Just need to vent...

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I was at a Halloween party tonight with my kids. We were having a great time until one parent had to ruin the rest of the evening by referring to my son as the "peanut kid". There were a few of us parents discussing my son's peanut allergy and this one parent who has a child in my son's peanut-free class (and clearly isn't happy about it) decided to show he has absolutely no class and made the rude comment. I was shocked because up until now, no one has ever complained about the fact that my son's class is peanut-free. In fact, everyone has been very supportive. I feel pretty confident that he meant the comment in a derogatory manner because he wasn't very friendly about it when he said it. He also isn't very friendly when I see him at the school. I guess I now know why. Apparently, his daughter LOVES pb&j sandwiches and I guess he isn't too happy that his family is now being inconvenienced. It never ceases to amaze me how selfish and inconsiderate people can be. What's worse is that he is a parent that is going to teach his child the exact same behavior! It just drives me crazy! I guess I should feel sorry for people like him. There has to be something lacking in his life for him to be so rude. Anyways, I just needed to get this off of my chest and thought this would be a good, supportive place to do it.

On Oct 25, 2002

You know what's weird, I was thinking about posting last night, because someone referred to my son as "one of those peanut kids" just yesterday and I had never heard that before and wondered if anyone else's child had been called that. I thought it was deroggatory, but as the conversation went on I don't think he meant it that way, he is a nice man. But I still didn't like it. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully people will become more educated, and fast. I was at the dollar store the other day and the cashier overheard my son and I talking, she told me that he was the third peanut allergic child to come into the store that day. There are inconsiderate folks everywhere you go, thankfully they aren't the majority, stick to your guns. When he is more educated about this he will hopefully realize what a jerk he was. I wish I could make it better for you... You are not alone.

[This message has been edited by packrat (edited October 26, 2002).]

On Oct 26, 2002

Another Halloween vent. We are invited to several Halloween parties. One is at school and they claim peanut free, send home lots of notices regulary, but still, the director checks all lunches daily and finds things. So, I know I need to be so on my toes and vigilant at that party, though it *should* be safe.

Then there is the party tonight. Whew. MAJOR bash. This year is the first this couple is opening it up for kids(all along we planned to go late for the adult party, but no sitter). Simply because they do not have children, I envision bowls of candy and M&M's all over, and who knows what else. The Hostess is a very kind person, but because we assumed we would go without PA child, never spoke to her at all. Now it is tonight(too late to request any accomodations), and we would need to bring dd or not go. Dh really wants to go...another night of total stress, hovering and moving all the dangerous food(which I think would be fine with the hosts). Only consolation is dd will be "in a bubble", LOL. Her costume is literally a whole furry leopard suit, exposing only hands feet and face! She has never shown any signs of airborne sensetivities. So, I told dh we could go, but I would take dd home if it was out of control. I just do not want to go. Alot of her little friends are going... Dd does seem like she might be getting a sniffle, and I am actually thinking it would be great to have a real excuse!!!

Situation 3: Good friend, been round the block this summer and thought we were pretty square on this whole issue. Last minute gathering for the kids for Halloween tomorrow(she has had a kiddie party anually in the past). I offer to make cookies and bring *all the stuff* to decorate, stating, "because then you have a craft(she was open to craft suggestions), and I know there is a safe treat for Rebecca and takes care of a dessert for the kids!" I mention cookies, orange frosting, brown sprinkles. I guess it was not good enough of a craft because she adds, "...and I will get some more decorations, thanks, see ya later!" What part of *I will bring everything* did you not get? Now I am wasting my time, becuase unsafe stuff will be there, or I need to have a confrontaton(it is what it will be if we go there).

I am getting to hate Halloween, and I really used to love it. Thanks for listening. becca

[This message has been edited by becca (edited October 26, 2002).]

On Oct 26, 2002

Thanks for your replies Packrat and Becca. It's so nice to know that this board exists to get these things off of our chests. I try to be understanding when people don't get it, but when they start to get rude about it, it just gets to me. I can't imagine acting in such a way if someone told me their child could die from being exposed to something. Even if I didn't truly understand the whole allergy, the fact that I was told that it could be a life-threatening situation would be enough for me not even to question it. It's so sad that people can be so selfish and inconsiderate. As far as lots of M&M's and other unsafe food being at parties, we were also faced with the same thing at last night's party. There were regular M&M's and peanut M&M's EVERYWHERE. I was a little annoyed that the peanut ones were being served considering the hostess knows about my son's peanut allergy, but I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt in that she simply forgot. My son is very aware that he needs to stay away from the food table. I was a little worried about residue being on the children's hands and then they might touch my son, but thankfully no reaction last night. We can only protect our children so much. The rest we have to leave in the hands of God. However, that being said, I don't think any of us should have to be subjected to rude behavior from anyone for any reason.

On Oct 26, 2002

Yes, I forgot to comment for your misfortune. I honestly have never had derogatory comments made, but definately "confrontational". Just a tad lighter than outright rude, and still very hurtful. Terrible to call a child the "peanut kid" like that guy did.

I was embarrased to read the words, because I have referred to my own dd as the peanut allergy one, or "the one", but in reference when quickly explaining to a parent of a classmate about a special food item or recipe, perhaps. I mean it in a light way, and sort of expressing some understanding for their accomodations to my child. I need to not do that at all. It was embarrssing reading words like that here, and I worry that I identify my child too much by her allergy these days because we have had to do so much work with the school around it. It is just ever present in my mind and I am feeling so obsessed with products and searches and such lately. I keep trying to redirect teacher talks to my daughter and away from food.

On a brighter not, dh called his firend having the big Halloween bash tonight. We had neglected to RSVP, and it was why he called, really. I am so pleased because he actually initiated a discussion with her about our dd being allergic to peanuts. She pretty much volunteered that there would be some nutty items, mostly mixed in things, and placed "out of reach." I think she was nicley making a mental note to take care of that as best she could. All I need is things out of reach of lots of little hands, so there is control of the spread factor, LOL! She is kind of OCD, neat and organized, and likely wants to minimize spreding of anything around her lovely home by little hands anyway! I am glad dh said something(I always have to do that), and that she is aware and will put thought into it as she sets up. I also now know there are not PB sandwiches and outright kid peanut fare. Phew. Will be a bit easier! Then there is the "bubble", about 1/2 inch of fuzzy fabric between her and the world!! Have a great weekend all. becca

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