letter to the editor...(not from me)

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Well, the son of one of the moms who confronted me(see my other post...my school saga continues)...well, he wrote a letter to the editor, here is the link... [url="http://www.broomfieldenterprise.com/news/2007/apr/01/no-headline-01zlet/"]http://www.broomfieldenterprise.com/news/2007/apr/01/no-headline-01zlet/[/url] it's twords the bottom "my allergy"

I'd like some honest opinions, you know my school, my issues and here is his "side". He's entitled, I'm not bother by him writing the paper, but I am by what he said(again...are these parents, even of allergic children mis-educated??? Or am I out of line trying to protect my son??)

PS I never asked anyone to stop serving peanuts, remember, no bans for me. I did ask for a safe place for my son, that is all(at the basketball game, in the lunchroom, in his class).....but to these people, even that is too much.

EDIT, here is the letter... Taking care of

my allergy

My name is Ryan Lee, I am a fourth-grader at Meridian Elementary. I think it would be helpful for (Mr. and Mrs. Organ) to hear from a kid who has a severe peanut allergy and has made it all the way to fourth grade.

I have heard all of the kids at school upset about the new changes in the lunchroom. I have heard my parents talk about their concerns. One of the best things my parents did for me was teach me about my allergy. Whether I go to school, Target, the rec center, the park or Coors Field people are there eating peanuts. That is the world, so it is up to me to make sure I am not excluded from anywhere. I take care of myself.

My parents have taught me how to watch for symptoms so if I touch something I immediately get medicine and help. As far as the schools, I have never felt anything but safe there. The teachers, staff and kids are always concerned for me. The lunchroom has always had a peanut-free zone for me if I feel I need to sit there.

I feel sad that everyone is forgetting about the fact that we want to make sure every kid is safe. Meridian has always done that. When there is a snack in the class, there are many times I just don't have any because I am not sure if I can

On Apr 2, 2007

I do know about your school saga and about the horrible moms who confronted you and were way out of line, but about this article, what is Ryan`s point? I must be missing it. I don`t see what he is getting at. He has learned to live with allergy, okay fine. Is he saying he objects to the way the lunchroom is now? (I remember they were going to make some lunchroom changes next year, right?). I`m not really sure what his point is. Another thing to consider is maybe he did not even write the letter. Maybe his parents did. To me, it does not sound like the wording of a 4th grader. Just my opinion. I cannot imagine my dd writing a letter like that. But assuming he did write it, I don`t really find it offensive. I take it to mean that he doesn`t mind if people sell peanuts at events and he doesn`t mind if he can`t have a certain snack in class. That`s okay. I wonder how much he would mind peanuts at school events if he had an airborne reaction from all the peanut dust in the air and he could no longer go to these events. That would be a different story, wouldn`t it? I know my dd minds when kids can have things she cannot have, but she accepts it (remembering that she has a food free room so this stuff is eaten outside or in the caf). She would never on her own write a letter like this though.

[This message has been edited by Carefulmom (edited April 02, 2007).]

On Apr 2, 2007

That was not written by an uncoached 4th grader.

You are not a mom who is not teaching her child

I feel they have done this because they know you read the letter to the editor

There are minor league teams who have peanut free or food free areas--why not professional?

He mentioned the peanut free zone--are these the parents who do not want the cold lunch tables.

Remember--they are not your fight. If the school sets the policy, then it is the policy. Focus on the goal--not the little people

On Apr 2, 2007

Okay, sorry chanda4. I did not realize that "Mr. and Mrs. Organ" was you and your husband. Now I see your comment added as "Chanda Organ". Yes, I would be offended. I`ll bet you anything that Ryan`s parents wrote it.

Edited to add: Look at this sentence. "If your son would ever like to speak with me about how to be responsible for his allergy I would be happy to do that."

I`ll bet you the parents wrote it. I cannot fathom a 4th grader saying that. It sounds very parental.

[This message has been edited by Carefulmom (edited April 02, 2007).]

On Apr 2, 2007

Hit submit without adding hugs.

On Apr 2, 2007

Soooo missed that Mr and Mrs Organ part--- Have you ever mentioned them by name? What is the newspaper's policy on pointing out children without approval--probably why they have your names in ( ). Depending on what you have said (permision by inclusion), it is my opinion you should call the editor and ask them to stop using your name due to the damage it could cause you son. Make it a 'for the sake of the child' argument. Be calm when you call. If you have used your son's name this is probably out the window unless you appeal to "I am changing my ways".

This is just my opinion,

[This message has been edited by Peanut Militia (edited April 03, 2007).]

On Apr 2, 2007

Sorry, I decided to delete this post in case anyone from your school comes to this thread.

[This message has been edited by Carefulmom (edited April 02, 2007).]

On Apr 2, 2007

thank you for the post [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

On Apr 2, 2007

The letter is not logical. Consider this,

Quote:

I would never ask Coors Field to stop selling peanuts to all of the people, however, I am not going to stop going to see my favorite team play.

Is the writer suggesting that if someone with a peanut allergy is "responsible" that they will somehow be protected from a reaction at a stadium filled with peanuts? The writer assumes that his sensitivity to peanuts is the same as that of your son. You know from experience that your son could not tolerate this type of exposure.

Cathy

On Apr 2, 2007

I think what bothers me the most, from this letter and from the comments they made to me that night...they assume that all allergies are the same, like this boy is the blue-print for peanut allergies. and if my son is so sensitive, that he should remain home...his mom said that to me that night. So my son has no right to be at school, in the lunchroom, in the classroom, at a ball game, or at Target. I will shelter him when it's necessary for his safety, but school shouldn't be one of those places, it shouldn't. Especially if we can do so without a ban...but what choice are they giving me? If the lunchroom won't remain the way it is(cold lunch table, hot lunch table, peanut-free table) then the pb will need to be removed, I see no other solution....I was *trying* to do this without a ban, but they are giving me no choice. Can you imagine if it comes to that?? I don't even want to think about it, it sends chills down my spine! HUGS [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

EDIT and if it does come to that, in order to keep him safe from just the peanut butter...hwo the heck do we handle the other allergies?? We can't ban everything, I don't know what to do. ------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

[This message has been edited by chanda4 (edited April 02, 2007).]

On Apr 2, 2007

HUH? I'm confused.

Why would a 4th grader write a letter TO YOUR SON, TO THE EDITOR? Are the kids friends?

Chanda, my opinion is I would not engage with these people at all. Work only with the school. Be careful what you post here - post only what you'd want to see in the press. JMO, I see a lot of ranting and raving here and I can't follow you half the time, so not sure if you'd want everyone reading what you write.

I'd be pretty upset the paper printed a letter about my CHILD without my permission.

On Apr 2, 2007

Yes, Yes, Yes, I would be very upset. This is inappropriate. The school makes changes based on what it feels is appropriate protection for a student. You aren't up there writing the policies. Parents need to butt out of something as trivial as lunchroom seating. Get Over It. it's 20 minutes a day. Your Johnny can surely find someone new to talk to during lunch. If it's that bad, suggest they coordinate with their kid's friend's moms and either match up days your brown bagging it or buy hot lunch. Then Johnny can sit with his friend. Give me a break. Honestly, I can't see my school principal putting up with this **** . People are so insensitive. Chanda, just because this kid has pa, doesn't mean what HE or his Mom says is right. I have 5 or 6 acquaintances with kids who are pa. One allows her other child to eat pb in the house, another never carries the epi pen, another lets her kid eat a food with may contains and if he doesn't react, he's allowed to have it. This family may manage pa in these same ways. Think about the link in memory, the article about the Australian boy who died over the weekend. Something went horribly wrong there. PA is deadly. It can strike any one of our children. It is our DUTY to take it seriously and to protect our children. do not let them bully you. Call the newspaper and express your concerns. Your poor son will end up being harassed. You need to get the support of a school administrator who will put these people in their place. Do not engage in dialog with them. Do not write a rebuttal.

[This message has been edited by saknjmom (edited April 02, 2007).]

On Apr 2, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by TwokidsNJ: [b]HUH? I'm confused.

Why would a 4th grader write a letter TO YOUR SON, TO THE EDITOR? Are the kids friends?

Chanda, my opinion is I would not engage with these people at all. Work only with the school. Be careful what you post here - post only what you'd want to see in the press. JMO, I see a lot of ranting and raving here and I can't follow you half the time, so not sure if you'd want everyone reading what you write.

I'd be pretty upset the paper printed a letter about my CHILD without my permission.[/b]

I know I confuse you alot, I am not sure why this time, sorry. They are not friends...this boy is 10 and my son is 6...I don't think they've ever spoken to eachother even.

And I'm never worried about what I post here, it's my opinion and I am entitled. Most the time I say here what I wish I could say to all these people's faces, but I can't. I haven't said one word to anyone around here...I just post blindly on a peanut forum and it't left at that.

I don't mean to confuse anyone, maybe I should just delete the whole thing then, I was just looking for some opinions...I just need some opinions, I have nobody here.

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 2, 2007

Thx for the clarification. It's not that I want to discourage your posting. It's just that you're posting with your real name on a public forum about your CHILD when you know there are people out there that are not supportive of your family's needs.

I think your school IS working with you, so keep working with the schools and put all these moms on IGNORE.

ETA: OK, I went to the link and read the original and your comments. Your comments were good and I loved Elyssa's too!! I posted my own as "twokids". Hope it's helpful. If I overstepped and you want me to edit, let me know.

