Little boy.

Posted on: Thu, 11/27/2003 - 1:28am
MommaBear's picture
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I attended a "Parent" type day at my younger cubs Early Intervention Program yesterday.

The school has Early Intervention thru 4th grade (I believe).

When I left (you have to leave through the office and sign out), I notice a little boy (maybe 6 or 7 ish) sitting at the "Fundraiser" desk in front of the secretarial area. (Has latest fundraiser info there, now currently a coupon book). He appeared "lost". He appeared to have no appetite, although appeared at the top of the percentile for weight and height. He had distinctive features. Very brilliant red hair.

I had to go back to the classroom since I left my keys. I stopped to chat. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]When I came back, this little boy was no further along eating his sandwich than before. He kept looking around.

From a distance I could see what appeared to be a pbj sandwich in his hands. I could be wrong. My heart went out to him.

Posted on: Thu, 11/27/2003 - 2:13am
California Mom's picture
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I have to admit that I am confused by your post. Did it appear that the child was separated from the rest of the students due to him bringing a pb&j sandwhich for lunch? Is this why your heart went out to him? Or was it his apparent lack of appetite?
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/confused.gif[/img] Miriam

Posted on: Thu, 11/27/2003 - 3:32am
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Mommabear, I don't seem to understand you post.
Love this site
Synthia

Posted on: Thu, 11/27/2003 - 6:19am
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If I've understand your post correctly, the boy was sequestered to eat his PB sandwich due to another child's PA?
In that case, my heart does indeed go out to him. What were his parents thinking, sending him a PBJ sandwich to eat? If there is a PA child in his class, then being asked to refrain from eating a drippy PB sandwich is a safety issue. The broader issue being, that *all* students have the right to a safe school environment, not just the ones who don't suffer from life-threatening food allergies. Several years ago, my heart also went out to the student whose parent sent peanuts in his lunch every day for a week to state "you can't tell me what my child can and cannot eat". Get a grip, buddy, and try exploring your moral compass, if you can find it, that is...
More info, please.
Carolyn

Posted on: Thu, 11/27/2003 - 7:16am
darthcleo's picture
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I've seen kids eat apart as a detention thing. Nothing to do with PA, or pb.
In fact, as early as pre-k, this was used in my son's class. I thought it was so unfair. The kid does something wrong at 9 in the morning but gets his punishment at noon? when you're barely 4 yo, that doesn't really work. Later, ok, but not in pre-k.
Anyway, just raising that possibility.

Posted on: Thu, 11/27/2003 - 12:58pm
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Quote:Originally posted by Cayley's Mom:
[b]If I've understand your post correctly, the boy was sequestered to eat his PB sandwich due to another child's PA?[/b]
not sure. but judging from my "gut feeling" stemming from my perception of reality, would it make a difference?
Quote:Originally posted by Cayley's Mom:
[b]In that case, my heart does indeed go out to him. What were his parents thinking, sending him a PBJ sandwich to eat? [/b]
There may be alot of people thinking if my son's [i]LTFA/personal situation[/i] was [i]so[/i] serious, [b]what was *I* thinking[/b]...........[i]sending my child to the particular schools I did[/i]. Even if only briefly. I must admit, *I* have thought the same about *my* son's *highly individual, unique, and personal situation*.
I guess to even [i]begin[/i] attempting to answer your question I'd have to know the child's medical background, parent's educational level wrt LTFA, personal belief system, and what has been communicated to them regarding any situation that may exist. To even attempt [i]a glimpse[/i]. And to me.............. making such potential judgements is [i]walking where angels fear to tread[/i]. Or at least living in a glass house. *Personally Speaking*, as I am not moral/ethically perfect. Not by a long shot. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Quote:Originally posted by Cayley's Mom:
[b]If there is a PA child in his class, then being asked to refrain from eating a drippy PB sandwich is a safety issue. The broader issue being, that *all* students have the right to a safe school environment, not just the ones who don't suffer from life-threatening food allergies. Several years ago, my heart also went out to the student whose parent sent peanuts in his lunch every day for a week to state "you can't tell me what my child can and cannot eat". Get a grip, buddy, and try exploring your moral compass, if you can find it, that is...[/b]
If indeed what you say was the actual bonafide situation............. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
........... then I'll go out on a limb and tread those coals to say: I agree, [b]p!$$!ng contests[/b] are unproductive at best. Speaking as a child who was often, frequently, and most likely [i]on the outside[/i]............. [i]It bothered me[/i]. (LOL, can't say much has changed, except my recipie for lemonaide [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img]. It evoked a visceral response. (based on my perception, which may be [i]entirely misconstrued/wrong/off base[/i] --- may be entirely different situation/completely unrelated to my perception. [i]Understanding can be like that?[/i]
Tell me there is a better way?
Quote:Originally posted by Cayley's Mom:
[b]More info, please.
[/b]
That's it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] [i](turning pockets inside out)[/i]

