Lax PA parents making my job more difficult (m)

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 10:53am
robinlp's picture
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Joined: 05/14/2002 - 09:00

or should I say she was easy going? I was at a meeting tonight for my daughters first grade class (she doesn't have allergies it is my younger son...not yet in school). However, we were discussing class snack and someone mentioned that salted peanuts were a good snack and the teacher mentioned that one child was PA. His Mom said..."oh, that is okay if you want to eat peanuts around him he doesn't react that badly"

HELLO!!! I felt like screaming at her right there. I am preparing myself for a BIG JOB when my son starts school to keep things safe for him and was hoping for support from other PA parents. Goodness, I hope they are not all like her since I will not be okay w/ a class of first graders eating salted peanuts around my son. Should I address this Mom? I mean, my PA child doesn't even go to school yet so it really doesn't effect me BUT...

What would you do?

[This message has been edited by robinlp (edited August 17, 2004).]

[This message has been edited by robinlp (edited August 17, 2004).]

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 11:21am
PeteFerraro's picture
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Joined: 07/10/2001 - 09:00

Been there done that.
I would print out some "educational" material from the web on peanut allergies and attempt to educate your new found friend.
I'd also have a chat with the school nurse and have him/her educate your child's teacher.
Remember...
PA children are in the minority. Fully educated food allergy parents are even harder to come by.
The world was not created in one day and all of its problems can't be fixed in one day. One day at a time, one battle at a time one crisis at a time.
Good luck on your new job!
------------------
Pete Ferraro
[url="http://www.FerraroFamily.org"]www.FerraroFamily.org[/url]
[This message has been edited by PeteFerraro (edited August 17, 2004).]

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 11:42am
CVB in CA's picture
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Joined: 10/15/1999 - 09:00

I might approach this woman casually. No lectures. Seek background info about the kid-how did you find out?, how long have you know?, what kind of reactions?, etc. You can tell a lot about their attitude and knowledge level this way.
Sometimes parents are not that well informed, and sometimes they don't want to be more informed. Sometimes they get pretty bad advice from their doctor. They may figure it's none of your business.
I know of a PA child in an adjoining school whose mom let ritz peanut bits be the class snack for weeks on end in kindergarten. A friend of mine there approached her about it as her kid seemed to be reacting as soon as the child entered the room with runny nose, sneezing, red eyes, etc.
The mom didn't have much response, just "that's the way it is". It has been three years now, and her kid has suffered through these sort of situations in every classroom. Maybe she figures the child is learning to cope?

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 11:59am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

robinlp, probably not what you're going to want to hear. I would leave the other PA parent be. It's her child.
I sincerely understand how difficult this may make things for you when you present your PA child to the same school in a couple of years.
In my son's last two schools, there were previous PA children whose parents both had very different "comfort zones" than I did for my son and I did end up looking like Psycho Mom from He**. Indeed, this past year, it certainly did affect how school administration dealt (or didn't deal) with my son's allergy because of previous PA parents that were more lax (if you will).
However, I honestly don't think it's your place. I do think it's your place to do what you have to do to ensure the relative safety of your son while he is in school (I think you're American, so a 504 Plan?) but really I'd leave the other parent be.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 12:02pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Oh, robinlp, also wanted to add that I remember when Jesse was entering Grade One and I found out there was finally another PA child entering his school. I thought, wow, I'll have another PA parent to speak with and we'll be on the same wave-length, yadda yadda. Not sure at all. And, it's been my experience ever since (Jesse just finished Grade 3) that any other PA parent I've met in *real* life (aside from PA.com members who I have met), have been very different about PA than I am.
I do the best I can to ensure the relative safety of my son. If I look like Psycho Mom from He** because of what may be considered strict requirements while he is at school, I don't mind. As far as other PA parents, I just leave them be (my jaw has almost dropped on many occasions and I have just had to bite my tongue, shut my mouth).
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 12:37pm
MommaBear's picture
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Quote:Originally posted by robinlp:
[b] However, we were discussing class snack and someone mentioned that salted peanuts were a good snack and the teacher mentioned that one child was PA. His Mom said..."oh, that is okay if you want to eat peanuts around him he doesn't react that badly"
HELLO!!! I felt like screaming at her right there. I am preparing myself for a BIG JOB when my son starts school to keep things safe for him and was hoping for support from other PA parents. Goodness, I hope they are not all like her since I will not be okay w/ a class of first graders eating salted peanuts around my son. Should I address this Mom? I mean, my PA child doesn't even go to school yet so it really doesn't effect me BUT...
What would you do?
[/b]
You have me thinking.........Should I always keep my mouth shut regarding a child's safety/life who is not my own? [i]hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm[/i]. Should I refrain from intervening? Where does a parent's rights end and my moral/ethical obligation begin? Not even sure if "rights" enter into this. I mean, can one fulfill their moral/ethical obligation and not interfere with another's rights..........?
I've always told myself: If *I* don't act in my cubs best interests............[i]who will[/i]?
serious, serious thought here. I'll get back.

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 12:50pm
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linking.
[url="http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/Forum1/HTML/005237.html"]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/Forum1/HTML/005237.html[/url]

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 9:30pm
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

An above post mentioned PA kids are in the minority. So are parents of PA kids that treat this for what it is--a life-threatening food allergy. Lax parents haven't "hurt" my quest for a safe and appropriate education for my son, however, they haven't made it easy and have posed some tricky situations for me.
I must say that Ryan's allergy is treated very seriously in school because I take it seriously. I mean what I say, say what I mean, and do as I say. Can't say that about other parents of PA kids unfortunately.
And of course avoiding talking to other parents with PA kids in school (about PA issues) helps me keep my sanity. I always feel like tapping them on the head and saying, "HELLOOOOOOOOO..." whenever I do.

Posted on: Wed, 08/18/2004 - 12:29am
Jodi2boys's picture
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Joined: 01/23/2003 - 09:00

Going through the same situation. Last year, when my son started preschool, there was another student with a PA in 2nd grade. I was so happy thinking we could work together, someone else to understand, etc, etc. NOT the case...completely different comfort zone and views than mine.
This year, I just found out besides my son (entering Kindergarten), the other PA student entering 3rd grade...there are 2 more students entering the school with a PA (Preschool and 8th grade).
Again, I started thinking this might help in convincing the school to take PB&J off the school menu, replace the peanut candy from the vending machines with safe food/candy, etc. (just a few examples).
But...none of the other 3 PA students requested a 504, asked for any accomodations or even met with their teachers to prepare. One comment was even made- my son doesn't need a PF classroom...he ONLY gets the hives. AAhh!!
My personal opinion is having other PA students in the same school with parents that have such a different comfort zone...hurts us more than helps us. I feel the school has to wonder why they have this crazy mom (that'd be me) asking for all these accommodations to be made, have a 504 Plan, etc. When...they have these other parents of PA children very layed back, feel it's alright for things to remane the same and so forth.
If the 4 of us parents of PA children could work together to make the school a safer environment...I think it'd be much stronger than just myself doing it.
Okay...I feel a little better getting that all out.

Posted on: Wed, 08/18/2004 - 1:35am
mommyof two's picture
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Joined: 07/27/2004 - 09:00

this is a tough one...my son is only 15 month but i somehow thought parents of other PA kids at school will make it easier for us at least not harder!!.... may be you can talk to her and suggest her to check out this site and FAAn's site?! ask her if she's carrying epi-pen or has ever been to see pediatric allergist?! let us know how it goes?

Posted on: Wed, 08/18/2004 - 2:03am
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