[This message has been edited by TwokidsNJ (edited April 02, 2007).]

On Apr 2, 2007

Please take a few deep breaths. Repeat as needed.

***************

Let's please try not to be so negative to a 10 year old boy. He probably did have help from his parents writing the letter -- but that doesn't mean he didn't mean what was said, or that his offer wasn't sincere. I helped my son write a letter to the Lego company -- but it was still his letter.

At 10, why would he be expected to realize that two people with the same allergy might have different reactions or different sensitivities. Maybe he really does believe that you are trying to *make the world peanut free* and not teach your child how to be safe. A lot of adults don't realize that reducing the risk of an allergic reaction is only one single part of the training -- why should a child understand that?

I don't think you should confront him or argue with him (and I don't think you plan to). As was pointed out -- it's the school you need to deal with, and only the school.

But, if your child offered to help another child deal with their allergy -- would you want them criticized for that?

Quote:

Is the writer suggesting that if someone with a peanut allergy is "responsible" that they will somehow be protected from a reaction at a stadium filled with peanuts? The writer assumes that his sensitivity to peanuts is the same as that of your son. You know from experience that your son could not tolerate this type of exposure.

No. He's just saying peanuts are a part of life. That's my attitude too. I'm heading off to a baseball game soon -- and I don't expect them to stop selling peanuts that day.

[This message has been edited by AnnaMarie (edited April 02, 2007).]

On Apr 2, 2007

TwokidsNJ, awesome post!

On Apr 2, 2007

Annamarie, But what prompted the 10yo to write this "letter to the editor"? Methinks his parents did. I don't usually agree with Chanda, but in this case I do think the kid is overstepping his bounds, probably due to what his parents are teaching him.

Carefulmom, which post did you like? - the one here, or the comment to the "letter to the editor"?

On Apr 2, 2007

Chanda: I am so sorry you are being forced to continue dealing with this type of behavior. The parent's of the boy should be ashamed! How would his parents' like it if you were publicly critical of the way they handle their son's allergy. I just don't understand this presumptuous attitude you are dealing with. HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}.

[This message has been edited by notnutty (edited April 02, 2007).]

On Apr 2, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by TwokidsNJ: [b]Thx for the clarification. It's not that I want to discourage your posting. It's just that you're posting with your real name on a public forum about your CHILD when you know there are people out there that are not supportive of your family's needs.

I think your school IS working with you, so keep working with the schools and put all these moms on IGNORE.

ETA: OK, I went to the link and read the original and your comments. Your comments were good and I loved Elyssa's too!! I posted my own as "twokids". Hope it's helpful. If I overstepped and you want me to edit, let me know.

[This message has been edited by TwokidsNJ (edited April 02, 2007).][/b]

Thanks, I think you had a great response and I don't mind at all, thank you! And I've always used my real name when on public forums, I guess I'm the minority. But I want you to know *me*...this is it and I have nothing to hide.

As for the school, I thought they were working with me, until the principal let it slip the lunchroom won't be the same next year. So I guess it comes down to- not the accomodation itself, but who causes the most rukus?? I thought I was a squeeky wheel, but I guess not!

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 2, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by AnnaMarie: [b]Please take a few deep breaths. Repeat as needed.

***************

Let's please try not to be so negative to a 10 year old boy. He probably did have help from his parents writing the letter -- but that doesn't mean he didn't mean what was said, or that his offer wasn't sincere. I helped my son write a letter to the Lego company -- but it was still his letter.

At 10, why would he be expected to realize that two people with the same allergy might have different reactions or different sensitivities. Maybe he really does believe that you are trying to *make the world peanut free* and not teach your child how to be safe. A lot of adults don't realize that reducing the risk of an allergic reaction is only one single part of the training -- why should a child understand that?

I don't think you should confront him or argue with him (and I don't think you plan to). As was pointed out -- it's the school you need to deal with, and only the school.

But, if your child offered to help another child deal with their allergy -- would you want them criticized for that?

No. He's just saying peanuts are a part of life. That's my attitude too. I'm heading off to a baseball game soon -- and I don't expect them to stop selling peanuts that day.

[This message has been edited by AnnaMarie (edited April 02, 2007).][/b]

There are many ways to offer support. If this child wanted to offer support a "letter to the editor" is not the appropriate way to do it. How about a private letter sent to Chanda's home? This letter is nothing but a continuation of completely selfish obnoxious behavior that Chanda has been dealing with for months. It is not a sincere letter to offer support.

On Apr 2, 2007

TwokidNJ, your post in the newspaper in response to the boy, I thought it was great. Call it for what it is. I agree the compassion usually comes from the kids. When my dd was that age, she would not have been criticizing pa kids who needed more accomodations. That had to have come from the parents. We had pa twins in dd`s grade who needed less accomodations. Their mom did not mind if Snickers were passed out in class. She did not ask for a peanut free table for them. Whatever, each child is different. If that mom wrote a letter to the newspaper because her pa twins did not need a peanut free table and mine did, I would be livid, even more so if she did it under the child`s name. The kids are the ones who usually remind the parents not to pack peanut butter in the lunch so the non pa child can sit with his pa friend. In the boy`s letter, he even mentioned something about hearing his parents talk...... I found the line offensive about how the boy would teach Chanda`s child "how to be responsible about his allergy". Who is to say Chanda` child is not responsible? My dd is responsible beyond belief, down to asking to read the dog food for ingredients if at a friend`s house that has a dog (because of the dog licking her), so because dd needs more accomodations than some, does she need to be taught to "be responsible"? Sorry, I just don`t think the boy wrote that.

See, the thing for me is my dd is allergic to milk, but does not have any contact or airborne issues. What if there were a milk allergic child who needed more accomodations than my dd? I cannot imagine her writing a letter to the newpaper about it. She would never think of it and if she did want to write a letter about how the other child should not have certain accomodations that he needs but rather she can teach him to "be responsible", I would not allow her to write a letter like that.

[This message has been edited by Carefulmom (edited April 02, 2007).]

On Apr 2, 2007

I will answer your question -- but it's just a guess.

This child has heard his family discussing this -- and probably his friends and their families discussing it. Probably with them turning to him and saying "you didn't need that -- why does this kid". People ask me that kind of thing regularly.

He's possibly also getting negative comments about *people like you* causing this. I've had people *blame* me for the peanut ban at my son's school. I just politely tell them, no, it's some other child's life you are saving. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] But he's 10. He's not going to look at all the sides of an issue (what 10 year old does).

Chanda did say that to her knowledge the two kids have never spoken to each other. So, if he truly feels safe at school, and if he truly thinks this younger pa child is being protected without being taught -- how better to offer to help then through a letter. And, at the same time, he makes sure everyone knows it's not him making the changes.

And also, if he truly feels the younger child is not being taught -- isn't it honourable to offer to help him? When my son was 7 and one of his friends developed an allergy, he was showing him his e-belt, and offering to loan him his epi-trainer. He couldn't help with the actual allergy as they have different allergies -- but I was so proud of him.

And the offer in that 10 year olds letter would make me proud as a mother too.

********

Note to Chanda: I have not been following this saga. I am not saying I agree or disagree with anything. I'm [i]just[/i] saying this thread seems to be attacking a 10 year old, and I think that's wrong. I've just re-read your original post, and it does not at all sound to me like that's what your issue is.

You want a safe area for your child. Maybe this other child and his parents don't understand specifically what you are asking for? Maybe it's not even their business? I still say, it's between you and the school. I hope things work out well for you, and I didn't want you thinking that my post meant anything else.

Edited: because when you miss an *e* it makes a compeltely different word. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/redface.gif[/img]

[This message has been edited by AnnaMarie (edited April 02, 2007).]

On Apr 2, 2007

[quote]Originally posted by TwokidsNJ: [B]Annamarie, But what prompted the 10yo to write this "letter to the editor"? quote]

As I recall Chanda has written some letters to the editor as well. I would think that would explain why a reply to the situation might be sent to the newspaper.

I do think any bullying by other parents, etc is horrible. But as the parent of a 10 year old boy, I think it is entirely plausible for a 10 year old to write to the newspaper. I know quite a few 10 year olds that are very outspoken (and, likewise, quite a few that would never think to write a letter!).

Take care,

Kelly

On Apr 2, 2007

EDIT

[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

On Apr 2, 2007

the child did not write that letter on his own. obviously. i'm betting mom/dad suggested it, edited it (if not outright writing it themselves) and have used their child to further their own agenda.

your child's name should not have been used. it's not safe and it's unfair to single him out as the "problem" at school for everyone else.

just my opinion, but i'd be embarrassed if my PA kids wrote a letter to the newspaper basically saying....."my mom has taught me to understand that my safety is not really as important as everyone elses' convenience and that i'm not really as important as everyone other child at school." to me, that is what this child has learned.

there is a BIG, BIG, BIG difference between going to target or a ballgame or any other optional place and being confronted with a lifethreatening allergen than being confronted with it regularly at school (which is not optional).

peanuts/nuts are very different allergens than milk, chicken, strawberries, etc.etc.etc., for various reasons (all of which i don't profess to understand...except that their is the airborne factor, the mess factor and the residue issues). they cannot be compared as the child compared them.....or...ahhhhem...his mom/dad compared them. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

poor kid. it's great that his school provides a peanut-free table for him (that's a plus, in my book) but it must stink knowing mom/dad actually celebrate his/their letter stating that school shouldn't be altered in any way to protect him. school is not optional and it should be accessible to degree to which it can be.

