Just need to vent - finally stopped crying

Posted on: Mon, 06/14/2004 - 3:08pm
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

My backstabbing pricipal is a real gem. Last week she offered a volunteer luncheon in the gymnasium. Since I have been volunteering for 2 years almost daily, I went.
I brought a lunch for my daughter because I usually take her home. Two kids in the "special room" set up for kids of the volunteers were eating pb sandwiches. After I disposed of the remains, got the kids to wash their hands really good, I went into the gym to have lunch.

(I'm not talking to the principal as I have nothing good to say to her, or about her now that I have to transfer out of this school).

When it was time to eat, there, on the table were PEANUT BUTTER MARSHMALLOW SQUARES. I was shocked.

When I left, the president of my parent council approached me to tell me some people are upset because I seem to be badmouthing the school. He said I didn't want people to remember me this way. (I kept my mouth shut for the most part of the 2 years I was there - thinking the school was going to go peanut safe) I told him I couldn't care less what people thought of me.

Through my tears I spent 15 minutes telling him what I thought of the principal, the fact that I was being forced out, how I could find a school 4 minutes away offering a peanut safe environment, and how I spent 2 years volunteering (he told me that in fairness, nobody forced me to volunteer) and how SHE was bowing to the smallest percentage of parents who oppose a peanut butter ban. One father demands his child bring peanut butter to school and nobody should talk to him because it 'hurts his feelings'
I told him that if his intentions were to get me to 'be nice' it wasn't going to happen. I told him I was NOT GOING OUT GRACEFULLY. I was NOT GOING TO THANK THEM for forcing me to leave the school we had come to love.

I contemplated pulling my daughter out of school for the final 3 weeks but I had a meeting with her teacher today and she helped me realize the only one getting hurt would be my daughter. The teacher did promise to keep an even closer eye on her for me and she's not going to let her go into the gym. She can stay in the classroom and play during gym period.
BTW, my daughters teacher made the comment that they should not be serving that PB dessert but nobody listened to her and they sent it out anyways.

I cannot believe how much this has taken out of me. I couldn't eat, I had such a headache and of course I couldn't stop crying for a few days.

I voiced my disgust with the school board office but I don't have any faith in them. They want each school to come up with their own policies. Kind of helps keep their hands clean.

Well, thanks for letting me vent. While my good friends can sympathize, they really can't empathize.

Posted on: Mon, 06/14/2004 - 11:14pm
jtolpin's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2003 - 09:00

Sorry your school treated you this way...
This is all of our ('our' meaning FA parents) fears... That our child will be outcast or singled out, or even worse...
I hope you find a better caring school.
Jason

Posted on: Mon, 06/14/2004 - 11:54pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

d's mom, are you transferring schools because you had been promised/assured a "peanut safe" school and now it's not happening? Are you in America? Do you have a 504 Plan for your daughter?
My children's school had their volunteer breakfast last week. Since I'm so upset with the school this year, I didn't attend. I'm not very good at putting on a happy face especially with people that I don't care for.
I asked my PA son what he wanted to buy his teacher for an end of year gift. Nothing. To me, that's saying something. He is a wonderful, caring, sensitive child and we've bought teachers gifts at the end of each year. This year, he doesn't want to buy his teacher anything and I am hearing him.
To me, this year, the only way I could survive was to bury my head in the sand. I am so ashamed of how I have dealt (or not dealt) with the situation at my children's school. My only hope was that we would be leaving because it was just horrible and I didn't have the emotional energy to put up a good fight this year.
Last year, if you look at old threads of mine, I had many a day where I came home from the school crying. Things that had happened, things other parents said to me, things other parents said period, not knowing I was the PA parent.
For some strange reason, I thought that as my son got older in the school system, it would get easier. But only in my experience, and because we do change schools due to moving, I have had a helluva time for the last two years.
The first three years of school, I'm sure I did post different things here about what was happening, but, my soul, if I knew what lay ahead of me, the other things were so minor.
What is your daughter's new school like?
I have shed many a tear re PA and most of them have been school related incidents and I know it's not over yet.
My heart just really goes out to you because we just can't figure out how people could be what I consider so downright mean to our beautiful little souls.
As far as how you want to be remembered by the people at this particular school? I don't know. I'd just as soon be remembered as a Mom who really fought for her child and cared about her child then someone who stuck their head in the sand and just let people do what they wanted to do, not thinking about my child's feelings at all.
Yes, you do catch more bees with honey, yadda yadda, but you never know if down the road the work that you put in at the school, on behalf of your daughter and her allergy, might not help another PA child that enters the doorway of that school.
With my son's first school, I had what I thought then was a heckuva time, but by the time we left, we had a "reduce the risk" school (unfortunately we moved 500 miles away).
So, dry those tears, know that you tried your best, that there are a**holes everywhere (and yes, I loved the rote school board response as well - I seemed to have heard something similar over the last two years [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/mad.gif[/img] ) and look forward to your daughter's new school and hopefully a much more positive experience and use of your time.
Big hugs. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
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Posted on: Tue, 06/15/2004 - 1:04am
California Mom's picture
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Joined: 07/14/2000 - 09:00