Posted on: Fri, 11/28/2003 - 1:05am
Kim M's picture
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I don't see why we would need to know all sorts of information about a parent's personal education/belief system in order to understand this situation. If the school has told parents that children who bring peanut products to school will not be able to eat them with the class, then they are being cruel to their children if they insist on sending them. Very simple; end of story.

Posted on: Fri, 11/28/2003 - 4:37am
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I agree with Kim M. Does it matter what the background situation is? A child is left out/isolated - why? And how many of us have inadvertently caused our children to be centered out in some way? It doesn't mean we're bad parents, but it also doesn't make the child feel any better (ie., forgetting to send money to school for a book fair, ugh. BTDT. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] ). So, we strive to improve to avoid a future "situation" - live and learn, so to speak.
Also, would it any differently heartbreaking if it was a PA child isolated in the office eating a ham sandwich? Isolation is not good - who caused it and how can it be avoided in the future?
As for the "bonafidedness" [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] of the suggestion I described with the peanuts - yes, it happened at Cayley's school, before she attended. My non-PA son attended the same school then, plus a number of the teachers are in my social circle, so I heard the particulars first hand. That parent was given two choices - stop sending peanuts or choose a different school because our school is a "no peanuts zone". The principal was very firm on this point. I'm not sure what the parent did when all was said and done - this was in the late '90s - but I'll try to find out. The teacher involved is coming over for a kitchen party next week - I'll ask her what happened to that family.
Carolyn

Posted on: Fri, 11/28/2003 - 6:13am
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Carolyn,
Really, my post was just a "vent". [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
If indeed the situation was as I percieved it to be, [i]I was surprised by my reaction to it[/i]. See, I was a PA parent who, after seeing my son segregated in a particularly offensive and [i]unsafe[/i] fashion............. (at least to me) [i]due to his PA[/i] and [i]without my permission[/i].............
repeating: [b]I was a PA parent who wanted children with pbj sandwitches removed from the eating area and [i]not my child[/i].[/b]
But, again, they say it has been said that PA (and similiar issues) are a [i]journey[/i]. I no longer feel that way. Guess I can't speak for anyone else, but *personally* when I see what I wanted *in person* (if my perception is correct).......... [i]it bothers me[/i]. Didn't expect that. Although *my* particular brand of reasoning indicates it shouldn't be a surprise.
Again, just a vent. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
MommaBear [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
btw........... I'm not really into "brouhaha", but quietly would like you to know it is a joy to read your posts.

Posted on: Fri, 11/28/2003 - 7:20am
synthia's picture
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Joined: 10/05/2002 - 09:00

Mommabear,
Thank you!
Love this site
Synthia

Posted on: Fri, 11/28/2003 - 1:55pm
Kim M's picture
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Joined: 06/09/2001 - 09:00

MommaBear, I can completely understand your reaction. The problem is that, if PA children are to attend schools that are not peanut free, then someone is going to be isolated. It is no more fair to isolate one than the other. Isolation disrupts the whole school experience. So....the only fair solution is to have a peanut free school, where all children can have the same school experience without fearing for their health and well being.