On Apr 3, 2007

Mariah wrote a response this morning. It was on the fly before school, and you can see her difficulties writing.

I'm glad she put her thoughts out there.

On Apr 3, 2007

Not every person with pa feels it is necessary to alter their surroundings. Not every parent of a pa child feels it's necessary either.

Other children have written about pa. Was it always their parents too? Or just when their opinions don't agree with yours?

Also, not all allergens are different. There are a lot that are touch/smell sensitive [b]and[/b] anaphylactic. It is a very valid point that needs to be addressed when dealing with a ban. btw, some allergens that can cause just as serious a reaction as peanut without actually eating the allergen are: fish, milk, corn, egg.

On Apr 3, 2007

I have no beef with him writing a letter, our school won't address the issue so this is how we deal. I myself wrote letters, never singling anybody out though(and he did NOT use my sons name, I think that was misunderstood). He is entitled to his opinion, but that doesn't make him *right* like his parents are assuming(yes, I'm pegged the crazy allergy mom because my son DOES need more). All allergies need to be given the same level of compassion, he used milk allergies as an example, my younger boy will be at school dealing with this as well, the schools suggestion to accomodate himin the lunchroom, he can sit at a desk by himself. Again, this isn't just about peanuts anymore it's about my accomodations for my son are being changed, the lunchroom is being changed because of the parents that don't understand. Keepign the peanut butter all at one table is the problem, it's all revoloved around that ONE accomodation....that's what I don't understand. We are just different people apparently, I am VERY compassionate, I would do anything to help Ryan with his allergy, help protect him at school if he needed it....but apparently no other parent has my son's best interstes at heart, his safety....I have to fight EVERYONE to get nothing...really a cold lunch table, please, that's suppose to be the answer to all our problems, I highly disagree, but I took what I could get and now they are taking it away. Anyways...off to school, hopefully my son will be safe today, hopefully he won't have any reactions, but what a lesson it would teach if he did....HUGS

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 3, 2007

Why is keeping PB at one table a problem?

I did post in the forum. Chanda, they might as well put your son's name in the paper...your son has the same last name as you, right? This was wrong to single you out. Please don't convince yourself otherwise.

As I said before, you have to get the school to stand behind the changes and stand behind you. Otherwise, your son has a very stressful day at school worrying about allergies, dealing with kids who are fired up from their parents, he will be targeted and miserable. That is awful. The beef I have with this child writing a letter is that he only put HIS needs in writing and did not consider that his needs may be different than anothers. I realize that 10 year olds don't think this way, but his parents should point this out to him in their teachings of FA.

Also, I felt undertones of invincibility with this child which I think is dangerous. Similar to people who use firearms regularly. The responsible ones know the consequences of not being diligent each time they use it or carry it. It's the ones who take it for granted that end up hurt.

I would have appreciated the boy to offer his advice to people who don't know about the allergy. He is assuming that the Organ's don't know how to handle them because they want to do it differently. I didn't care for the letter at all. Sorry.

I liked what Chanda wrote, Elyssa and Mariah's were awesome too! Way to go 2kids. Is Corvalis mom around here? She always knows what to say and how to say it...

[This message has been edited by saknjmom (edited April 03, 2007).]

On Apr 3, 2007

Hmm... I am sort of torn on how to react to this child's letter... certainly we don't want to be nasty to a child & so a restrained response is the most suitable, but the letter does give me a weird feeling... It is not really a typical letter to the editor; it is a public letter to Chandra's child (& to Chandra/her husband). It is moderately preachy & off-putting, IMO, so I think Chandra is not at all unreasonable for being upset by it. I can't imagine what it would be to open up the paper in the morning (or whatever) & see such an article aimed at my child.

What the correct response is, I have no idea though! As so many people have said over the years here, one of the blessings of PA (or any trial that we face, I suppose) is that it has taught many of us that just because something has not been *our* experience, doesn't mean that it is invalid/wrong/false. (And I say this from the perspective of having a PA child who does *not* need many accommodations & has remained reaction free throughout the school years) Too bad this family has not learned a similar lesson. I thought both kids who responded sent this message out better than any adult could.

So, Chandra, no advice, only support & sympathy -- hang in there!

Anne

P.S. Gail -- I thought Mariah's letter was terrific! I didn't see very many troubles in writing at all (of course, I was a math major in large part to avoid writing, so I am not the harshest critic!)... maybe a misspelling, but w/out spell check, who doesn't have that? She seems to have much in common w/ my PA child -- same age, also w/ reading/writing issues, also identified as GT/LD... I am always am so interested in how such kids progress... and she seems to be doing great!

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by notnutty: [b] There are many ways to offer support. If this child wanted to offer support a "letter to the editor" is not the appropriate way to do it. How about a private letter sent to Chanda's home? This letter is nothing but a continuation of completely selfish obnoxious behavior that Chanda has been dealing with for months. It is not a sincere letter to offer support.[/b]

I totally agree!! A letter to the editor is NOT supportive. Especially for elem school children who are not the target audience for Letters to the Editor.

On Apr 3, 2007

2kids i also agree. A supportive letter is... I also have PA. I know what it's like. If the school and the family feel this is necessary to keep a child safe, we should band together and support it!

On Apr 3, 2007

I know that people on this thread have kids of different ages. Some of our pa kids have been 10, some have not. My dd has been 10 and she would not have written a letter like this, nor would I have allowed her to. Yes, he`s only 10, but does that mean he should not be taught compassion? I remember not too long ago dd had a friend sleep over. We were in the car and dd was chewing gum. The friend could not chew gum because of braces. So I asked dd to get rid of her gum. It is our job to teach our kids compassion. If Ryan really did write this letter on his own, his parents should not have let him submit it. Opening the newspaper to see a letter to the editor directed at you with your name is not the way to show compassion. Yes, Chanda may have written the newspaper also, but I doubt she named Ryan in her letter. Totally different to name names, in my opinion.

Mariah`s letter is great!

On Apr 3, 2007

I loved Mariah's letter, and saknjmoms!!!

Hope this helps Chanda. I don't see how people not appreciate what everyone has written...in fact they are so good that I might share them with your School Admin.

If the Principal is reversing needed accomodations, have you thought of going over his head? Superintendent? Board of Ed? Share with him the other model policies/procedures from MA, CT, Ann Arbor (can find on this site or search in google). Document, document, document. And provide supportive data/information behind what you're asking for. And make your requests formal, and in writing to the school, not thru a public debate forum.

[This message has been edited by TwokidsNJ (edited April 03, 2007).]

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by TwokidsNJ: [b] I totally agree!! A letter to the editor is NOT supportive. Especially for elem school children who are not the target audience for Letters to the Editor.

[/b]

Ditto.

Plus, to me it doesn't matter if those are that child's true feelings or not. They very well may be. It's irrelevant in that the parents HAD to have known that their son was doing it. (Heck, just for Mariah to register to post in that discussion had the newspaper notify me by automatic e-mail.) The parents therefor had to condone the choice of playing the discussion out it in the media vs. other options.

And thank you Anne. You're right: Mariah is doing great. Thanks for noticing. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

On Apr 3, 2007

Chanda, I do feel for you..yes, the kid has his rights to write a letter to the editor, but come on...he soooo had his parent dictating most of that to him! I am in a situation that we do have a pretty peanut free school. Yes, treats come in a lot that my kids can't have, but they are used to that..when the school has their bake sale, all the signs in the school say "peanut free" bake sale..my kids never partake, but I know at least they are safe for them to walk by..My son has been in our school for 5 years now, and I, knock wood, haven't had to deal with irate parents..I am so sorry you have to deal with this..We all have different PA levels, and experiences, if anyone knows anything about this allergy it is that every person reacts differently, and if they aren't teaching that to their son who "wrote" that letter, they are doing him a huge injustice..take care, lots of hugs, hang in there girl!

------------------ Amy (mom of 2) Son PA/TNA Daughter PA/TNA

On Apr 3, 2007

Chanda, is the problem that the school district is not publically responding to the public complaints? If so, what about publically calling out your school district to respond?

I would find it hard for that letter to be the newspaper's last publication on the subject. Personally, I would need to respond because it has put it "out there" that your child's accommodations are not legitimate. I think that's what the community needs. . . verification fro the school district that your child's needs are legit and accommodations are warranted.

Your response could be that you have worked diligently and cooperatively with your school district to provide them with all the medical documentation needed for them to be informed about your son's medical requirements. You could go so far as to ask the Principal, by name, to respond to Ryan's letter.

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Gail W: [b] I would find it hard for that letter to be the newspaper's last publication on the subject. Personally, I would need to respond because it has put it "out there" that your child's accommodations are not legitimate. I think that's what the community needs. . . verification fro the school district that your child's needs are legit and accommodations are warranted.

[/b]

I totally agree. That is why I keep suggesting that she get an administrator to stand behind her, to basically tell the parents to butt out and put things back in perspective.

I think that the principal at my school would really put these people in their place.

Also, I'm wondering if there is a full time nurse at your school Chanda.

On Apr 3, 2007

THANK YOU....here I sit in Broomfield alone and I have all this wonderful support and even great advice! You are all GREAT and I appreciate every post. I am unsure what I want to do now, I like Gail's advice clearing up some matters....but I think the school needs to get involved, they are making this a *me* VS them issue by remaining out of it. It's time they step up(but they won't, they never do)....I might call a district person, see what she says. Anyways, I have so many thoughts swimming in my head, I wish I could scream them for the whole school to hear.

saknjmom, you said alot of what I am thinking right now, the fact that he focused just on his own needs, the undertone part...I agree with it all.

