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Posted on: Tue, 05/04/2004 - 2:57am
patsmommy's picture
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Joined: 10/31/2001 - 09:00

Hey
AnneMarie, no I am not offended. My son also has a tna, sorry I did not post that. My mil was eating walnuts while using her hands. Also I was leaving when she asked if she could dance with him and I said no. There were kids on the dance floor with snickers. One kid kept running over to him like 50 times in th etime it took us to beeline to the door. Its understandable, my son was playing with him all day. I dont blame the kids at all. I just didnt think it was safe for him to go on the dance floor, she may bot have touched him but there were alot of kids around.
I didnt even think of them having a dessert table. I have not been to a party with one in a long time. I think what got me were the snickers on the dessert table.
As far as her ignoring my baby, I had him a year after her m/c. She ignored him for a whole year. I never said anything to her, I was never mean to her at all. I understood how she would be upset with seeing a baby. However this went on for a year. Also at family gathering and parties she would fawn over other babies, it seems it was jusy my child she ignored. You know what, whatever she did she did.I just wanted to give you some background. I know that she has never forgiven me for getting pregnant after her m/c.
She is also the queen of backhanded insults which I have recieved plenty and also kept my mouth shut to keep the peace in the family.She is the type that insults you with a smile and you are left standing there like umm, was that an insult before you even know what hit you!
Maybe its not their fault that there were sncikers nuts around. I understand that. All I know is that no one there even thought about my son, it was me and dh. Understanding that they do not live with pa 24/7 and they dont need to think about it, but then way does family think about it. My sisters dd who is 10 is conscience of it. She was coming over my house last sunday and read the cereal box she had that morning to make sure it didnt say may contain nuts. She tells her father before he goes to work, dont forget Patrick is coming today dont eat anything with nuts. She is 10 and its on her mind when she is with her cousin.all I am saying is wouldnt it have been nice if his grandparents realized that there were nuts around?
[This message has been edited by patsmommy (edited May 04, 2004).]

Posted on: Tue, 05/04/2004 - 3:22am
patsmommy's picture
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Joined: 10/31/2001 - 09:00

I just wanted to add, yes of course I could have handeled it so much better. what I should have done was the minute I saw the snickers, nuts etc was just tell my dh we were going to wait in the lobby wihtout losing my cool. Ah, but what can you do now, except learn from this.
We have another communion party in 2 weeks. I am going to tell dh ahead of time that if anything come sout like that we leave right away.
Btw, As I said before this was the first time we were confronted with this. Usually its just cake which I always bring from home for him. I have never went to a party where there was actualy nuts around. Guess we have been lucky in that regard.
[This message has been edited by patsmommy (edited May 04, 2004).]

Posted on: Tue, 05/04/2004 - 4:56am
patsmommy's picture
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Joined: 10/31/2001 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by KarenH:
[b]
Do you guys think that it would be crossing a line to ask family if they'd mind if you called ahead to warn the restaurant re: nuts? I mean, that way you can take care of it and nobody forgets and we don't end up with the misunderstanding. It is perfectly logical that your Sil didn't make the call, Brother forgot, and *boom* you ended up with a nut laden dessert table.
[/b]
I have been thinking about this.
I dont think that would have went over well with my sil. Just a hunch I have. Alot of people would be like this is my party and dont ruin it because your kid cant have nuts sort of thing. I just dont know.
Now my own sister had a wedding and we did do this with hers. It was differnt though. My sister is my sister. My sister wanted to do it. I had mentioned it to my mother and my mom had told me that when she booked the hall she mentioned it. Her contract had big red writing on it that stated no nuts. My mom and her then went over the menu with the chef.
Do you guys think that people would respond well to that?
When ds is invited to a bday I usually ask what they are serving, pizza etc. I alwyas bring my own cupcakes.
I never asked what was being served at a party in a hall though. (outside of my sister)
hmmm, I guess the point is I panicked and my sil still has not called to say she was sorry. My bil told my dh that he was sorry, but do you think she would have called too? Its not like she doesnt know what dh and bil talked about. Thats what I mean she will never say sorry about anything.
We had a fight once after she said something backhanded to me(the one time I opened my mouth) and she never said sorry. I was pregnant at the time and her dh was pushing my double stroller. He said that he could get used to that. they ahd 2 kids but 5 yrs apart. Well she turned around to say, dont get used to it cause my mother didnt raise no fool to have kids so close together.
umm, was that an insult or what! I said something, she said something etc. She never apologized for saying that. Fast forward a year later, she is pregnant I send her a beautiful sister card saying how bad I felt that we fought etc(mind you we did talk after the fight, its not like we stopped talking) her only response was oh ,like my dh said, you were pregnant your hormones were crazy.
To her she did no wrong. Funny thing though, apparently her mother did raise a fool, she now has 2 dd 2 1/2 yrs apart, ahem, just like my kids. Oh and she called me asking me for advice on what double stroller to get. Which she still has not gotten, she said her 2 1/2 yr old can walk.
anyway, that is off topic a bit. sorry just wanted to give you an example of the situation.
So yes, I have tension with her. Yes, I do watch what she does and judge more harshly then others becasue of the history . Yes I am admitting I am wrong for doing so. YEs I need to let it go! lol
BTW, to an outsider you would never know anything. My dh's cousin thought we were really close. SO its not open. when we are together we are usually very nice to each other. As my step fil told me, I have to learn to ignore her, half the things that come out of her mouth are lies. I am like but I cant do that! He told me my problem is I am too honest.
[This message has been edited by patsmommy (edited May 04, 2004).]

Posted on: Fri, 05/07/2004 - 11:21am
marina_twinmom's picture
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Joined: 09/06/2001 - 09:00

Sorry you're dealing with this. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
What I'd do, in your situation, is tell your in-laws that you can't bring your DS to parties where nuts are present. Period. So it's their choice whether or not they want to include you, your DH, and your kids. Tell them that if they choose to serve nuts at future parties, they need to let you know ahead of time so that you can skip attending.
That way, the ball is in their court, so to speak.

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