Just some complaining since I know someone here will understand!

Posted on: Thu, 01/09/2003 - 12:16am
becca's picture
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

I was typing this privately for a friend, but figured it might be appreciated by more of us here. It is just a bunch of whining, really! Nothing that has not been visited and revisited a thousand times and I even had my own thread going on this woman this summer. But we all have these feelings at times, I am sure, so I figured it might benefit somebody else to at least know we all get down.

I babysat for what we consider very good friends last night. They are best friends of dh from before meeting him, going back to his college fraternity with the guy, and first job with the woman. They later married. Sort of the "party couple" in the crowd. Always entertain the rest of us for dinners and gatherings. They have 3 young girls and our children(my one dd) love each other dearly. I have always felt it tough to connect on a true emotional, heart to heart, woman level with the wife, but she is kind and nice, but not an outwardly emotional type anyway.

So, the bottom line is there house will *never* be a safe place for dd. I do go there with her, bring her there to play, but I am very watchful, and bring all her own food, and last night even fed all our own main course to the children. Mom and Dad had been out of town for a week and I had duty the last night. So, I poked around the cupboards, just to kind of see how much PB stuff is in the average household. YIKES! There was Reeses'Puff's cereal, candy with peanuts, but up high. On the closet foor a basket full of Ritz Bitz PB and other snack bags of those little sandwich things(really worrisome if I was not around, since kids can help themselves and are old enough to do so), and 4 jars of PB on the child height shelf! Tons of other may contain stuff the average person would never suspect as having PN. Also just generally only 3 or 4 cracker or snack staples I might consider safe for dd.

It is fine, really, as long as we are with dd there. But if it were my good friend, and I spent alot of time together, I would go out of my way to learn what I might need to know and reassure the Mom that I would make every effort to be safe. I would want to be sure the other mom knows I would take care. I just always feel like she glazes over when I go through the epiepn and snack box with her. I believe she lsitens and will do what I say, but she does not give me any warm fuzzies or reassurances about it. She has sat in our home, and I teach her the epipen every time, and dd is fed, and I keep a safe home and leave an approved snack. Period.

You know, then I think of my home. dd has never really gotten into much trouble with poking into drawers, cabinets, etc... We do have locks, and actually moved chemicals to one area after she got older, because now she is more likely to try to get them to clean or do something "BY herself like a 'big girl'". But, my home might actually pose a greater poison risk to some of our friends' kids, than the peanuts in her home pose to dd. I just don't know how to be sometimes about this. I need to do *my best* to keep dd safe, but it is alienating me from some friends in certain ways.

I cannot just let dd go over, and leave, or sleep over(and these girls are begging for dd to sleep over). I also think the Mom might actually feel a bit slighted or recognize this lack of trust, but is not the type to bring things up. If not for PA, I would leave her there in a heart beat. It bums me out in a selfish way, that I am so available to them, and they cannot reciprocate. It is just the way they are, too. Busy, both working, and might not offer, but would do it if I asked. I am the offering type, so this just happens to me all the time! I also have no family nearby capable of taking my dd for babysitting, so we do rely on friends and swapping with playgroup.

On a positive note! I am so pleased with our neighbor friends/playgroup friends. I honestly spend more day to day time around them since ouor children attend school together and play together. I am at a place where one Mom can really give dd a food without asking me, because she so totally gets it and even if I bore her to death with this at times, she *respects* our needs in handling the allergy! Gosh I love her so much and I really need to tell her. I guess it is the difference between friends you pick and those you inherit like in-laws!

I am just feeling a little sorry for myself, and all of us dealing with this, that we cannot be so carefree with our children. Feeding is such a thing, that you cannot leave out any deatail. They eat so amny times a day, each time a risk, especially in an unsafe home! Well hope it is okay I rambled and whined here today. Thanks everyone for being here!

Now I just want to thank God for what I really *do* have, a spunky, bright, *healthy* 3 year old and PMS! becca

[This message has been edited by becca (edited January 09, 2003).]

Posted on: Thu, 01/09/2003 - 1:23am
Dawn's picture
Joined: 02/22/1999 - 09:00

Becca, I know just what you mean! I have one particular, very dear friend who completely revamped her house to make it completely safe for us. We moved away a year ago [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] but it's still safe - she can't bring herself to buy pb, etc. I have some friends here who are very careful and always ask questions, so it's reasonably safe there. BUT I have seen the pantries of people who either don't get it, don't care or aren't concerned because we are seldom there. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img] I go into panic mode at the sight of all that poison! People actually eat that stuff!! After so many years of label reading, I KNOW there's a lot out there, but theses people have it all in one place! blech!!!
I'm sorry that you have to deal with that with your friend. It's like banging your head against a wall, isn't it?! I thank God I'm so many miles away from certain people...they would just never get it!
Be safe,

Posted on: Thu, 01/09/2003 - 1:46am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

First of all, I'm right there with ya on the PMS!! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] Even worse this month after I binged on sugar last month!! (Referring to the hypoglycemic thread in Off Topic.)
I also understand some of what you're saying about your friend. My best friend lives in Kansas - I'm in WV - and she and her kids LIVE on PB. My DH would like for us to go to Kansas to visit them, but I know we couldn't safely step foot in their house. I normally don't worry too much about that, but with her I do. Can't really say why, other than I KNOW she really does LIVE on PB. She's a Dr. and works Dr. hours, so I know her house isn't exactly scrubbed regularly - no offense to her at all. I don't expect her to live like us - she doesn't HAVE to, of course. It just really makes me sad when I think about how on Earth we could visit them.
Anyway, can't help much, but wanted to let you know someone else is in your boat... at least sort of. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by Lam (edited January 09, 2003).]

Posted on: Thu, 01/09/2003 - 2:49am
KarenT's picture
Joined: 10/30/1999 - 09:00

Sometimes I wish we could be more carefree but that is not the life for us. When I see our overweight relatives-children I think there is a positive side to having allergies. We probably feed our children healthier food due to reading labels. Our children can not just dig into the bowls of junk food without first checking "is it may-contain?" At a special function we often enjoy the entertainment and leave before the food is served and have our own healthy snack at home. (My kids eat healthier that my DH and I!!)
As far as the food in friends cupboards there is not alot we can do about that. Think of your own food and pick an allergy that you do not deal with for example -milk. How many things would you have in your cupboards that would be life-threatening to a child with milk allergies? We always give notice before going to a friends house so they can make sure the tables are extra clean. Many friends even say they do not eat PB for breakfast the day they know my DD is coming.
We invite her friends to our house when ever possible.
I must say it is also wonderful that my DD is now old enough to stay home alone and even babysit her siblings.
Good luck with your friend and may the world look brighter in 4-5 days LOL!

Peanut Free Store

More Articles

You already know that if you or your child has a peanut allergy you need to avoid peanut butter. Some...

There are many reasons why you may want to substitute almond flour for wheat flour in recipes. Of course, if you have a...

Are you looking for peanut-free candies as a special treat for a child with...

Do you have a child with peanut allergies and an upcoming birthday? Perhaps you'd like to bake a...

Most nut butters provide all the same benefits: an easy sandwich spread, a great dip for veggies, a fun addition to a smoothie. But not...