I've got to think this one through, it's very critical I don't make this worse, but I think it's important I don't let it go either...gotta find some balance!

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by saknjmom: [b]

Also, I'm wondering if there is a full time nurse at your school Chanda.

[/b]

I will be calling and asking for help from the district, I can't take this on myself, I just can't. We have a full time health aid, she is not an RN

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by chanda4: [b]It's time they step up(but they won't, they never do)....I might call a district person, see what she says. [/b]

You could suggest that she (and the principal) put in a reservation for this: [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

[url="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=444096&in_page_id=1770"]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=444096&in_page_id=1770[/url]

Hope that gave you a chuckle. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

On Apr 3, 2007

LOL [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

I just called and left a message with our elementary disctrict rep...we'll see where this goes. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

On Apr 3, 2007

What is the attitude of your principal? Is she a stand up kinda gal or not?

Who of all the people at school you have dealt with are the stronger personalities and most likely to take action?

Start with those people...line up your goals. Don't interject that you're trying to be nicey nice to all kids. Only focus on what you NEED to achieve for your current situation with your child.

If the scenario is brought up about accommodating other allergies...I would say, you need to address those accommodations privately with that child's parents and physicians. I'm sure you'll do the right thing for their situations.

Be strong, assertive and very clear about your situation, concerns and the fact that you are essentially being bullied by parents. That it is in the best interest of the school to make a decision and stand by it!!!

I would do a simple outline: Objective:xxx How to achieve the objective:xxx Benefit:xxx

Objective 2: xxx and so forth.

[This message has been edited by saknjmom (edited April 03, 2007).]

On Apr 3, 2007

[b]Hope that gave you a chuckle.[/b]

It gave me one!!! Maybe I could start a fundraiser for some of those that I'm stuck with!!!

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by saknjmom: [b]What is the attitude of your principal? Is she a stand up kinda gal or not?

Who of all the people at school you have dealt with are the stronger personalities and most likely to take action?

[This message has been edited by saknjmom (edited April 03, 2007).][/b]

Thank you...our principal is good, she does get the seriousness of this for my son. this is her first year as head principal(she was the assistant)....I do not think she likes conflict though, nor does she want to *take sides*. She will meet with each side privately, but never let us meet together, I have asked. I just emailed her and called the district...I can not take on these women alone, I just can't. They are the strong personalities of the school, they are very involved and very vocal. I am stubborn, but I am not strong, nor vocal. If I didn't step up and ask for these things for Jake, he woudln't be at school, he wouldn't. He wants to be there, so I have to be the squeaky wheel, for him(even though I hate every minute of it).

On Apr 3, 2007

I think a lot of the problem is that Chanda`s prinicpal does not back her. She cannot really force the principal to. I was bothered by the statement on another thread, I think that Chanda`s principal said Chanda could pass out letters to other parents about safe treats, but the school would not pass out a letter like that. Do I have this right, Chanda? Based on that, I don`t see it happening that this principal is going to respond by a letter to the editor backing Chanda and her ds. I believe that a lot of the reason that Chanda is getting a hard time from these parents is that the principal should be stating the rules as the school`s rules, not Chanda`s request. If the lunchroom was changed, how would anyone even know that it was because of Chanda`s ds? When our school made certain accomodations, it was never stated that it was due to dd. In middle school, when they made the Valentine`s Day candygrams be from a safe list that I provided (milk free and peanut free), none of the other parents even knew. The nurse came to me and asked for a list. I think the whole problem here is that the principal should be making the rules as the school`s rules, not telling Chanda that she can pass out a list of safe treats.

I`ve had it both ways, because when dd started elementary school, we had a principal who never wanted to accomodate any special needs kids. She was once overheard saying "Let another school take them. We have enough special needs kids." She would have handled this the way Chanda`s school is doing, but I had the school nurse on board and she knew the law. She always took my side. I had picked the school because of the nurse. I remember being confronted out on the playyard by another parent and was told that I should homeschool my child so that staff would not have to learn the epi. The principal did not back me at all, but the nurse did. That principal never would have written a letter to the editor backing whatever accomodations are necessary. Later the principal retired and we got a new one who was anaphylactic to bee stings and carried an epi. Totally different story. She would have responded to a letter like this by saying all kids need to be safe.

On Apr 3, 2007

?

[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

On Apr 3, 2007

So you want a negotiation between yourself and the parents who object with the principal there?

You don't have to negotiate with these parents. Forget about them. You do not have to justify or address anything to them!

Just backing up. Is the only problem right now that you are being bullied by the other moms? The lunchroom is set up to your satisfaction, right? The only other thing you need is to resolve the situation with food in classrooms? right?

Maybe stop focusing on making the other parents happy, you have what you need. Go to the principal and ask for the accommodation in the classroom and leave it at that. If you are just trying to stop their ire at the situation, just leave it be.

If you're worried about next year's lunch set up, be sure your 504 for this year includes this set up.

Does your code of behavior manual for school say anything about addressing any bullying, harassment etc. at school with school and not individually with parents? Our code of conduct states this protocol should be followed.

The point is this, the principal made changes to accommodate your child. It is her responsibility to answer to parents who are upset. NOT YOU. You need to address the principal with the situation you are encountering and she needs to do damage control.

The parents shouldn't even know who is being accommodated KWIM? this is a private matter and your son should not be blamed (or you). The school made the policy. the school needs to support it.

Simply stated....don't lose focus of what you're trying to achieve. You have the lunchroom okay for now. You need accommodation for classroom. Get it. Do not worry about the other moms and what they think.

[This message has been edited by saknjmom (edited April 03, 2007).]

On Apr 3, 2007

???

[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

On Apr 3, 2007

I think I'd want to respond in a way that both addresses the false impressions Ryan's letter may have left with readers while also stepping out and leaving this where it should be discussed: with the school.

here's a quick attempt at that:

_______________________________________

[i]Dear Editor, Ryan and readers,

I'd like to thank Ryan for his kind offer to speak to my son. I appreciate it very much, as well as the countless other offers of support from families who have extended their compassion generated by Ryan's letter. This is obviously a difficult challenge for all of us in our community.

There appears there might be some misunderstandings regarding my son's medical needs. Since our name was printed in Ryan's letter, I hope you can understand the uncomfortable dilemma I face; I'm trying to balance the pull of wanting to correct the possible inaccurate impressions and yet, at the same time, I'm also pulled to protect him from any further public scrutiny. I'm not sure I know how to do that, and I hope you all will read this with that in mind.

First, my son's peanut allergy appears to be different from Ryan's peanut allergy. Not only is (son's Name) limited in what he can and cannot eat, he is also airborne and contact sensitive to peanuts. While his contact and airborne reactions have not been life-threatening (to date), they are still very significant and at times have required medical attention.

Second, I would like readers to know that I avoid taking my son to places I know are unsafe. In the example of attending the game at Coors Field, if I had known that peanuts were included in the pre-order meal, I would not have not pre-ordered the meal. Moreover, I would not brought (son's name) to the event due to the mere quantity of exposure involved.

Third, I have coorperated with (Ms. principal) by providing her with all medical documentation about my child's needs. Meridian used that medical information (from a board certified allergist) to make their decisions regarding the acccommodations that are needed for my son.

I applaud Ryan, his parents, and Meridian in their efforts to address Ryan's allergy in a way that meets Ryan's needs. I only ask that this same consideration be granted to every child at Meridian, including (my child).

Sincerely,[/i]

_____________________________________________________

[This message has been edited by Gail W (edited April 03, 2007).]

[This message has been edited by Gail W (edited April 03, 2007).]

On Apr 3, 2007

I think the "I'll help teach your child to be responsible" thing was a slap, not a sincere offer of help. I think it was most likely largely dictated from hostile mom and dad, who are using their kid in a sad way. I have always felt kids really have no place on editorial pages - their brains are unformed, their experience nil and the majority have no clue what they are talking about. I like kids. I have 3. However, I always find it ridiculous that kids are asked their opinion about politics or policy or such - most.have.no.clue in any true way. His letter should never be thrown in the mix. His opinion should have no bearing whatsoever on policy to protect the life of another child. I'm not quite all the way to "children should be seen and not heard" - but close. That's my feel for it. I think it was a thinly veiled hostile letter dictated through him from his parents. I hope I am wrong. Ignore it - there is no way to come across looking good by confronting a 10 year old. His parents are hiding behind him, the coward's way. Just move on and deal with the school and keep that going. Sorry you are dealing with this.

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Christabelle: [b]I think the "I'll help teach your child to be responsible" thing was a slap, not a sincere offer of help. I think it was most likely largely dictated from hostile mom and dad, who are using their kid in a sad way. I have always felt kids really have no place on editorial pages - their brains are unformed, their experience nil and the majority have no clue what they are talking about. I like kids. I have 3. However, I always find it ridiculous that kids are asked their opinion about politics or policy or such - most.have.no.clue in any true way. His letter should never be thrown in the mix. His opinion should have no bearing whatsoever on policy to protect the life of another child. I'm not quite all the way to "children should be seen and not heard" - but close. That's my feel for it. I think it was a thinly veiled hostile letter dictated through him from his parents. I hope I am wrong. Ignore it - there is no way to come across looking good by confronting a 10 year old. His parents are hiding behind him, the coward's way. Just move on and deal with the school and keep that going. Sorry you are dealing with this.[/b]

best post I've read on this yet. congratulations. I thought this thread was desitined to have one of those spinning fly type of lingering miseries.

