Made a Big Mistake

Posted on: Tue, 06/26/2007 - 2:00am
saknjmom's picture
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Joined: 04/02/2003 - 09:00

Hi,
I really let myself and more importantly, my son down this past week. I am very careful with food choices for my son, I'd say I have a pretty strict, but reasonable comfort zone established for our allergy management.
I always read labels. I read them over and over for the same things EVERY time. I even annoy myself sometimes with label reading.
Well, the other day, DS is eating, DH and I are in the basement and DS starts screaming, I just ate almonds!!! We go running up the steps and my DS is very upset, spitting into the sink. He says, mom....apparently you didn't READ the label of the Frosted Cheerios (in his best 9 year old sarcastic tone.)
I pick up the box and sure enough there is almond powder or something like that in the lower parts of the ingredients. Allergy warning states: contains almonds.
He was so angry with me...it was one of those moments when no one needs to beat you up, you're already feeling about an inch tall and highly negligent.
I have no idea how the cheerios got past my reading the box. I do know ds was with me that day and I remember him handing me the box, but I must have tossed it in without looking. NOT LIKE ME AT ALL.
So, now he's asking me over and over did I remember to read the label of everything we eat. He's been very sarcastic and a little mouthy lately which is going to end. Finally, I broke down.....started crying told him that he needed to get over his little attitude and that he has NO idea what I go through on a daily basis trying to keep him safe at playdates, school, in our home, at camp and that I am a human being and I made a mistake which I feel so badly about.
Now I feel bad because he is a very sweet and loving child. Lately, a bit too big for his britches. Instead of dealing with the problem with his attitude (which spilled over into the allergy mistake), I let him have it and told him stuff that I deal with behind the scenes. Completely lost my cool. Pointed out to him that we've now gone 5 years and 2 months with no reactions and that he'd better start reading the labels if he's so sure of my incompentcy.
So, now I'm just racked with guilt over not reading that label, about making my DS feel like he's burdening me with all the allergy stuff, for yelling and crying...the whole thing.
BTW, no reaction from the cheerios THANK the Lord.

Posted on: Tue, 06/26/2007 - 2:04am
jtolpin's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2003 - 09:00

Hugs
There will be mistakes. we're human.
Age 9 could be tough, I s'pose.
TG there was no major reaction.
Hugs!
Jason
------------------
[b]* Beyond Obsessed * [/b]

Posted on: Tue, 06/26/2007 - 2:32am
booandbrimom's picture
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Joined: 08/23/2000 - 09:00

I think we all go through this. At about the same age, my son asked for "milk" and cereal and my husband gave him MILK and cereal. Epi-Pen, hospital trip, not fun.
He was very angry afterwards because his sense of security had been violated. I think that's very natural. I think it's o.k. to show our kids a little of our feelings - perhaps they're not so worried about having those feelings if they see we have them too. Allergies suck - it's not such a bad thing to admit that and try to move forward anyway.
If you feel you crossed the line and dumped too much on your son, just apologize when you're both feeling calmer. They are resilient. He will not end up in therapy just because you told him he should read labels!

Posted on: Tue, 06/26/2007 - 2:35am
Peg541's picture
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Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

I'm sorry. These things happen. Nine is tough, they can be really fresh at nine.
This is what you would say to me in a very nice way...
Your son is nine. He can read. No matter what is in that pantry he has to read the label every single time he eats something. That's the only way to get into that habit so this does not happen.
He bears most of this responsibility even if you feel like you do I just do not see it this way.
Nine. He can read, he can take responsibility. I know you don't feel like yelling back while potentially on the way to the hospital but some time later you have to sit back and discuss this with him and get him to see his BIG part in this. Plus he handed you the box in the store, did he read the label there?
Sorry this is tough.
Peggy

Posted on: Tue, 06/26/2007 - 2:48am
chanda4's picture
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Joined: 12/14/2006 - 09:00

