my feelings were so hurt yesterday

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 8:21pm
Claire's picture
Joined: 04/19/2000 - 09:00

This is a story that maybe not anyone will agree on but i don't care at all. Yesterday i was babysitting for some twins,and mom comes to get them after work. She is a teacher,and her kids are good girls. Her house is gorgeous and spotless of course. She is very pretty and tiny. I love this lady and she treats me fine.Pays me well also.
When she comes in and is talking with me about school and how much she likes it here is what she says to me. "I could never be a stay at home mom and do nothing all day". Now I have not sat down yet as for i have a 4 year old and have been cleaning all day. I have a nasty cold and so does my little boy. Her kids have been here and she is implying i do nothing. I was so hurt by the fact she thinks i do nothing. Then the worst part is she said this right in front of my husband whom at this point is mad.
Why do people feel that a stay at home mother is useless sometimes. This is not the first time someone has said that kind of thing right to me. I was so hurt that i had nightmares all night long. then of course i start to wonder am I useless,and one of the kids needs me for something so i figure I am needed. My little guy walks up to me and says"mommy will you hold me". Now i know i am needed. I wish people would assume i amd not intelligent. Claire

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 10:27pm
nonuts4me's picture
Joined: 03/22/2002 - 09:00

Hi Claire,
I have been a stay at home mom for 5 years. My oldest child is 6 and I have to admit, I still feel terrible I worked his first year of life. Just remember at one point or another all stay at home moms have those feelings. It is too bad that woman hurt you, but just remember you have always been there for your child and it sounds like her children too. You will be the one that remembers all of the firsts your child has.
When I tell people I am a stay at home mom the one thing that gets under my skin is when that person will say, "oh that's nice you can stay home with your children" My husband and I are not weathly, we barely get by on one income, but we make it work. People do not realize what you sacrifice to stay home.
I feel a stay at home mom has the biggest job in the world. When my husband is done working, he gets to leave his job and come home to his family. A stay at home mom is on the job 24 hours a day everyday. We don't get holidays or weekends off, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have got to watch my son and daughter learn to roll over, crawl, walk, talk and grow into these lovable little people. I wish everyone would at least try to stay home if it is financially possible. The rewards are pricelesss.
Being a stay at home mom has it's ups and downs, but your children benefit so much having the security of you always there to love and care for them. [img][/img]
Take care,
[This message has been edited by nonuts4me (edited January 07, 2003).]

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 11:02pm
PattyR's picture
Joined: 04/12/2002 - 09:00

I am so sorry that this woman said that to you. Sometimes people like that feel trapped into working and she may actually be jealous.
I was primarily home at a SAHM for 10 years. It was the absolute best 10 years ever! I am a big advocate for being a SAHM. I went back to work full-time 1.5 years ago and things have not been easy. I am hoping to go back to part time work next school year.
My kids hate that I am working so much and it interferes with our family life. Sure the money is good but we were doing just fine without it (as good as it can be for a teacher in NC). There is nothing more valuable to a family than a content happy Mom.
What she said was rude and insensitive. And what would she do if there weren't people like you around to care for her children?
Speaking of people saying things in front of your family...on New Year's Eve my mother-in-law told me that I am an overprotective mother. It is a very long story but she was angry and screamed this to me in front of my whole family!

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 11:14pm
katiee's picture
Joined: 05/09/2001 - 09:00

Don't let the negative comments get to you Claire, most times I think it is said out of ignorance because the person has never stayed home with their kids. You're doing a great job and your kids will remember that you were always there for them when they grow up.
I've been a SAHM going on 8 years and do not regret a minute of it. I can relate a similar story that happened to me a couple of years ago,, at the time Wade was a baby, my DD was 3 and I ran a home day care. I was at one of my DH's work functions when a female coworker asked me (I kid you not) "What did you do when you really worked?" I felt much the same as you did at the time, I was hurt but kept a smile plastered on my face.
The coworker did not have any kids at the time and is now a mother of 2, I wonder if her opinion has changed at all? LOL
Take care,

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 11:35pm
smack's picture
Joined: 11/14/2001 - 09:00

This lady doesn't obviously know what it is like to stay at home with her own kids all day.
My kids are a handful with me sometimes, but man when I visit their classroom all the kids are good as gold for their teacher.
This remark may also be made because she is envious that your taking care of her children when she can't.
I tell my friends that work all the time, I need a vacation or break so I should go back to work [img][/img] Not that I'm going to but they totally agree it is a break for them when they go to work.
We all know it's the toughest job out there, no doubt about it.
[This message has been edited by smack (edited January 07, 2003).]