I especially liked this part.: [i]"their brains are unformed, their experience nil and the majority have no clue what they are talking about. I like kids. I have 3."[/i]

[url="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Tool"]http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Tool[/url]

I do not guarantee the accuracy currentness content or applicability of the link in this post. Otherwise known as :IDNGTACCOAOTLITP:.

On Apr 3, 2007

LOL!!

Well, MB, maybe [i]you[/i] won't, but I'll stand behind the accuracy there....

[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

But you can't convince someone else that [i]their[/i] perceptions of 'reality' aren't your own. Or that this [i]fact of life[/i] is, in fact, okay. Period. Being 10 is kinda irrelevant, in my experience. He's probably better informed that 90% of adults I know, after all. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

On Apr 3, 2007

. . . so don't "do" the perception thing and speak to the facts.

ETA: without using a child as a tool.

[This message has been edited by Gail W (edited April 03, 2007).]

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Corvallis Mom: [b]But you can't convince someone else that [i]their[/i] perceptions of 'reality' aren't your own. Or that this [i]fact of life[/i] is, in fact, okay. Period. Being 10 is kinda irrelevant, in my experience. He's probably better informed that 90% of adults I know, after all. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img][/b]

sure. but being informed about what your speaking doesn't necessarily alert one to knowing when they are being a [i]tool[/i]. Trust me, I speak from experience...

No advice, just personal feeling,s and on another note, I personally think engaging thrill seekers itching for a fight is a loser. It detracts from productive efforts. It validates the tormentor and their propaganda. They do it for a reason. To be engaged. I prefer to away that satisfaction.

Be the prize fighter, Chanda. Make it so people only get to box with you when they earn the [i]right[/i] and work their way out of the two bit brawls. Don't get pulled down into some seedy match where there are no rules, no ref, below the belt swipes are tolerated.

We need a man's opinion on this. I think most men could care less about that editorial. I believe it's basically women who need to "prove" their point. Maybe that's why my husband is so effective. . .he focuses on what is important to the task at hand. Right now, I don't see how tackling this blip helps your cause.

I've said it before.....When people try to play with you, if you ignore them, then they will have to play with themselves.

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Gail W: [b]. . . so don't "do" the perception thing and speak to the facts.

[/b]

facts speak for themselves.

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Gail W: [b] ETA: without using a child as a tool.

[/b]

sorry, but I can't see how that will be avoided if we respond to the editorial...

....even if the child didn't submit the editorial. At this point, I think as an adult, I have a duty to realize hat. As adults we sacrifice proving our point in an arena where there is no real winner and nobody walks away unscathed. No matter how [i]tempting[/i] the "win" appears.

On Apr 3, 2007

"call out" to Corvallis mom.....

[i]did you see #10?[/i] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] (hold onto your cookies)

On Apr 3, 2007

what is #10?

On Apr 3, 2007

ROTFLMAO!!!! I saw #10 even if CM didn't!

By the way, when you boil it all down, it is such a sad commentary on society today that all this would happen over 15 minutes in a child's day. You'd think that parents would embrace an opportunity to teach their child compassion. That they could look at their children and say something like,"You know what, for 15 minutes while you eat your lunch, I think you'll live if you have to sit at a table.... and just think, by doing that, you will be helping to make another child safe while they eat their lunch. You might actually be doing something that could possibly make the difference between life or death for another child. Isn't that an amazing feeling?"

Of course, it isn't as though I've thought a lot about PA, tables, lunchtime, etc., that much....... *cough* *cough* *cough*...

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by gvmom: [b]ROTFLMAO!!!! I saw #10 even if CM didn't!

By the way, when you boil it all down, it is such a sad commentary on society today that all this would happen over 15 minutes in a child's day. You'd think that parents would embrace an opportunity to teach their child compassion. That they could look at their children and say something like,"You know what, for 15 minutes while you eat your lunch, I think you'll live if you have to sit at a table.... and just think, by doing that, you will be helping to make another child safe while they eat their lunch. You might actually be doing something that could possibly make the difference between life or death for another child. Isn't that an amazing feeling?"

Of course, it isn't as though I've thought a lot about PA, tables, lunchtime, etc., that much....... *cough* *cough* *cough*...[/b]

Okay, #10 was my fav too!!!! But this is exactly what I've taught my kids...(what gvmom said, not #10...lol) but my daughter accepts that not every situation is fun because we have to think of her brothers safety...she's even tried to convey that to other 2nd graders at school(bless her heart)...I just want some compassion, IT'S 15 MINUTES FOR PETE'S SAKES!

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 3, 2007

okay, where is this #10? I don't see where it is posted? I'm apparently having a blonde moment...someone help me!

On Apr 3, 2007

?

[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by MommaBear: [b]

[url="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Tool"]http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Tool[/url]

:.[/b]

here is #10...so I'm not the only blonde, LOL!!

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by gvmom: [b]Of course, it isn't as though I've thought a lot about PA, tables, lunchtime, etc., that much....... *cough* *cough* *cough*...[/b]

I know. I've been called a "tool" by my own hubby. (when he catches me on this website.) [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] Like I said, men are very different in asserting their effectiveness. Posting on a BB isn't how my husband asserts his.

<>

On Apr 3, 2007

Well-put, Nicole.

Exactly. Even with facts on your side, all you have in public is, er.... 'perceptions.' And that's always going to come across as 'relative' to those for whom 'truth' is viewed as same. Uhhh, relative, that is. As opposed to fact-based reality. 'Truthiness' and all.

IOW.... you really cannot win by responding at all. Sometimes less really is more. Where's Jason when you need him, anyway??

~CM, Taoist tool.... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

(Yes-- I like #10 as well...but #7 was also pretty good, IMO... my favorite might be #3, though... a**hat is one of my all-time favorite terms.)

[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited April 03, 2007).]

On Apr 3, 2007

This seems an appropriate addition to this entire discussion....

[url="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=truthiness"]http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=truthiness[/url]

[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]

And that which most of us fantasize about on a [i]verrrrrry[/i] regular basis:

[url="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Truthenize"]http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Truthenize[/url]

But remember, don't end up [i]here.[/i]

[url="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Truth+or+Dare+Master"]http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Truth+or+Dare+Master[/url]

[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img]

On Apr 3, 2007

interesting. "Ryan" talked about "responsibility" for his allergy and how he is out and about, but never once mentioned carrying an "epi-pen". He just mentioned "get medicine and help". Maybe he could learn something himself.

I'd assume if a child with a true LTFA, is going to places with his friends, out and about, he is learning to carry an epi-pen. Maybe I'm assuming wrong. Maybe it's something *his* parents aren't teaching him?

Completely understand what you're saying about perspective CM. Ryan's post made me cringe for him.

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by MommaBear: [b] Be the prize fighter, Chanda. Make it so people only get to box with you when they earn the [i]right[/i] and work their way out of the two bit brawls. Don't get pulled down into some seedy match where there are no rules, no ref, below the belt swipes are tolerated.[/b]

Well said MB!

Chanda, I'm sorry this is happening to you and your family. Like any bullies, if you ignore them, they will eventually go away. Focus on your child and what he needs....this other stuff is just B.S. that you don't need to worry about.

Hugs to you! Tracy

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by MommaBear: [b] sorry, but I can't see how that will be avoided if we respond to the editorial...

....even if the child didn't submit the editorial. At this point, I think as an adult, I have a duty to realize hat. As adults we sacrifice proving our point in an arena where there is no real winner and nobody walks away unscathed. No matter how [i]tempting[/i] the "win" appears.

[/b]

You're right. <> I sure [i]wanted [/i]there to be a way to respond, but I think you all are right that it would be better left alone. My letter to the editor wasn't very satisfying. . .

On Apr 3, 2007

Gail I did like your letter to the editor...I would have copied and pasted right to them, would you get me for slander??

Anyways, I appreciate all the advice and I really want to just let it go. But these women are making it hard for me to get accomodations at his school, or once I get an accommodation they cry and carry on and it gets changed...so if I just sit back and be quiet, all accommodations will be gone. I can't let that happen. The lunchroom is set up, cold lunchtables(all pb/nuts eaten there) hot lunch tables, and peanut-free tables.... I can't have that changed, if they do then I will seek a ban. This set up works, my son feels safe, it can't be changed. I am still focusing on the classroom too, those 2 rooms need to accommodate him and that's where my fight is, with the school AND the parents.

I'm going to bed, it's my birthday and I am stressed beyond my grey haired years. Thaks for listening, offering advice and posting replies(here and under the letter) I appreciate the support system here, HUGE HUGS

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

[This message has been edited by chanda4 (edited April 03, 2007).]

On Apr 3, 2007

Au contraire Gail. It's like that letter that you [i]want[/i] to send or even [/i]need[/i] to send, so you write it . . . and never send it. It's cathartic, and yours was to me (and I'm thinking to others as well).

Even if it's never sent, it bore saying. Even if only internally. And who knows--they may be reading all of this and getting an education.

On Apr 3, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by MommaBear: [b] . . . I've said it before.....When people try to play with you, if you ignore them, then they will have to play with themselves.[/b]

That's just brilliant . . . and true. I'll have to remember this!

On Apr 3, 2007

???:O

[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

On Apr 4, 2007

Happy Belated Bday!