Big Hugs from me, too. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] I hope everything will work out really well for you and your dd at the new school. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time.
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] Miriam

Posted on: Tue, 06/15/2004 - 1:55am
LaurensMom's picture
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Joined: 05/23/2001 - 09:00

It breaks my heart that you and your DD are having so much trouble. So much so that it makes me feel guilty that we have such a tremendous amount of support in our school.
I really wish there was away to set up a network of schools who are cooperative which would aid those who are not in a "see, it isn't that difficult" manner. I've been going over and over it but not sure how to do it.
You and DD should not have to go through this. The principal is not qualified, if you ask me, to be in the position they are in!

Posted on: Tue, 06/15/2004 - 4:05am
mommyofmatt's picture
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Joined: 03/12/2004 - 09:00

I'm so sorry D's Mom! Makes me want to go punch or kick something. I hope your new school is completely the opposite, and I totally agree with you, leave KICKING AND SCREAMING if it will make you feel better! Hang in.
------------------
Meg, mom to:
Matt 2 yrs. PA,MA,EA
Sean 2 yrs. NKA

Posted on: Tue, 06/15/2004 - 4:08am
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

See, you guys know what I mean. My non pa friends just don't get it the same way. Thanks for your kind words.
In answere to a question,....yes, the pricipal told me in Aug of last year she wanted to make the school peanut-safe, then waited 8 months before telling me it wasn't going to happen.
The new school we're going to has 12 PA kids and are so strict, they don't even allow bake sales. I'm told if a kid brings a peanut butter sandwich they wrap it up and send it back home with a note on it.
I've seen some of their newsletters and they actually have a "Food For Thought" corner, where one of the PA moms writes a reminder, or a peanutbutter-less menu or some tidbit to help make it easier for non PA parents.
I just know I'm going to love it there. The sad reality is I had already loved the old school.....but not enough to stay there.
Thanks again.

Posted on: Tue, 06/15/2004 - 4:41am
pgrubbs's picture
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Joined: 10/27/2003 - 09:00

The new school sounds excellent! Maybe this will be a good thing!
paula

Posted on: Tue, 06/15/2004 - 4:45am
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by d's mom:
[b]In answere to a question,....yes, the pricipal told me in Aug of last year she wanted to make the school peanut-safe, then waited 8 months before telling me it wasn't going to happen.
The new school we're going to has 12 PA kids and are so strict, they don't even allow bake sales. I'm told if a kid brings a peanut butter sandwich they wrap it up and send it back home with a note on it.
I've seen some of their newsletters and they actually have a "Food For Thought" corner, where one of the PA moms writes a reminder, or a peanutbutter-less menu or some tidbit to help make it easier for non PA parents.
[/b]
A couple of members here are pretty "up" on what children have a "right" to in Canada. Is this school also going to have a quote "Peanut Free Classroom"? Can anyone explain this (who is familiar with Canadian Schools?)
(Hope you don't mind, but I checked your profile for your location).

Posted on: Tue, 06/15/2004 - 4:50am
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by jtolpin:
[b]
This is all of our ('our' meaning FA parents) fears... That our child will be outcast or singled out, or even worse...
[/b]
Humbly speaking, and only *personally*.................[i]with regard to no one else[/i]
being outcast or singled out is [i]not the worse thing that can happen [/i]. *Personally?* I don't find it scary at all. I mean, sometimes, I [i]even welcome it.[/i]
I think it prepared me [i]well[/i] for life in general. No big deal. (Personally Speaking).

