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Posted on: Tue, 05/01/2007 - 11:14pm
Naer74's picture
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Joined: 11/03/2003 - 09:00

These thoughts are just my opinions:
I don't think food allergies should be a deciding factor in whether to have more children.
My oldest, 11, has multiple food allergies. He, and his 8 yr old brother, also have asthma. I chose to stay home with them during their toddler years but ended up never returning to the work force. I homeschool them! This is wonderful for our family.
My third son, 4 1/2, has many physical and mental disabilities. He was diagnosed with Celiac's disease. His food challenges are much more difficult for me to handle then peanut allergies. Maybe because I have not been in the 'celiac' world as long as the 'peanut allergy' world. The dr's have labeled him as mentally retarded. Each day is a physical, emotional, and mental struggle for me. I wake up every morning, lay in bed, and fear the hours to come...will it be a good or bad day for him? It changes constantly. However, he is also a joy. When I am at the lowest point of my life...his smile and bright brown eyes bring so much peace to my heart.
Not sure if any of the above even made sense. I have tears flowing down my cheeks. Have another child if that is the desire of your heart. However, not just for a playmate for your daughter. She can always make friends!

Posted on: Wed, 05/02/2007 - 12:27am
bethc's picture
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Joined: 04/18/2005 - 09:00

I actually do think it is a good idea to have another child so that the 1st can have a sibling; I don't see what's weird about that. Of course it's a wonderful thing - not what everyone wants or needs, but the sibling experience is unique and makes a huge impact on one's life. If you don't have another child, you'll need to go to lengths to give your only child social experiences with other children. Personally, I think PA is easier to manage in our own house without guests. Playdates, activities, and preschool are hard to manage for safety. And it can be better for a child if you don't obsess over only them, if you can spread out your attention and angst! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] I don't think PA for most people is so overwhelming over time that you can't manage another child. It all has to do with your overall time constraints, organizational abilities, financial situation, values, and desire for another child or a larger family. If you want another child, if that fits into what you want for your life and the world, and if you think you can handle it generally, then don't let PA stop you.

Posted on: Wed, 05/02/2007 - 4:11am
CorinneM1's picture
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Joined: 06/20/2002 - 09:00

Similar to Jason's story, my son is PA and has a growth hormone deficency. We took him to Children's Memorial to GHD testing which was an all day test in their day-bed facility area and a one time test only. Having a growth hormone deficency requires daily shots of GH from detection till puberty.
When we came in and saw clearly the "regulars" who come in for treatment weekly/monthly such as those children with cancer, sickle-cell, brain shunts, dialysis etc my husband turned to me and said...you know what, having PA and GHD is like a walk in the park compared to what to the time, dedication, patience and commiment that is required of the other parents here.
Personally, I am not going to give you any heat. Its your family and your decision. However IMO, having a food allergy is not a big deal. It never even came into question when we decided to start trying to have a second child. And no, I don't stay at home and my son attends a private school. We are cautious and aware and we are comfortable with our decisions.

Posted on: Wed, 05/02/2007 - 4:42am
Sarahfran1's picture
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Joined: 12/01/2006 - 09:00

Echoing others--this is a decision only YOU can make, and like others, I wouldn't personally (and didn't) let the possibility of food allergies enter into my decision making process.
Whenever you have a child, you're taking a risk--you just don't know what you're going to get. I thought my DD was challenging. Severe food allergies, difficult infancy (reflux, HORRIBLE sleeper, etc.), some minor speech delays that led to a diagnosis of "pragmatic speech delay" at age two.
When she was 28 months old, I gave birth to my son. His infancy was a breeze compared to DD's--he was a great sleeper, no problems with allergies, really sweet and easy to get along with, smiled ALL THE TIME. Most people know the rest of this story, I think--age seven or eight months started getting sick. Stayed sick with one infection or another for the next two years. Seriously. Regular infections--ear infections, sinus infections. Serious infections--pneumonia, blood infections. Weird infections--infected hair follicles. And he didn't learn to talk. At all. And he showed signs of other developmental delays--late to walk, acted like he couldn't hear sometimes, would only eat a few foods, flopped on the floor when he couldn't deal with things. At 30 months old he was diagnosed first with autism and then, two months later, with a rare immune system disorder.
Good thing I didn't have a second child in order to give my DD a sibling, huh? She loves her brother, but as siblings go, it's not exactly a normal relationship. No playing games together. No squabbling over whose turn it is to pick out the bedtime story. No affectionate teasing when they are in high school together and she has her first date. She'll continue to grow and develop and he'll continue to be severely delayed and most likely unable to care for himself as an adult. She'll have to deal with this, in one way or another, her whole life.
I don't regret for a second having a second child. They are both wonderful kids who bring all kinds of love and joy to my life. I'm sure, given the choice, neither one of them would opt to never have been born. My point (and I do have one) is what I said before--you don't know what you're going to get and if we let the "what ifs" control our choices, no one would EVER have kids. The secondary point is that your decision should be based on what you and your DH want--a sibling isn't a gift you give to your first child, but another life you are bringing into the world who is a full person of his/her own accord.
Many parents, contemplating a second child, worry about what it might "take away" from the first child. I can put your mind at rest there--it takes away nothing. I think some of that thinking comes from the minds of people who are so in love with their first child that they can't imagine possibly loving another person (an entirely imaginary person at that point) as much. You do. I'm not quite sure how, but it happens. It might change the dynamics of your relationship with your first child, but not the substance of it.
I'm rambling now, and late leaving work, so I'll stop.
Good luck with your decision!
Sarah

Posted on: Wed, 05/02/2007 - 8:20am
chanda4's picture
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Joined: 12/14/2006 - 09:00

I have to say, allergies would not deter me from having kids. I actually *had* a good friend that had the balls to tell me I should stop having kids because they are coming out messed up....note the word *had*!!
I love all my kids and food allergies deosn't change a thing. It doesn't make their life not worth living either....(like if they are born with allergies, how they heck could they go on, or is it unfair) This is a life, every life is special, so if you want to share in another life, then by all means do it, but don't base your decision on being scared about allergies.....I have 4 beautiful children, I wouldnt' change a thing about them....nor would I have changed a thing based on what I know now. Good luck
------------------
Chanda(mother of 4)
Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma)
Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma)
Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE)
Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

Posted on: Wed, 05/02/2007 - 10:42am
solarflare's picture
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Joined: 02/07/2002 - 09:00

I had already had my second child by the time we figured out that my first had serious food allergies, so I knew I could handle more than one.
I have 4 now... and I'm done.
------------------
Cheryl, mom to Jason (9 MFA including peanuts, tree nuts, shellfish and egg)
Joey (7 NKA)
Allison (4 milk allergic, suspect shellfish, avoiding PN/TN for now)
Ryan (1) nka *knock on wood*

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