On Apr 4, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by chanda4: [b]But these women are making it hard for me to get accomodations at his school, or once I get an accommodation they cry and carry on and it gets changed...so if I just sit back and be quiet, all accommodations will be gone. I can't let that happen. [/b]

But if the school is allowing the other parents to influence what accomodations you get for your ds, that is really the school`s fault. They need to take a stand with these women that whatever accomodations your ds needs are between you and the school. I think it is really the school`s fault for allowing these women to escalate. If the school took a firm stance with these women, the women would get nowhere and they would stop.

Happy Belated Birthday!

On Apr 4, 2007

Jake had these accommodations in place without a 504 back in October(the lunchroom set up)...other allergy parents heard about it and wanted the same safe-guards in place for their PA kids...so I stpeed up and fought for them. If my child can have this, so can theirs....and now the whole school is against me and I am standing here alone to fight them all(well, one mom posted here, and I appreciate her help SO much)...anyways I just snet an email out to the parents of the allergy kids to let them know, the lunchroom might be changing, if you need this accommodation for your child, you are going to need to step up and fight for it then. My focus will be on Jake and his accommodations. I can have it in his 504 that the lunchroom remains the same, it may be just while *he* is in there though and these parents need to realize that. I tried, I tried with all my heart to consdier ALL the kids there, but without support I can't do it, these mad moms have too many against me and too much influence on the school. All I *can* do is make accommodations fro Jake in his 504, that's it....that's where my focus will be. I thought maybe if I could get some things handled now, it would help once my younger son starts Kindergarten...but I will need to focus on his accommodations(if he truly needs any) once he is there, nothing I can do now. But thanks for all your help....I just wanted to let you know what I decided to do...focus on *my* child [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] HUGS

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 4, 2007

Good Decision, Chanda.

On Apr 4, 2007

You are making the right decision Chanda. I understand exactly how you feel as I was in a similar situation last year where other parents complained but didn't want to stand with me on the fight. You ultimately have to do what YOU need to do for YOUR child and only your child. I remember asking for other parents in the district to come with me in support when I spoke at a school board meeting. I did have a couple mom's come in support, but IMO, we needed a larger "voice" to actually be heard.

I also understand how you feel when other PA parents try to make you look like you're over-the-top and just some anxious, over-protective mom. One of the ladies that was on the PTO last year also had a PA child and at one of the PTO meetings when the PA issue was discussed, she laughed and joked about how her son runs out of the room when they open pnut butter because he can't stand the smell??!!!!! I never encountered what you are, though, from other PA parents. It is just horrible coming from parents you would expect to "get it".

You are wise to just focus on your son and what he needs to be safe and reaction-free at school. It's unfortunate that you can't help the other children, but you are only one person and need to make sure your own child is safe. You are a great mom! Keep up the good work!!

Big hugs for you!! Tracy P.S. Any updates on taking in your nieces and nephews? Just wondered what was going on with that situation you mentioned in OT.

On Apr 4, 2007

thanks Tracy!! We meet with the case worker tomorrow morning. Can you imagine with all this stress at school, I might be adding 3 more to the mix! Instead of getting rid of us, we're multiplying!!! LOL. I don't think my neice or nephews have any food allergies though(woudn't that get the school if they all did!) anyways, thanks for the support! I'll let you know once we decide what we're doing...I bet we take them all though, that's the way each discussion ends(between us).

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 5, 2007

dang Chanda...you just can't win...you fight here telling us that bans are not the answer and then you have to put up with this...you must feel perpetually in the middle.

I am so sorry that are going through this and dealing with a community and parents that are not supportive. I have other words for them....bad words....but I'll be good.

I just wanted to say that I am sorry and offer you hugs and support!

On Apr 5, 2007

I thought I was being a better person for trying to make this work(the lunchroom) without asking for a ban...and see where it gets me?? I try, I try to do what is right and I just get it at both ends! They are really letting me have it now(it is quite obvious the 2 moms that approached me have now posted...Ryan is the son of one of them)...

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 5, 2007

Chanda....you are a better person.

On Apr 5, 2007

thank you [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

On Apr 5, 2007

These people are petty and selfish and just plain mean.

[This message has been edited by Sarahb (edited April 06, 2007).]

On Apr 6, 2007

Chanda, hang in there. Don't let them get you down. Also who is Marilyn Jerde? Her name is mentioned in the original news story you posted. She says in the article that after 5 days, the lunchroom is working well. Is she someone you can look to? I don't quite get what all the brew ha ha is about, but hang in there and do what you can to get the accomodations you want and need. Hugs to you~

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by saknjmom: [b]Chanda, hang in there. Don't let them get you down. Also who is Marilyn Jerde? Her name is mentioned in the original news story you posted. She says in the article that after 5 days, the lunchroom is working well. Is she someone you can look to? I don't quite get what all the brew ha ha is about, but hang in there and do what you can to get the accomodations you want and need. Hugs to you~[/b]

thanks!! Merilyn was the spokeswoman they interviewd in the news stroy, I met with her and the principal prior to the lunchroom changes, she is very nice and I actually had a call into her yesterday but I missed it. On top of all this, I met with a caseworker about foster-parenting my neice and 2 nephews, so I was wrapped up in all that yesterday. I will try to reach Marilyn again today, she is the disrtict elementary service person.

ps we are going forward to be the foster parents, we have to go through some classes and backround checks...but we're taking in the 3 kids, they need a home, they've been taken away from their mom.

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 6, 2007

You probably already have these, but just in case. They are from your (Meridian) school's website:

[url="http://www.cde.state.co.us/cdechart/guidebook/sped/504info.htm"]http://www.cde.state.co.us/cdechart/guidebook/sped/504info.htm[/url]

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Gail W: [b]You probably already have these, but just in case. They are from your (Meridian) school's website:

[url="http://www.cde.state.co.us/cdechart/guidebook/sped/504info.htm"]http://www.cde.state.co.us/cdechart/guidebook/sped/504info.htm[/url] [/b]

THANK YOU Gail...just saved those in my fav's [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 6, 2007

I also love how their front page says

"A community of compassion"

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by saknjmom: [b]I also love how their front page says

"A community of compassion"

[/b]

I noticed that too! Oy.

Chanda, I don't know how you can tell your community that all your asking for is for the very same consideration that Ryan and his family have been afforded~ that the school address your child's allergy in a manner that a meets and satisfies your child's needs.

On Apr 6, 2007

OK. I just finished getting caught up on this thread & reading all of it. Then went to the newspaper link & read all of *that* [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img] .

OH my.

Chanda, I would absolutely NOT engage these people any longer either directly or less-directly via newspaper or other media.

If I were you, I would no longer even read any responses in that "Ryan's letter" section.

Focus on your goal of FAPE for your son (and follow-on children! -- yours & others') by using the 504 and legally forcing your school disctrict to comply.

Find a way to "vent" here (privately, if you need to -- tucked away somewhere on OT with a code name . . . KWIM?).

I'm going to have to revisit the "Tool" link now as I need to get rid of the totally sick feeling I have in my stomach after reading again about some of the nastiness in Meanville, Colorado.

Big hugs to you & Happy Belated Birthday!

~Elizabeth

PS -- Just wanted to add that it's a bit ironic for me, personally, that you are going thru this in a community that DH & I highly considered moving to in 2000/2001. But planets suddenly aligned differently for us & we were able to move to Nevada instead for awhile, anyway.

[This message has been edited by ajas_folks (edited April 06, 2007).]

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by ajas_folks: [b] I'm going to have to revisit the "Tool" link now as I need to get rid of the totally sick feeling I have in my stomach after reading again about some of the nastiness in Meanville, Colorado.

[/b]

Those women *do* give new life to the phrase: "[b]Your string is showing[/b]", don't they? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img] Just when I thought the expression was played out, I read *their* rants.

Sign ahead: [i] "You are now leaving Meanville, CO. Please check all strings in the recepticles provided." [/i]

On Apr 6, 2007

Chanda4: I wasn't going to comment on this thread any further, as I don't want to offend you or add to your burden, but after re-checking the newspaper link today I really think you need to step back and consider all sides of this.

My opinion only, but I think that all the additional postings (well-intentioned as they are) on the newspaper are making it worse! Again, my opinion, but it really looks like ganging up on a 10 year old's letter, even if the responses start with a compliment.

By responding to it in such force, it is giving the letter more power and attention than it ever would have received on it's own. If the letter just sat there on it's own, it would have had much less impact than all the hullaballoo (sp?) that has followed. (Think of when someone posts something on this board and no one responds vs. a topic that gets lots of responses.)

I also find it interesting that everyone is so convinced that Ryan did not write this letter and that someone put him up to it (because they can't imagine that the typical 10 year old that they know would do this). Maybe that is true, but again, who knows? It reminds me of all the times other people are "convinced" that our children's allergies are not as severe as we state they are, because they know someone else with an allergy, etc, etc.

One thing I learned in sales/business negotiations is "never start an argument you can't win" ...it only weakens your position. You can't win an "opinion" argument with a 10 year old boy with PA. You just can't. So to engage it further just weakens your position.

My advice is to let this one go, and continue to work towards what you want with the school adiminstration. Public opinion is not the issue here, what the school legally needs to do, is. Even if public opinion is the issue, questioning a 10 year old boy (again, even if it is well intentioned) will most likely serve to rally folks against you, which is the opposite of what you are trying to achieve, right?

Good luck and do what you feel you must, but at least step back and consider letting this one go.

