Just some complaining since I know someone here will understand!

I was typing this privately for a friend, but figured it might be appreciated by more of us here. It is just a bunch of whining, really! Nothing that has not been visited and revisited a thousand times and I even had my own thread going on this woman this summer. But we all have these feelings at times, I am sure, so I figured it might benefit somebody else to at least know we all get down.

I babysat for what we consider very good friends last night. They are best friends of dh from before meeting him, going back to his college fraternity with the guy, and first job with the woman. They later married. Sort of the "party couple" in the crowd. Always entertain the rest of us for dinners and gatherings. They have 3 young girls and our children(my one dd) love each other dearly. I have always felt it tough to connect on a true emotional, heart to heart, woman level with the wife, but she is kind and nice, but not an outwardly emotional type anyway.

So, the bottom line is there house will *never* be a safe place for dd. I do go there with her, bring her there to play, but I am very watchful, and bring all her own food, and last night even fed all our own main course to the children. Mom and Dad had been out of town for a week and I had duty the last night. So, I poked around the cupboards, just to kind of see how much PB stuff is in the average household. YIKES! There was Reeses'Puff's cereal, candy with peanuts, but up high. On the closet foor a basket full of Ritz Bitz PB and other snack bags of those little sandwich things(really worrisome if I was not around, since kids can help themselves and are old enough to do so), and 4 jars of PB on the child height shelf! Tons of other may contain stuff the average person would never suspect as having PN. Also just generally only 3 or 4 cracker or snack staples I might consider safe for dd.

It is fine, really, as long as we are with dd there. But if it were my good friend, and I spent alot of time together, I would go out of my way to learn what I might need to know and reassure the Mom that I would make every effort to be safe. I would want to be sure the other mom knows I would take care. I just always feel like she glazes over when I go through the epiepn and snack box with her. I believe she lsitens and will do what I say, but she does not give me any warm fuzzies or reassurances about it. She has sat in our home, and I teach her the epipen every time, and dd is fed, and I keep a safe home and leave an approved snack. Period.

You know, then I think of my home. dd has never really gotten into much trouble with poking into drawers, cabinets, etc... We do have locks, and actually moved chemicals to one area after she got older, because now she is more likely to try to get them to clean or do something "BY herself like a 'big girl'". But, my home might actually pose a greater poison risk to some of our friends' kids, than the peanuts in her home pose to dd. I just don't know how to be sometimes about this. I need to do *my best* to keep dd safe, but it is alienating me from some friends in certain ways.

I cannot just let dd go over, and leave, or sleep over(and these girls are begging for dd to sleep over). I also think the Mom might actually feel a bit slighted or recognize this lack of trust, but is not the type to bring things up. If not for PA, I would leave her there in a heart beat. It bums me out in a selfish way, that I am so available to them, and they cannot reciprocate. It is just the way they are, too. Busy, both working, and might not offer, but would do it if I asked. I am the offering type, so this just happens to me all the time! I also have no family nearby capable of taking my dd for babysitting, so we do rely on friends and swapping with playgroup.

On a positive note! I am so pleased with our neighbor friends/playgroup friends. I honestly spend more day to day time around them since ouor children attend school together and play together. I am at a place where one Mom can really give dd a food without asking me, because she so totally gets it and even if I bore her to death with this at times, she *respects* our needs in handling the allergy! Gosh I love her so much and I really need to tell her. I guess it is the difference between friends you pick and those you inherit like in-laws!

I am just feeling a little sorry for myself, and all of us dealing with this, that we cannot be so carefree with our children. Feeding is such a thing, that you cannot leave out any deatail. They eat so amny times a day, each time a risk, especially in an unsafe home! Well hope it is okay I rambled and whined here today. Thanks everyone for being here!

Now I just want to thank God for what I really *do* have, a spunky, bright, *healthy* 3 year old and PMS! becca

[This message has been edited by becca (edited January 09, 2003).]