I am glad to hear no reaction. I have made many mistakes, often causing a reaction, and I can beat myself up over them(and often do, or cry when I think about it too much)....but I am human and I make alot of mistakes. I am sorry the Cheerios got past you, but your son shouldn't be so hard on you either(or yourself). We learn from our mistakes, your son should also learn that valuable lesson. Hang in there and HUGS
------------------
Chanda(mother of 4)
Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma)
Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma)
Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE)
Savannah-1 (milk and egg)
Foster Mom to
Cody-10 (seasonal/environmental allergies)
Jordan-6 (also seasonal and environmental)

Posted on: Tue, 06/26/2007 - 3:33am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Wow. What a scene, huh?
If it makes you feel any better, I know another PA child who, at 9, was fully capable of getting his own breakfast from a hotel breakfast bar-- with cereal boxes-- and grabbed the honey nut cheerios by mistake one morning while his Mom and Dad were still in the hotel room. They came down to find him rinsing his mouth at the sink... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img] So it may be an age thing whereby they become a little [i]over[/i]confident. I'm seeing signs of this in my 8 yo, too-- almost like defiance/a desire for independence that they aren't [i]quite[/i] ready for. Anyway-- just to let you know that it was probably inevitable and a mistake [i]you[/i] don't actually have to shoulder all the blame for.
I agree with Peg-- he's nine and there is no reason why he can't begin assuming some of the responsibility for his own label-reading. It is, after all, a skill he'll need more than any other for the rest of his life.
He might have been a bit [i]more[/i] obnoxious with you because he secretly felt a bit responsible for the error as well...
at least if he's anything like my super-sassy 8-going-on-14 year old. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
I have only recently begun telling her that she needs to stop being such an ingracious twit toward me. I bake and bake and bake for her-- everything from scratch, and sometimes she treats me like this is [i]nothing.[/i] Just like laundry. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] SO you have hit it right, I think-- separate behavioral issue that finally led you to blow your top under stress. Happens to me often. She knows just which buttons to push, I tell you.
Glad that this didn't have a worse ending, however.
{{hugs}}

Posted on: Tue, 06/26/2007 - 3:39am
saknjmom's picture
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Joined: 04/02/2003 - 09:00

Thank you for your supportive words...I think that c.mom was right about him feeling guilty about HIS mistake and MY mistake.
He is very responsible for his allergies. He reads the label of EVERYTHING he eats. I have instilled good habits and allergy management with him.
The fact that he reads labels and I read labels is what is so perplexing to me...how did that box get in our cart??? What happened that we both missed this issue with the Frosted Cheerios??? I don't even think it is complacency. I am not complacent.....lately feeling very anxious about the allergies...I go through it about 2x a year and feel like a neurotic mess.
So, I do see that I have to be careful to address the behavior and leave out the other stuff.
This seems like a time when you just wish they knew just how much you love and care for them!

Posted on: Tue, 06/26/2007 - 5:53am
Greenlady's picture
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Joined: 06/30/2004 - 09:00

[b]This seems like a time when you just wish they knew just how much you love and care for them! [/b]
He does, I promise. He wouldn't be so mouthy if he didn't. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Because he knows you love him no matter what he feels safe pushing back hard.
His world has gotten shaken up, but maybe it's not that bad a thing in the long run. It's scary when you realize your parents are just people, and not gods, and that you have to take responsibility for yourself. But it's a lesson we all had to learn. Much better to have a little scare with no health consequences now than something more serious later!
Remember, there's no such thing as perfect parents here on Earth. Even Mary and Joseph accidently left 12-year old Jesus behind on a family vacation! If they could mess up, anyone could. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Tue, 06/26/2007 - 6:05am
booandbrimom's picture
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Joined: 08/23/2000 - 09:00

Yes...and Jesus was an utter snot in my opinion. "Where else would you look for me, woman" indeed. I would have smacked him, holy or not!

Posted on: Tue, 06/26/2007 - 7:09am
McCobbre's picture
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Joined: 04/16/2005 - 09:00

;-)

Posted on: Tue, 06/26/2007 - 7:19am
Greenlady's picture
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Joined: 06/30/2004 - 09:00

Yikes! My apologies, I didn't mean to pull the thread off into a religious debate. I'll be happy to edit my post if you like.

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