Regards,

Kelly

On Apr 6, 2007

thanks Kelly...I do think the topic has swung away from Ryan though. For now the very moms that approached me a couple weeks ago are th eones voicing their opinions of me and my family. Even saying I lie...I am not going to just sit and take any of that. My focus is off Ryan, his opinion is done...it's his mom and her friends that have taken this to where it is, to the ugliness I deal with each and every day. They are showing their true colors to our community...let them!

On Apr 6, 2007

I think that where this has gone wrong is partly allowing accommodations to become public. Meaning, no one should have really known who to point the finger at in the first place. 504 accommodations are individual, private and not up for public scrutiny or approval.

I probably would not have fessed up to being the one behind the changes. The one lady says her kid is allergic too and she wasn't advised of the accommodations for another allergic chid. Right, she isn't entitled unless she seeks it for her child individually as well. People don't have to ask her if it's okay just because she also has an allergic kid. KWIM?

It really isn't their business. They have a very weak case for their kids not being able to eat because they aren't with their friends.

My son has sat at a peanut free table since first grade with 5 other kids. One male, the rest female. Sometimes other kids don't want to or cannot sit at that table. Guess what? The 6 of them are happy as clams sitting there together.....they've gotten to know each other, they decide who they're going to invite and I think they actually revel in their private little party there!

Chanda, would you consider this type of arrangement? Does your son have 2 or three good friends who would sit with him? Maybe other pa kids would sit there too.

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by saknjmom: I was staying out of this thread, though still reading sometimes. But, there are two things I [i]have to[/i] say.

[b]I think that where this has gone wrong is partly allowing accommodations to become public. Meaning, no one should have really known who to point the finger at in the first place. 504 accommodations are individual, private and not up for public scrutiny or approval. [/b]

I absolutely agree. It should have remained private. Chanda, if it was you that originally made it public, then we all know it was for the right reasons and it's very sad to have had it turn so bad. If someone from the school made it public, I'd be ripping them in two at this point.

The second thing I want to say is that I have really learned something here. Mostly I am happy with how allergies are dealt with at my son's school. (I'm not sure I would feel that way if my son had a food allergy rather than an insect allergy.) I had toyed with the idea of trying to set something up with the other parents of children with allergies. I have made one positive improvement at the school, and I have a few ideas that I thought it would be good to speak with other parents about. I have definitely decided NOT to do this.

fyi, my son's school bans peanuts (may contains are allowed). The letters that come home state "one or more children in the school has an allergy to peanuts". It doesn't say the grade or class or anything. More and more, I'm thinking this is a good idea.

*********

Chanda, I don't understand what happened at your son's school. It doesn't sound to me like you are asking for much. Not a lot of sacrifice from other people.

hugs}}}

On Apr 6, 2007

let me answer...it was not me that made it public. ONe of the issues we allergy parents have is that the office staff was taking the calls from usept parents after the hot/cold tables went into effect. An allergy mom was standing in the hall and heard the secretary say "we are doing this because that's what the parents of the allergy children asked for" (something along those lines). I became the *target* because to show my appreciation and support, I wrote a public *thank you* to my sons teacher and the school. So again, for doing the *right* thing, I became the sole enemy.

As for the lunchroom itself, my son does sit at a peanut free table, he would be sitting there alone everyday if the teacher hadn't made the decision to pick 3 friends to sit with him(he is the only PA kid in Kindergarten...well there is one other boy who sits amongst the other kids). Sometimes he gets a *true* buddy and sometimes he gets someone he really doesn't care for, but he gets no choice, it's either them or nobody. If he had to sit there alone, we would be dealing with eating issues of our own. If the lunchroom goes back to non-seprate tables, he will be consumed by anxiety of having the pb walking around his table, next to him etc...he has expressed that to me many times. I DID ask for the pb and cold lunches to be moved further away, he needs that distance. He's had some hive break out around his eyes...it's either we make this work or we ban it, I don't know

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by kelly01: [b]Chanda4: I wasn't going to comment on this thread any further, as I don't want to offend you or add to your burden, but after re-checking the newspaper link today I really think you need to step back and consider all sides of this.

My opinion only, but I think that all the additional postings (well-intentioned as they are) on the newspaper are making it worse! Again, my opinion, but it really looks like ganging up on a 10 year old's letter, even if the responses start with a compliment.

By responding to it in such force, it is giving the letter more power and attention than it ever would have received on it's own. If the letter just sat there on it's own, it would have had much less impact than all the hullaballoo (sp?) that has followed. (Think of when someone posts something on this board and no one responds vs. a topic that gets lots of responses.)

I also find it interesting that everyone is so convinced that Ryan did not write this letter and that someone put him up to it (because they can't imagine that the typical 10 year old that they know would do this). Maybe that is true, but again, who knows? It reminds me of all the times other people are "convinced" that our children's allergies are not as severe as we state they are, because they know someone else with an allergy, etc, etc.

One thing I learned in sales/business negotiations is "never start an argument you can't win" ...it only weakens your position. You can't win an "opinion" argument with a 10 year old boy with PA. You just can't. So to engage it further just weakens your position.

My advice is to let this one go, and continue to work towards what you want with the school adiminstration. Public opinion is not the issue here, what the school legally needs to do, is. Even if public opinion is the issue, questioning a 10 year old boy (again, even if it is well intentioned) will most likely serve to rally folks against you, which is the opposite of what you are trying to achieve, right?

Good luck and do what you feel you must, but at least step back and consider letting this one go.

Regards,

Kelly [/b]

put this post up high right next to Christabelle's. <>

As my husband would say: "No one wins in a water fight." In honor of gvmom, let's make that: "No one wins in a Mud Fight." Better yet: [i]A Food Fight[/i].

Anywhoooo, they've got what they want. Your point is lost, along with the always advantageous aura of mystery. It's all on the table now, and the "message game" begins. What you say will never be what is said. KWIM? The stories of how a 10 year old got waylaid by a gang of "peanutmoms" now begins.

You know what they say, better remain silent and be called a fool, than open your mouth and remove all doubt.

If anyone knows that feeling, it's me. I've often been called a rabble rouser (or something to that effect) on this website. I saw this trainwreck comming from the getgo. Gapers block ahead. . .everyone volunteers CPR when the ambulance finally arrives, right?

On Apr 6, 2007

Chanda, part of that sounds a bit like what my friend did. Her son was allergic to fish, and the school our children went to, fish was more common than pb. He didn't regularly stay for lunch, but her accomodations were that when he did, I was taken out of my regular lunch room to supervise his room, and if anyone in his class was eating fish he was allowed to pick 2 friends and move to a different table. (Her original request was that he eat in my lunch room, but I felt that wasn't fare to him -- better that I be moved than him. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] ) Well, with everyone being supportive through this, what would happen was that the kids would tell their mom they didn't want fish for lunch in case their friend was staying. They all fought for the privilege of changing tables with him. All the moms were great about it, except the one she had thought was her best friend -- that so-and-so seemed to send her kids with fish every time the kid with the allergy stayed for lunch. It was her *right* so she did it.

I hope that once the adults at your son's school get over themselves and stop this ridiculousness that the children will act like this kids friends did. Feeling it's a privilege to get to help keep their friend safe and sit at a special table.

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by MommaBear: [b] put this post up high right next to Christabelle's. <>

As my husband would say: "No one wins in a water fight." In honor of gvmom, let's make that: "No one wins in a Mud Fight." Better yet: [i]A Food Fight[/i].

Anywhoooo, they've got what they want. Your point is lost, along with the always advantageous aura of mystery. It's all on the table now, and the "message game" begins. What you say will never be what is said. KWIM? The stories of how a 10 year old got waylaid by a gang of "peanutmoms" now begins.

You know what they say, better remain silent and be called a fool, than open your mouth and remove all doubt.

If anyone knows that feeling, it's me. I've often been called a rabble rouser (or something to that effect) on this website. I saw this trainwreck comming from the getgo. Gapers block ahead. . .everyone volunteers CPR when the ambulance finally arrives, right?

[/b]

if I were a stronger person I would have been able to *disappear* but I am stubborn and stupid and now the stupidity begins! It was my pride that got the best of me....

On Apr 6, 2007

Sounds like your lunchroom needs an overhaul anyway. Our lunch time is very organized, orderly and there are rules.

Once you sit, you are not allowed to get up and walk around. You sit, you eat, your toss your garbage. You line up when your class is called (our kids sit with their class and PN free together.)

Each child at the PN free table is allowed to invite one or two kids whose lunch is checked by the teachers overseeing lunch. They are allowed to choose who they are inviting. Why does your son not have a choice in this?

Sharing of food by any kids is prohibited, of course throwing food or disruptive behavior is also not allowed.

People shouldn't be up walking around while they are eating.

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by MommaBear: I saw this trainwreck comming from the getgo.

Yes you did. I didn't understand why it wasn't possible to address facts in an 'educational' approach, but now I do.

On Apr 6, 2007

I think Kelly had some excellent points. All of them really.

But the thing is that when a "victim" is trotted out to make a point (or trots out himself - he very well could have written the letter himself - not that it matters) the "other side" is supposed to fold. You can't argue with with a 10 year old PA kid? Right? Well when he writes a letter naming names to the paper I think you can.

Leading with the victim is done in politics all the time and it's not acceptable.

I think that the fine people of Meanville might come around yet. I am an optimist and I see light at the end of this tunnel Chanda. I really do.

[This message has been edited by Sarahb (edited April 06, 2007).]

