because I never heard such comments about the woman who was PA (who also didn't reproduce, btw). So it's not strictly related to PA, but rather to the way this guy was perceived by the others.
But, yeah, the attitude is out there. And not just among kids.

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