Posted on: Fri, 11/28/2003 - 10:13pm
MommaBear's picture
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Quote:Originally posted by Kim M:
[b]MommaBear, I can completely understand your reaction. The problem is that, if PA children are to attend schools that are not peanut free, then someone is going to be isolated. It is no more fair to isolate one than the other. Isolation disrupts the whole school experience. [/b]
Agreed.
Quote:Originally posted by Kim M:
[b]So....the only fair solution is to have a peanut free school, where all children can have the same school experience without fearing for their health and well being. [/b]
My personal dillemma lies in that I personally don't believe a "peanut free school" is possible. Label or not and literally speaking.
PS. This is one circle I personally withdrew myself and my child from. It was a "Catch 22" of sorts. I guess if isolation is inevitable, I prefer it to be self-imposed.
Still open to suggestions as I did ask:
"Tell me there is a better way?"
Maybe I should have asked:
"Show me how there is a better way?"
(As this is my prefered mode of learning). [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Fri, 11/28/2003 - 10:20pm
synthia's picture
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Mommabear, as we move to stage (2)
hang in there.
Love this site
Synthia

Posted on: Fri, 11/28/2003 - 11:13pm
becca's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

At a school where my friend sends her dd(a preschool) the Peanut products are thrown away if there is a mistake and a PB sandwich or other offending item is sent in. Not sure if the child is given a substitute, but I would think they have to.
At our school, though the child(only one or two occasions early in the attempt to be nut free) was separated, he/she had the priveledge to dine in the director's office with er. (I am betting, knowing her, they got a few tootsie rolls as well), and they *love* her, so this was special, even though they were removed from the rest. A call home to explain as well, providing opportunity for a parent to bring an alternative as well. Editing to add, they could even bring a friend who is not allergic, but that is not what they have done. A note and call go home to be sure it does not happen again.
I like our school's way of handling it much better than having them be alone. Just sad, I agree, for whatever reason. becca
[This message has been edited by becca (edited November 29, 2003).]

Posted on: Sat, 11/29/2003 - 11:44am
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MommaBear - My son started kindergarten this year. I went into the classroom the day before school started to clean and check out the situation peanut-wise. There were four long tables with six chairs each, very cute, color-coded with crayons, etc. And there was ds's desk - completely separate from the tables, over-sized (inches higher than the tables), with an over-sized chair to match. I felt sick. Seeing that desk in total isolation put the fear into me. DH and I fixed up the situation before school started, but I can feel where you're coming from. We are social animals, no matter how anti-social we may feel at times. Take care.

Posted on: Sat, 11/29/2003 - 1:55pm
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Quote:Originally posted by katjam:
[b]I felt sick. Seeing that desk in total isolation put the fear into me. [/b]
Everytime I walk into a school I feel sick. Been that way since I can remember. I think they call it an "aversion". Thought I overcame it, but a lot of dejavu since dealing with school systems and situations surrounding my cubs.

Posted on: Sun, 11/30/2003 - 10:33pm
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I also feel sick in school. Probably because I went to the most violent and icky gradeschools in the area where I grew up until HS, when I switched to a Catholic school. Gradeschool was an utter nightmare (teachers carried out, bleeding, on stretchers type of nightmare. Kids mugged in the hall going to the bathroom kind of nightmare. Guns and knives...) and it was also deeply dumbed down and a big waste of time. I hate to say it but I often wonder what in the world my parents were thinking. (we weren't poor and they weren't uneducated, they just didn't seem to care ~ so strange to me, because I care VERY MUCH about mine and their environments/education.)

Posted on: Sat, 12/06/2003 - 3:52am
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Quote:Originally posted by StaceyK:
[b]I also feel sick in school. Probably because I went to the most violent and icky gradeschools in the area where I grew up until HS, when I switched to a Catholic school. Gradeschool was an utter nightmare (teachers carried out, bleeding, on stretchers type of nightmare. Kids mugged in the hall going to the bathroom kind of nightmare. Guns and knives...) and it was also deeply dumbed down and a big waste of time. I hate to say it but I often wonder what in the world my parents were thinking. (we weren't poor and they weren't uneducated, they just didn't seem to care ~ so strange to me, because I care VERY MUCH about mine and their environments/education.)[/b]
I thought about this. In many ways, [i] I see very similiar circumstances[/i] (injury, violence, death, etc.) in my [b]chosen[/b] profession. Still, I experience greater anxiety when stepping through the doors of a school as opposed to my unit. Actually, very little anxiety, if any, when arriving at my place of employment. Unless of course, I am late. I actually [i]look forward[/i] to my assignment. There is the usual, "oooooooooooo, gotta go into work today." but, all the same.......
Why this difference? Possibly because in one situation I have the [i]tools and skills[/i] to deal effectively, while in the other, I am quite naked and empty handed.
[This message has been edited by MommaBear (edited December 06, 2003).]

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