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Sarahb: [b]I think Kelly had some excellent points. All of them really.

But the thing is that when a "victim" is trotted out to make a point (or trots out himself - he very well could have written the letter himself - not that it matters) the "other side" is supposed to fold. You can't argue with with a 10 year old PA kid? Right? Well when he writes a letter naming names to the paper I think you can.

Leading with the victim is done in politics all the time and it's not acceptable.

I think that the fine people of Meanville might come around yet. I am an optimist and I see light at the end of this tunnel Chanda. I really do.

[This message has been edited by Sarahb (edited April 06, 2007).][/b]

Sarah...I think the difference here is that were called out, by name. I wouldnt' have replied to a petty letter if it were addressed to the general PA public...I would have just ignored feeding into that. But they called us out by name, that just took it to a whole other level.

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by chanda4: [b] Sarah...I think the difference here is that were called out, by name. I wouldnt' have replied to a petty letter if it were addressed to the general PA public...I would have just ignored feeding into that. But they called us out by name, that just took it to a whole other level.

[/b]

And don't they know it. For sure it's not an elevated one.

Quote:

Originally posted by Sarahb: [b] You can't argue with with a 10 year old PA kid? Right?[/b]

What arena are you talking about? Reprimanding my own child or another's? I consider other people's children "off limits", even if they are 10 ways wrong to Sunday.

It's a rule of mine.

Even if I have *express* permission, I still find it distasteful and having a sense of forboding. Add the pressure of a public arena? OOO. Bad Medicine.

[url="http://home.wanadoo.nl/bruch/western3/thegambler.html"]http://home.wanadoo.nl/bruch/western3/thegambler.html[/url]

Quote:

[b]Well when he writes a letter naming names to the paper I think you can.

Leading with the victim is done in politics all the time and it's not acceptable.[/b]

and why [i]is[/i] it done all the time? I also think it's not acceptable to make a victim a victim a third time. One by happenstance, twice by the one doing the leading, and thrice by the crucifixtion. KWIM? It's a loser. . .learn to recognize one. Learn to walk away and find a more constructive route for the energy it breeds.

Quote:

[b]I think that the fine people of Meanville might come around yet. [/b]

Personally? I don't think the editorial will be the fulcrum swaying in our favor. If they come around, the editorial will probably only be a source of delay. Whether because of how the "hullabaloo" as the O.P. put it, or because Chanda is devoting serious time and energy to it that might reap more benefits elsewhere. Mystery....it's still no too late.

Quote:

[b]I am an optimist and I see light at the end of this tunnel Chanda. I really do.[/b]

so do I and I hope it's not a torch.

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by chanda4: [b] if I were a stronger person I would have been able to *disappear* but I am stubborn and stupid and now the stupidity begins! It was my pride that got the best of me....[/b]

If it's any consolation, I bet the mother of the son will feel just as "stupid" and have more regret that her [i]son[/i] initiated this exchange. You know what goes around, comes, around, and it picks up speed. What looks "smart" at the moment, just might make you cringe with regret later on. I'm embarrassed for her. Really. Who, what mother, wants their child to be at the center of this kind of publicity?

Mystery people. More of it. There is a certain [i]classiness[/i] in obscurity and anonymity.

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Gail W: [b] Yes you did. I didn't understand why it wasn't possible to address facts in an 'educational' approach, but now I do. [/b]

at the risk of being obscure, it *is* kind of impossible to explain until you experience it, isn't it? And even then. . .

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by MommaBear: [b] If it's any consolation, I bet the mother of the son will feel just as "stupid" and have more regret that her [i]son[/i] initiated this exchange. You know what goes around, comes, around, and it picks up speed. What looks "smart" at the moment, just might make you cringe with regret later on. I'm embarrassed for her. Really. Who, what mother, wants their child to be at the center of this kind of publicity?

Mystery people. More of it. There is a certain [i]classiness[/i] in obscurity and anonymity. [/b]

Thus the reason I have and never will discuss the details of my son's allergy with anyone at school...except the administration and the kids (when I volunteer they ask me questions). I think sometimes once you open up Pandora's Box it is hard to put things back into place. I had one of my DS's classmate's mom ask about my DS's allergy. I just told her it is a LTFA and it has drastically changed our lives. Changed the subject. Sure, I could have used it for an "educational" moment....but I think I have realized that most people do not want to be educated about such things. I know, very pessimistic point of view, but I really believe it is reality.

Chanda, I know you thought you were doing the right thing with the information and knowledge you had. I am sure if you had to do it over again, you would have just fought for your son's rights only. Our school principal asked me to set up a food allergy parent group. I politely declined because I do not want to get into the messy politics of such a group. She was surprised by my lack of interest. I told her that I was not interested in banning together with others because in the end (as we have discovered from your situation) these issues should not be up for public debate or discussion. What is right for my DS may not be right for another child with LTFA.

Chanda...I am sorry you are going through this. Hold your head high and walk with pride. Take Care!!! HUGS}}}}}}}

[This message has been edited by notnutty (edited April 06, 2007).]

On Apr 6, 2007

I see big brother lives in Meanville too! Posts are dissappearing!

[This message has been edited by Sarahb (edited April 06, 2007).]

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Sarahb: [b]I see big brother lives in Meanville too! Posts are dissappearing!

[/b]

ah....some [i]mystery[/i], yes?

On Apr 6, 2007

Mommabear

On Apr 6, 2007

posts are disappearing from the paper-debate! The one mom left her name...I think her buddies called on that, no one likes to fess up to their opinion, they hide behind *code-names*...that's just not me. If I had a code name I would probably be a mean poster, but because you always know it's me, I try to be respectful. But we all have diff comfort levels, being honest is mine. Thanks for following along(and posting support) with all this, such a soap opera, sorry! HUGS

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 6, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by MommaBear: [b] If it's any consolation, I bet the mother of the son will feel just as "stupid" and have more regret that her [i]son[/i] initiated this exchange. You know what goes around, comes, around, and it picks up speed. What looks "smart" at the moment, just might make you cringe with regret later on. I'm embarrassed for her. Really. Who, what mother, wants their child to be at the center of this kind of publicity?

Mystery people. More of it. There is a certain [i]classiness[/i] in obscurity and anonymity. [/b]

I don't think they were expecting the response they got. And I would like to think(but may be way wrong) but that they are regreating they sent the letter in, in the first place. They were probably expecting me to be upset, alone as usual(just like the night they confronted me...alone), but upset, singled out....but yet alot of you posted support, I know they didn't see that coming. THANK YOU!!!

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

[This message has been edited by chanda4 (edited April 06, 2007).]

On Apr 7, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by notnutty: [b] ... I think sometimes once you open up Pandora's Box it is hard to put things back into place. I had one of my DS's classmate's mom ask about my DS's allergy. I just told her it is a LTFA and it has drastically changed our lives. Changed the subject. Sure, I could have used it for an "educational" moment....but I think I have realized that most people do not want to be educated about such things. I know, very pessimistic point of view, but I really believe it is reality.

[/b]

Well-put. I think it bears repeating. There are "teachable moments," for sure. But they are not called "lecturable hours" for a reason. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

I fully believe that until you have seen it with your own two eyes, you maybe [b]can't[/b] "get it." So right there, you've eliminated anyone who hasn't seen anaphylaxis firsthand or experienced it themselves.

And even then, I know people who have chosen to live differently because they view 'getting it' (in the way that we think) to be "giving in." These are the people who make a couple trips to the ER every year but think that is just the price of living a 'normal' life.

Privately? I may shake my head and wonder what gives with that, but who am I to tell them they're wrong?

Anyway-- you were motivated by goodness in your heart, Chanda. That has to have some kind of cosmic payoff at some point. Even in Meanville.

hugs}}

[i]darned brackets....[/i]

[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited April 07, 2007).]

On Apr 7, 2007

Chanda check the media board on the "Kindergarten snack policy" thread.

(and I vote for stop posting on the Letters to the Editor!!)

On Apr 7, 2007

I don't post here often, but do come to check things out every so often. I know Chanda gets lots of support from you all and I appreciate that almost as much as she does. Our pa moms are at all different stages and many times I know she feels alone in all of this. She isn't exaggerating at the bitterness of these meanies, but she doesn't always see that there IS support here, just perhaps in a different amount than she is needing right now. So, thanks ladies for your insight, your honesty and for keeping her sane (lol)through this. Keep her grounded if you can and I will do a better job of poking my head in on her more often. Many of your posts have given me food for thought and for that I am grateful. Hang in there Chanda and don't hesitate to call when you need to!

On Apr 8, 2007

I truly believe that when you advocate for one child, you advocate for all children.

On Apr 8, 2007

I've said it before and I will say it again (sniff, sniff) THANK YOU, so very much!!

I'll check out the media thread(thanks!!)

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Apr 11, 2007

quote the editorial:

[b]"Under the ADA one disability is NOT placed above another, but there are sometimes concessions that must be made, and if that diabetic child needed protien to control his diabetes he just might have find another source so that a Peanut Allegic person would not be put at risk...same with the autistic kid." [/b]

actually, no, if one disability is NOT placed above another, BOTH will have to make concessions. Get along. Give and take. Sure way to get eaten at the watering hole is to push everyone else out of the way and make sure your the only one who gets a drink. Even the water buffallo understands there is strength in numbers. Smart buffalos understand the safest time to take a drink is after the main course is served. Usually it's the most forceful buffalos that drink first. But many that are first shall be last; and the last first.

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