Old fashioned dating

Author:
Updated:
Original:

This could be in the 'kissing' thread, but it's not just about kissing, but any type of romantic intimacy.

Has anyone else here noted the effect of PA and other severe food allergies on a choice to delay even the most innocent kiss on the lips until the other person really 'gets' it? (i.e. until a relationship becomes serious enough for them to limit their diet to keep you safe)

How wonderfully old-fashioned! This is, IMO, a very positive 'side-effect'.

Perhaps we'll lead the way to a return to hand holding as a highly charged way of being romantic. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

[This message has been edited by Anna (edited November 15, 2001).]

On Nov 16, 2001

I keep telling my PA girl, that at least she'll know if someone really likes her if they're willing to give up all peanut and nut products just to get a kiss!

She's only 11, but it's part of our "sex education" discussions, which usually take place when she's lying in bed before she goes to sleep and then asks a question that keeps us talking for way to long on a school night!

On Nov 18, 2001

Yeah, well I've noticed it's completely screwed over my love life. Women seem to tend to think "He's not kissed me yet - he must not be interested" and swan off with someone else.

Not that I'm bitter or anything. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

(Oh, OK, mebbe just a little bit)

On Nov 18, 2001

Hi, lex.

Believe me, I have to struggle with not being bitter. Anaphylaxis has made my life very *abnormal* in many ways, and something as basic as eating (not just love) has become a chore.

I tell the men in my life about the allergies early on. Kissing isn't spontaneous. Oh well!

Have you tried telling the women about the 'kissing' difficulties? If I were a non PA female, and a PA man were to explain this, and then say "I'm really interested in you and want to see you more often." and kissed me goodnight on the cheek, I'd be pretty keen on pursuing it. Especially if he called me the next day to let me know how much he enjoyed our date.

"Life. Don't talk to me about life."

-Marvin (from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

[This message has been edited by Anna (edited November 18, 2001).]

On Nov 19, 2001

Quote:

Originally posted by Anna: [b] Believe me, I have to struggle with not being bitter.[/b]

Oh, I was bitter *before*. This just helped. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

Quote:

[b]Have you tried telling the women about the 'kissing' difficulties?[/b]

Yeah, the problem is that I'm in the UK and peanut allergies are not as common as in the US (presumably because it's less of a staple foodstuff), so people tend not to take it seriously, no matter how much hyperbole you throw in. And the idea of treating every item of food as if it were potentially lethal strikes normal people as plain odd. Which isn't unreasonable.

People are getting more informed over here, but oh so slowly. Ah well, mustn't grumble.

On Nov 19, 2001

Perhaps its just my personality (and the fact that I'm a girl [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] ), but I just come right out with "Have you been eating any nuts today??". It throws them for a minute, but they do consider it and then answer. If the answer is yes, then I say "Fine, then you're not kissing me" and if it's no, then I grill them just to make sure! I explain, in detail, exactly what happened to me the last time a man ate pn during the day and then kissed me that night. Thats usually enough for them to REALLY consider if they've eaten pn that day or not!

If they dismiss my concerns, I dismiss them! (And I wonder why it is I'm still single!!).

Gwen

On Nov 19, 2001

Single, eh? Hellooo Gwen! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

(Oh, hang on, you're in Ireland. Scratch that, forget it)

But thanks for the advice anyway, perhaps I should just be blunter in future.

Lex

On Dec 6, 2001

Another UK girly here!

I have to say that I really need to sort myself out here, as I am not nearly careful enough - I am far too embarrassed by it. No excuse I know but I really do have issues about it. So I risk it. When I was in a relationship (if you can call it that) he was very anxious that he ate no nuts etc, which was great, and he still looks out for me as far as he can, but it is a problem for me still.

AND I WISH IT WASN'T.

Take care Rach

On Dec 6, 2001

Quote:

Originally posted by Rach: [b]Another UK girly here![/b]

Gosh. I had no idea there were so many people on this board from the UK.

Quote:

[b] I have to say that I really need to sort myself out here, as I am not nearly careful enough[/b]

You're quite right that you need to sort yourself out, but not just for you. What about him? Non-PA people have an even harder time dealing with a reaction than we do. (My experience is they tend to flap about and panic, even when they knew about the problem beforehand).

Quote:

[b] I am far too embarrassed by it.[/b]

I empathise with that, it's very difficult to let someone know very early in a relationship - exactly my problem. But my technique (delaying intimacy) just loses me women, your technique could have more unfortunate consequences... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]

Quote:

[b]it is a problem for me still.

AND I WISH IT WASN'T.[/b]

I've often thought that this is one of the most pointless allergies possible. Not sure where evolution was going with this one. I can understand the body overreacting to say, bee venom or snake bites -- it's a poison and your body is doing everything it can to help you. But peanuts? Why?!

Although, come to think of it, presumably it's the evolution of the peanut and its unpleasant proteins I should really blame. In which case other animals would also be PA. Hmm. Wonder if that actually happens?

Sorry, sorry, it's late/early and my mind is a-wandering.

Anyway, I don't mean to lecture at you, Rach, but your own safety really should come first. But you knew that already. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Lex

On Dec 15, 2001

Dear Lex and others:

I am an "old" married lady (35 years now) but I can remember the good old days pretty well. I dated a lot, but I did let everyone know that I had nut allergies and many others, too.

I figured that anyone worth kissing would understand and be careful about my allergies.

And you know I was right. I think the same thing about friends, too. I always really know who my friends are and those who are not my friends.

I am very up front with everyone about allergies, and I most of the time people really do try to be considerate.

I got a heck of a hive once from my husband, but when he saw it, he confessed to eating nuts and doesn't do it any more.

Just be open and frank with the women. Maybe you need to be looking in different places or atmospheres for ladies. I have no idea where you meet them, but I know that I personally don't do bars well due to peanuts being put out for the patrons. I find lots of concerts and civic events where they are not a problem.

That person who is really right for you is out there somewhere, and when you find her, you will know that it was worth the wait.

Good luck and take good care of yourself. (You, too, Rach.)

Related