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 11:38pm
becca's picture
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

I, too, have had those feelings and heard a few comments. One night, even dh said, when we were arguing about some thing I forget, that *he* did not have time for this, *he* had to go to work in the morning! I sure put him in his place, but that is probably to me one of the worst things he ever said to me. Of course he was angry about something else and did apologize, but we talked about it for months over and over, because I was so hurt he might even have a passing thought that I was not "working."
Worst for you, is not having the time or readiness to have a decent response, to feel like you got your point across. People like this woman need some enlightenment. It might be good to try to say something back, though it is late now. Something like, "You know, I got to thinking about how lucky you said I am to stay at home with the children. As hard and exhausting as it is, never sitting down, cleaning all day after all their messes, the total lack of privacy, even in the bathroom, chuckle, I *am* so lucky! Thankyou for helping remember that, it had been a long and tough day!" Then maybe add, "You know, I sometimes feel jealous of people who get to go to work and have some peace, and come home to a clean house because nobody was there all day!" Both things *could be* true, but neither side has it all rosy. We never know what life is like living in another's skin, do we? Personally, I would truly be so stressed scrambling the way working moms must to keep it all on such a schedule. I have always been an on time person, but babies and children do not know the clock! becca
[This message has been edited by becca (edited January 07, 2003).]

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 11:40pm
Jeannine's picture
Joined: 12/31/2002 - 09:00

That woman simply does not know what she is talking about. You have the most important job in the world - being a Mom! Not only do you care for your own but you also have enough love, patience, organization and kindness to care for her children as well. She is lucky to know you! I know it's hard but please don't let her comments upset you.
P.S. hug one of the children - that always makes me feel better

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 11:42pm
AJSMAMA's picture
Joined: 06/12/2002 - 09:00

That is so true Smack. I work primarily from home but when I do go into the office, I absolutely feel like I am taking a little vacation. There is definitely no harder job than taking care of children. I am sorry that your feelings were hurt Claire. Her remark was completly insensitive and uncalled for. She has probably always had someone helping her raise her children and has no idea how daunting the task can actually be by yourself.

Posted on: Tue, 01/07/2003 - 12:05am
Gwen Thornberry's picture
Joined: 10/14/1999 - 09:00

What an awful thing to say. I'm not a SAHM, but I know it ain't easy. Being a teacher, does she not get time off during the summer?? What does "she" do at home during that time?? People like that forget that you can NEVER take a sick day, or even just a day off and do NOTHING with it like she could if she chose to.
Grrrr! I could go on, but I'm getting myself riled up and I'd end up going into a rant.
Personally, I couldn't live without the SAHM who minds my DD. She is a complete god-send to me, and I would never assume she does "nothing" all day.
Claire, chin up, you know and we know better than her, and you have three amazing and loveable kids to prove it. [img][/img]

Posted on: Tue, 01/07/2003 - 12:08am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I'm sorry. The woman who said that to you probably has no idea what it's like to stay home with kids, so try to just let that comment go right on out your other ear! [img][/img] I know it's hard, though.
Just the other night I was talking with DH, asking him how he really feels about me staying home with our boys (6 and 4). My reason for asking was because I had had that "lack of respect" feeling all day. Before I got pregnant, I was a teacher - in my eyes, a very respectable job, and I was respected by the other teachers, and *most* of my students [img][/img] .
I have even started answering the "What do you do" question with "Well, I'm a teacher, but I'm staying at home with my children right now." I'm ashamed to admit that I've started to be embarrassed about being a SAHM. Of course I would NEVER trade my kids for ANYthing, especially not a 9-5 job!!
I just sometimes miss the respect, especially when DH and I are out and someone asks him *that* question, and he gets to say "I'm a teacher." I also think that maybe my kids would think more of me if they knew I *did something* besides "play" with them all day - they don't see all the work, either. I don't feel this way very often, but after awhile it gets hard to keep patting *myself* on the back, and building *myself* up, knowing VERY WELL I have the most IMPORTANT job in the world!!
Once, on Oprah, there were moms arguing about how tough/easy being a mom was. I felt the ones who thought it was rough weren't accepting their new roles - they were looking back instead of ahead. I said they should embrace "momhood" completely, then they would enjoy it more. I should listen to my own opinion, shouldn't I?
Hang in there, Claire - you're a great mom to your kids, and no one else can claim that!! [img][/img] [img][/img] [img][/img]

Posted on: Tue, 01/07/2003 - 12:09am
Jazz It Up's picture
Joined: 08/19/2002 - 09:00

Hi Claire,
I quit my job 4 years ago this month and have never looked back! Granted, both of my children are in's really quite nice here during the day [img][/img] but being home with small children during the day is no picnic!!
I still get comments about how easy it is staying home. I just smile and say "you know, it *is* great staying home with my feet up eating Bon-Bons until it's time to carpool the kids everywhere!" Can we spell W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R boys and girls? [img][/img]
Don't let her words get to you Claire! You know you're important and so do your children!
Stay Safe!


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