Posted on: Tue, 06/15/2004 - 6:08am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

d's mom, sorry, I should have checked your profile as Momma Bear did.
What province in Canada are you in, if you don't mind saying?
In Ontario, a PA child has the *right* to a "peanut free" classroom. However, that is the extent of things. Each principal, of each school, in each school board district is then in charge of deciding if they want a "peanut free", "peanut safe", "reduce the risk" school.
Much to my horror/dismay/surprise, this year, I found out that the principal even has the *right* to nix a written school plan, which is unusual in Ontario (the written school plan). Mine got thrown out the window totally.
However, having said that, it was written by another PA.com member in Ontario and has been used by other PA.com members in Ontario to successfully obtain what they felt they needed, as written guidelines (it is not a legally binding document) for their PA children.
There is another member from "out west", I believe either Alberta or Saskatchewan, so used my written school plan (and I do hesitate to call it *mine* because it was written by another PA.com member) to get her PA child safely into school in that province as well.
I have posted a copy of it here on the board.
In Ontario, the *right* of the PA child to attend school in "relative safety" can also become a matter for the Ontario Human Rights Commission as it did this year for my son (his fifth year of school).
In simple school board policy, which does have guidelines for dealing with children with anaphylaxis, throughout Ontario (but different school boards word their policies differently), I have also seen another PA parent take the school board policy of a public school and present it to a Catholic school board and have a successful plan and "peanut free" classroom implemented for their PA child.
Paving the way is not a fun thing. It can be very difficult. It can be emotionally draining. It can be a whole variety of adjectives/adverbs (not clear which right now) - enangering, sad, etc.
Last year at the school my children went to (and I was hoping they would remain there), the principal was willing to work with me on providing a "reduce the risk" school. However, once she knew that we wouldn't be in her school anymore, it was something that she did not pursue.
My son did attend the same school for JK/SK and Grade One and I did a lot of head banging there because he was the only PA child. But, as I posted above, we finally got a "reduce the risk" school, albeit one with some difficulties that did need ironing out. Oh, sorry, he only went to that school for the first two months of Grade One.
If you are in Ontario, that is why people are so excited and active in katiee's TAKE ACTION thread re a Bill that we are hoping the Provincial Government will pass.
To think really that, yes, your child certainly in Ontario can have a "peanut free" classroom, but then that whether a school is "peanut free" (whatever other term) is left up to the principal, to me, is mind boggling. Have it a school board wide decision.
Of course, I may only say this this year because the principal I'm dealing with has been a complete and utter idiot with regard to my son's PA, as has my son's teacher.
I honestly did not think I would see the day, in Ontario (and I did post about it here) when my son would miss the first two days of school because of his allergy.
(We needed to have this chat a long time ago [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] ).
It sounds as though the new school your daughter will be attending is super. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I know that in house hunting right now, I have been told by other PA.com members about different areas of my province where things would appear to be more PA friendly.
The school my children are at now, the principal is very easily swayed by the parents in the community who have a lot of money. So, if they were one of the parents that were extremely vocal about wanting pb in the school, definitely he wouldn't even look at running a "peanut free" school.
Of course, the stupidity, to me, in all of this, is that when I walk into the school, there are at least four, perhaps five, "peanut free" classrooms. Wouldn't it be easier say to have the whole school go "peanut free" than try to police (if you will) four or five classrooms? I don't know.
Stuck my head in the sand instead. Let things slide.
My son (and daughter) both only have another week or so left of school and I just thank heaven that they have gotten through the year unscathed.
There is another PA.com member who does not post anymore who is who I consider the most knowledgeable person regarding school board policy in Ontario. If you're in Ontario, you may want to get her to read your school board policy re anaphylaxis. I remember calling her last year to find out what the *rights* of a red dye allergic child in my daughter's classroom were.
She is the one who wrote my son's written school plan and it does adhere to school board policy.
No, your new school sounds absolutely fabulous. I know how heartbreaking it can be when you really like a school and really want your child to stay there and then you do have to leave because they are not dealing with PA (or any other *issue*) well.
So, still, big hugs. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
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