is it wrong to ask people to not order peanuts at a restaurant?

Posted on: Thu, 11/08/2012 - 8:21am
nicole2460's picture
Joined: 11/08/2012 - 15:08

ok so i went out to dinner with some friends who are all aware I'm deadly allergic to peanuts. one of them ordered some peanut dish and i assumed she forgot that i almost died last time someone brought peanuts to a gathering. i nicely asked her, "sorry do you mind if we try and avoid peanuts?" and she replies with "why?" and i said because I'm allergic. she told me i wouldn't be eating it but it doesn't really matter because if the peanuts are cooked or heated and i inhale, i can have a severe reaction. she angrily says, "k...." and ordered it anyway. the next day i confirmed that what i told her about inhaling peanuts being true just to clarify misunderstandings and didn't even tell her not to do it again and she tells me, "well i just won't go out for dinner with you again" followed by "if its gonna cause such a problem for you then don't bother inviting me out". sorry am i missing something? something that is so life threatening and all you do is ask your 'friend' to not put your life at risk and somehow that is so wrong? my friends don't seem to see any problem with her actions/reactions and told me i can't "dictate" what people eat. they are right. i can't dictate what people eat. but in no way was i doing that. i didnt tell her what to do, it was simply a question. it doesn't bother me at all what people eat, but if they have the choice to put your life at risk for the sake of their satisfaction or to just pick something else from the menu, yet they *choose* to take the risk, then how does that make me the bad person? is it wrong to ask your friend to not do this when you're around?

Posted on: Fri, 11/09/2012 - 2:37am
mom65's picture
Joined: 11/09/2012 - 09:31

Has anyone with peanut allergies (and tree nut) been to the Dixie Stampede in Branson Mo? What was your experience. I am trying to decide if it is safe to take my son there. He is highly allergic to peanuts and tree nuts.

Posted on: Fri, 11/09/2012 - 3:55am
GinaT's picture
Joined: 07/31/2012 - 16:46

This sounds like more of an issue with your friend than a general situation. Most friends should be more understanding and agree to take small measures to ensure your safety! If she had such a strange reaction, chances are it is about more than just an allergy. Perhaps she was angry about you for something else?
Also, may people without allergies don't understand how severe they can be. I personally don't have an allergy but my roommate does, and at first I thought she was just overreacting and being too sensitive. I did some research and I now understand how dangerous they are for some people. If your friend is not informed, she might think you're just trying to control her or being too cautious.

Posted on: Wed, 07/15/2020 - 12:49pm
doggydude's picture
Joined: 07/09/2020 - 07:10

I agree. Even with things going on right now (i.e. we are not really going to restaurants), I think it is still okay to ask friends not to order anything with peanuts if you are have dinner/takeout at home or at a friends house. It can be a life or death situation depending on how severe your allergy is.

Posted on: Fri, 11/09/2012 - 6:57am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

My heart is breaking into a million pieces for you. :( I have been there with our son's peanut allergy and I completely understand how you feel. I agree with the previous poster who said that this "friend" probably didn't understand how serious allergies can be. I think that "allergy" is a misnomer for anaphylaxis and people just don't "get it" because they've never seen it or experienced it.
If it is truly a friend that you want to remain in contact, you might want to try sending her the "When Food Kills" video ( or some other YouTube videos by experts (i.e. allergists or doctors at very prominent hospitals) saying the same thing that you've been trying to tell her...sadly, I've found that most people respond much better when a doctor tells them the exact same thing that we try to tell them.

Posted on: Fri, 11/09/2012 - 10:35am
nicole2460's picture
Joined: 11/08/2012 - 15:08

i just don't understand how people can think its some kind of personal attack on them. people say to me "you can't just dictate what other people eat". I'm not, and when someone chooses to out your life at risk, i think you have every right to just ask. it kind of disgusts me

Posted on: Fri, 11/09/2012 - 10:37am
nicole2460's picture
Joined: 11/08/2012 - 15:08

I've never done anything to her. she's the type of person who will treat someone poorly and expect them to apologise when they confront her about it because she takes everything personally and never thinks she's in the wrong. she's been putting me down this whole year repeatedly calling me a freak or saying things like how do i know you when I've told her to stop. i finally had enough and told her how hurtful it is. her response? "whatever this is clearly my fault so sorry." thats not an apology. its the only fight we've ever had so if this peanut incident has something to do with that then she has a serious issue.

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