Lost my cool at party

Posted on: Sat, 05/01/2004 - 11:59pm
patsmommy's picture
Joined: 10/31/2001 - 09:00

Well, my nieces commuinion was today and to make a long story short my sil is a witch.

First a magaican came and she pulls a chair over for my niece to sit down then pulls another one over and my4 yr old son tried to sit on it and she pushed him off and sits her other dd down, but then she just walks away. I mean what a jerk. I would have been like oh wait let me get you a chair.
No one knew what was going on, she knew she had to get chairs no one else was paying attention yet cause the magican just walked in. So no one but me saw that, if anyone was looking she would have pretended to be the doting aunt.

Then she had canoli cake which can be made with pistcahio. My pa son would not have eaten the cake anyway but still...

She had a dessert table with fricken snickers, pistachio ice cream and wet walnuts. My pa son walked in and i said sorry you cant have anything and she just looked at me and turned around. I think she was pissed at me cause I was upset that there were so many peanuts around.

Then kids were running around with snickers in their hands. I had a big fight with dh and I left to go wait in the lobby with my pa son.

Oh and my mil was eating ice cream with wet walnuts and I saw her use her disgusting hand so then she came over and she asked to dance with pa son,(this is right before I left)and I said NO, you just had walnuts and you will not touch him. She gave me such a nasty face like I was wrong.

SO now I look like a witch, but you know what, when they ordered that table they could have said no nuts, you pick your ice cream flavors, and it would have been very easy to say no nuts. He wouldnt have been able to eat anything anyway but there would not have been peanuts and nuts all over.

My sister had a huge wedding and made apoint to tell the hall no nuts. My sister and mother went over the menu with the chef. No he could not eat the dessert during the dessert hour but there was nothing with nuts on it in it or laying around. It was all may contain because it was from a bakery. I was nasty to dh I said but then I guess thats because he is their grandson and nephew, they care.

Basically I think his whole family hates me because of this. Sil will never apologize, she doesnt thihk she did anything wrong, she probably thinks I am wrong for leaving and that I made a big deal about it. You know what she chose to have snickers, pistaschio ice cream, wet walnuts etc thats fine thats her choice. Apparently she is not a caring aunt. It was my choice to leave.

Oh, did I mention that some little boy was trying to get to pa son while eating a snickers?

This all happen so fast. I guess I could have exited quietly but I was nasty. Not to anyone in particluar, I didnt say anything to sil, bil etc. I was basically nasty to dh and mil because she approached him

I think my body langauge and hand gestures gave away my anger!

[This message has been edited by patsmommy (edited May 02, 2004).]

Posted on: Sun, 05/02/2004 - 12:45am
k9ruby's picture
Joined: 03/25/2004 - 09:00

U poor thing!
end this friendship, NOW!
Why? She put ur ds in a life treatening senario!

Posted on: Sun, 05/02/2004 - 12:54am
patsmommy's picture
Joined: 10/31/2001 - 09:00

It's not a friendship, its my husband's brother and his wife. ITs his family. The only one who gets it somewhat is my fil.

Posted on: Sun, 05/02/2004 - 1:21am
robinlp's picture
Joined: 05/14/2002 - 09:00

Oh, I am so sorry you had to go through this. They sound like selfish uncaring people. You are not wrong, they are. How is your DH w/ all this. I think it is up to him to talk to them about this event and their inconsiderate actions. I wouldn't ever serve nuts at a childs party, even if my child wasn't allergic to nuts...too risky!! If after your husband speaks to his family they do not change their behavior I wouldn't go to any future events where food will be served. It sounds like they need a wake up call!!

Posted on: Sun, 05/02/2004 - 1:23am
robinlp's picture
Joined: 05/14/2002 - 09:00

I should add...don't ever feel bad for losing your cool over keeping your child safe...you were right. They were the ones that were wrong!!!

Posted on: Sun, 05/02/2004 - 2:12am
patsmommy's picture
Joined: 10/31/2001 - 09:00

Robinlp, my dh was upset but he is the type of person who doesnt like to ruffle feathers. He has told his family numerous times but only after I tell him to. I am tired of his family and of his lack of action. Last night he would have rather just kept our son by the table then do anything else. I told him I wasleaving. He was ok withthat but he didnt think of it.I was annoyed at him too.
His attitude is they are jerks what can you do. He doesnt see what I saw. I saw his mother eating walnuts, I saw the whole place filled with peanuts. then I see my mother who would have been horrified that there was nuts there. She would not have eaten anything with nuts. Why cant my dh's mother be the same way? He says people just dont think, and that we cant trust them.thats the way they are and always will be.They are selfish people and not just with this . I want to kick them all in the teeth. hmmmmm I still have the urge to do that.
What should I do? Its his family. We have limited contact with them.We see them on Christmas eve, thanksgiving and birthdays. His mother comes to my house about 3 timesa month. When she is off on a thursday she will come. She lives around the corner.
He needs to say something to his family but he wont. He would just not see them then confront them. It bothers me that they are like this.
They do do nice things , like on Easter they dont give him anything that he cant eat in his basket. Thelast party my sil had chocolate as favors but my kids got hershey filled bags instead. Then they pull this crap. It was there and sil and bil were wrong for getting allowing it to be there, but isnt my mil wrong for eating something in my sons presence that could harm him? Why didnt they question my bil and sil as to why they had that there?
Am I making too big a deal about it?
What would you do?
[This message has been edited by patsmommy (edited May 02, 2004).]

Posted on: Sun, 05/02/2004 - 3:12am
gw_mom3's picture
Joined: 02/14/2000 - 09:00

Patsmommy-I can relate. My dh is almost the same way-a few years ago we went to the inlaws at christmas and of course as usual everything was covered in nuts (mil claims no one will eat her snacks if there aren't nuts in them but that's bull-they are all adults). So they covered the whole table with a tablecloth but then I didn't have anywhere to put the safe foods I brought for dd and no where for her to eat them. I was so mad I blew up too and dh and I had a big fight about it that night-apparently he thinks they're doing a lot by covering the food and why should we make them not have nuts. Umm..because of your daughter's life threatening allergy. They can live without nuts for a day. Since then he sees things my way (sort of) and we just don't even go on holidays anymore. We're going today for my younger two's birthday party and we made everything-the cake, ice cream etc.
Sorry your dh's family is like that. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] You were not wrong to blow up at all. {{{HUGS}}}}

Posted on: Sun, 05/02/2004 - 3:59am
KarenH's picture
Joined: 09/21/2002 - 09:00

I think what is hard here is when the parents of the pa/tna child are not on the same page concerning a course of action when relatives/friends bring out the nuts.
Dh and I went through this sort of thing with my parents, over a different issue. We tried not to ruffle feathers, we tried to work it out with them nicely, and it never seemed to get better, only worse. This Easter weekend was the last straw (if you're curious see Grandparents-a rant in the Off Topic thread)
So DH and I sat down together and came up with a plan. The key word though is TOGETHER. I back him 100%. (he is LIVID)
I think you should sit down with your DH and have an honest talk about what to do. However, if he's still reluctant to ruffle feathers, I think you have no choice. You have to protect your child.
As an adult with PA and TNA, if *I* was at any of these parties, I would stay for a little bit to say hello, and then leave-explaining why. I wouldn't have been able to eat anything either. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Gale, in your case....covering the food was a nice gesture, but it's different with a child. An adult can avoid the nuts the best they can, but if a child is contact allergic and all the adults are eating them, then wanting to hug/kiss the child...dangerous. I agree with you. I think that you've come up with a good solution.

Posted on: Sun, 05/02/2004 - 4:03am
patsmommy's picture
Joined: 10/31/2001 - 09:00

BUT, the question remains, Can I still kick them in the teeth???
seriously though, I really feel an anger and hatred toward them at this moment. I need help working through these feelings.
Karen, yes I did read your grandparents post.
Thats why I posted this, I know you can all relate and give me good advice, and I dont mean just one sided but make me see their point of view too.
thanks guys!

Posted on: Sun, 05/02/2004 - 4:22am
deegann's picture
Joined: 07/27/2003 - 09:00

[This message has been edited by deegann (edited February 09, 2005).]

Posted on: Sun, 05/02/2004 - 4:35am
esmom's picture
Joined: 07/25/2001 - 09:00

Screw them! I learned this form pa.com
if it happens agian, LEAVE!
I also wonder if god forbid something happen would they like to come to the hospital and sit for hours and worry
NO!!!! YOu are right!!!!!!!


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